nhyn

the grad school page has a website with helpful details, but it really just boils down to your own efforts. I'm sure it'll turn out ok, or I'll have to settle for something less than perfect lol Just curious how everyone's been dealing with their own search I've looked for apartments multiple times before (for summer internships and stuff) and it was a lot easier o_O i think this town real estate market is just slow...or something.

Mine is not going so well - it's the immediate suburbs of a big city, but there hasn't been many options at all. So I'm starting my PhD in the Fall, and have been looking for a place to live. I was looking for lease that starts in June, saw a couple of places, but nothing perfectly to my liking. Now I'm looking for September places, and there seems to be none! Just makes me kinda nervous because it's a college town, and college town has postings early I thought (at least that was the case in my middle of nowhere undergrad college town - postings for academic year start about now or in May). Since I will be living with my partner, we need a spacious 1bdr (or 2dr, but a lot of the 2bdr is more space than need and cost more than we can afford), with lots of light, close to campus or transportation, has a nice kitchen, in a house (or even multi-family house) rather than an apartment building. We don't even have pets, or smoke, or anything! It was so much easier to look for a place in the city proper (or more densely populated suburbs). Now I'm getting all ansty that I let go of some good options because I'm too picky (this one place was really good but I disliked the realtor and the place looks kinda dark, the ceiling kinda low; or this other place that is AMAZING and perfect in every way except without a car I can't really commute easily to school from there, even if it's just a 15 mins drive). But I hate moving and if we're gonna live here for 5 years, we should choose something good, no? How has your experience been?

I know for a fact that big/rich schools like Harvard & Princeton have great discounts for employees, and since you'll be working as RA/TA I assume you might enjoy employee's perks too. Also students' perks (I'm still using my undergrad student card a year after graduation for movie tickets and stuff lol i guess i can move on to my grad student card now, yesh! ). best of both worlds ^^

LOL seems like great minds think alike ;-) I gave my prof a shot glass with "#1 Prof!Thank you, (prof name)! - (my name)". He used to be in a rock band for years (you'd be surprised to know how many profs are musically talented/passionate), and got a strong personality with a great sense of humor, so I thought it was super appropriate. For the other prof I bought some cute handmade earrings, since shes ALSO in a (country/folk music) band and I thought it would make a nice accessory for her performance clothes (pretty hippie/country type of thing lol) anyway you might want to check out websites with personalized gifts (just google it), they're a lot of fun, not too expensive, and of course personalized! Call me cheesy but I love it

heading there for Psych PhD as well. Are you guys looking for housing yet? I'm having major trouble finding housing for Sept (tried looking for June places but nothing to my liking; since it will be long term I'm being very, very picky). Let me know if you need advice on location! I've received some really good advice and have seen a couple of places so far so I have a decent idea of where to live depending on what you want ^^

when I first came to the US, I was confused with all the cheese names and am also not fund of generic college-cafeteria cold cuts (even if it's a convenience store/deli that has slightly better food than the dining halls), so I came up with a combination myself that to my roommate at the time was "weird" - but I thought it made perfect sense. All the ingredients usually go together in other dishes (mostly South American dishes), so why not on a sandwich? - Italian sub or ciabatta - guacamole - whole black beans - mozzarella cheese (the one cut from a ball, not the dry variety!!) - chipotle mayonaise - pickles (yes, on the bread) - if you are so inclined, a slice of bacon is fine, but mozzarella cheese is already protein-y and delicious all by itself

talk to your POI. In our lab here there's a student that was working & scanning (neuroscience) over the summer, as her research in grad school is very similar to the one she was doing in undergrad so she already got a head start. I'm not sure whether she got paid (because she wasn't an RA or anything; neuro programs do rotations so you don't "belong to" or get paid by a specific lab) or not - this is something you can discuss with your POI. Maybe they can give you stipend for at least living costs or something.

I'm an international student and have been living away from families and lifelong friends for almost 5 years now (I'm currently working after graduating last May). I'm not an extremely shy person, but I'm not super outgoing either. I can tell you that it was a lot of adjustment to make, not just being away from home, social support network, but also from my culture and country. That said, it wasn't terrible either. I enjoyed the academic environment of my school (a highly selective liberal arts college) and made some good friends. I hated the small town though - and I imagine it will somewhat be similar to South Dakota, although it was a middle-of-nowhere Midwest town. I grew up in a big, bustling, exciting Asian city, so it was just...ugh, frustrating I guess. Did you grow up in a big city? Do you LIKE big cities? Ask yourself those questions before you move somewhere so different. I have a friend who grew up in Houston and hated my school's town and transferred to a school in NYC, and was much happier there. I've also heard of similar stories from friends in those New England selective liberal colleges. The upside of this experience was that I learned a lot about myself, whether I wanted it or not, and might have grown up a lot more. I'm sure if I stayed at home where I'm always pampered by the best people in the world (aka friends and family), I wouldn't be as mature (I'm not that mature, just more than I would have been) and experienced as I am today. So you can consider this as a chance to drastically change yourself ? Esp. if you're outgoing as you say it will be even more enjoyable. It usually takes me a long time to become friends with people but once the friendship is built it sticks- heck I'm still very very good friends with people from middle school and high school; I don't think that's usually the case in the US. Friend circles are a lot more flexible here. Which was hard for me, but will be good for an outgoing person - you will make new friends fast, and that would ease the transition from being the out-of-towner to the insider. Re: sig. other, I'm not sure if my advice is of any use to you, because I specifically chose to apply to areas near where my SO works so I can be with him or so we can visit each other easily. But that's my personal choice. We've also done long distance relationship for 2 years - it's ok. It was hard at first but it got easier (doesn't mean it's fun lol). If you both know it's long term and are willing to make the efforts, I think you'll be ok even if you're far away. But that's also something you have to ask yourself: how attached are you guys? What type of beliefs/thinking you guys have that would affect the long-distance thing? If you're the type who likes to have someone around just to hang out or need to, um, have sex, or have severe insecurities about yourself or the other person, LDR might not be for you. It's a hard choice to make, but just do whatever that's best for you - what you think that is best for you right now, that is. If you try to make the most out of it, I think you'll be fine wherever you go. Also, the important thing to consider is whether you do truly like this "non-first-choice" school you go to. If you don't like it enough, the bitterness coupled with the loneliness might not make it a smooth ride for you in grad school. Good luck!

If you've done everything humanly possible to find out about these schools and still don't know which is better, doesn't it make it easier to choose? Either way, you might regret. Either way, you might be happy. So...50/50? Maybe either way, it will be ok, you just have to work hard at making the most out of it and not regretting

I don't know how much at odds you guys are about moving-staying, but I feel like if I dated someone who had a different set of beliefs (I believe in exploring as much as possible, going to see the world etc. etc.) it wouldn't work, esp. since I'm a wanderer too. Or rather, since I grew up in one country, studied in another country, and lived and studied (about/on) yet another country, I see myself as independent of my location, and I was lucky that my SO is also very much "international" in his thinking, and loves the idea of residing elsewhere other than his hometown/country. His mom however has never sets foot outside of the country and never really wants to. She's just very anxious about changes. Say if I were to date someone like her, we would have to suffer from LDR ALL the time, and that would never work. I also agree that both sides have to accept the other. If you have come to terms with his beliefs, he should be able to accept yours, too!

I see - the timing was never right I guess. I've heard of people taking turns to go to school, don't know if that's (or would have been) an option for the 2 of you. It's funny because when I was younger, it would have been very, very hard for me to imagine myself forfeiting any opportunity for a significant other Now that I'm older, having lived in 2 foreign countries for an extended period of time, and having been away from my family for so long (I'm an international student, I can only go home once every 2 years or so), I realize I need a balance, esp. since after college it's hard to build an accessible, strong network of support. When I was debating whether to only apply to the area where my sig.other works, a lot of people also told me, oh you're still young you should value your career, but I chose to compromise just a bit for the sake of living close to my sig. other. So I completely sympathize with your past decisions, but I have also been lucky enough to have achieved a lot of goals before I met him and didn't have to compromise much at all (esp. maybe spending money to fly to visit each other during the last year of college). If I had to give up my undergrad education that I tried so hard for, I don't think I'd be happy. I think I'm ok with my decision also because I view grad school as a chance to do what I like, and also a starting point of a career - that is, I approach it knowing full well it's a hard path (tight market, low pay, etc.), and that if it falls through I can always do something else. As in, it's not an absolute must that I go to grad school, so I don't need to go to The Best Program Ever. As long as I like the program and it's a good one, I'm happy. But it seems to me you really, really like your field (otherwise you wouldn't apply so many times and put up with a mediocre masters program), and would really benefit from going to a great program. Maybe it's good now that you've come to accept that you need to move on - maybe if you got in this year, you wouldn't be completely fulfilled either, because there was still that element of "I'm compromising, I could have done better" at the back of your mind. I hope you get accepted somewhere great next year, and fully embrace that opportunity, and move to wherever you go to school with enthusiasm and an understanding that even if it won't be as much fun as staying with your husband, you are living up to your full potential as a scholar, and that can only add to the satisfaction of living together with you husband later

I'm sure your school will have a classifieds page with postings most likely from landlords who are used to renting to students, or current students looking for housemates. Craigslist is not a bad idea either - there're always people who look for new housemates (I think that's what you mean right? Do you really want to share a room with someone after 4 years of college? if you went to a residential college like me, that is). When people move out, sometimes they leave all the furniture behind (look for listings that say "furnished"), so there's a chance you don't even have to buy much. There are also people who will deliver (esp. people who sell beds). Are you going to have a car? If not, can you drive? U-haul is always an option, or even zipcar, if you're not moving too much (from the seller's to your place). Even better, if you're buying from IKEA or big shops like that, they have delivery services (if shelling out money is an option for you). You can also, like you said, get an apartment and look for housemates, but that's assuming you're going to that city a bit early (at least half a month) to have time to look for housemates. Usually the landlord looks for tenants if the whole thing is vacant; and if it's only one or two rooms, the current tenants will have a lot of say in who they want to let in. In other cases, when you deal with the landlord yourself and then look for housemates, you might have to compete with groups of people who already have enough people to rent right away (as in, can pay all the required deposit for x number of people, etc.). So I'd go with looking for places where there already are people, esp. when you don't know anyone in the new city. That way, once you settle in a bit, you can ask them for help in purchasing stuff, too. Remember, you don't need to have everything right away Just something to sleep on, then you're good for at least 2 weeks while you start collecting stuff, unless you're the type who absolutely needs to sleep on a bed and put clothes in a closet. Good luck. Don't be overwhelmed. I think you're going to Boston? In such a big city, this kind of thing is really a piece of cake ^^ (I lived there on and off for about 6 months, so I'm speaking from experience).

lol, are you serious? I've had food left in the dorm's fridge eaten but that's inevitable - you have no way of knowing who among the 40 something dorm-mates ate it. Also, people (read: freshmen, yes it happened more often when I was in a all-freshmen dorm) are stupid and most often drunk. Why would your roommate/housemate steal from you, knowing that you'd KNOW they steal because, um, unless there's a ghost in the house the culprit is quite obvious? If you live with a kleptomaniac I think you'll know right away. Also, I doubt if you'd share a room - unless you're super cheap and desperate to save money. You will most likely have your own room, and hey, locks are there for a reason. Sorry, I just find your worry a tad ridiculous calm down, not everyone is out there to get their roommates - oh wait, I guess there's that chick in that awful movie, "The Roommate" - and no, that's not how roommates in US colleges are like, I swear. **PS: there's also something called "peaceful confrontation"/talking about your issues. I've always found being honest and upfront with my roommates/housemates helpful, whether it being about them leaving dirty dishes in the sink for a century, or about them worried that I'm not comfortable with their guests, etc.

How come every time it was you who had to give up something? o_O I don't really understand why he didn't compromise his goals while you did yours... I'm sure you had reasons for your decision, but if you are always the one who compromises, eventually - or right now, like you said - you will be the one less fulfilled. I myself decided to not apply far away to stay close to my significant other, but I don't feel like I give up too much since I still end up with a good Phd program to attend. If I had ended up with nothing, there'd be no question that I'd apply again, all over the place, as my sig.other is open to the possibility of moving to where I'd go to school. I think we need a balance - both work and family. When you have to give up too much one thing for another, you'll likely suffer - or at least I will.

Um, if you exercise common sense, and always be extra, extra careful, it's pretty hard to get screwed via craigslist. I'm an international student and have used craigslist safely 3 times. All my apartments + landlords turned out great. I was only able to meet with the landlord beforehand once. The other times I tried to talk on the phone extensively, emailed, used some safety measures (only sent a small amount of deposit, or no deposit at all, etc.). If you know people in that city, even better - just ask them to go meet the landlord and take a look of the place for you. One time I replied to an ad which turned out to be one of those infamous "Nigerian scams", and even though they tried pretty hard to sound legit, I only needed 2 emails to confirm that they were bs (one email is enough but 2 is to make sure you're not being overly cautious). I was surprised to know that people HAVE fallen for these scams before because it was just too...easy to tell (it was really quite hilarious because the harder they tried, the more they sounded like idiots, if you want pm me I can copy-paste their emails to show you how these scams look like). So, seriously, there are legit landlords on craigslist, it is your responsibility to make sure that you're conducting business with one. Good luck!

I really...don't think so. With Japanese at least there's a ton of kanji in the newspaper. We usually don't start reading news until 2nd/3rd year.

It's a very personal choice so I'm not sure how hearing other people's opinions will help, but since you asked for different perspectives, here's my take: - I like busy towns/big cities so I'd go with school Y. Growing up in a big city I was bored out of my mind in my undergrad's small town in the middle of nowhere. I don't have a car either so it was impossible to go anywhere. I wouldn't be so concerned with cost of living - I lived for a month in NYC and found it very manageable if you're wise about it. Big cities are more expensive but also have a wider range of people & income, and offer more options. You also won't have much time to go out anyway, unless you're the type of genius who does no work but still get by. So think long and hard how you like your living environment to be. (plus school Y offers more stipend so that should make up for the difference in cost of living, yes?) - I've worked in 5 different labs so far and had to learn new methods every single time. It's annoying, for sure, but can also be interesting. School Y IS starting up the type of research you're more familiar with, so I'm sure you'll be highly valued for your expertise in that area. And they DO have the things you want to get into, even if they're new and unfamiliar to you. So I guess it depends on how comfortable you are with new methods and how confident you are at being independent (in working on the stuff you're familiar with) and how important you think the more familiar stuff is to you. Hope that helps.

I don't think you're alone Not all people here, or people who apply for a PhD, need to PhD to feel complete/validate themselves. At least that's the impression I get. Lots of people have doubts, lots of people are passionate, and some people have a good balance - like you, for example. It's just like doing any other job or following any other career path. At least for me, I think of getting the phd I want as embarking on a career path that I like, but my personal happiness depends on me and not the job I do, so if this doesn't work out, I have a few other things I'd want to try out, and it's fine, too. In fact, I shied away from applying to this one lab where the professor stated on her lab's website that people who apply to her lab should view psych grad study as "a calling" o_O I just...don't want to be that intense. Also, having been in a long distance relationship, I understand completely how you feel and think it's fair that you talk up front with your advisor about your plans to visit SO and family. I'm sure the professors have been in, or have seen, a similar situation. Lots of academics that I talked to in psych either had a partner who also pursued grad study (which made it difficult for them to stay in the same place), or did a different job, so different that they had to stay long distance for a while. I trust that you also picked a good advisor cos no good advisor would be so mean as to thwart the student's personal happiness!

I would let him know, since there's no harm in doing it. I've heard directly from a professor who used to work at U of Arizona (that's where this is going on, right? I remember from reading your previous thread, when you still had your full sig), that at U of A each professor fights for their own study (as opposed to, say, UMass Amherst Cognitive where the whole department decides on the cohort), so it's worth it to help him fight for you.

Note that the OP's intended program is Art History. A friend who is at NYU's art history grad program told me since the market for art historians is SOOO limited (even more than that for us psychologists) there is no point in going to less famous schools. And it seems that for a lot of humanities disciplines the lab/professor doesn't matter as much as the whole department (I know it's different for psychology). I think before we dish out advice we should take into consideration the difference between fields. So before taking the next round (good luck with Yale though, don't give up till the end!), make sure your resume/application is different from the first time - as in, you should be able to add something new, or change your sop a lot, etc. If I were you I'd probably wait a year before I apply again - unless you need to go to grad school right away. And a lot of people need several rounds to get in, it's normal the best of luck!!

Um, that's weird, cos all of my profs have been very socially functional. They're all very nice and friendly, though some certainly have quirks of their own, just like any other human being. I really dislike the stereotype that academia is full of awkward people - maybe because you come in expecting them to be awkward, you start to see only the awkward things. Anyway, sorry, that was off topic. I got to know one of my LORs through...getting him to be my advisor Do you have an advisor? Even though you said you didn't get to know them well, did you at least interact with your advisor and take his/her classes? My advisor was (and still is - I'm not an undergrad anymore) my favorite professor, so I took all of his classes, and signed up to be his advisee. Naturally, we interacted a lot (not much during the first year or so, and I was abroad for a year, but the last year, I did a senior thesis with him and took another of his class, and we really hit it off). So maybe when you take classes at that school next year, try to find a professor you really admire, and...pursue him/her! Ask him/her if you can do an independent project with him/her, or if there's an assignment in that class, go the extra mile, make it really extensive so you have a chance to talk to him/her about it. The senior thesis was really how I bonded with my advisor (it was a topic he was also extremely interested in). I actually didn't talk to my advisor that much about the class (I'm not that smart or good at generating questions, sadly ) but I did seek his help re: lab work where necessary (I worked REALLY hard in that class, and I only sought his help when absolutely stuck - this I think also helps students show their drives, another thing you can do). If you're shy, try to pick a prof that seems approachable, someone you can be comfortable enough to talk to after class about questions or for help with class work. I am shy, too, on top of being not so quick-witted, so I always had to find profs after class (as opposed to speaking up in class) to ask questions or speak my thoughts, and I found it much, much easier to do with profs who I didn't find intimidating. Also, remember that you don't have to be BFFs with ALL of the LOR writers. One of my other LOR writer was my boss for 3 months, he wasn't around the whole time I was there but I did make an effort to talk to him and show him my work. The other LOR writer was a prof whose lab I worked in for 1 year. We weren't BFFs (in a sense that we didn't talk about our personal lives as much as I did with my advisor) but I asked for her help in writing CVs, looking for jobs, academia stuff, etc., so we are "professional friends" or "friendly colleagues/student-teacher". If you can find someone like that, you're all set (they can vouch for your professional side).

can I ask who you interviewed with? I'm waiting on Ambady... I feel like a rejection is coming my way, and I'm fine with that, I just want to KNOW, dear God

If he doesn't know the language, and if he can't find a job, I don't think it will be a smooth ride for both of you if he comes with you. If it's just 2 years, I think you guys would be better off having separate, independent lives where you each can feel fulfilled, and plan for the next move (which I think will be a PhD program and therefore will be longer, right?), if it's somewhere he can also live comfortably. I've done long distance, it's not fun, but also not impossible. If it's anything longer than 2 years, I don't think I can do it. but I've been doing it for 2 years and I think it's ok. Doable. Good luck!

We're long distance so fortunately he didn't have to deal with my outbursts too often/directly. I mean, I did have some nervous breakdowns and he calmed me down through the phone. He's a calm and collected person so even when I was stressing out about whether I'd get in, or if I'd get in, where it would be (in the same city or 2 hours away - I didn't apply anywhere further than that, but if its 2 hours away then our game plan has to change a bit, etc.), he was...um, rather passive and basically just patiently listened to all my rants lol We also had plans B ( C D E F etc.). So all in all he was the support and I was the mess

why can't you start making a plan B now?