Hey guys,
This is probably not the right place to even post this, but I need some support right now.
I'm having a rough night.
I just found out that my 18 year old cousin is getting married. Her and her boyfriend have been dating for about 4 or 5 months.
Just some back story: She was in Israel for her first year of university this year when she met him. She's a modern religious Jew, so her family is a bit different from mine. Mine is Jewish, but very conservative. My immediate family values education over marriage.
But I can't help but feel a little bad. I'm the eldest of 15 grandchildren and always just assumed I would be the first to get married, especially since me and the second youngest, who happens to be my sister, are 4 years apart. She's the same age as my engaged cousin.
So I always just assumed it would be me. But now it won't be and I'm having a bit of a rough time accepting it. I know it's not exactly a wise decision to get married at 18. She has no means to support herself: no degree, barely any money, and no real skills. Her fiancé is my age (almost 23, which is why this bothers me even MORE) and doesn't have a degree yet either. They've been dating for 5 months. I just don't understand. And because they're both religious, they aren't able to touch each other in any way until marriage. I just...don't get how this works.
I'm not really sure where I'm getting at with this. I'm upset for several reasons:
1. She's very young. She's had trouble with severe depression and (apparent) bipolar disorder in the summer. And then she moves away to Israel, finds this guy, and suddenly she's engaged and over the moon? It just seems strange.
2. I really got used to the idea of being the first. I know it sounds petty, but this girl keeps stealing my experiences! She went away for school when she was 13 years old. Her parents sent her to Israel for junior and high school to get a more religious experience. That year, when she came back for the holidays, she asked me "Does it bother you that I got my independence before you?" Ugh. Obnoxious. So she came back here for her last year of high school and then went back this year. And now she's taking the first wedding away from me too, and most likely the first great-grandchild (I hear from her sister she wants to be pregnant 2 months after the wedding, which will be this August)
3. And I think the first wedding wouldn't be as important to me if I weren't so close to my grandfather. I think because I'm the eldest grandchild, we have a strong connection and are very close. For years, he's been saying the next wedding in the family is going to be mine and he's so excited, etc. I just got used to it!
I should be really proud of myself right now, though. I should be over the moon. I graduated in 2011 with a BA Honours in Psychology with an excellent GPA. I worked so hard for my diploma. I took the year off to work and save money, take the GRE, and apply to grad school and I got into my top school, NYU. NYU has always been my dream - I mean it - since I was 15 years old. I have wanted that program and that school. And I got in and I'm 90% sure I'm going (getting finances in order). I should be so happy right now because this is what I wanted. I didn't want marriage early. I always always said I would have a degree and a career and be independent before I got married. I'm also newly (as of 2 months ago) single and loving my independence. I wish this wasn't bothering me so much!!
And now I have to see them both tomorrow night at a family dinner for passover and meet the guy for the first time. And it's going to be so incredibly awkward because I really don't know what to say to them, or how to behave. And I don't want to hear the comments and excitement around the table or see my grandparents so happy about this. This whole family (except for this girl's mother) were so against this marriage until the guy came back here to meet everyone. And they liked him - so now it's suddenly okay.
I know this may sound petty and obnoxious, but I really needed to vent. Any support is welcome. I just feel kind of icky tonight and needed some kind words.
I've never really felt so completely ridiculous before.