harrisonfjord

Just curious to hear what everyone here has to say! I see some really experienced members on these boards and think we all could benefit. This was my first semester teaching and it definitely opened up my eyes.
 
My pieces of advice (maybe they are already obvious, but I learned a lot of these from this semester):
 
-I would say that no matter how much time you spend outlining and writing a rubric for a paper or project, be prepared for students to ignore it (and to inevitably be upset when they get their grades)
-Never assume that upper-level students know how to write properly
-Include a section on the syllabus about how to email professors/TAs/other administrators at school appropriately 
-And most importantly I think next semester I will make a syllabus/policy quiz mandatory so everyone knows exactly what is expected of them and so they are all aware of exactly what plagiarism is (I was a TA for an upper-level course but apparently it is still not a known fact what plagiarism entails even as a junior)

Thank you, NicholasCage, I totally understand what you mean. It is important to take it seriously, but not to the point of neglecting other obligations. I made that mistake this semester because I neglected some of my own finals to get through grading and writing exams for my class. 
 
 
 
rising_star, thank you so much for all of this info! I know I definitely could use some of it in future semesters. Especially regarding adapting to the needs of the class, using resources and the midterm evals.

Just curious to hear what everyone here has to say! I see some really experienced members on these boards and think we all could benefit. This was my first semester teaching and it definitely opened up my eyes.
 
My pieces of advice (maybe they are already obvious, but I learned a lot of these from this semester):
 
-I would say that no matter how much time you spend outlining and writing a rubric for a paper or project, be prepared for students to ignore it (and to inevitably be upset when they get their grades)
-Never assume that upper-level students know how to write properly
-Include a section on the syllabus about how to email professors/TAs/other administrators at school appropriately 
-And most importantly I think next semester I will make a syllabus/policy quiz mandatory so everyone knows exactly what is expected of them and so they are all aware of exactly what plagiarism is (I was a TA for an upper-level course but apparently it is still not a known fact what plagiarism entails even as a junior)

Just curious to hear what everyone here has to say! I see some really experienced members on these boards and think we all could benefit. This was my first semester teaching and it definitely opened up my eyes.
 
My pieces of advice (maybe they are already obvious, but I learned a lot of these from this semester):
 
-I would say that no matter how much time you spend outlining and writing a rubric for a paper or project, be prepared for students to ignore it (and to inevitably be upset when they get their grades)
-Never assume that upper-level students know how to write properly
-Include a section on the syllabus about how to email professors/TAs/other administrators at school appropriately 
-And most importantly I think next semester I will make a syllabus/policy quiz mandatory so everyone knows exactly what is expected of them and so they are all aware of exactly what plagiarism is (I was a TA for an upper-level course but apparently it is still not a known fact what plagiarism entails even as a junior)

Just curious to hear what everyone here has to say! I see some really experienced members on these boards and think we all could benefit. This was my first semester teaching and it definitely opened up my eyes.
 
My pieces of advice (maybe they are already obvious, but I learned a lot of these from this semester):
 
-I would say that no matter how much time you spend outlining and writing a rubric for a paper or project, be prepared for students to ignore it (and to inevitably be upset when they get their grades)
-Never assume that upper-level students know how to write properly
-Include a section on the syllabus about how to email professors/TAs/other administrators at school appropriately 
-And most importantly I think next semester I will make a syllabus/policy quiz mandatory so everyone knows exactly what is expected of them and so they are all aware of exactly what plagiarism is (I was a TA for an upper-level course but apparently it is still not a known fact what plagiarism entails even as a junior)

Just curious to hear what everyone here has to say! I see some really experienced members on these boards and think we all could benefit. This was my first semester teaching and it definitely opened up my eyes.
 
My pieces of advice (maybe they are already obvious, but I learned a lot of these from this semester):
 
-I would say that no matter how much time you spend outlining and writing a rubric for a paper or project, be prepared for students to ignore it (and to inevitably be upset when they get their grades)
-Never assume that upper-level students know how to write properly
-Include a section on the syllabus about how to email professors/TAs/other administrators at school appropriately 
-And most importantly I think next semester I will make a syllabus/policy quiz mandatory so everyone knows exactly what is expected of them and so they are all aware of exactly what plagiarism is (I was a TA for an upper-level course but apparently it is still not a known fact what plagiarism entails even as a junior)

Hey guys, I totally appreciate all the input, but I think we are getting a bit off topic

Hey guys, I totally appreciate all the input, but I think we are getting a bit off topic

I am the first person in my immediate family to get a bachelor's/master's. I am the only person in my immediate and extended family to pursue a PhD. I feel like imposter syndrome hits me extra hard because it's always something I am self conscious of. 
I work extremely hard but deep down I feel like it's tough to be accepted into the academic world without a mentor. Thankfully I have a great advisor, but I still feel like I don't really *belong.*

hobbies, church, student organizations, to name a few

I second fuzzy's suggestions.  I just started my program, am in a completely new place, have no friends here, and am a decade older than most of my classmates.  So far I volunteered for a food festival which was fun and I met some interesting people.  Next I'll be volunteering at an art show and a film festival.  I have signed up for several meetup groups and look forward to attending events as soon as something fits my schedule and budget.  I opted for groups aimed at people 30+ and/or singles since they seemed less cliqueish.  

You should try meetups; you do need to get over the awkwardness, but remember that everyone there has the same explicit goal of making friends, so that should help. Other options might include volunteering for some cause that you care about, picking up a non-academic hobby (language exchange, yoga classes, playing some team sport, art classes, trivia nights ...), or going to church (if that's your thing). 

I don't doubt that you're capable of doing PhD-level work, but from your writing it doesn't sound like a PhD is a good career move for you right now. I think you are much too focused on the joy that a doctoral program will bring you, and I doubt that any program could measure up. Grad school doesn't generate instant happiness, and neither does a job as a university professor. I think it's important to be realistic and realize that getting such a job is incredibly difficult. For someone who's been drifting and has done three masters degrees, I think it's a concern. I didn't read anything in your post that convinced me that you should actually do a PhD. You don't sound focused on a particular field or question; instead, you're attracted to a mystical perfect job post-PhD that doesn't exist. It's important to realize that a PhD is a long and difficult road, and that the majority of people who go into it will not get a job as a professor. Don't go into it only to get that outcome, because it's just not realistic. I think instead it might be a good idea to do two things. One is get help improving your mental health. The other is try to think about career goals, broadening your sights beyond academia.

Just curious to hear what everyone here has to say! I see some really experienced members on these boards and think we all could benefit. This was my first semester teaching and it definitely opened up my eyes.
 
My pieces of advice (maybe they are already obvious, but I learned a lot of these from this semester):
 
-I would say that no matter how much time you spend outlining and writing a rubric for a paper or project, be prepared for students to ignore it (and to inevitably be upset when they get their grades)
-Never assume that upper-level students know how to write properly
-Include a section on the syllabus about how to email professors/TAs/other administrators at school appropriately 
-And most importantly I think next semester I will make a syllabus/policy quiz mandatory so everyone knows exactly what is expected of them and so they are all aware of exactly what plagiarism is (I was a TA for an upper-level course but apparently it is still not a known fact what plagiarism entails even as a junior)

I don't mean any disrespect on this thread and I realize that professors are busy people, but if they agree to write one for you and then later don't, it's flat out wrong. They know the admissions requirements for graduate school. If I have followed respectful protocol and given them the materials and time to write the letter, then I would hope they would at least in return respect me enough to write the letter. Besides, for my LORs I was either a RA or a TA for those professors (mostly volunteer, unpaid) and I clearly did put in the time to assist them to the best of my ability.

This question seems pretty lame, because I feel like by my mid twenties, I should already have my group of friends. I have friends in my program and in other grad programs, but frankly, I am SO tired of the constant complaining, talking about, discussing, competing, humble bragging (whatever it is that arrogant grad students/members of the cohort do) that it's wearing on me and draining me.
Any ideas for finding friends that aren't obsessed with academia? I'm just tired of work and school being my life 24/7 and never really escaping it. I've thought about trying meet ups, but I just feel awkward. I'm also too old to be on campus doing the undergrad meeting people thing. 

Try running. It not only keeps you fit but makes your body feel alive. I don't believe in hitting the gym but for past 5 months I have made it a point to run a few miles everyday and I could tell the huge difference it has made on my mindset. Other than running, try reading philosophical or spiritual books. I know they are not everyone's cup of tea but they keep me motivated towards life and keep me away from burn out. 

I think there may be some differences in different fields. I have tried a few different things but I find that scheduling time to write has worked the best for me. But, I'm also a type of person that thrives on partitioning my time into chunks and then carrying out that schedule.
For my projects, I typically spend a lot of time working on the research aspect and then transition to writing. I would say this happens when about 80% of the analysis is complete. Writing is hard for me, so I tend to try to procrastinate, which means when it's time to be writing, I'll often find other things to do instead of write. For example, I might try to get a little bit more analysis done. Or, since I work on multiple projects in parallel, I might try to work on another project instead. Pretty soon, I'll find that a whole week has gone by and I've only written two paragraphs. 
To make sure I stop trying to analyze more data and actually get writing done, I now schedule blocks of time dedicated to just writing. Even if I am stuck, I don't allow myself to work on another thing. It's too tempting to switch to another task as soon as I hit a wall, but I find that I need to stare at that wall for a bit before I can overcome it, so scheduling specific writing times helps. 
I do take into account my work habits when I write though. I schedule these blocks for periods of times where I know I can think the most clearly and where there are the least distractions. For me, I think the early afternoon is my best writing time. The morning is often too busy with checking emails, making sure I address any urgent things that might have popped up and then lunch is my socialization time. After lunch, I can feel like I've satisfied my work and social needs/responsibilities and I can block out the world and write for a few hours.

I'm not in grad school yet, but something that's always helped me with burn out in general is writing about it. Some people may like to journal, some may like to write on a blank Word document, some may like to draft an email - whatever works for you, do it! Write about what you're feeling, why you think you're feeling that way, and what you think would make you feel happier (i.e., "quitting my job!", "working less hours!", "moving to France and eating escargot!").
It may sound silly, but it helps (at least for me)! I've found that sometimes all I really want to do is vent to someone, so I type up the email (minus the address), let it sit for a few days, and then I feel better. I get my feelings out that way; I'm honest with myself and recognize what's wrong and what I want (but sometimes can't) do to fix it.
To start, maybe you could draft up a more detailed version of this post, sit on it a few days, and then see how you feel after putting a lot of thought into your situation. You might find that you're answering your own questions as you read the post a few days later, and it'll feel good to just be honest with yourself. You'll realize that you want to find more hobbies, exercise more, travel more, etc., and in a few months or so, you can write again and then reflect on your progress and see how you want to continue/improve things.
Hope that helps even a little bit, and I hope you start to feel less burnt out soon!

With any kind of stress levels it is important to (i) do stuff other than your research & teaching (ii) take care of yourself. Even when you have a lot of stress and limited time it still means taking some time off at the weekends to do other things; eating well; going to the gym (even a 30 min workout in the morning is great for me); perhaps going home to do grading instead of staying in the lab late.
If the one postdoc is part of the problem, maybe you can try and switch to work with someone else? High standards by themselves aren't a bad thing (more on that in a second): but if the postdoc can't give you useful feedback to learn & improve, or is rude towards you...ask to work with someone else. Obviously you need to be careful how you go about this - and be prepared for mediation rather than a transfer - but it seems like the obvious thing to try first. 
I think it's important to differentiate between "high" and "impossible" standards. PIs want to publish high-quality papers. A quick way to bring a paper's quality down is through things like messy spectra, badly-designed experiments that don't account for certain variables, etc. In that sense, having high standards about how clean your materials are and how carefully you gather data are really important. And it's something that you need to start taking on board as soon as you arrive. But there also should be some logic as to WHY particular standards are expected. And other group members should be communicating the standards before you collect the data and find you need to re-run it all again. Also, the goalposts shouldn't be continually shifting.
The PhD is all about training you to become a better scientist. But not at the expense of making you miserable and destroying your self-esteem. There's no shame in walking away from a situation that's damaging you. 

If you want to PM me, I'll be glad to talk with you in more specific terms. 
I will second the advice of seeing a mental health professional- your school might have some that specialize in working with graduate students, or you could go outside the school. I would go with whatever is most convenient. 
It's hard to see how "normal" what you describe is without details that I don't think you'll want to post publicly. Most of what you describe seems fairly normal to me (heavy teaching loads for a relatively long time, with simultaneous research expectations), as does a slightly disinterested/unavailable PI. I think most of us work much better not under pressure- I know I make more mistakes when people are around, whether I'm teaching them or learning from them. Another person is something added to keep track of. 
In Chemistry, at least, it's quite common that you have limited interactions with a PI, and are predominately "managed" by post-docs- this is especially true at larger/higher ranked schools, or in larger research groups. We recently had a speaker in for a symposium that described the "ideal" lab as around 60 graduate students, organized under 10 post-docs, with each post-doc managing the graduate students working with them. I have friends that work in labs around that size, and many meet with their PI only once or twice a year for progress reports/updates, and are almost exclusively mentored by their post-docs. 
That's not to say it's an ideal environment, by any stretch- it's one of the reasons that I chose a smaller, lower-ranked school where I'd have more direct interaction with my PI, and less intermediate managerial layers. 
"How things work" and "normal" are hard terms to use. Different people do well in different environments, and an environment doesn't have to be "bad" for it to be a bad environment for you to thrive in. I have some colleagues that work at their best under pressure, and chose (and continue to choose) PI's and post-doctoral advisors that are known for pushing their graduate students. On the other hand, I prefer a very hands-off approach, with low external pressure. 
We hate each others environments, but we both do well where we've set ourselves up. 
Times like this are a good time to think in terms of what is best for you and your growth, rather than what is normal, or what works for anyone else. A good therapist can help you work through that as well. 
As to people quitting with an MS, attrition rate in Chemistry PhD programs is pretty close to 50%. Yours may be more, or may be less- or maybe your cohort is being hit particularly hard. It's definitely harder to deal with stress when you have lots of your peers leaving.

I'm sorry to hear about this. Honestly, when I saw the thread title, I was expecting to read about "standard" stress levels**, and to respond with good coping strategies. I also think it's not abnormal for people to not finish their PhDs---I think it's typical that 30% to 50% of people starting graduate programs will not finish a PhD in the end (but most will get MS degrees). However, what you are describing here is not normal or typical stress levels and it is not healthy. 
Unfortunately, I don't really have good advice on resolving your situation. But, I think it would be a very very good idea for you to speak with mental health providers at your school. Hopefully the ones affiliated with your school's health center are free, or your student health plan covers visits with external providers.
I know there is a lot of stigma with seeing mental health providers, but there shouldn't be! It's incorrect to think that you only see a mental health provider if there is something wrong with you. Instead, think of it more like taking your car for an annual tuneup, your bike for a seasonal tuneup, going to the dentist for a checkup or getting vaccinations/annual checkup at your doctor's office. 
I think that a mental health professional visit can be very useful for graduate students and they help us understand our stress better. We learn what causes stress to us and how to manage symptoms of stress. They also provide us with tools to prevent future stress. And, for more pressing situations such as yours, I find that they can help you think about difficult situations and tough decisions you might have to make.
For example, in your situation, I can think of a few things you have to decide:
a. Can you manage the stress you are feeling?
b. Is the cost of managing this stress worth what you will get out of this degree program?
c. If yes, then how will you know when it's no longer worth it? What would you do to continually evaluate whether or not this is something that will still benefit you in the end?
d. If no to "b" above, then what are you willing to do about it? Would you be able to talk to your advisor about their availability? Would you want to speak to the postdoc about the work environment they are creating? Would you be willing to change advisors and groups?
e. If you decide to take one of these actions, who will you get help from? How will you bring up these tough conversation topics? These are hard conversations to have---how will you ensure you get the support you need to clearly express your concerns and needs in a way that the other party understands you and will change? 
This is certainly not an exhaustive list and I don't know the answer to them. But just examples of what a mental health professional can talk you through and help you cope with current stressors as well as help you come up with a strategy/plan to prevent future problems. They are a great resource for graduate students and I really hope our community continues to reduce the stigma on seeking mental help and realise that seeking help is not a sign that you are broken, but it's part of keeping ourselves healthy.
(** By "standard", I mean regular amount of occasional stress that is typical for a job similar to ours. I don't mean that being stressed out all the time is a normal healthy grad student lifestyle).

Spend a day completely unplugged (no internet, no TV, etc.). I try to do this once a week, though it doesn't always happen. I find it helps me focus on things I want/need to do (whether that's cleaning and laundry or reading a book for fun), which really helps with burnout.  Vacations or a road trip to visit a non-academic friend can also help with burnout. Yoga, meditation, regular exercise, etc. are a great idea for a more regular way to prevent burnout. If you're already in the midst of it, then triage is the way to go. Give yourself a few days without doing any work, then do a self check-in to see where you are.

I would say there are two types of things I do to keep from burning out: things that take my mind off of my work and things that are work-related but gets me motivated!
Things that give my brain a break from work:
1. Sports/Intramurals! I like intramurals especially because I get to play fun sports with my friends and colleagues. 
2. Schedule down-time and stick to it. Unless there are deadlines coming up, I try to purposely keep myself from working on the weekend. 
3. Take a vacation! Might be hard to do with limited time and money but I try to do something vacationy and fun at least once per year.
4. Take a "stay-cation". I added a new thing into my routine that I think works pretty well for me now. Once per month, I take one regular work day completely off. Usually it's a Friday or Monday so it becomes a long weekend. It helps me recharge! I find that my weekends are now so busy with errands and other aspects of being an adult that I am at work 5 days a week and then doing chores/errands on weekends means I don't get time for just myself. So, I figure I should take advantage of our flexible schedules and take one day completely off once in a while. (Note: I still work my 40 hours per week on average, so I just work a bit more on other days and take a day off! Many scientists working at national labs work an extra half hour each day and then take one day off every 2 weeks, which was where I got this idea).
Things that are work-related but give me focus/remotivation:
1. Conferences: travel is tiring but I always feel super motivated and excited about my topic when I spent a week at a conference talking to people about my ideas and hearing their ideas.
2. Discussing ideas and papers with colleagues: There are lots of formats where this can happen. Some groups have group meetings, there are "paper reading clubs", or just informal interactions with your friends. When I see an exciting paper, I read it and then bring it to a friend and we chat about it. Sharing ideas and hearing what others are excited about gets me excited too!
3. Teaching or mentoring: TAing is a great way for me to feel like an expert and that is good motivation for slumps and other periods of time where I am stuck in research and feel like I can't get anything right. I also mentored undergraduate researchers in the past and that always motivates me too.
4. Outreach (all ages): Similar to the above, it's nice to talk to people who aren't researchers at all about your work. Hearing their interest and excitement motivates me. And, they often ask insightful questions that make you step back and look at the big picture. This also motivates me as it's easier to forget why you are so passionate about your field in the first place when you are stuck on the minute details.
Overall, what keeps me going is not making work/school all about work. I don't want my office to be a place where I only go to for work! It's a place for me to socialize with others who share interests, a place for me to go and play intramural sports, a place for me to be part of the community (I volunteer on things like student government or other committees). Some people don't like this approach because it messes up their focus---they only want to work at work and do other things at other places. But for me, I always feel happy going into the office because I associate all these positive things with it, not just the tough times when your research doesn't work!

There was a guest post today on Tenure, She Wrote that addresses the topic of having one's work stolen. People may want to check it out since it discusses the lasting career impact the theft of one's ideas early on can have. In the author's case, this theft occurred early while she was on the tenure-track but, I don't see why the consequences wouldn't also be true of someone in graduate school. https://tenureshewrote.wordpress.com/2015/05/28/guest-post-when-its-not-just-students-who-plagiarize/
 
I think the takeaways are to be careful with your ideas and work, to be cautious about presenting novel work at a conference and then not getting it published quickly, and to be wary of your colleagues and their interest in your ideas.