fuzzylogician

As long as these courses actually contribute to the narrative beyond what's in your transcripts, I think it's perfectly fine. You shouldn't spend too much space on them, but using them as a way of introducing your interests or explaining how they developed can be useful, so sure.

PDF, unless you are explicitly told otherwise.

Sadly in my experience IRB offices seem to not care at all about decisions made at other institutions. You might do better to find someone at *your* institution who has faced a similar problem. Or just sit with an advisor from the IRB office in person to discuss this, simply explaining that it’s a virtual event. They should understand that asking people to print and mail consent forms is very difficult. Maybe they can come up with another solution. See if the have office hours when you can stop by to consult with them about your application. Another option, less happy but possible: you don’t withdraw from the project as a whole but just from handling any data. You should still be able to help with the design and write up, as long as your coauthor does all the data collection and analysis. That way you can stay on the project and paper. Hopefully your coauthor will agree and be understanding, if it comes to that.

Cant you just get participants to sign a consent form and also check yes in the survey? The other institution didn’t say your collaborator can’t have consent forms, just that they don’t need them.

We have to do some of everything: pick friendly places to be at, survive the bad ones when they happen (and they do). Pick your battles, fight some but also let go of some others, too. Find support groups inside your institution or outside of it. I don't that sucking it up is exactly the right attitude, but if you want to play the long game -- and an academic career is very much that -- you have to be smart about the politics and what really matters. You might very well choose to prioritize your well-being and act accordingly. I think that's totally justified, if possible (because on occasion, it may not be, and you'll just be busy surviving, or in other words, sucking it up). But then, no place is perfect, and not every battle is worth having, so keep that in mind for the future.

This depends on the specific department. Why don't you contact the department admin and/or DGS to ask? In my department, for example, students submit their preferences for which class they want to TA. Professors can express a preference if more than one student wants to TA their class. Sometimes they can also 'nominate' someone. But there's no shortage of positions in my department, so it's probably different from yours. Ask around.

Okay, so there are relevant facts, irrelevant facts, and speculation. You'll do well to distinguish those in any official conversation: Relevant facts: You were on track as per your last meeting. You were asked by your advisors to divert your attention to writing a manuscript, which you did. This led to a slow down in dissertation writing. At some point there was a money problem that led to a delay in the manuscript writing. Everyone agreed that you should re-focus on the dissertation. You have been doing that, with good progress again, and a planned submission date by the end of the year. Irrelevant facts: Anything to do with happened to that other student in the committee meeting. That A called B names or vice versa. All the business with authorship on the paper. Speculation: Anything to do with delaying your graduation time for any nefarious reason (e.g., to wait for another funding cycle). Anything to do with how you interpret someone's comments or lack thereof. Actually, at least part of your story about authorship is probably also speculation. Ulterior motives behind the timing of submission, where to submit, etc., beyond what you witnesses firsthand. Stick to the relevant facts, and that should be enough. This sounds like a pretty common occurrence. Don't offer speculation if anyone "thoroughly investigates". It's fair and smart to say "I don't know, I simply did what my advisors asked and trusted in their expertise." If asked, you can say you expressed concerns that the manuscript writing was slowing you down, and that after some meetings and deliberation, and partly because of the money trouble, you all eventually agreed that you should focus on the dissertation first. Again, facts, not speculation, and no accusations. People can draw their own conclusions.

Get the stronger letter.

Parents and anxiety aside, you didn't mention any actual consequences that could come from that meeting. If it's just potential discomfort, you should just do it. You're planning to submit in two months and you have your advisors' support. I'd take the same approach to this as to ripping off a bandaid: better do it quickly and get it over with; the anticipated fear and pain that come from doing it slowly are *not* helping. Plan short reply to anticipated questions, and realize that this committee sounds like a good thing: if you were still encountering unreasonable resistance, they would have been there to help get you back on track. Since you are back on track, snag and all, things are looking up. Admit the snag, take responsibility, don't blame anyone, and get it over with. I think it's fair to say that writing was more difficult for you at times than you had anticipated, and moreover at some point earlier in the year you all tried to also produce a paper, which put you back even further, but through consultation with your advisors you eventually decided to go back to concentrating on the dissertation, which you're doing now with the goal of finishing by the end of the year. That's not lying, doesn't place blame on anyone explicitly, but it will make it clear to the committee who is responsible for what. Get your money, too. You shouldn't be this afraid!

I personally don't like the CHE forums, but that's a matter of opinion. There are folks over here, and the more the merrier! But as for connecting with people who are applying for the same positions, you are much likelier to find them through local and in-person networking at conferences than on websites, I think. I can understand the sentiment -- I've certainly gotten a lot out of commiserating with others who truly get it, and also swapping stories and info, but you're just much more likely to find them at professional gatherings than randomly on the internet.

Good luck! If you were in touch with anyone at the program, you could use this opportunity to write them to say you've submitted your application and ask if they know what the expected timeline for decisions will be. This may or may not get you a satisfying answer, but is worth a try. While you wait, the best thing to do, if you can help it, is find ways to occupy yourself. Work, read, exercise, travel, do your coursework/research, etc. Do NOT check your email or the Results board obsessively -- that is a good way to drive yourself crazy but not to actually speed up any answers. I often find that the best way to wait for something important is to literally forget about it until a set reminder pings to tell me to check if anything has changed (I routinely wait for multiple important things these days years, so continually checking wikis or the rumor mill would have driven me insane by now. I had to learn to stop doing that!). I just do my best to keep my daily routine, and I'm busy enough that it's not hard to put it out of my mind (until someone remind me!). It's a learned skill, though. The first few times I waited for something important (like grad school apps) I did sort of drive myself crazy refreshing my inbox. I think I can reliably say that it in fact did not make admissions decisions arrive any earlier... As for the notice issue, work out when is the latest point at which you can give notice and start the program on time. I think it's fair to write the coordinator a couple of weeks ahead of that date and say something like "I'm writing to express my continued interest in your program and to ask if there is any update as to when I might expect a decision on my application. The reason I ask is that I would have to give notice at my job by Date to be able to start the program at Later Date. Your program is my top choice and I'd be very excited to attend. Please let me know if there is any information I can provide to assist the admissions committee in making its decision" (or similar). What is sometimes annoying is what people bug profs for no reason other than they're anxious, especially if they do it too often, but if they have a good reason, they will understand.

For your third letter: your boss, hands down. Your coach can't speak to your academic abilities, writing, research, your potential to succeed in graduate school, or really about anything beyond your character as an athlete. Your abilities as an athlete aren't an obvious predictor for your ability to do well in an engineering graduate program. They might teach the adcom something about your ability to persevere and invest in something that matters to you, but they say nothing about how good a candidate you'd be for their program. As for the question of supplementary letters: to the extent that they are allowed, you should only submit them *if they strengthen your application*. There is no point in submitting a weak letter that wasn't required. If you think that the letter from your boss says new and positive things about you beyond what your professors say, you could add it. As for your coach, I don't think that makes too much sense, unless someone can come along and convince me otherwise. Thinking about it from your readers' perspective, you really don't want them walking away from your extra letter not understanding why you wasted their time reading something that didn't help their decision beyond what they already knew. (And just to be clear, they can already know that you were an athlete from your CV, and maybe you can find a way to mention it briefly somewhere else in your application.)

Have you sat down with your professors and the exams you've already taken and walked through them together? Have you asked for help regarding how you should have thought the questions through to get to the answers they were expecting? Have you asked them for advice on how to prepare for the exams? Are there practice questions anywhere out there that you could use? Your professors and TAs are going to be your best resource for getting advice that's specific to your needs. Another good source for help is more advanced students who have already gone through these courses. Generally speaking, there might be ways of "reverse engineering" the questions that your professors formulate, so you can have a better sense of what to expect. Question-writing is a skill that not everyone excels at, but everyone does it in one way or another, so they must have some algorithm or ways of going about doing it. Maybe that's something you can learn to figure out as part of the process of preparing for the exams.

Well, you have nothing to lose by asking. You should probably explain your situation, because usually knowing a student for only one semester won't lead to the strongest letter and so your professors may tell you to seek other (better) options, not knowing that they might not exist. I do think it's possible that someone might feel that they don't know you well enough to write you a letter, so this is where it's important that you're very clear about your situation. I think in this kind of case it's crucial to be upfront with your letter writers, and explicitly ask what you can do to help them write you the strongest possible letter. Maybe that means showing them extra work you've done outside of class or talking to them about your research ideas and why you're pursuing a PhD. It takes some willingness on their part to take an extra step, which not everyone will do, but again you have nothing to lose by asking, and the earlier the better, so you leave yourself the most time to do whatever necessary to improve your letter. In addition, since you've been working for a while, maybe you should get one letter from your work, if possible (as a supplement, if your work is unrelated in any way to your PhD plans), just to show more of a trajectory and to get an opinion from someone who's known you longer.

What could he write in the letter? What are your other options? In general: yes, it should be okay to ask him for a letter, if it's the best option you have.

A few things to read: https://nickhop.wordpress.com/2017/06/21/my-wall-of-rejection-and-why-it-matters/ http://www.chronicle.com/article/MeMy-Shadow-CV/233801 https://nickhop.wordpress.com/2015/12/01/my-shadow-cv/ https://www.nature.com/naturejobs/science/articles/10.1038/nj7322-467a The short answer: it's hard. You say to yourself that it isn't personal. You put the criticism away (if it's something you can do anything with, like a paper review) and you come back to it later when you're less emotional. You remind yourself that it's extremely common, even if no one talks about it. You try to find people who do talk about it to support you. You learn to absolutely NOT compare yourself to others -- this one is a source of an incredible amount of potential pain, and is 100% unhelpful. The shadow CVs are one reason why: you never know what led to a success, and what else is going on in a person's life -- just the same as you know that someone's pretty pictures on Instragram or awesomely curated Facebook wall don't actually reflect the full reality of their lives. I also have a feel-good folder where I keep "happy" emails to come back to. That nice acceptance email, the thank you from a student at the end of the semester, etc.

You are most definitely not alone. This is all too common among graduate students. @_kita offered some great advice on what to do. Talking to someone is a good first step; most schools have a counseling service which can help you get started. At some point in my grad student career, I would actually explicitly schedule sleep and time off in my calendar. Seeing the times blocked off really helped me say "no, I'm not available for X at time Y, I already have something in my calendar." No one ever asked what, and I could keep my plans to actually have some form of a life and sleep enough. I had to be very explicit about my priorities and about accepting that there is always more work than there is time, and I just need to learn to let go and accept less than perfect results and some things actually not getting done. The important step was to learn not to be bothered by it. Now I try to be thoughtful about the things I say "yes" to, and to say "no" more often -- which is hard but necessary! I also learned to recalibrate my expectations and redefine what I consider "good enough". There are parts of the grad student experience that are incredibly stressful. Exams, going on the job market, the uncertainty of it all -- that can be hard and it can take years to resolve. Talking to others might help. You are not alone in this, even if no one else is admitting to difficulty. I don't know a single person who wasn't anxious about these things.

I'd stay home and email whoever is organizing/teaching the classes to apologize.

Yeah, It is not your job to police your advisor. Don't confront him, because absolutely nothing good can come of it, and it's not your place anyway. Move on. You'll also learn soon enough that everyone gossips about everything. Nothing is a secret, least of all personal feuds like that and/or anything to do with jobs. You need to get more realistic about your expectations from your advisor. OF COURSE he's not. Stop judging him based off of unrealistic criteria that no human can meet, and maybe this advising relationship can be salvaged. Frankly I'm kind of surprised that you managed to get to be ABD and go on the job market without realizing that academics are flawed humans just like everyone else <gasp!>.

If there's a worrisome grade trend or some other reason for concern, perhaps. But as long as we're just talking about one missed lecture, I personally wouldn't know what to make of a student who informed me that they missed a lecture because their cat died. I would take it to be TMI; "personal reasons" would have sufficed. If there's actually something to explain, we can revisit the question, but I would still not advise OP to put this in an email. It's more of a one-on-one conversation topic.

1. Re keeping in touch: write the prof, tell her about your plans, ask her what she would prefer in terms of keeping in touch. Tell her you'd be happy to stop by and chat once in a while throughout the year, if she has the time, or you'd be happy to send her your application materials when the time comes. Let her decide. 2. Re asking for a letter from your employer, this is a tough one. There isn't exactly one correct way to go about it. If you are worried about keeping your job or about getting a weak letter from them because they'd want you to fail, maybe those are good reasons not to ask for a letter from them. Or, if possible, you'd want to ask your letter writer to maintain confidentiality about your plans. Only you can decide if you trust her.

Usually schools do their own conversion and there isn't much that you can do about it. Frankly, writing in your SOP that someone told you that your grade puts you in position N in your cohort isn't terribly convincing. It'd be much better if you got a letter from someone from that program who could discuss your grades (and performance more generally) and explain how you rank with respect to your peers. If there is an official document to be had that explains your ranking, you could get that, too, and submit it along with your transcripts. Otherwise, there isn't much that you can do. Again, just asserting something about your grades or rank without official support won't be enough.

Simply write to apologize for missing class and say that something personal came up unexpectedly. You don't need to give details. That should be enough as far as your advisor is concerned, we're just talking about one missed class. I'm sorry about your cat, though. That's tough.

FWIW I had a lot of friends from cohorts that weren't my own. We had friends within the cohort, but it didn't define us. I met my non-cohort friends through coursework and sharing an office with a few of them. I also tried to go to parties and other departmental events to meet people. As a shy person, you might set a goal for yourself to talk to one new person a day/week/whatever. I do that at conferences and it's a useful way of forcing myself out of my comfort zone. You might find that taking the first step will be hard, but there are a lot of awkward shy people in academia who would appreciate someone else taking the first step and would love the friendship.

I do think you want to talk about the projects, because that's a way of showing that you can communicate the science you are working on to an audience of smart people who are generally knowledgeable but don't know the precise details of your work. That's a very important skill, and being able to do this shows a certain kind of maturity as a researcher (turns out that explaining your research to others in a concise manner is actually pretty hard!). You don't have to spend too much space on it, but I think you need to have at least a sentence along the lines of "during my Nth year, I worked as a research assistant to Prof Awesome on a project whose aim was <large question>. Specifically, we were interested in <something a bit more detailed, or a subquestion, or some explanation of why this is interesting>. My contribution to the project was <this thing or another>. <We used whatever methodology with the goal in mind of seeing whether X correlates with Y, or whatever. We were hoping that this would teach us <this thing about our question>. We are currently in the process of analyzing the results.>" Then it's definitely also acceptable, and even advisable, to talk about the transferrable skills you learned. Those can include proficiency in R, but a more important skill is the ability to formulate an interesting and manageably-sized question and to pick an appropriate methodology to study it. Anyone can learn R; what makes you ready to pursue a PhD is the questions you ask and how you go about pursuing the answers to those questions. That should be what you talk about, more than just technical stuff. Note: none of this requires a publication/presentation. You can learn a lot just from the process of formulating a question, operationalizing it, collecting data, and analyzing it, even if eventually it doesn't lead to a publication. A publication will not be expected at this stage.