BwO

Ouch, why does this penchant for sadism resonate with me so much?
But anyway, here are my $0.02 worth. Even if "happiness" isn't the main criteria for your decision, it doesn't mean that you should be abjectly miserable either. You don't have to be the happiest you've been in your life during the course of your grad studies, and this will likely be impossible anyway given all the inevitable stress, but you also can't be so downtrodden that you're rendered almost incapable of doing the work you're meant to do in a PhD program (if that makes sense)? I suppose this means choosing a program where you know you'll be supported adequately for the next six years, academically, psychologically, and financially. I don't doubt that the programs to which you've been accepted are offering you rather sizeable funding packages, but there are certainly some places (Brown, Princeton) where you can make your money stretch more than others (Columbia, Berkeley) — would you like to live more comfortably and with some savings? Or is the bare minimum enough? Does the school have a strong grad union? What are the teaching requirements? Also, I trust that all these programs are challenging in their own ways, but several places (UChicago, Berkeley) used to be infamous for being shark tanks. I don't know if their reputations for being exceedingly harsh still hold today, and it'll be definitely better for you to check in with the current students on your visits. But if certain programs are in fact more 'hardball' than others, then ask yourself if you're the sort of student who thrives in such hyper-competitive environments, or if you're better suited to more collaborative pedagogical strategies. Ultimately, you have several great programs to choose from, so pick the one that suits your needs — whatever they may be — best. 
Edit: I'm guessing that your mentors would have also vetted your POIs with you, but if they haven't, do ask around about their reputations and supervision styles. 

Ouch, why does this penchant for sadism resonate with me so much?
But anyway, here are my $0.02 worth. Even if "happiness" isn't the main criteria for your decision, it doesn't mean that you should be abjectly miserable either. You don't have to be the happiest you've been in your life during the course of your grad studies, and this will likely be impossible anyway given all the inevitable stress, but you also can't be so downtrodden that you're rendered almost incapable of doing the work you're meant to do in a PhD program (if that makes sense)? I suppose this means choosing a program where you know you'll be supported adequately for the next six years, academically, psychologically, and financially. I don't doubt that the programs to which you've been accepted are offering you rather sizeable funding packages, but there are certainly some places (Brown, Princeton) where you can make your money stretch more than others (Columbia, Berkeley) — would you like to live more comfortably and with some savings? Or is the bare minimum enough? Does the school have a strong grad union? What are the teaching requirements? Also, I trust that all these programs are challenging in their own ways, but several places (UChicago, Berkeley) used to be infamous for being shark tanks. I don't know if their reputations for being exceedingly harsh still hold today, and it'll be definitely better for you to check in with the current students on your visits. But if certain programs are in fact more 'hardball' than others, then ask yourself if you're the sort of student who thrives in such hyper-competitive environments, or if you're better suited to more collaborative pedagogical strategies. Ultimately, you have several great programs to choose from, so pick the one that suits your needs — whatever they may be — best. 
Edit: I'm guessing that your mentors would have also vetted your POIs with you, but if they haven't, do ask around about their reputations and supervision styles. 

@all my medieval comrades, I took two semesters of Old English and was talking about it to one of my mentees (I'm a peer mentor for the undergraduate honors program here) and was saying that it was pretty hard but that it was "at least similar enough to Latin that I would be fine" and he unironically replied, "yeah Shakespeare gets easier once you get the hang of it" and I just died a little on the inside.

I had the first bits of the Canterbury Tales drilled into me way back in high school and I like to hold on to them for the sole purpose of reciting to people who try to tell me that Shakespeare is ‘medieval English’; even still, oh lord, Old English... I could never ?

I have so much respect for medievalists. I’m in a Middle English lit course in the last semester of my MA, and it’s some of the most difficult work I’ve done in my academic career. 

Also, as a general piece of advice, you might want to apply to some MA programs first. It sounds like you're still in the process of totally figuring out what you want to specialize in, and MA programs are great for that, since you get some more time to develop the depth, etc. that you say you feel like you're currently lacking. Good luck!

Woohoo double waitlist club (UNC Chapel Hill & UVA)! Since six straight rejections preceded these (uh... ow) I am trying to remain reasonable and not too optimistic lol. Does it count as a shutout if you die of old age on a waitlist? Anyway, congratulations to everyone (including people with rejections: it's a roll of the fricking dice on so many levels). I was comforted somewhat by a professor who told me the other day that he's "made a career by getting rejected from Brown every step of the way."

Another day of silence. Another day of cheesecake. (For those keeping up at home, I'm now on cheesecake number 3! * The Count's voice* Yes 3! 3 Cheesecakes! Ah ah ah! 10 rejections. Count them 10! Ah ah aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh ?)

I don’t even want to talk about the number of girl scout cookies I’ve eaten...

As I was discussing with someone else in a PM conversation earlier, given that departments like Stanford’s MTL state quite explicitly that they prefer “projects that could not be carried out in a conventional department,” I didn’t know if my work would be sufficiently far-out to suit such interdisciplinary programs (as it turns out, it probably is). This was partly why I decided to apply to more “conventional” English departments instead. (Other reasons had to do mainly with funding packages for international students.) Granted, there are faculty at each of the schools to which I’ve applied who are working in some capacity on my areas of interest, but they tend to be jointly appointed in comp lit departments and — as I later learned — have less of a presence in english programs/adcomms. Besides, most of my POIs in these programs are at a stage of their career where they can put out more interdisciplinary work — precisely what interests me — and no one will bat an eyelid. But this sort of research tends not to be what’s expected of English PhD dissertations and early-career job applications, which still remain grounded in traditional periodizations/demarcations of approaches. (Oddly enough, academic publishers do prefer books that are more interdisciplinary and can reach a wider audience, so many students end up having to put in extra effort to rework their dissertations into their first books.) 
In this sense, I don’t think the “fit” was quite there for most of the programs on my list. Like I mentioned in another thread, if I had to do over this cycle, I’d probably apply to more of the programs that I’ve listed above (or, if possible, just spent more time working on my language skills to apply to comp lit programs), though I really hope I don’t have to undergo this arduous application process again. 

As someone who has been caught in a similar quandary, it seems like interdisciplinary programs may be the way to go here, unless you're willing to modify the scope of your research interests to suit the terms of more conventional English programs, or unless you're able to brush up on your language skills in time for you to apply to comp lit programs (not only will you need to know how to speak, read, and write adequately in your chosen languages, but I believe that a certain familiarity with their associated national literatures would be helpful as well). 
UCSC's HisCon would be a great example of one of such interdisciplinary programs, but I'd be slightly wary of applying there now, given the considerable lack of funding and the working conditions that have given rise to the recent grad student strikes. (The way that the university's administration has retaliated with threats of mass firing isn't reassuring either.) You could also consider programs like Stanford's MTL, UCSD Lit, Duke Lit, Berkeley Rhetoric, JHU's Comparative Thought and Literature (I've just realized that they require only one foreign language at the time of admission), and Brown's MCM (if you're into cultural and media studies). I hope this helps! 

I’d be very surprised if all adcom members at all programs read every single word of every single application. I am sure some do, but I believe it has been reported before that in the initial rounds samples and statements are skimmed or only the introduction/conclusion is read (when applying I was told to make the first two paragraphs the best ones (with all the crucial info when it came to the SoP) because those are the only that will definitely be read). In later rounds I assume they read things over carefully but when you have hundreds of files? 
Not saying an abstract is necessary, but it does sound like a good idea if you can make it fit (assuming you work it as much if not more than the rest of your materials).

This was precisely what I'd experienced, because my research interests, as well as the project that I sketched out in my SOP, are rather interdisciplinary and theory-heavy (i.e. if language requirements weren't a barrier, I would've applied to comp lit programs instead). In that sense, to my professors and the POIs who've kindly reached out to me (they were, unfortunately, not on the adcomms; they also, and not by any coincidence at all, tend to hold joint appointments in comp lit departments), my ideas might've made perfect sense within particular theoretical contexts. But in my broader period/subfield, I'm not really sure how well my research translated. If I had to do over this process, I suppose I might've applied to more interdisciplinary departments with my present project (I thought it wasn't sufficiently "out there" for places like Stanford's MTL, but clearly, the feedback I'd received about it has proven otherwise), and perhaps applied to some of the schools on my current list with a more "traditional" set of application materials. Mais on verra... 
And ha! Another Deleuzian on here? It seems like there are a couple of us on these forums now!!

Nobody is arguing that at later stages the papers aren't read in full, and your initial statement that writing samples are "definitely read in their entirety" doesn't capture what WildeThing and others of us have heard about the first/last introduction paragraphs being vitally important because of skimming. It also doesn't capture what you just said - that if they are initially cut, they are not read in their entirety. That may be for many reasons, but adcoms give the advice to work on the beginning/ending paragraphs this frequently, it is clearly a factor.
Even if a specific person's load is a couple dozen apps (as I said) rather than a hundred, that's still a great deal of work on top of personal research and teaching. I know some committees work by subfield, some have a set group doing it, and in a rare few (like JHU) everybody reads them. Of course no one piece of advice is going to apply to every school's process, but generalized advice is all we have to go on, and I'm sure the workload is intense for most readers. 
Again, I'm not arguing that writing an abstract is necessary, because obviously it isn't, but personally, having basically done an abstract in the introduction in philosophy many times, I find it can turn out overwritten and overconstrained, and have met numerous profs that agree. An abstract can be an elegant way of including the summary without sacrificing some of the grace and flow of an essay. You may adjust my suggestion to "make sure your opening paragraph is very clear about your full argument" if that's what you agree with more, but I feel like this is ultimately splitting hairs since we basically all admit that the initial page or so of a WS is very important.
Also, again, abstracts are going to be required of everyone as a scholar so I'm just not sure why there's such hostility voiced to the suggestion.

This was precisely what I'd experienced, because my research interests, as well as the project that I sketched out in my SOP, are rather interdisciplinary and theory-heavy (i.e. if language requirements weren't a barrier, I would've applied to comp lit programs instead). In that sense, to my professors and the POIs who've kindly reached out to me (they were, unfortunately, not on the adcomms; they also, and not by any coincidence at all, tend to hold joint appointments in comp lit departments), my ideas might've made perfect sense within particular theoretical contexts. But in my broader period/subfield, I'm not really sure how well my research translated. If I had to do over this process, I suppose I might've applied to more interdisciplinary departments with my present project (I thought it wasn't sufficiently "out there" for places like Stanford's MTL, but clearly, the feedback I'd received about it has proven otherwise), and perhaps applied to some of the schools on my current list with a more "traditional" set of application materials. Mais on verra... 
And ha! Another Deleuzian on here? It seems like there are a couple of us on these forums now!!

It's not bad faith at all to acknowledge that they have a huge reading load, in the least - god knows I'd find it excruciating to read dozens of apps on top of teaching! - and might not read more than introductory or closing paragraphs, at very worst, which is definitely something profs have told me happens at some schools if your work doesn't catch their eye. They have a great deal to do, and making your argument as transparent as possible from the beginning isn't selling out or catering, it's just being practical. It's also the way articles are written, right? It's definitely not going to sacrifice your work to practice writing abstracts, which you'll have to do all the time as a scholar anyway. 

This was precisely what I'd experienced, because my research interests, as well as the project that I sketched out in my SOP, are rather interdisciplinary and theory-heavy (i.e. if language requirements weren't a barrier, I would've applied to comp lit programs instead). In that sense, to my professors and the POIs who've kindly reached out to me (they were, unfortunately, not on the adcomms; they also, and not by any coincidence at all, tend to hold joint appointments in comp lit departments), my ideas might've made perfect sense within particular theoretical contexts. But in my broader period/subfield, I'm not really sure how well my research translated. If I had to do over this process, I suppose I might've applied to more interdisciplinary departments with my present project (I thought it wasn't sufficiently "out there" for places like Stanford's MTL, but clearly, the feedback I'd received about it has proven otherwise), and perhaps applied to some of the schools on my current list with a more "traditional" set of application materials. Mais on verra... 
And ha! Another Deleuzian on here? It seems like there are a couple of us on these forums now!!

Seconding all of these sentiments. Admittedly, I've only applied to "reach" programs that I know I'll be more than happy to attend in this cycle, and if my waitlist at Duke Lit comes through, I'll definitely take up my place in a heartbeat. But if it doesn't, then I guess it's back to the drawing board — and maybe also to an MA program at my undergrad institution — for me. It's a bummer, I guess, but I've also managed to learn a lot about my research interests and how well-received they are at particular programs throughout this process, so I guess my application fees weren't completely wasted. 
Now, if only waitlist movements will start happening... 

This was precisely what I'd experienced, because my research interests, as well as the project that I sketched out in my SOP, are rather interdisciplinary and theory-heavy (i.e. if language requirements weren't a barrier, I would've applied to comp lit programs instead). In that sense, to my professors and the POIs who've kindly reached out to me (they were, unfortunately, not on the adcomms; they also, and not by any coincidence at all, tend to hold joint appointments in comp lit departments), my ideas might've made perfect sense within particular theoretical contexts. But in my broader period/subfield, I'm not really sure how well my research translated. If I had to do over this process, I suppose I might've applied to more interdisciplinary departments with my present project (I thought it wasn't sufficiently "out there" for places like Stanford's MTL, but clearly, the feedback I'd received about it has proven otherwise), and perhaps applied to some of the schools on my current list with a more "traditional" set of application materials. Mais on verra... 
And ha! Another Deleuzian on here? It seems like there are a couple of us on these forums now!!

One of my cats went on a massive puke parade this morning, and as I looked down at a large expelled hairball, I could not help but identify with the hairball. Same, hairball. Same.
Tomorrow is going to be an anxiety filled dumpster fire. 

Seconding all of these sentiments. Admittedly, I've only applied to "reach" programs that I know I'll be more than happy to attend in this cycle, and if my waitlist at Duke Lit comes through, I'll definitely take up my place in a heartbeat. But if it doesn't, then I guess it's back to the drawing board — and maybe also to an MA program at my undergrad institution — for me. It's a bummer, I guess, but I've also managed to learn a lot about my research interests and how well-received they are at particular programs throughout this process, so I guess my application fees weren't completely wasted. 
Now, if only waitlist movements will start happening... 

I’ve been lurking on here a while and was not going to create an account but here I am lol. Solidarity to everyone else who got shut out; I have so far only been on one waitlist  My undergrad uni was really competitive and it’s hard to see all of their successes both in academia and on other career paths; as happy as I am for them I can’t help but feel like a failure in comparison. Especially since the only thing I see myself doing is academia and this round has been so rough for me. It’s like getting ghosted by someone you thought you were in love with. Taking a deep breath and getting ready for (probably) the next cycle!