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Lantern

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Everything posted by Lantern

  1. Thank you all for your kind words and support. I would also like to extend my sympathy to all who have lost someone. BassAZ, I found most of your post to be kind, but saying the death of someone who meant more to me than anyone else in the world is a "blip" in my life is callous, and insulting to the memory of my mother. If I lived to be 1000 years old, and the time I spent with my mother was a fraction of my life instead of a significant proportion of it, losing her and the grief that comes with that loss would still be much more than a "blip".
  2. Thanks for all of your replies so far. My advisor was the first person I told, and while he definitely expects me to get my work done, he has been supportive without asking questions. As far as support from my family and friends, it's a little tougher. I have one friend here at school who was initially supportive, but that has faded somewhat. The vast majority of my friends here never mention it. I don't fault them for it - I really think they have no idea what a grieving person could need, and I really don't ask for support because I feel it's a burden to for them to have to deal with my grief. My remaining family really doesn't talk about it much. They don't avoid the topic of my mom, but they've never been the type to express their emotions openly, which I think doesn't help anyone in this situation. My mom was the one family member I could always talk to with my problems, which makes this indescribably more difficult. The idea of counseling didn't appeal to me at first, but I may look into it, since a few of you have suggested it. I've never really understood the concept of pouring myself out to a total stranger (this is not a judgement on others who do so, it's just never been comfortable to me), but I've also never had to deal with anything so difficult. I won't have much in the way of coursework for the fall, but I am in the midst of my research season, which will go on for the next several months, so there's really no way to lessen the time I need to spend on that. I have realized that it's good to keep busy, but some days are harder than others just to keep it together. Thanks again.
  3. My mom passed away unexpectedly two months ago, two weeks after I had officially finished my first year of grad school. I returned to school two weeks after her death to take a class. I made it through the class, but I find it is a continual struggle. I have lost all focus and motivation. I don't care about my project or my degree, and some days it is a challenge just to get up and go to my office. My mom and I were extremely close, and I know she would want me to continue on. It is one thing to know this, and an entirely different thing to be able to do so. While I am not thinking of dropping out, (I really don't see that as an option) I'm also not sure how to go on. I'm just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience, and if it gets any better. Thanks.
  4. I did, and was successful, although there were professors with whom I wanted to work, who were not accepting any students due to lack of funding. In the end, I ended up not choosing UW, but I'm glad I made the effort, because at the time I really hadn't made my decision. Honestly, after all I went through to get the applications all set, contacting the professors and interviewing over the phone was the simple part. My suggestion: if you know you'll be accepted at other places that you would prefer, then it's probably not worth the effort. However, if you're not sure you'll be accepted at a place that you'd prefer, it's probably relatively minimal effort to contact the professors now compared to the work that you've already put into it! Good luck!
  5. When I was applying last year, I got some comments that really made me angry. Then I began to make a mental collection, and turned it around so that they amused me. My favorites came from two co-workers. One told me flat out, "you're too old to go to grad school", and the other told me, "You're going to hate it, because all of your professors are going to be younger than you are". These were people that I knew well and spent a lot of time with. Even now that I'm in school, I get rude comments from people I meet all the time. I think the comments just come from ignorance.
  6. Sounds like you're already resolved your issue in the proper manner, but just wanted to add my experience from last year. There were a few professors that I didn't hear back from after I sent the first email. When I sent a follow-up email, some replied promptly with apologies for not getting back to me sooner, and some never did reply. It can't hurt to politely try a second time. Good luck!
  7. I remember several similar discussions when I was applying last year. It's clearly a touchy subject. I didn't contact professors after I submitted applications, with one exception, (UW), where you get "accepted" to the University, and are then encouraged to contact/contact again anyone with whom you are interested in working in order to see if they will agree to fund you. Professors from the other schools actually contacted me to see if I was still interested in their research/school. In my experience (and by that I mean I'm speaking specifically of my field) it's very uncommon to accept someone outright. Once they decide that they want to accept you, they basically feel you out to see how likely you are to accept before formally offering an acceptance. In hindsight, I think the main reason I didn't contact them after applying was because I couldn't come up with a way to email them without sounding desperate! So, if you can come up with a tactful way to say you're still interested, I don't think it would be a bad thing.
  8. Yep, I agree with the other posters. As long as you're above the minimum required (3.0 or 3.25 seem to be the common ones) it doesn't matter what you get. The academic dean at my school said that herself during our orientation. I also got overwhelmed this semester. I had 4 science/math courses after being out of school for over 10 years. Let's hope we all did well enough!
  9. Deciding where to go and preparing to apply were definitely the most difficult, but for very different reasons. Deciding where to go was agonizing, and for the months between when I decided and when I started I was terrified I had made the wrong decision. Now I know I didn't. Preparing the applications just took so long, and the SOP had to be adapted for each school. Waiting for replies was not so bad - I didn't expect to get in anywhere, so when I started hearing back from schools with acceptances early, it got even easier. The rest was easy. I had moved several times a year for over 10 years, so that was nothing. What wasn't in your ranking was the actual being here and taking classes in things I haven't looked at in over 10 years - that's difficult!
  10. I just had to post when I saw so many of you who shared the application process with me! I have largely been absent from this forum due to lack of time in my first semester, but I remember how reliant I was on these forums when I was applying, and have a fondness for those of you who spent lots of time here last year! My first semester went great as far as enjoying where I am, who I work with, and the friends I've made. Overall I feel incredibly fortunate to be here and be funded, and whenever I think I don't want to be here, I think of how badly I wanted to get in last fall when I was working so hard at applications. The downside was the amount of time I spent studying for my classes, and I'm worried about my grade in one of my classes. After being out of school for over 10 years, and mainly working jobs where I got to be active and in the field, it was a huge adjustment to spend most of my waking hours at a desk studying or working on papers. I keep telling myself it will only get better. I share the "stupid" feeling that I think is pretty common in grad school, and worry that I'm not cut out for it, but I'm not giving up! My biggest concern last spring when deciding where to accept was the location of my school, and I am very pleased with the outcome. Although there are very few places to go out socially in the area, my friends and I are always getting together at each others houses to have pot-lucks, cocktail parties, play poker, whatever. I'm glad to hear that many of you are doing well. And for those who are struggling, I would say just work on changing what you can, and accept the rest. Simple advice, but if you're motivated there's a lot you can change! Good luck!
  11. I was in a similar situation last fall, as I had been out of school slightly longer than you. I used all three references from jobs, and it worked out just fine for me. I think the key is to make sure they are strong references from people who know you well, not academic references from people who barely remember you.
  12. I am not in library science either, but just some general advice: change what you can, and accept the rest. I know this is not easy, but as general advice I think it can get you past obstacles that seem quite difficult. Maybe you could ask professors for additional reading on your topic on a more challenging level, or seek it out yourself. Since I'm so far from your field, I can't help much with this topic. But I would suggest talking to your advisor. If this is a well-respected school, I would trust them to have policies in place to switch advisors, or maybe even have a 2nd co-advisor. Just be clear about what your issues are without being insulting. Regarding the other issues - do you have to live with your parents (for economic or other reasons)? Living near school would probably change a lot for you. Even if you can't make immediate changes, give some thought to next month or next semester. If money is tight, is there something you could sacrifice to move into a place of your own? Or could you find a roommate that lives near campus to share an apartment or house? Reach out to people in your classes, and try to plan something to do where you can hang out and maybe not talk about school so much. Of course you don't want to tell them how easy it is for you when they are struggling (you could, but it probably wouldn't make you very popular), but I'm sure someone there has interests outside of school that you could also enjoy. Chances are your whole grad school career won't be like this! Right now I have a course load that is incredibly challenging, so I would love to be in your place for just a few days!
  13. I can't emphasize enough how important I think visiting can be in science fields (assuming you can make a good impression in person!). From what I can tell, it is more important in the sciences than in other concentrations - mainly because you are going to be spending A LOT of time with your advisor in the field or in the lab. I'm guessing this is not as important for other types of degrees that are less "hands-on". I visited 3 of the 4 schools I applied to last year, and I have no doubt that it helped, especially for the one I am now attending. I didn't think I had a chance of being accepted here, but I decided to visit, and now here I am! Even if you can't visit all of the ones you are applying to, try to focus on your top two or three and make every effort you can to get there. Contact professors in advance of your visit, and they'll most likely be very receptive to meeting you. By coming to them you are giving them an opportunity to know you without them having to shell out the money that their department very likely doesn't have right now. Depending on where you want to visit, you may be able to plan a road trip and visit several schools within the span of a few days, or take advantage of family and friends who may be able to provide free lodging while you visit. All of my friends at my school also visited, so it is VERY common. Aside from greatly increasing your chances of being accepted, you are really doing yourself a favor by visiting, assuming you haven't been there already. It will help you gauge the overall attitude at the institution, the approachability of your advisor, and even if you would enjoy living in that area for the next 3-6 years of your life. If you are really serious about grad school, it is definitely worth scrounging together the money to visit. I visited from September to early January (I was living on a research vessel, so it was a bit more challenging than just hopping in my car for a road trip). By visiting before you submit your application, you will be able to mention the professor by name in your SOP (assuming the meeting went well), and if it didn't go well, you may decide not to apply, saving yourself the application fee and most importantly the time commitment of completing another application. Good luck!
  14. Lantern

    Some good advice

    I agree about applying to your dream school, but not necessarily with the idea of doing your postdoc there, more with the idea that maybe you will get in the first time. I went through the application process last year and applied to a school I didn't think I had a chance at. I'm currently in my second week of classes at that school. Maybe I underestimated myself, maybe I got lucky. All I know is that I almost didn't apply here, and it has already been an absolutely amazing experience. So, I have two pieces of advice that may or may not apply to you: if it's not unheard of in your particular field, contact professors whose work interests you, and go and visit them if you can - even if you have to pay for it yourself. I know some people may shudder at this advice, but I'm pretty sure it's what got me where I am!
  15. If you haven't already read this thread, check it out: Maybe you wouldn't call your feelings "acceptance depression", but you might find this thread slightly comforting. It seems that many people don't exactly have the estatic feeling they imagined they would have after accepting at their choice school. At the time I posted there, I was trying to decide. For me, the biggest issue was fear of regret. Now that I have decided, there are days when I am thrilled to be going where I'm going, and days when I think of what I'll miss out on by not going somewhere else. I think the only way to avoid this feeling completely (for me personally) would be to go to several schools at once. That's obviously not possible, so I am focusing on the benefits of the school I chose, and I feel very fortunate and grateful. I also think if you can give it a little time, most of your doubts will probably fade away. If you don't think that they will, maybe you need to do something about it. Good luck.
  16. Sounds like you've already decided, but just another thought: if, for whatever reason, you don't get in next year either, you will have "wasted" two years. If you're perfectly content doing whatever you're doing now, it's not a big loss. If you're not, there's no time like the present to start!
  17. Do you have a connection with any professors at the school (either from a visit or an earlier e-mail contact)? To me it seems like they're just blowing you off in a very general manner. Kind of like, "when we know, we'll let you know, now stop bothering us". Obviously this is just my interpretation, but it seems like having a personal contact with a specific professor might be the only way to get a helpful answer. I can't imagine how frustrating that must be at this late date. Good luck!
  18. I agree. As long as it's not obvious, which it doesn't seem to be given your stats, it can't hurt to ask - although I admit, I haven't done it either. It seems similar to asking a potential employer why you didn't get a job after an interview (assuming things went well in the interview). I can only speak for myself, but if I were on the adcom I would be happy to shed some light on weaknesses for students if I thought it might help them out in the future. Good luck!
  19. Yep, Riotbeard was right. I can only speak for the life sciences since that is all I know. There may be other majors/degrees that work in a similar fashion, but I'm not sure. Basically, in my field, you look for a professor who is doing research that is EXACTLY what you want to do. This is why in my field the ranking of the school is not always of utmost importance. It's much more important to find a professor who can get you on a project that you want to work on. It's important to contact professors before you even apply to see if they will be taking any students and to find out what their current projects are (since the university's websites aren't always up to date). There is usually room for modifying the project slightly, but basically you accept based on what the professor says he/she can fund you to do. Often at a "good" school, you can only go there if you are funded. I know it sounds crazy, but there are schools out there who will not admit you unless there is a professor willing to take you on as an advisee and fund you (supposedly even if you are independently wealthy - I'm not, so I didn't even try that tactic!). I was EXTREMELY fortunate in that I found a professor willing to fund me for EXACTLY what I want to do, and even wants me to have input on my project. This is very rare. To illustrate this in my case, I want to work with highly migratory pelagic fish. There are very few opportunities for this. Aside from the offer I accepted, I was offered a project at a different school involving studying disease in oysters. So this was not really even an option for me. Maybe that illustrates why I was so upset about not knowing the project.
  20. Yes, I have notified this school that I will not be attending. That's what I meant when I said I "fixed the situation", sorry I wasn't more clear. Despite the jerk that this post has made me look like to some, I would never intentionally keep another potential student from an admission or funding offer. I thanked them for considering me, and wished them the best with their funding situation and future students. In hindsight, I guess I was so bothered by the whole thing because I felt that I had spent so much time and energy on my application (as we all did on all of our applications). For them to tell me after April 15th that they would get back to me a few weeks from now to share information on thesis projects seemed really disrespectful and inconsiderate. I still feel that way, but see that I definitely overreacted. To me, April 15 is kind of like their "deadline". If I had waited until the application deadline, then emailed them to say, "I've been busy, my application will be in in a few weeks". I'm pretty sure I know what they would have said to me - probably something along the lines of "don't bother". Anyway, you've all put it in perspective. I'm over it.
  21. Ok, now I officially feel like a jerk for posting this, and would remove it if I could. Just to be clear on my situation, fuzzylogician, I was contacted by a professor at this University over a month ago with a specific project that was not even remotely related to what I want to do. I very politely but very clearly told him that I was not interested in his project, and thanked him for considering me. After that, I assumed (incorrectly on my part) that since I was not interested in his project, I would not be accepted. I assumed this because I do understand how little funding is available and how few students schools are able to admit. I then accepted at a different school, but didn't contact this school to inform them that I had accepted somewhere else. An oversight on my part that I now realize. And yes, dacey, I am fully aware of the difficulty of funding in this economic situation. Thank you for making your point without attacking me. I would completely understand if it was only funding information that was unavailable to me at this time. I was so surprised that they didn't even seem to have their projects worked out. I know there are bigger injustices in the world, and was not looking for pity. I am very fortunate to be in the situation that I am in. I was simply posting about it because of my complete disbelief that a department chair would expect me to wait several more weeks to find out information that would normally determine the decision I would make had I not already accepted at a different school. This school understands that I will not be attending. I fixed the situation as soon as I realized it was a "situation". Next time I will keep it to myself. I always felt nothing but support from this community, but now I now how it feels to be attacked online when others misinterpret a situation.
  22. No, walt526, I DIDN'T commit to this school! I can't believe my post was interpreted that way. I committed to a different school over a month ago. I would NEVER commit to a school without knowing what my project will be, who my advisor will be, or how much funding I will receive!!! Who would? You'd have to be crazy, to do that! That's like moving far from where you live for a job, without knowing what you will do, who your supervisor will be, or how mucy they will pay!
  23. I try not to vent or complain on this forum, but I just had to share this. I got an email on April 15 saying I had been accepted to this school. The acceptance email stated how impressed they were with my application, and were excited to invite me to join their program. Today I got an email from the department chair that said, "If you don't mind, let me get through some accumulated work this week, will get back to you on projects sometime in the next couple of weeks. We are still waiting to hear on assistantships anyway, so I will have more info on funding then." (That is a direct quote.) In the next couple of weeks????!!!!! I applied to this school in December, it's now PAST April 15th, and it will be a "couple of weeks" until they get around to telling me what my project could possibly be????? In my major, (as I'm sure in many others) you really need to know what your thesis project will be before you get there, because your decision is usually based on what your project will be (that ever-present "fit"), and who you will have as an advisor. All I can say is that I'm glad that I already know where I'm going.
  24. I think you're right, that you have already decided. Plus Virginia is close to North Carolina, so there's a good chance you could end up there afterward through connections you make at school. I don't see anything major that you're overlooking. I think when you have several great options, you really need to go with your gut. I only applied to 4 schools, so I didn't have quite as many to decide between, but nonetheless, it was agonizing. In the end I chose a slightly less prestigious school is a place that didn't really appeal to me because of the advisor and the thesis project (it's my absolute dream project). Now I am looking at buying a house there, which to me is a perk that would not have been available in places that were more desirable to live. I guess what I'm trying to say is that every place has it's perks and drawbacks. As long as you eliminate schools with things that are "non-negotiable" to you, I don't think you can go wrong. Good luck!
  25. I had really great luck using one of those boxed sets with pre-made cards, but I know you're looking for something else. I think just reading anything on a higher level is going to help. I just happened to read The Island of the Day Before by Umberto Eco toward the end of my studying. I was amazed at how many "GRE words" are in there! In all honesty, I didn't like the book very much, but everytime I came across a word that I had recently learned, it was like I got a little thrill. But I would say choose something you enjoy reading that is written on a higher level than your average newspaper, and you'll probably be surprised at how many GRE words you come across. Even something like National Geographic should help you out. Good luck!
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