pears

"I have not yet come
The anxiety I Yamunaki Collapse along"   thanks, google translate- the confusion you bring me is like that of schools     (ps, deadhead: best of luck with fletcher! their undergrad is my alma mater, and i spent a lot of time in fletcher's ginn library. absolutely gorgeous. plus, the students are all wonderful, brilliant people who will change the world.)

"I have not yet come
The anxiety I Yamunaki Collapse along"   thanks, google translate- the confusion you bring me is like that of schools     (ps, deadhead: best of luck with fletcher! their undergrad is my alma mater, and i spent a lot of time in fletcher's ginn library. absolutely gorgeous. plus, the students are all wonderful, brilliant people who will change the world.)

"I have not yet come
The anxiety I Yamunaki Collapse along"   thanks, google translate- the confusion you bring me is like that of schools     (ps, deadhead: best of luck with fletcher! their undergrad is my alma mater, and i spent a lot of time in fletcher's ginn library. absolutely gorgeous. plus, the students are all wonderful, brilliant people who will change the world.)

I can imagine how devastating that scenario would be.  That said, you do have responsibilities in this situation.  Some of them may seem unfair, but they're very important.
 
I want to note that I'm coming at this as a male rape survivor.  I was raped at 15 by a man who was a religious leader in our community and who I know has assaulted other kids.  I was called a liar when I tried to get help, and he has never faced any consequences for his crimes.  
 
1. The "too good to be a rapist" fallacy is just that.
 
Rapists often rape people they are supposed to protect, people who like or love them, and/or people who feel safe around them.  They often get close to people, or acquire authority, because they seem like good people.
 
Many survivors (me included) would never have predicted that their rapist would rape them.  This is a big reason that many of us are not believed.  The reality of it is that survivors have had it proven, in the worst possible way, that you can't tell who the good people are.  
 
2. Most rapists do not get caught: 97% of rapists never spend a day in jail.
 
Most rape survivors you meet did not get justice.  They know that a person who has not been convicted is not necessarily innocent.  They can't rely on that information to keep themselves safe.  They can't trust your word on the matter, because most rapists will insist that they're not rapists.
 
3. Nobody is obligated to feel safe around you.
 
It might be very painful and upsetting; it might affect your career.  But the reality of it is that rape survivors are trying to keep themselves safe, and the pain you experience is not more valid or more important than the pain they have experienced.
 
Hell, I don't even know you, and there is a part of me that doesn't believe you when you say you're innocent.  That's not your fault, but it's not mine either.  It's my rapist's fault, and it's every rapists' fault, because they're disgusting victimizing liars, and that has lasting effects on the people they victimize.
 
4. Okay, so what are you supposed to do about this?
 
- First of all, the people telling you not to talk about it and not to touch the subject of rape are absolutely right.  If it's important to you to help rape survivors, consider making donations to RAINN or something like that.
 
- If you do need to talk about it for whatever reason, don't bash or blame your accuser.  Most rape survivors are called stupid, attention-seeking, slutty, or crazy when they talk about what has legitimately happened to them, especially by the rapists, who want to reduce accusers' credibility to avoid punishment.
 
- If someone tells you they have been raped, believe them.  The vast majority of accusations are true, and people who are not listened to suffer additional psychological trauma.  
 
- It's okay, even good, to acknowledge that someone has no way of knowing whether you're telling the truth.  This would make me feel a lot safer if I were in conversation with you.  If you acted like it was ridiculous that I was wary (because there is no proof of your innocence), I would wonder why you didn't care about survivors' experiences.
 
- Do not get yourself in situations where you make someone (especially women) feel unsafe.  Do not have sex with drunk people (don't do this anyway).  Do not walk an intoxicated person home alone -- get a female friend of hers to come with you.  Don't loom over someone or make it difficult for them to leave an area.  Maybe you don't do any of those things -- if not, great -- but don't make it easy for people to look at you and see red flags.
 
- Do not allow other people to use your experience to say that "lots of" or "half" or whatever number of accusations are false.  First of all, it's not true, and second, men have an obligation to help stop rape culture and rape apologism.  
 
Well, sorry I ended up writing a novel here.  I hope it's useful and that it made sense.

My thoughts exactly.  My GRE scores are fairly middling, so I like to think that by posting them I can help set some people's mind at ease about the relative unimportance of that aspect of their applications.

I'm thinking the same thing. Also with Stanford. 
 
Why has the anthro side of the results section been so quiet the past few days? I think I refresh that just as much as I refresh my inbox.  Anyone else still waiting on their first decision to come back?

i proudly posted my not-so-perfect stats for that exact reason! thought i'd give some hope to fellow low-GPA applicants who've got many other strengths that make them a good fit for places.

Though I haven't done so myself, I do see some benefit in folks posting this kind of info on rejections and such. And if they make a sideways comment to blow off steam I just look at it as exactly that. We're all carrying a mountain of stress around and if expressing a bit of frustration/anger/disappointment under the umbrella of anonymity in a little online forum gives some relief I say go for it. It's better than pounding back a fifth and going for a drive.
And as it pertains to the benefit of accomplishments posted with rejections, it helps me get an idea of just how thick the competition for a program is. Yes, it's heavy everywhere for everything, and there are factors (SoP, LoC, etc) not related to stats that contribute. But, if I see a bunch of folks getting rejected for a program I applied to that have publications and conference presentations and master's degrees and great numbers then I know it must have been damn hard to get in and either I feel really good about still being in the running or less bad that I got knocked out.

immensely. so glad i'm not the only one who's weirded out by those kinds of results postings..
 
it also really ticks me off when people flaunt their "accomplishments" in the details section, despite getting waitlisted or rejected, then make some sideways comment that implies the program made the wrong choice, or they (the applicant) are incapable of being a less-than-perfect fit. not to sound like a jerk.. but what's the point of bragging about your gpa, number of pubs, etc. when it has little to do with the fact that you weren't accepted? to stroke your own ego? to downplay the school's decision? talk about intense entitlement. woof.

Obama is responsible for ALL rejections.

yay for acceptances!!   
(i keep trying to upvote happy posts, but the forum overlords have informed me that i've already met my quota of upvotes for the day. it's 9:30 am. woof.. you're not the boss of me, forum! i do what i want!)

immensely. so glad i'm not the only one who's weirded out by those kinds of results postings..
 
it also really ticks me off when people flaunt their "accomplishments" in the details section, despite getting waitlisted or rejected, then make some sideways comment that implies the program made the wrong choice, or they (the applicant) are incapable of being a less-than-perfect fit. not to sound like a jerk.. but what's the point of bragging about your gpa, number of pubs, etc. when it has little to do with the fact that you weren't accepted? to stroke your own ego? to downplay the school's decision? talk about intense entitlement. woof.

immensely. so glad i'm not the only one who's weirded out by those kinds of results postings..
 
it also really ticks me off when people flaunt their "accomplishments" in the details section, despite getting waitlisted or rejected, then make some sideways comment that implies the program made the wrong choice, or they (the applicant) are incapable of being a less-than-perfect fit. not to sound like a jerk.. but what's the point of bragging about your gpa, number of pubs, etc. when it has little to do with the fact that you weren't accepted? to stroke your own ego? to downplay the school's decision? talk about intense entitlement. woof.

immensely. so glad i'm not the only one who's weirded out by those kinds of results postings..
 
it also really ticks me off when people flaunt their "accomplishments" in the details section, despite getting waitlisted or rejected, then make some sideways comment that implies the program made the wrong choice, or they (the applicant) are incapable of being a less-than-perfect fit. not to sound like a jerk.. but what's the point of bragging about your gpa, number of pubs, etc. when it has little to do with the fact that you weren't accepted? to stroke your own ego? to downplay the school's decision? talk about intense entitlement. woof.

the fact that i could inspire something so wonderful & grumpycattish makes me so happy! so happy i could smile, or.. give a sideways "meh" glance.

 
 
 
update: of course, as soon as i relax and stop mulling over app statuses so much, my app to my top choice has a super cryptic status change. all of my materials were in and processed by 1/8 (12/22, save for one LoR), and after some serious interdepartmental lag, it finally showed up as complete 1/23. now it's been updated to "completed 2013-02-08," the proof of payment is in hilariously tiny font, and now there's a new section at the end that says "note from admissions," with no note after the "note" subfield.
WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN.
brb hyperventilating and overanalyzing in a corner for the rest of the night
oh god please let this be a good sign panic panic panic

Inspired by Pears and in hopes of making someone anxious smile! 
 

My mom last visited Berkeley during the student protests in the 70s. She doesn't want me to go there because:
a ) it's a shitty school that accepts long haired freaks
b ) all her church friends will know her child is a smelly hippy

Ummm.. drinking too much wine every night and obsessively checking email and gradcafe

Sconnie- very true, hah! i wonder what cut of meat i'd be? i've got a funky diet (we'll stick with "vegaquarium" for ease) so i suppose i'd be a tofurkey flank or something..

Well, my Good Omen turned out to be true!

Back story on this, my boyfriend is a big fan of Jason Segel, and often jokingly compares us as couple to Lily and Marshall on How I Met Your Mother.  Then, he watched The Five Year Engagement, in which (spoilers!) Jason Segel follows fiance Emily Blunt to University of Michigan for her post doc, only to be miserable and unfulfilled in Ann Arbor.  After difficulties lasting 5 years/the length of the movie, depending on your perspective, he gets a food truck and happily ever after commences. So after watching this, the boyfriend texts to say "Problem solved! If you get into UMichigan I don't need to find a job there, I'm getting a food truck."
The omen was that that VERY day, I had watched a show in which a character gets a food truck.  Now, my boyfriend and this character share a key characteristic, which I won't mention in case someone reading this recognizes us (I'm an archaeologist + description of my boyfriend = not that many people to choose from).  So ANYHOW, I was like YES it's a sign, us in Ann Arbor was meant to be.  Only, let's find you something to do other than a food truck.  It's just a plot device here.
 
ANYHOW this has been the running joke for weeks until FINALLY, today I got in to University of Michigan!
 
TL;DR - YOU GUYS, ALL THESE SIGNS WE HAVE BEEN SEEING EVERYWHERE ARE TOTALLY REAL.

I got into Michigan! Archaeology. I know from results there are a few of us on here, so congrats to everyone. I am SO excited to get an acceptance!

ah, what a lovely email to wake up to! "The University at Albany has made a decision on your graduate application" as a subject line gave me a minor heart attack, despite leering at it through one very sleepy eyeball, which very quickly turned into one less sleepy eyeball with a tear of joy in it. my assigned adviser is one of my nerd idols, so i'm beyond happy!
 
ciistai- leave it to an archaeologist to call classical archaeo "boring," hah! a lot of my undergrad coursework centered around classical, just because of the nature of our department, so i've got a soft spot for it. i wish i'd learned more about exactly what you're studying, actually- somehow we spent weeks on augustus, but just a few lectures on pre-romans.
 
powertorest- more stuff i wish i'd learned more about! & holy whoa, kenya. super envious. i wish my field school had been somewhere that cool!
 
best of luck to all! given the results postings, i think everyone should start hearing back soon. fingers crossed.

hi friends! long time lurker, first time poster. i'm officially driving myself completely nuts, so i finally caved & decided to post. 
 
i applied to 7 different terminal MA programs (can't decide if i like bones or stuff better, or whether i want to throw a law degree in there, too). i'm mostly interested in contact period stuff of western north america (pacific nw, norcal, great basin). all things repatriation = my jam. belize is sweet, too.
 
still waiting on all of them, but like powertorest said, seems like decisions are starting to creep in. all of my apps were in by the first week of january, so maybe i'll start hearing soon..?
 
in the meantime, what's everyone else's field of interest, & where did everyone else apply?

yay for acceptances!!   
(i keep trying to upvote happy posts, but the forum overlords have informed me that i've already met my quota of upvotes for the day. it's 9:30 am. woof.. you're not the boss of me, forum! i do what i want!)

yay for acceptances!!   
(i keep trying to upvote happy posts, but the forum overlords have informed me that i've already met my quota of upvotes for the day. it's 9:30 am. woof.. you're not the boss of me, forum! i do what i want!)