Ennue

I say: don't do it. Don't do any type of unfunded PhD program, ever. Not only are you going into massive debt, I've also heard you can be considered somewhat of a 'second-rank' student by faculty, and from what I've heard fellowships such as mentioned KatKad usually go to students who got funding from the start.

Especially since you mention wanting to have kids - a PhD program can be really intense and takes a long time. It's difficult to have children while you're in the program even leaving any financial issues aside, and you probably don't want to have kids as soon as you're done either, since you'd want to get a secure, proper job first (or build a client base, or whatever). Though I guess if you're a guy that wouldn't be as much of a concern. Of course, not everyone wants to have kids. But it sounds like it might be important to you. So: consider your priorities, because you can't have everything you want. Do you prefer years of (stressful, but awesome) studying and learning and becoming really good at something? Do you prefer financial security, not having to worry about whether you'll be able to afford rent (or food, or health insurance) next month, every month? Do you prefer building a family? Everyone will have different answers, so there's no right or wrong... But 200.000 dollars (or 100.000, or 50.000) is a lot and so this is time for serious prioritizing! Good luck!

I say: don't do it. Don't do any type of unfunded PhD program, ever. Not only are you going into massive debt, I've also heard you can be considered somewhat of a 'second-rank' student by faculty, and from what I've heard fellowships such as mentioned KatKad usually go to students who got funding from the start.

Especially since you mention wanting to have kids - a PhD program can be really intense and takes a long time. It's difficult to have children while you're in the program even leaving any financial issues aside, and you probably don't want to have kids as soon as you're done either, since you'd want to get a secure, proper job first (or build a client base, or whatever). Though I guess if you're a guy that wouldn't be as much of a concern. Of course, not everyone wants to have kids. But it sounds like it might be important to you. So: consider your priorities, because you can't have everything you want. Do you prefer years of (stressful, but awesome) studying and learning and becoming really good at something? Do you prefer financial security, not having to worry about whether you'll be able to afford rent (or food, or health insurance) next month, every month? Do you prefer building a family? Everyone will have different answers, so there's no right or wrong... But 200.000 dollars (or 100.000, or 50.000) is a lot and so this is time for serious prioritizing! Good luck!

Good luck!
Although you might not need it. I don't know where you're from, but I'm from western Europe and the 'interview' was not even worthy of its name. At the consulate I met with 4 people: the first three checked basic things (first security clearance; then 'do you have your passport, a passphoto, an envelope with enough stamps' (they sent some people back to get a different photo or more stamps); then 'Please give me your passport, your I-20, proof of the funds on your I-20, your DS160, proof of payment of the SEVIS fee, proof of payment of the consulate fee').
The fourth person was the interview person, sitting behind a window, asking me what I was going to study and where I did my Master's. That was it. I spent about 90% of my time waiting to be called to the next person. From walking up to the consulate to walking out took about 50 minutes.

It really was a relatively smooth and easy process. The only thing that bothered me was that I had had to travel to the consulate at all, considering how little they needed from me! So good luck, but don't sweat it, I'm sure you won't be grilled on why you chose this particular university or what your future career goals are

Maybe this advice doesn't appeal to you, but I'd say: for now, don't focus on finding someone to spend the rest of your life with. Just look for a fun night. Get drunk and kiss someone at a party. Once you get that initial 'Oh my god I have no experience at all' out of the way other things (like asking someone you genuinely like out) may get easier!

I can imagine how devastating that scenario would be.  That said, you do have responsibilities in this situation.  Some of them may seem unfair, but they're very important.
 
I want to note that I'm coming at this as a male rape survivor.  I was raped at 15 by a man who was a religious leader in our community and who I know has assaulted other kids.  I was called a liar when I tried to get help, and he has never faced any consequences for his crimes.  
 
1. The "too good to be a rapist" fallacy is just that.
 
Rapists often rape people they are supposed to protect, people who like or love them, and/or people who feel safe around them.  They often get close to people, or acquire authority, because they seem like good people.
 
Many survivors (me included) would never have predicted that their rapist would rape them.  This is a big reason that many of us are not believed.  The reality of it is that survivors have had it proven, in the worst possible way, that you can't tell who the good people are.  
 
2. Most rapists do not get caught: 97% of rapists never spend a day in jail.
 
Most rape survivors you meet did not get justice.  They know that a person who has not been convicted is not necessarily innocent.  They can't rely on that information to keep themselves safe.  They can't trust your word on the matter, because most rapists will insist that they're not rapists.
 
3. Nobody is obligated to feel safe around you.
 
It might be very painful and upsetting; it might affect your career.  But the reality of it is that rape survivors are trying to keep themselves safe, and the pain you experience is not more valid or more important than the pain they have experienced.
 
Hell, I don't even know you, and there is a part of me that doesn't believe you when you say you're innocent.  That's not your fault, but it's not mine either.  It's my rapist's fault, and it's every rapists' fault, because they're disgusting victimizing liars, and that has lasting effects on the people they victimize.
 
4. Okay, so what are you supposed to do about this?
 
- First of all, the people telling you not to talk about it and not to touch the subject of rape are absolutely right.  If it's important to you to help rape survivors, consider making donations to RAINN or something like that.
 
- If you do need to talk about it for whatever reason, don't bash or blame your accuser.  Most rape survivors are called stupid, attention-seeking, slutty, or crazy when they talk about what has legitimately happened to them, especially by the rapists, who want to reduce accusers' credibility to avoid punishment.
 
- If someone tells you they have been raped, believe them.  The vast majority of accusations are true, and people who are not listened to suffer additional psychological trauma.  
 
- It's okay, even good, to acknowledge that someone has no way of knowing whether you're telling the truth.  This would make me feel a lot safer if I were in conversation with you.  If you acted like it was ridiculous that I was wary (because there is no proof of your innocence), I would wonder why you didn't care about survivors' experiences.
 
- Do not get yourself in situations where you make someone (especially women) feel unsafe.  Do not have sex with drunk people (don't do this anyway).  Do not walk an intoxicated person home alone -- get a female friend of hers to come with you.  Don't loom over someone or make it difficult for them to leave an area.  Maybe you don't do any of those things -- if not, great -- but don't make it easy for people to look at you and see red flags.
 
- Do not allow other people to use your experience to say that "lots of" or "half" or whatever number of accusations are false.  First of all, it's not true, and second, men have an obligation to help stop rape culture and rape apologism.  
 
Well, sorry I ended up writing a novel here.  I hope it's useful and that it made sense.

Hi,
 
I did my undergrad and masters in Canada and during my MSc, I was also the Department Steward for the TA Union at my school. It's hard to really say what is appropriate or not because that really depends on what your school's/department's policies are. Furthermore, most Canadian universities have unionized their TAs so if you have a Collective Agreement, that takes precedence over everything else.
 
If you'd like, you can PM me details that you might not wanted to share publicly and I might be able to answer some more questions. However, I think your best bet is to find someone local who knows the rules and policies at your school. If you have a union, please find a representative. Otherwise, you can also talk to the Graduate Coordinator or TA Coordinator in your department (usually a prof), someone from your school's Graduate Student Council, or maybe even an ombudsman. If you are worried that the profs will all "gang up" or intimidate student representatives, you might find it reassuring to know that union officers, even though they are students, are protected by the Collective Agreement and will be able to speak to faculty and administrators as equals when it comes to conflict resolution like this.
 
So, please do talk to someone at your school. If you're not sure what parts of your experience is "normal" at Canadian schools and what isn't, here is some thoughts:
 
1. The way you were informed of your TA position is VERY abnormal. The department or other University representative (not the other student) should have told you about your job AND you should have signed a contract for the 260 hours. 
 
2. The Department/University is your boss, NOT the other student (of course, local policies might change this though). Generally, most Canadian schools will view this situation where both you and the other student are employees of the school, but you are just playing different roles. Chances are, you are both part of the same bargaining unit if you are unionized. Although the department might have asked the instructor for his opinion on who they should assign as his TA, the Department is ultimately your boss, not the other student. 
 
3. It's pretty bad when a TA is unable to make 3/10 lab sessions. However, as you pointed out, it's not a huge number of hours lost because 9 (or 6 now, with your changes) out of 260 hours is a tiny fraction. In addition, in Canada, we spread our classes out through the whole 5 years and also might have to go out of town for research purposes (e.g. conferences), so it's pretty common to have to trade TA sections with someone else. Usually, it's an equal-hour trade so that no one is working for another student's stipend. But 3/10 lab sessions is a bit extreme. However, I think the instructor over-reacted.
 
4. What SHOULD have happened, in my opinion, was that as soon as you got the lab schedule, you should have asked the instructor to come talk to the faculty (both the prof in charge of the course and the TA coordinators) to set something up. I don't think the instructor has the authority to approve or refuse your request to take the 3 days off because you are employed by the University, NOT by the other student. In a reasonable department, the scheduling of TAs should have happened way earlier (most Collective Agreements would stipulate some deadline) and conflicts like this should have been sorted out before the TA list is finalized. What usually happens is that the TA Coordinator sets up the TA assignments, and they are sent out to the students. Any conflicts (maybe a class is happening at the same time as a TA lab slot) are dealt with and every year, one or two people move around. 
 
5. As to whether or not you should have taken the TAship -- ultimately, it would have been neglect on your part to take a TAship in a term where you know you will be unavailable for a large while. As Eigen said, TAships are a 100% time commitment, so when you booked the flights home for the wedding, it was your responsibility for immediately informing the department that you are planning to be gone for 2 weeks in September. Same thing with the conference. This would have allowed everyone to properly plan for the circumstances. For example, you might have ended up doing a double TAship next term. Or, you might have been assigned a marking TAship. Or just with advance notice, substitutions could have been made.
 
6. It should have been okay for you to ask your instructor about covering your shift, but you have to remember that by doing this, you are basically asking him to work your hours while you keep the stipend. The more appropriate thing would be to bring up the time conflict and say that you are working on TRADING shifts with someone, perhaps the instructor has any ideas. You could then suggest that he cover a shift and you take up extra grading (but depending on what his duties were, it might not be possible).
 
7. As to whether or not it was appropriate for him to criticize you in that manner -- it depends on the policies in place. Most Collective Agreements (and departmental policies) have a set of procedures in place for these events (and they increase in severity as needed, from verbal warnings to formal written complaints on your file). Maybe his 45 minute long list of grievances was just out of frustration, and not according to policy, but everyone is human. Make sure you count that time as "hours worked" though (any meeting regarding the course should count!). However, if you are unionized and if he wants to take steps to a formal complaint, make sure you get to know the procedure. For example, you are probably allowed to have a union representative with you to make sure things are going properly.
 
8. It's not unusual for a TA to take time off for personal travel or conferences though. I did this a year ago (combined a conference with a honeymoon and missed two weeks). But I told my supervisor months in advance and we worked together to minimize any negative effects. For example, we scheduled assignments around my absences and the prof teaching the course covered the lab (usually both of us are in the lab but the class size is small enough for one person to manage). I made up the hours by doing extra marking for the final projects as well as extra office hours for students who needed help on the projects. But when I brought this topic up, I asked permission for the time off. I didn't have a right to it, but we were able to work something out because of the advance notice. 
 
So, overall, I think the whole situation is a big problem because of poor communication. The Department didn't let you know about the schedule in a timely manner. However, it does not sound like you let the department know about your constraints so that they would have had a chance to correct it. Of course, you are not obligated to let them know about your personal travel plans, but a mutual respect and cooperation is beneficial for everyone. If you both stick to your rights and the books, that's fine and maybe necessary in some cases, but it's far from ideal. 
 
Finally -- whether or not you should have taken the TAship. In your position, if it comes down to it, I would have done what you had (except I would have tried to schedule advance notice). I would have accepted whatever consequences that might have came out asking others to cover 6 hours of my TAship for something that was important to me. It's not ideal because it sours relationships and lowers the quality of education, but accepting a TAship (in Canada) is NOT akin to selling your soul. Missing 6 hours out of 260 is usually not significant enough for dismissal (and the term is over so that point is now moot). In addition, even if a formal complaint is filed, it goes in your EMPLOYEE record, not your STUDENT record (most schools will distinguish between this). Any notes in your employee records are deleted after X months (usually 12 or 24) and everything in your employee record is wiped out Y months after graduation (usually 12). Of course, check your policies, but these are the usual terms I see in Collective Agreements and other school policies.
 
I take great pride in doing a good job of TAing and I really think that teaching is a vital part of being an academic. I try to do my job with 100% effort and commitment, sometimes going over the number of paid hours by a little bit too. However, no job would take precedent over important personal matters, and if the Department was not willing to be reasonable about the scheduling (i.e. if they had advance notice), then I would have followed your course of action.

Everybody can understand 'Miffy went to the zoo'. There have to be things that are difficult to understand (i.e. which require good reading comprehension), because otherwise everybody will get the same score.

As Far as finances are concerned, ideally you should go for a funded PhD - where you get fellowships and teaching + Research assistantships from the University.
 
If you get partial funding and can't find additional funds from anywhere, you can pay partially for your PhD. But there is no point in paying all the way for a PhD when in most cases you can get funding.
 
Academically, it is worth it if you are really interested in the discipline you are applying to - that is the only reason you should apply - because you are really interested in getting an advanced research level experience in this discipline and you want to stay in this discipline for the rest of your academic life.
 
If you don't like the discipline, then it's not worth it. Because Doctoral research requires a high level of commitment, several years of investment in research and sacrificing many comforts of life because of this research. So, if you don't like the discipline enough to be able to stay in it for a long time and give your academic life to it, then don't go for it. Get a professional degree instead and go into the job market. 
 
You have correctly gauged that without a PhD your progress in academic career will be hindered. And you should get your PhD from a reputable school, because when you go into the job market for faculty positions, graduates from higher-ranked schools will always be preferred over those from lower-ranked schools - regardless of their knowledge level and academic potential. The academia prefers the tag of the school more than the knowledge level or the academic potential of the candidates. So, even if you get a funded offer from from a lower-ranked school, it's not worth it.
 
Before applying, do a survey of where a particular department and school ranks in the Universities ranking system and how their alumni have fared in the academic job market in the past few years. If you apply with this knowledge, it will be worth it. 
 
Also, it's not a good idea to change your discipline at the Doctoral level. Get a PhD in the discipline in which you have a Masters. In the application stage, most schools will expect you to have completed a minimum required number of courses in order to be considered for selection. If you have not completed this required minimum, it is difficult to get selected into a PhD program. There are few schools that will admit you into a PhD without it.
 
Usually, this required minimum corresponds to the courses required to obtain an Undergraduate Minor in this field.
 
After the PhD, when you apply for a teaching job, you will be expected to have studied a required number of courses in this discipline at Undergraduate and/or Masters level. If you have not studied these courses but have produced a brilliant PhD and have an excellent publication record in your Doctoral discipline, you are likely to lose your teaching job opportunities to someone who has an average PhD from a top-ranking school and not a shining publication record like you - because s/he studied a required number of courses at Undergraduate and Graduate level in this discipline and carries the tag of a prestigious school.
 
So, changing disciplines in Graduate school is a good idea from the intellectual perspective, because it opens your mind to receiving multi-dimensional ideas from different disciplines, but it doesn't work in the real  world of Graduate level teaching jobs. If at all you want to change your discipline, go for a closely allied discipline and make sure you complete the required minimum of courses at the time of applying.  

Hi All, 
 
I wasn't going to, but since I've noticed a lot of other threads with GPA and grade concerns, I thought I'd add an update for my situation. Perhaps it will help someone else get perspective on theirs. 
 
So I spoke with Prof A. Incidentally, I emailed Prof B too (both in the same email), but never heard back from Prof B (the one outside my dept.) Anyway, the conversation went extremely well; a number of issues were pointed out to me about my paper which were very fair criticisms. I got to understand that a lot of the professor's personality goes into the grade, especially when much of the grade depends on qualitative work or discussion. Some professors tend to be more understanding of intellectual experimentation than others; some are looking for specific things - words, phrases, ideas; some hold grad students to the same professional standards as they would a working, tenured professor (in order to enculture a sense of standard in the student) while other don't and so on. 
 
I also got some good advice about not taking it too seriously since ultimately, my future won't depend on the one grade. 
 
We're bound to get disappointments like these, not because we haven't tried or not even because our work wasn't good enough, but simply because it didn't fit the course or what was asked of us. In some cases, its just misinterpreting what we thought they wanted. 
 
For anyone who got a bad grade, I'd recommend emailing or calling the professor and asking, professionally, if they'd be willing to discuss where you went wrong. (note: not where THEY went wrong, but where You went wrong.) Doing this really helped give me a perspective on the course, and on graduate life in general.  

The last two sentences stand out for me in your post. You've only finished your first semester, so you must have thought you were losing your passion before you started. What's going on there? Are you maybe viewing your opinion more negatively now than before you got the grades back? These things happen, your program believes in you (because they accepted you), so work with them to fix this. Grad school is hard work, and you can't always see the rewards clearly, but you're learning a lot!
If this really isn't what you want to do I would suggest trying for at least one more semester, and in the mean time figure out what it is that you want to do. Good luck!

See, the problem I see in this thread (and in may similar trains of discussion) is that people lump "graduate school" all together.

While there are similarities, there's a difference between being, say, a good college athlete and an olympic caliber athlete. There are top level, highly competitive programs that are there to push (and create) the upper echelon of academics. Those people that love their work so much that it becomes their life- just like with any other top career (music and athletics come to mind).

Then there are other, solid programs for people who really love what they do, but don't love it so much that it's the only thing in their life. I go to such a program, and there are a number of them out there.

Will I be highly competitive for jobs teaching at a top-10 school? Probably not, but I knew that going in. I like my work, and I like to teach, and I would be perfectly happy at any of the lower tier schools out there.

There's nothing wrong with "elite" programs that cater to and are built around people who are obsessed with their work. But those don't make up the entirety of graduate education.

Hey, I know it's been a while since you posted this so maybe you've figured it out by now. But I figured I'd share my thoughts because I was in almost the EXACT same situation as you a year ago. First I'll tell you a little bit about my situation and what I decided to do, and then some advice for how I think I could have handled the situation better. Hopefully this is helpful to you.

I graduated in 2011 and felt the same hesitance that you described about graduate school. I'd always been a good student, I like learning and I LOVE science (still do), and going to a graduate program just seemed like the right thing to do. But I wasn't excited about it. I thought maybe it was just cold feet and shook it off. But when I started my program, there was nothing that I liked about it. I didn't like the atmosphere of science in academia - the extremely narrow focus of research, the petty internal politics of the department, and the endless pandering for grant money were all huge turnoffs. I knew that if I spent the next 5 or 6 or however long there (plus maybe more for a postdoc after...), I'd always be questioning whether it was where I should be. On top of that I kind of got screwed over by the advisor I had been planning on working with, had some family problems, and overall did not have a good support system - the combination of which gave me a lot of stress and anxiety. I was given the choice between finding a new advisor to work with (on something i was less interested in), or leaving. I decided that I needed to leave for my own sanity and happiness.

I told the department pretty much as soon as I had decided, but they kept giving me my stipend (and I kept teaching) until the end of the quarter. I didn't stay for a masters, because I didn't want to join a group only to leave shortly after starting. I didn't wait until I had a job. I just left. Granted I had a few months of funding to find a job and avoid going without a paycheck. I found a job within about a month or so as a lab manager for the science department at a different college, so I didn't have to relocate. It's nothing particularly interesting, but it is very low stress, pays more than graduate school, and it's a good in-between gig while I figure out my next career steps. I don't have nearly as much anxiety these days and I have no regrets about leaving. Sure every so often I think "OH GOD I AM DOING NOTHING WITH MY LIFE" but then I calm down and realize that there are so many more opportunities available to me now outside of my program than I would have had if I had stayed.

My advice to you would be to first and foremost, make sure that this is what you want. It sounds like you've thought it over thoroughly, but the transition to graduate school is rough for everyone and you don't want a temporary depression influencing this major life decision. From what you describe if you were always hesitant and can't get excited about research this may not be the thing for you, but you want to be sure. Talk to anyone that you can who might be of help - other graduate students, people who knew you well before grad school, a counsellor/therapist. Their perspectives can be helpful if you are still struggling with figuring out what's best for you.

I would agree that you should try to get a job BEFORE you leave if you can. I didn't and the period between telling the department I was leaving to finding a job was very stressful. You don't have to find a dream job. It just needs to pay the bills and get you out of academia. It's disorienting to leave a PhD program, so don't make it unnecessarily hard by putting too much pressure on yourself or having too high of expectations immediately out the gate. If you are sure that you don't want to pursue chemistry further, I don't think that it is necessary for you to stay to get a Masters. That being said, it does open up other positions (but closes the door to BS positions) so if the degree would be easy to obtain and an MS chemist position looks more appealing than BS positions, go for it. Part of me thinks that I should have considered staying for a masters a bit more thoroughly, but I'm a stubborn person and once I decide against something it's over. If you leave without the masters, don't worry about how it looks on the resume to leave the program, it has been far less of an issue in job interviews than I anticipated. Just be honest but try to speak positively about what you gained from your experience in graduate school.

Anyway I know that this is a hard thing to do, so I mostly just wanted to give you some words of encouragement. It sucks leaving! Especially since academia predominantly values academia, and doesn't understand anyone who would want to leave. Some people from your program might not know how to talk to you anymore. Opportunities for chemists, while better than a lot of fields, aren't exactly stellar at the BS level. But no matter what you do, you'll be fine. You were smart enough to get in, you'll be smart enough to get out (but be prepared for the process to be a bit rocky). Good luck to you, I hope that you find happiness.

We have the same luxuries. Bread machine is so awesome. Throw some ingredients in, and fresh bread in a few hours. Also good for pizza dough.

Love my electric tea kettle. Not just for tea, but also for quickly boiling water for rice or pasta (or whatever else). I also keep one in my office for when I'm starving and want to make myself ramen noodles.

You will burn a lot of bridges if you go over her head and complain to the dean. Her behavior is a bit inappropriate but it would be extremely unprofessional to go over her head without dealing with her first.

You obviously have some sort of evidence that she OK's the first draft and then tears apart the second draft. Go to her with this and tell her that you would appreciate a lot more time to fix things if she sees something wrong, rather than saying it's fine and then changing her mind. Bring this up with her every time this happens, and if it doesn't stop, have one last discussion with her and then go over her head if necessary. You need to work it out with her as much as possible though

This person will come back to haunt you in the future if you don't do something about it now. These are the types of people who don't like to see their students succeed. It is so strange. I can totally relate, this brings back so many horrifying memories of undergrad.

In the meantime, I will say this: do your best to stand up for yourself. If she tells you its good, then rips it apart, make sure you say "I am confused because you previously said it was good.". Make this person meet their match. If you don't stand up for yourself they will continue to abuse you. I wish I could go back and do so many things differently! Its hard because you feel like they are in control of something precious to you, and you don't want to rock the boat. TRUST when I say, you have power in this situation. DO something!

And furthermore, contact the Dean and COMPLAIN! If you can, get other students to do it with you. You need to be heard or she will be in charge for many years to come. i.e.: Mine was in charge for 20 years. because NO ONE EVER SAID ANYTHING!!! Yea, do something.

I have so many thoughts on this! Don't let this lady make you feel like you're not good enough! I feel like we are talking about the same person, eery! She only nit-picks to make you feel less than you are, its a power and control thing. My entire undergrad cohorts in the department individually had the same exact problem with our adviser, and we ALL never said anything until graduation, where we all realized she had been doing this to everyone. The only reason they continue is because no one has challenged them or scared them. Wow, I have so much to say. I am getting so angry! haha!

So you have an official position in the class? In that case, I would request a meeting with the instructor and bring these issues up. You could phrase them simply as information you'd like to have in order to inform your students. Honestly I think you shouldn't do work beyond what you're paid for, though I understand that it's hard to say no or to walk away from what seems like a great learning opportunity. The instructor might not know how much you're paid or what your job description is, and I think you should be very honest and clarify this issue immediately. You're right - the way the data is used should be discussed upfront and any possible authorship issues should be agreed upon before you start the project. As for REB, I'd find a way to mention it (e.g., can I have the REB approval number to put on the handout I'm preparing for class, or some such) and see how it goes from there. It's generally best to assume that the professor has done his job and has thought these issues through so I'd start by framing my questions that way. It's not your job to fix a professor's mistakes or even frame questions in a way that assumes they don't know what they're doing, so be careful. All you want to do is get the information about whatever is making you uncomfortable and nothing else.

I've never been involved in a class quite like what you're describing, but I was asked to TA for a class last year whose instructor had a somewhat similar idea - that students would learn methods throughout the class and would then form small groups that would create final projects that could be submitted to a journal for publication. I thought the concept was fraught with potential problems and declined the offer. I'm not sure what came of it, but I can see a number of potential problems with authorship in joint projects by such ad hoc groups.

Before I came to grad school I had set the rule for myself that I wouldn't date within the department. However, as fuzzy said, romance can creep up on you, which is what happened for me, and I've now been dating another student in my program for 8.5 months.
Some tips:
- Take it slow... Very slow. I started crushing on my boyfriend my second month here. We didn't start dating until my fifth month here, and I still consider that kind of quick. Take the time to get to know the other person, to figure out if you're really compatible, if there could be a future for you. Dating within the department can work if you're both looking for a long term relationship, but if one of you is just looking for a short fling it could create too much drama.
- My boyfriend and I share very few classes, because he's a few years ahead of me in the program. I think that's worked to our benefit - sharing all your classes could be too intense.
- On the other hand, make sure that no situation will arise where one of you is TA for the other, or if that can happen in the future that there's a way to work around it (i.e. flexibility in coursework, etc)
- Don't overshare with colleagues. I have to watch myself with this, I'm a very talkative person! But try not to talk about your relationship on campus until you've been dating for a bit and know that it might go somewhere. And I admit, I actually enjoyed the sneaking around for our first month or two
- Don't share with professors. It is none of their business - so don't make it into their business. We didn't share our relationships status with faculty at all until this summer, and we definitely won't share drama with them. It's good to not share personal drama with professors anyway, but it might take more work to keep things private when all your offices are on the same floor - put in that work.

Finally, with regards to this:

I asked him out. It's 2012. Just saying.

It's great to be passionate about one's career, I'm driven by intrinsic interest too. Same boat as you!

But passion doesn't put food on one's plate. "Bad job prospects" is something people should be worried about and I think sometimes academics don't think about this enough. For example, a professor I know advised students that their priority should be to get the best grad training and post doc position possible, even if it means significant debt. When tenure-track jobs were relatively guaranteed (20-30 years ago) that strategy made sense. But now, who would take on $20 or $50 thousand in loans when they might not get a job afterwards? Much too risky.

If more people realistically considered their job prospects and decided not to attend graduate school it would be better for everybody. In the end, it's a hard truth that if you can't get paid for your work then you need to find something else to do. Otherwise that's a hobby, not a job.

I'm giving myself two years applying for academic jobs. If it doesn't happen in that time I'm going elsewhere. And I'd rather stab myself than be an adjunct instructor with a 3-2 teaching load and no job security making $25,000 a year.

(BTW it's good your flexible on location, that's almost mandatory nowadays.)

I know that this thread is dead, but quant psych is a field. Although a lot of quant psych people have an applied twist, you can work exclusively in the methodological aspects. That's like saying that biostats isn't a "field"

As far as I know it depends on the financial situation of the department, which directly depends on the financial situation of the university. This, in turn, depends on the financial situation of the state for public universities, but not for private universities. There are several reasons why programs in public universities may prefer to admit domestic students rather than international students: first, tuition for domestic students is often cheaper; US citizens can become state residents for a discounted tuition rate (in some states) whereas internationals cannot; for the amount of money a program would spend on the tuition of one international student, it could cover the tuition of two or more domestic students. Second, public universities are required to admit a certain number of local state residents (which, again, international students aren't and can't ever become). Third, for some programs I have heard that there is an issue with trusting the credentials of international students; if there is a higher attrition rate of internationals vs. locals, the program loses its funding for that student - that is, a program is allocated a certain amount of money, and that money goes away and can't always be reused if the student drops out. The money essentially goes back to the central pool and is reallocated to another program. When making admission offers some universities face a similar situation - if a potential student rejects an offer, the money that was put aside for that student's funding can't always be re-offered to a different applicant on the wait-list; so, if an international rejects an offer, more money is lost than if a domestic student does. Lastly, some programs are very concerned with the makeup of their student body and want diversity, but others are less concerned with that and prefer to have students from similar backgrounds to (in their opinion) ease bonding and lower attrition rates.

All this affects some states more than others. I learned about these issues through my applications to public universities in California, and it's possible that the situation is markedly different in other states. For private universities, on the other hand, there is no such difference between international and domestic students. Tuition and fees cost the same for everyone and there are no external demands on the student body makeup. That is, a program is able to admit whoever it wants depending on its own needs, which may include concerns about attrition rate or composition of a cohort but don't need to care about a student's origin, per se.

Many, many of my lecturers dressed terribly during undergrad, so I will have to be careful:-) One prof
came in late a few times and lectured in super skimpy cycling shorts, seriously... he only got away with it because he was
actually a great lecturer.
Dressing well is also important for your own confidence - if you feel neat, presentable and in control, you will
project confidence and credibility. But don't overdo it.

Agree with ktel. As a girl, I thought "casual church Sundays" -- a casual dress and flats, or slacks and a casual shirt, or dressed up some dark jeans with a nicer blouse, jewelry, and heels. I always tried not to overdo it because I wanted to seem approachable to my students, but I also didn't want to look like a student myself.

I used to work in a semi-formal office, and my boss (a man in his late 30s) would say that if he didn't shave that day, he made sure to dress up. If he was clean-shaven, he could get away with more informal attire. I always thought that was funny, because it was true! He always looked well-put together.

(Edit): PS. I would definitely, at all costs, stay away from athletic shoes/sneakers (ie. Nikes, Reeboks, or anything you use at the gym or to run around the track). Even a pair of decent Converse or Pumas can work instead. But I would consider investing in a good pair of black or brown shoes. They go with everything (jeans, slacks, etc), and can make you look really polished regardless of whatever else you're wearing.

I believe that in England it means you did quite well, whereas where I'm from it means you're close to failing. You need to find a conversion system that is sensitive to your university's grading system and we can't do that here with the information you've provided. If this is just for general reference, try googling and I'm sure you'll find unofficial advice about grade conversion in your country/university. Most universities will just want your original transcripts and they'll convert the grades themselves. There are also professional conversion services and some universities require you to use them, but they also tell you which ones you can use.

I have no insight into dating a colleague at the graduate level or in a work environment, but I just wanted to say that I was the one who asked my fiance out. Granted, this was in undergrad, but we met in a class freshman year and hung out with the same general group of people during freshman year.
I asked him out right before sophomore year started. We went to DisneyQuest together with my family for the first date. This was my first date with anyone ever, by the way. I'm marrying him next summer, so the strategy of just asking a guy out instead of waiting for him to do it can't be all bad, and I don't feel like men should be the only ones expected to make a first move anymore!