omigoshlolz

Hey guys,

This is probably not the right place to even post this, but I need some support right now.
I'm having a rough night.
I just found out that my 18 year old cousin is getting married. Her and her boyfriend have been dating for about 4 or 5 months.
Just some back story: She was in Israel for her first year of university this year when she met him. She's a modern religious Jew, so her family is a bit different from mine. Mine is Jewish, but very conservative. My immediate family values education over marriage.
But I can't help but feel a little bad. I'm the eldest of 15 grandchildren and always just assumed I would be the first to get married, especially since me and the second youngest, who happens to be my sister, are 4 years apart. She's the same age as my engaged cousin.
So I always just assumed it would be me. But now it won't be and I'm having a bit of a rough time accepting it. I know it's not exactly a wise decision to get married at 18. She has no means to support herself: no degree, barely any money, and no real skills. Her fiancé is my age (almost 23, which is why this bothers me even MORE) and doesn't have a degree yet either. They've been dating for 5 months. I just don't understand. And because they're both religious, they aren't able to touch each other in any way until marriage. I just...don't get how this works.

I'm not really sure where I'm getting at with this. I'm upset for several reasons:
1. She's very young. She's had trouble with severe depression and (apparent) bipolar disorder in the summer. And then she moves away to Israel, finds this guy, and suddenly she's engaged and over the moon? It just seems strange.

2. I really got used to the idea of being the first. I know it sounds petty, but this girl keeps stealing my experiences! She went away for school when she was 13 years old. Her parents sent her to Israel for junior and high school to get a more religious experience. That year, when she came back for the holidays, she asked me "Does it bother you that I got my independence before you?" Ugh. Obnoxious. So she came back here for her last year of high school and then went back this year. And now she's taking the first wedding away from me too, and most likely the first great-grandchild (I hear from her sister she wants to be pregnant 2 months after the wedding, which will be this August)

3. And I think the first wedding wouldn't be as important to me if I weren't so close to my grandfather. I think because I'm the eldest grandchild, we have a strong connection and are very close. For years, he's been saying the next wedding in the family is going to be mine and he's so excited, etc. I just got used to it!

I should be really proud of myself right now, though. I should be over the moon. I graduated in 2011 with a BA Honours in Psychology with an excellent GPA. I worked so hard for my diploma. I took the year off to work and save money, take the GRE, and apply to grad school and I got into my top school, NYU. NYU has always been my dream - I mean it - since I was 15 years old. I have wanted that program and that school. And I got in and I'm 90% sure I'm going (getting finances in order). I should be so happy right now because this is what I wanted. I didn't want marriage early. I always always said I would have a degree and a career and be independent before I got married. I'm also newly (as of 2 months ago) single and loving my independence. I wish this wasn't bothering me so much!!

And now I have to see them both tomorrow night at a family dinner for passover and meet the guy for the first time. And it's going to be so incredibly awkward because I really don't know what to say to them, or how to behave. And I don't want to hear the comments and excitement around the table or see my grandparents so happy about this. This whole family (except for this girl's mother) were so against this marriage until the guy came back here to meet everyone. And they liked him - so now it's suddenly okay.

I know this may sound petty and obnoxious, but I really needed to vent. Any support is welcome. I just feel kind of icky tonight and needed some kind words.
I've never really felt so completely ridiculous before.

If you look at the thread you linked, you can see that other posters have experienced the same thing. ANDS! has a -20 rating on a perfectly innocuous post. I think you are perhaps being a bit sensitive, as I don't think anyone really takes the ratings very seriously. I have to physically go look at your profile to see it, and I can't remember the last time I looked at someone's profile on here.

Hey guys,

This is probably not the right place to even post this, but I need some support right now.
I'm having a rough night.
I just found out that my 18 year old cousin is getting married. Her and her boyfriend have been dating for about 4 or 5 months.
Just some back story: She was in Israel for her first year of university this year when she met him. She's a modern religious Jew, so her family is a bit different from mine. Mine is Jewish, but very conservative. My immediate family values education over marriage.
But I can't help but feel a little bad. I'm the eldest of 15 grandchildren and always just assumed I would be the first to get married, especially since me and the second youngest, who happens to be my sister, are 4 years apart. She's the same age as my engaged cousin.
So I always just assumed it would be me. But now it won't be and I'm having a bit of a rough time accepting it. I know it's not exactly a wise decision to get married at 18. She has no means to support herself: no degree, barely any money, and no real skills. Her fiancé is my age (almost 23, which is why this bothers me even MORE) and doesn't have a degree yet either. They've been dating for 5 months. I just don't understand. And because they're both religious, they aren't able to touch each other in any way until marriage. I just...don't get how this works.

I'm not really sure where I'm getting at with this. I'm upset for several reasons:
1. She's very young. She's had trouble with severe depression and (apparent) bipolar disorder in the summer. And then she moves away to Israel, finds this guy, and suddenly she's engaged and over the moon? It just seems strange.

2. I really got used to the idea of being the first. I know it sounds petty, but this girl keeps stealing my experiences! She went away for school when she was 13 years old. Her parents sent her to Israel for junior and high school to get a more religious experience. That year, when she came back for the holidays, she asked me "Does it bother you that I got my independence before you?" Ugh. Obnoxious. So she came back here for her last year of high school and then went back this year. And now she's taking the first wedding away from me too, and most likely the first great-grandchild (I hear from her sister she wants to be pregnant 2 months after the wedding, which will be this August)

3. And I think the first wedding wouldn't be as important to me if I weren't so close to my grandfather. I think because I'm the eldest grandchild, we have a strong connection and are very close. For years, he's been saying the next wedding in the family is going to be mine and he's so excited, etc. I just got used to it!

I should be really proud of myself right now, though. I should be over the moon. I graduated in 2011 with a BA Honours in Psychology with an excellent GPA. I worked so hard for my diploma. I took the year off to work and save money, take the GRE, and apply to grad school and I got into my top school, NYU. NYU has always been my dream - I mean it - since I was 15 years old. I have wanted that program and that school. And I got in and I'm 90% sure I'm going (getting finances in order). I should be so happy right now because this is what I wanted. I didn't want marriage early. I always always said I would have a degree and a career and be independent before I got married. I'm also newly (as of 2 months ago) single and loving my independence. I wish this wasn't bothering me so much!!

And now I have to see them both tomorrow night at a family dinner for passover and meet the guy for the first time. And it's going to be so incredibly awkward because I really don't know what to say to them, or how to behave. And I don't want to hear the comments and excitement around the table or see my grandparents so happy about this. This whole family (except for this girl's mother) were so against this marriage until the guy came back here to meet everyone. And they liked him - so now it's suddenly okay.

I know this may sound petty and obnoxious, but I really needed to vent. Any support is welcome. I just feel kind of icky tonight and needed some kind words.
I've never really felt so completely ridiculous before.

Hey guys,

This is probably not the right place to even post this, but I need some support right now.
I'm having a rough night.
I just found out that my 18 year old cousin is getting married. Her and her boyfriend have been dating for about 4 or 5 months.
Just some back story: She was in Israel for her first year of university this year when she met him. She's a modern religious Jew, so her family is a bit different from mine. Mine is Jewish, but very conservative. My immediate family values education over marriage.
But I can't help but feel a little bad. I'm the eldest of 15 grandchildren and always just assumed I would be the first to get married, especially since me and the second youngest, who happens to be my sister, are 4 years apart. She's the same age as my engaged cousin.
So I always just assumed it would be me. But now it won't be and I'm having a bit of a rough time accepting it. I know it's not exactly a wise decision to get married at 18. She has no means to support herself: no degree, barely any money, and no real skills. Her fiancé is my age (almost 23, which is why this bothers me even MORE) and doesn't have a degree yet either. They've been dating for 5 months. I just don't understand. And because they're both religious, they aren't able to touch each other in any way until marriage. I just...don't get how this works.

I'm not really sure where I'm getting at with this. I'm upset for several reasons:
1. She's very young. She's had trouble with severe depression and (apparent) bipolar disorder in the summer. And then she moves away to Israel, finds this guy, and suddenly she's engaged and over the moon? It just seems strange.

2. I really got used to the idea of being the first. I know it sounds petty, but this girl keeps stealing my experiences! She went away for school when she was 13 years old. Her parents sent her to Israel for junior and high school to get a more religious experience. That year, when she came back for the holidays, she asked me "Does it bother you that I got my independence before you?" Ugh. Obnoxious. So she came back here for her last year of high school and then went back this year. And now she's taking the first wedding away from me too, and most likely the first great-grandchild (I hear from her sister she wants to be pregnant 2 months after the wedding, which will be this August)

3. And I think the first wedding wouldn't be as important to me if I weren't so close to my grandfather. I think because I'm the eldest grandchild, we have a strong connection and are very close. For years, he's been saying the next wedding in the family is going to be mine and he's so excited, etc. I just got used to it!

I should be really proud of myself right now, though. I should be over the moon. I graduated in 2011 with a BA Honours in Psychology with an excellent GPA. I worked so hard for my diploma. I took the year off to work and save money, take the GRE, and apply to grad school and I got into my top school, NYU. NYU has always been my dream - I mean it - since I was 15 years old. I have wanted that program and that school. And I got in and I'm 90% sure I'm going (getting finances in order). I should be so happy right now because this is what I wanted. I didn't want marriage early. I always always said I would have a degree and a career and be independent before I got married. I'm also newly (as of 2 months ago) single and loving my independence. I wish this wasn't bothering me so much!!

And now I have to see them both tomorrow night at a family dinner for passover and meet the guy for the first time. And it's going to be so incredibly awkward because I really don't know what to say to them, or how to behave. And I don't want to hear the comments and excitement around the table or see my grandparents so happy about this. This whole family (except for this girl's mother) were so against this marriage until the guy came back here to meet everyone. And they liked him - so now it's suddenly okay.

I know this may sound petty and obnoxious, but I really needed to vent. Any support is welcome. I just feel kind of icky tonight and needed some kind words.
I've never really felt so completely ridiculous before.

I am 26 and I am the oldest grandchild. 9 months ago my cousin got married (i did not attend the ceremony because of the obvious reasons: cant stand my relatives asking curious questions like "So when are YOU getting married?", "oh poor girl, do you at least have a boyfriend?") and a week ago she gave birth to a little boy. At first, I was very jealous that she has it all: degrees (BS, MS), career and a family...
I am muslim, therefore my relatives find it very strange that I am not married at this age. They also find it awkward that I called off my wedding 5 years ago. I want to please them and be an exemplary girl, get married soon, have kids... but wait, it is my life we are talking about. I dont have to live my life just to make my grandfather happy. Of course I want to make them proud, but i certainly won't be making life-changing decisions based on my relatives' opinion.
Every person has his/her own happiness recipe. Yeah, my cousin is happy having: husband+kid+career. But I may not be very happy if I was in her shoes. First, I want to move to USA and start an academic carrer with a PhD, second, meet a nice guy and get married, have kids and be a respected professor in my field. So my happiness recipe is: PhD + successful academic career + living in USA + loving husband + healthy kids.
So, obviously, I set much higher goals than my cousin does. And I sincerely respect myself for that.

Determine your own recipe of happiness! What do YOU want? What will make YOU happy? Getting married? No, I dont think that an ambitios, self-sufficient person like you could be happy fully devoting herself to her family. From my experience, weaker people with low self-esteem get married early forming co-dependent families (and if your cousin is tend to be depressed, it is clearly a sign of lack of confidence). They think, it is easier to experience life supporting each other. Maybe they are right but I dont want to have a co-dependent family, I want to have a family based on mutual love and respect. I am sure the same applies to you.

We all eventually get what we wanted. Your cousin may have dreamed aboud wedding since she was 15 but you had another dream - getting into NYU. And you did it, congratulations! Now it is time for you to dream about the next thing and you will eventually get it! Concentrate on your own dreams and goals because only they can make you truely happy.

Hey guys,

This is probably not the right place to even post this, but I need some support right now.
I'm having a rough night.
I just found out that my 18 year old cousin is getting married. Her and her boyfriend have been dating for about 4 or 5 months.
Just some back story: She was in Israel for her first year of university this year when she met him. She's a modern religious Jew, so her family is a bit different from mine. Mine is Jewish, but very conservative. My immediate family values education over marriage.
But I can't help but feel a little bad. I'm the eldest of 15 grandchildren and always just assumed I would be the first to get married, especially since me and the second youngest, who happens to be my sister, are 4 years apart. She's the same age as my engaged cousin.
So I always just assumed it would be me. But now it won't be and I'm having a bit of a rough time accepting it. I know it's not exactly a wise decision to get married at 18. She has no means to support herself: no degree, barely any money, and no real skills. Her fiancé is my age (almost 23, which is why this bothers me even MORE) and doesn't have a degree yet either. They've been dating for 5 months. I just don't understand. And because they're both religious, they aren't able to touch each other in any way until marriage. I just...don't get how this works.

I'm not really sure where I'm getting at with this. I'm upset for several reasons:
1. She's very young. She's had trouble with severe depression and (apparent) bipolar disorder in the summer. And then she moves away to Israel, finds this guy, and suddenly she's engaged and over the moon? It just seems strange.

2. I really got used to the idea of being the first. I know it sounds petty, but this girl keeps stealing my experiences! She went away for school when she was 13 years old. Her parents sent her to Israel for junior and high school to get a more religious experience. That year, when she came back for the holidays, she asked me "Does it bother you that I got my independence before you?" Ugh. Obnoxious. So she came back here for her last year of high school and then went back this year. And now she's taking the first wedding away from me too, and most likely the first great-grandchild (I hear from her sister she wants to be pregnant 2 months after the wedding, which will be this August)

3. And I think the first wedding wouldn't be as important to me if I weren't so close to my grandfather. I think because I'm the eldest grandchild, we have a strong connection and are very close. For years, he's been saying the next wedding in the family is going to be mine and he's so excited, etc. I just got used to it!

I should be really proud of myself right now, though. I should be over the moon. I graduated in 2011 with a BA Honours in Psychology with an excellent GPA. I worked so hard for my diploma. I took the year off to work and save money, take the GRE, and apply to grad school and I got into my top school, NYU. NYU has always been my dream - I mean it - since I was 15 years old. I have wanted that program and that school. And I got in and I'm 90% sure I'm going (getting finances in order). I should be so happy right now because this is what I wanted. I didn't want marriage early. I always always said I would have a degree and a career and be independent before I got married. I'm also newly (as of 2 months ago) single and loving my independence. I wish this wasn't bothering me so much!!

And now I have to see them both tomorrow night at a family dinner for passover and meet the guy for the first time. And it's going to be so incredibly awkward because I really don't know what to say to them, or how to behave. And I don't want to hear the comments and excitement around the table or see my grandparents so happy about this. This whole family (except for this girl's mother) were so against this marriage until the guy came back here to meet everyone. And they liked him - so now it's suddenly okay.

I know this may sound petty and obnoxious, but I really needed to vent. Any support is welcome. I just feel kind of icky tonight and needed some kind words.
I've never really felt so completely ridiculous before.

Hey don't lose hope! I was rejected by 2 unranked programs and am currently waitlisted at my top choice, top-10 school. Weird. Also, I applied last year as well and got in nowhere (not even an interview). It sucks to have to do it again, but I'm actually glad it happened now because it gave me a chance to improve my application and apply to schools where my and the faculty's research interests really meshed.

EmilyChopin,

First, congratulations on your acceptance! You must be so proud and should enjoy this time. I wouldn't worry about your age and I don't think jealousy is going to be a significant issue. In fact, it may not be an issue at all. You may find that the older students will feel endeared toward you or even protective. I promise you that your peers will be worrying about their own impressions. It's like going to a gym for the first time and worrying that other people are judging you. You might worry that people don't like your clothes or are laughing at the way you workout - that you don't belong in the gym. But almost everyone else in the gym have similar fears. In actual fact, everyone is caught up in their own heads worrying about everyone else around them.

Older students have similar concerns about going back to school and being judged. I went abroad for my MA and the average age in my cohort was 24. One of my closest friends was 46 years old at the beginning of our program. Some students thought she was a bit weird but most admired how she packed up her life (and her cats) and moved half-way around the world to take a risk and study what she loved. Her adjustment was a challenge but her performance, dedication to her studies, and respect for her peers earned mutual respect.

The bottom line is, try to stay rooted in the present. When you're overwhelmed with doubt and find yourself imagining horrible scenarios and trying to plan in your head a thousand ways to prepare for those scenarios, try to remember to bring yourself back to the present - to what is really happening. Where are you at that given moment? How are you feeling? Where are you? The thoughts you're having are just thoughts and they're not true.Focus on what's true (e.g. I just ate a sandwich, I emailed my adviser a question, I'm feeling anxious about my paper, my neck is stiff, etc.) As someone who deals with chronic worrying, I empathize with your concerns. There might be one or two people in your cohort who judge you harshly, but I promise you that it's only because they have low self-esteem and their over-confidence mask their insecurities. Level headed peers will be able to see this clearly and as long as you are true to yourself, work hard, and treat everyone with respect, they will respect you. It is entirely possible to have close friendships with older classmates. The worry and fears are natural to anyone embarking on a new and challenging adventure, but they are magnified because of your age. In time, you will trust yourself more and care about what other people think a little less. Allow yourself to grow during this process.

Once again, congratulations and have a wonderful time in grad school!

Where have you seen this enumerated; I would be very curious.

And it has nothing to do with disrespect/respect so lets please not get into histrionics on this issue. There is ZERO credible reason an instructor has to not allowing his or her course to be recorded by a student for private/personal use and as a study aid.

They can take the matter as "seriously" as they want; at maximum we get to have a discussion about protected intellectual property and allowable reproductions of - garauntee the student comes out on the winning end of that conversation.

Those feelings come and go for me too... they usually rear their head whenever I achieve something.

I haven't re-read this recently, but I remember liking this Nature article on the topic:

http://www.nature.com/naturejobs/2009/090521/full/nj7245-468a.html

Like far_to_go, I had several professors who were very much against being recorded, and my school took this matter VERY seriously. I would never recommend that anyone try to hide or otherwise conceal recording devices from professors. You run the risk of getting caught and landing in some serious trouble, for one thing. But it's also just downright disrespectful to go against a professor's legal right to not be recorded.

I will enjoy a night of sleep that's free of stress and worry. It has been over three months since I applied to my program and I am completely tired of drinking chamomile tea.

So this might sound kind of strange but I often use "progressive muscle relaxation" to help combat anxiety with public speaking like things. You should be able to google it, and it's a technique often used to reduce physical responses to stress. It involves a whole process of tightening and releasing specific muscles while focusing of the buildup and release of tension, plus deep relaxing breathing. I use it to help fall asleep on occasion butttt I've realized that after "practicing" it a bit, I can go through a few of the steps in public and calm myself down. I usually get super hot, red, and shaky when nervous but before i have to speak, if I focus on deep breathing, and clenching and releasing my foot/calf/etc muscles I can reduce my stress response. It's not like a magic cure but it does help! Or you might be able to find something similar that works for you (such as using visualizing meditation at home, and then doing a quick 2 minute meditation before entering a stressful situation). Sorry if that sounds hokey or whatever haha.

DISNEY WORLD!!!

...What? I've never been

I applied to both McGill and UWO for Counselling Psych and I've heard nothing.
Well, I got an email from McGill at the beginning of the month that said something along the lines of "JUST IN CASE you're invited for an interview, save March 30th. You Haven't been invited yet...but you know, JUST IN CASE" ...Losers.
I consider that "nothing".

Anybody for U of Toronto Counselling Psyc??

DISNEY WORLD!!!

...What? I've never been

DISNEY WORLD!!!

...What? I've never been

If I get accepted I'm going to: cry, buy new clothes, get drunk, cry some more, probably make out with someone, & go to church and thank God. In no particular order.

I've decided that I'm going to celebrate my acceptances with latte sizes.

A tall means that I got into an MA program unfunded.

A grande means that I got into an MA program, funded.

A venti quad shot means that I got into a fully funded PhD program.

And a trenta (for cold drinks) means that I got into my dream school fully funded!

Today, I am drinking a tall latte because I got accepted to an MA program, with funding info forthcoming (I'm guessing there - all I really know is the official letter will come today.)

I'm hoping to be drinking a trenta soon. Gross, but the massive amount of caffeine will match the massive amount of pure joy I will have if I get in.

48 hours of anxiety-free sleep.

Sorry, guess I didn't tell the whole story, and I probably should have used a different tone. I am aware that I'm incredibly fortunate. My frustration is with the fact that she she dubs me as completely freeloading (as in, parents giving me allowance to live off of while I only attend classes, as if I don't actually work my ass off at a lab job for fifty to sixty hours a week).

The back story: The woman of whom I'm speaking actually went to law school, graduated, then decided to return to serving because she didn't feel like being a lawyer. She treats her step-dad with little to no respect, even though he's the main breadwinner in the house, and he makes much more than my parents do. She's an incredibly vicious person who talks down to every single one of our family friends (the parents have known each other since they emmigrated from Poland; the children have almost all known each other from birth).

A single mother in an unskilled job who's struggling to make ends meet? Hell yes she deserves to question my self-sufficiency, because I know I've had it good.

A woman who turned down a very good career path because she preferred the easy life of serving and living at home with as little responsibility as possible? Especially one who tends to talk back to my parents as well?Totally different story. She gets no respect from me.

I understand why you'd misinterpret what I'm saying, since I gave no indication of back story Lesson learned for next time!

So what's your back up plan? (This burns my butt every time I hear it.)

I've been thinking about this actually, and decided I don't need a back up plan. I WILL do what I have to do to reach the ultimate goal.

I wouldn't be so quick to judge, though.
NYU has a great MA in Mental Health Counseling and does not require the GRE. Additionally, University of Toronto offers an MA and PhD program in Counseling Psyc and does not require the GRE. I think Long Island Uni doesn't require it either. Those are just a few. They're out there!
I don't see it as a measure of a program's greatness...there are just certain faculties who do not believe that the GRE is a true measure of success in Grad School (based on research), so they don't require it for admission.