LittleDarlings

I started the thread to hear from people who had used anti-depressants. I am going to grad school and it would be great to hear from other people in graduate programs who have taken them. I am considering it seriously because I don't know another option I would try anything. At the same time I started going to therapy because I thought finding a boyfriend was the be all end all, in therapy I realized there are other issues that make that issue way bigger. THAT is why I am considering an anti-depressant. You aren't a doctor and you have no experience with anti-depressants so I am not sure why you are bothering to comment on that. I never discounted the advice in that thread, I think you need to go back and reread because you are very confused and obviously have no clue what you are talking about. I don't know what will make me happy honestly, I know what I think will though. I am not rubbing my grad school acceptances in anyones face. I got accepted to schools and posted about it, like everyone else. I asked for advice about the process. I haven't bragged, if anything you have brought it to the forefront I hardly mentioned it.

Well this is going to be a long one. I haven't discounted the advice I got on here I said I got some good advice and some that hasn't been and I think that is true. Like I said this thread was meant as a way to get ideas on how to meet someone, programs, places to go things like that. It started off with people saying "oh well you don't need to be in a relationship" maybe to you that is good advice, that isn't what I want to hear. I want to know HOW TO GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP that was the point. I am thankful for all the advice I got from helpful people and I even talked privately to a few people who were amazing and had great advice and were encouraging. I don't discount the advice but I take what I need and I can leave the rest. Telling me to not look isn't helping me because like I said I don't know what not looking feels like. I don't know how that is possible. I obviously am going to have to figure it out but it just wasn't what I was looking for. As far as the anti-depressants maybe had you actually read the post I made about it instead of just attacking it or discounting it to "oh that's another husband thread" you would know that I am actually pretty against taking an antidepressant. I don't deny that I got great advice from people. Like I said in my POST (that you failed to read obviously) I am afraid of getting on a medication for the wrong reasons. If I could figure out all this on my own just by doing therapy it would be figured out don't you think? If my therapist suggested it twice then obviously there is something more there and maybe I should think about it. So no I am not just shopping for pills like Forever 21. I'm sorry but you definitely got that wrong. Next point, I know that I did well and I am lucky and grateful for the opportunities I have but at the same time don't you think that it is a problem that I can't connect that happiness that I should be feeling for all these "awesome" stuff? Maybe that is your answer, obviously something is not right. I'm sure most people on here would be forever content and happy with what I accomplished and I'm not. Not even saying I'm not but my academic success and my personal life failure doesn't balance out. Maybe you should be a little less quick to play head doctor? I have sympathy for people and I'm sorry that they may not have gotten into a program but in the least they have a relationship (some). Like I said it isn't logical and I can't explain it so I won't try but relationships mean a lot to me, having one means a lot to me. Not saying I would trade situations but still. I can totally admit I am obsessive, and neurotic, immature, maybe even a little bit ignorant. I do care about looks, a lot actually I am a decently attractive person I want someone else who is and that isn't wrong of me. You obviously missed the part of the thread where I even said my ranking system kind of contradicts everything. It does and it makes no sense and it is probably just me being a jealous bitch. I don't have a bad personality, you don't even know me. You know what you saw on a forum from someone going through a rough time (despite how you discount it). You know nothing about me.

... So confused.

I am not refusing help I just decide if I want to take the given advice. Some has been great and some hasn't. Telling me to stop looking isn't super amazing advice as far as I'm concerned because it just isn't possible. I am in therapy and I will continue with it through my program eventually it'll get better and once I'm in a relationship none of this will even matter at all. This thread was honestly to find out about activities and what grad school life is like and how I would go about meeting someone to date and eventually marry (without doing online dating) somewhere it turned into something else. In all honesty though I question myself a lot about that but I just want to be in that field so badly I just do. So I will figure it out. My biggest fear with all this is in 2 year I will have completed my program and still be in this screwy mind set and I will have a client who is my age and happily married with a beautiful little family and I will be jealous of my client. That's my concern, the other stuff for me I think I can handle but the idea of that makes me anxious and scared and sad kind of because I don't want to be jealous of everyone in life, and I can act out pretty badly when I'm jealous (obviously from past posts). I mean in my day to day life I definitely handle it and control it but when I'm alone by myself that's the hard part. It's like I'm 2 people I'm this happy go lucky funny person in public and with friend and then alone I fall apart. It's weird i don't think I'm psycho or have psychosis but I just can't be who I actually want to be. Does that make sense? Probably not. Oh well. I am trying to get help I have been in therapy for a while, I am going to try an anti depressant soon I think and hopefully that combined with therapy will at least help me to not fall apart so often or at least redirect my thoughts or care less about a relationship or something? I have no idea what to expect but anything is better than this.

Feminism is so confusing.

that's such a sad quote. You make it sound like it will NEVER happen for me, it will.

Learn a skill! I took up crocheting while waiting for apps.

Not saying that at all but ok it is what it is. I'm lucky in some aspects and unlucky in others. That's how it is.

Don't mistake I am very very thankful for everything that happened to me. I also worked hard as hell to make it happen

Lol I want this to end so much

Lol ok thanks

Look I apologized so get the eff over it. You act like you don't derail threads too. Anyways it's fine. Not going to derail this thread so if you want to talk more shit bring it to my thread.

I can admit that does sound off. It's just different priorities I guess. I can admit I shouldn't have said that though. Anyways not gonna derail I will vent! With my new job I didn't realize how hard it is to work in customer service. People are so rude. I just hate it but I love it

Thanks this is what I wanted to know more than anything. I want to make sure I am not just jumping into this medication thing you know?

I don't talk to guys like this first of all, second you don't have to respond... I don't remember specifically asking for you help so thanks but no thanks. . And yes all of those things did happen, it isn't as if I can just make myself not feel down. I am so happy all that stuff happened but still.

Thank you! My therapist has had me try mindfulness exercises and thought redirection, those help when I do them. You're right about gr8pumpkin so I apologize for that gr8.

I agree, my parents constantly tell me "you have to be a friend to have a friend". I am a decent friend but I could definitely be better. There is just stuff that's so embarrassing, I don't want to bring it to my friends. I am a judgy friend though, my closest friend found out she is pregnant in Nov and I have talked to her maybe 5 times since (that situation is just very hard for me). I hope when I go away to school I can build some quality relationships (as friends and more).

I think I talked about it earlier in the post, I feel like it kills chivalry. If guys think I'm equal to them then they are less likely to open doors, pay for meals (example I went out with a guy who didn't pay he said "you probably make more than me") etc... I like being a girl in a man's world. I want respect but I don't need everything equal. I read a little bit of "the Feminine Mystique" it was good, I felt for the housewives but at the same time I don't mind being a man's woman. Does that make sense? Embracing feminism would probably help me a great deal but I just don't know that I agree with it. I read a lot on Jezebel (a feminist website) and they all come off as man haters, they are all about "I'm an independent woman" "woman don't need men" blah blah and I do need a man. I can be an independent woman and need a man. I feel kind of independent now, but that doesn't mean that when I get I man I will not be eternally grateful for having him. I think when you are too content being single you stay that way. I don't want to stay that way.

I get the point you are trying to make. I just feel like I'm a good person and I don't deserve the failing relationships, that's so important why isn't it coming together? It comes together for other people, people who have it way less together than I do. I could absolutely have cancer, or be a victim of sex trafficking, or any of those scenarios but I could also have a million dollars, or live in a mansion, or whatever... I just think my dreams are on a smaller scale. Does that make sense? Probably not at all

Haha I actually get asked on a lot of second dates, I don't want them. If I didn't click the first time I certainly am not going back for a second time. There is nothing to not like about my actually "real life" personality. I'm funny and bubbly and cute and people like me.

If you don't like if then LEAVE you have hands correct?? Click to the next post. To constantly go thread to thread and talk about how tired you are of hearing the same shit is pathetic! Move on then how about that? We get it you try to troll every thread and be "funny" you're not funny. If someone left this message board because I made a post about finding a husband or taking an antidepressant then that sucks for them. If you don't like it then sucks for you too. Just please don't derail this thread, this is actually something I care about and want to know about and I was actually getting great, helpful advice until you felt the need to leave a snide comment. Now everything that follows could be questionable. We get it, we know your pattern, you think it's cool and funny to derail threads with your little "jokes"... Too bad they aren't funny. They are mean and hurtful. You can go crawl back under rock now. Why would I lie about possibly trying an antidepressant? Everything ties in together have you both ever thought of that? In the end it all goes together why I would be taking the medication, the threads... If you can't see that then I'm sorry for you. Do you think I love just being sad and pissed off all the time? Yeah just the highlight of my life right? Thank you.

Never had to do that. I can though I am a bargain shopper

I worked for a very feminist company at one point. I have been exposed to it. I reject it. I don't like feminism I choose not to embrace it, it isn't that I haven't been exposed to it at all.

Well how will I know? I know I won't be taking out a lot I just don't know that the monthly stipend will be enough I would maybe try to work too because I would rather not do loans

Thank you!