wildviolet

iampheng--You and I would be great friends!

Yes, there is, and I'm not sure I'm ready to find out yet!

LOL, that sounds so not American! And, yes, I agree with you that an email might be better... he seems to respond well to those... although it kills me waiting for his response! And... my sense is that he's not going to be proactive about it (maybe because he's just as confused as I am), so I'm trying to gauge whether there is mutual attraction or not. I don't have much to go on except our handful of face-to-face interactions and two email exchanges. At this point, I could drop it entirely and never see him again (except truly by accident). Or, if I think there might be a chance of mutual attraction, I could be more proactive myself until I get a clear signal that he's not interested. Currently, there's a lot of noise to sift through!

Sorry to hear you're annoyed. I'm not quite there yet, but then again I haven't dated much (okay, so not really at all because of my ex of 10 years). Sounds like your story deserves its own post!

I felt the same way initially. The turning point for me was changing my attitude towards the GRE... by seeing it more as another way to demonstrate my competence, I began to actually anticipate taking the exam. And, I had to work really hard to get good scores (by the time I applied I was ten years out of college)... I bought books, spent hours studying vocab (which actually helped a lot) and hours working math problems and figuring out what I was doing wrong. And by that I mean how I was thinking about the problem versus how the GRE wants me to think about the problem. Studying for the GRE actually became an exercise in training my brain to see math problems in a different way (not necessarily a mathematical or "right" way, just a different way). Once I began to think about the crazy GRE math problems in this way, studying for it *almost* became fun. After completing one year of grad school I can say that, at least in my field, I've had to change my way of thinking drastically, so perhaps the GRE isn't so bad after all... Anyway, good luck!

Actually, it's not my standard reply to a variety of emails... I say it only when I mean it. Otherwise, I just sign with my name. So, (fuzzylogician maybe you can help me out here with your linguistics background) I'm a big fan of Steven Pinker, and in The Stuff of Thought, he argues that when we try to figure out the meanings of words, we can use ourselves as starting points because, more often than not, if we are part of the same culture, we'll have the same cultural understandings of words/phrases/etc. (I wish I had the book here to quote an example, but alas I left the book in my office, and I'm at home.) So, I'm just wondering what it means... and I'm posting on this forum because I'm wondering what others think as well. Plus, it's just fun to share with the GC community because, honestly, I'd die if word of my crush on him got out in my department! (Not that people would care anyway... but faculty/grad crushes... that's news worth talking about!)

Awww... thanks!

Got it. Thanks!

Oh yes, we all did during orientation. Our university's official policy is that faculty-grad student relationships are okay as long as it is disclosed to the higher ups in cases of conflicts of interest. Thus, I'm assuming grad-grad relationships are okay. If I remember, even grad-undergrad relationships are okay as long as you're not directly teaching (i.e., grading) an undergrad.

In high school (and college), I kept a meticulous weekly planner that I would get from Staples or Barnes and Noble. I tried to do the same for grad school and... my calendar changes so frequently that it was a pain to constantly erase... so I switched to using iCal, which isn't great (as I'm a huge fan of "real" paper and pencil stuff), but it's more convenient since I always have my laptop with me, and it's usually open during classes and research meetings. Some of my professors still use paper planners, but my advisor uses a calendar on his laptop, too. You might just have to try something out and see if it works for you. I wanted to use a paper/pencil planner but quickly decided it wasn't going to work for me and my particular crazy schedule.

*Update* So... I didn't hear from him after our 2-hour talk... so I emailed him again to say thanks and to give him an update on my research activities (I know, I know), and this is what he wrote back: "Sounds great! I'm looking forward to hearing how it goes." What does that mean? Is he just being polite? Helpful? Or does he really want to know? As someone who intends to analyze the deeper meanings of the language we use (when we interact with others), I can't help but wonder... of all the things he could have written... why I'm looking forward to hearing how it goes? Is it an unconscious invitation on his part? Hmmm...

Ah yes, the summer slump. I've been very productive in terms of getting stuff done for other people (for hourly pay). But when it comes to my own stuff? I went to the library and checked out a bunch of books related to my research interests... and they're still sitting on the table unread. I'm not beating myself up over it... seems to be the nature of summer... unstructured, hot and sometimes humid weather, summer art and music festivals, hobbies, road trips, dinner parties, going away parties... I think I'll be glad when the semester starts again!

That is a low quant score for policy! Policy programs usually involve lots of quantitative data analysis, so I'd think they want to see high quant scores.

I think you're right. Part of my dilemma with trying to figure out this situation is that I've never met so many introverts before grad school, so I'm not sure how to read their behavior! He writes really long and detailed emails, he interacts fine one-on-one (maybe some nervous finger tapping or leg jiggling) and is able to engage in lengthy conversations, yet he rarely initiates contact and seeks quiet, solitary places in the building. He is not averse to touching other people (as I might expect introverts to be--who knows where I got this notion from?)... during our hallway encounter, he touched my arm to guide me out of the main traffic of the hallway so we could continue talking, and he touched my hands when he asked me to remind him of his name. You all do not even know how nervous I was when I emailed him out-of-the-blue and asked him if he would meet with me--I was bracing myself for a "no" or "I'm too busy" but he was like "sure, I would be happy to meet..." But, body language... I walk into the cafe, and I see him sitting at a round table... I wave (kind of awkwardly) and smile, and he waves and smiles back. He's really such a nice guy! Ugh, but then I think he's just being a polite and helpful person, of course. This doesn't mean anything... because I asked him to meet about research, but I successfully steer the conversation to other topics, and he willingly shares... and I'm thinking about how the way he talks about research so seriously is SO DARN CUTE! And he makes no move to leave. We ended the conversation when my colleague walked by and I realized it was almost time for our research team meeting (before then, I didn't want to break the spell by checking the time). I know--I am totally over-thinking this! It'll probably be a month before I see him next, though, so I'll try to remember to update then.

My favorite one is Moonstruck!

I used to commute for work (anywhere from 15-60 minutes) for many years. It was mostly highway driving, and I didn't mind as long as traffic wasn't bad. But, when traffic was bad, it was a draining experience for me (not to mention all the near accidents due to crazy dirvers). So for graduate school, I decided I needed to live closer to campus. I live so close that it's a 5-minute car ride or a 30-minute walk to my building. I've saved so much money this year on gas--and during this past year I drove only 4,000 miles compared to the usual 10-12,000 miles per year, saving me on maintenance costs. My university IS the town, basically, but we are bordered to the west by the state capital, which itself isn't a major city or anything, but it does give the area some flavor (albeit not a great one!). I can't say I'm a city girl, but I did go a bit stir crazy during the long and gray winter months. There's another small college town and a huge metropolitan area about 50 minutes away. About 4 hours away is Chicago--a nice escape! It works out for me to live so close--I can go home for naps, meals, whatever and come back in the evening for classes. Many of my colleagues, however, commute from as far away as 2 hours! I agree that it's harder for them to be involved with campus events. However, we're all adults now at varying stages of our lives, and people are doing what's best for them. I'm doing what's best for me and my psychological and emotional health--after commuting for many years, it's a big sigh of relief to live so close to campus. Our town isn't bad at all--I'm finding my favorite little spots here and there. But, at least for me, it's nice not to have so much to do so I can focus on my studies.

Yes, I agree! No more research talk... (besides, after two hours, what more is there to say?). Just gotta work up the courage now...

^^ LOL, we actually have a good number of men in Education at my university, but they are mostly taken already (this is hard to avoid when the median age in Education doctoral programs is mid-30's). The general advice for single women is to look outside Education... for example, the College of Engineering across the street. Now, as to why my crush isn't taken already--I'm thinking either he's so shy/introverted he's never really dated, a la 40-year-old virgin (although I have to say I went to a super nerdy undergrad university and even the "nerds" had "girlfriends" that would sleep over in their dorm rooms). Or, there's something seriously wrong with him. Or, (and I'm hoping it's this last one), he just hasn't found the right girl yet (and I'm perfectly willing to accept that it may not be me). My honest guess... is that it's a mixture of all three, but at this point it's almost all 100% conjecture since I've spoken with him a total of three times!

I agree that if I'm not physically attracted to someone, I tend to bolt as well (so, no, you're not being shallow, in my opinion). Girly intuition... I'm not sure--that's why I posted to this forum! FYI, my one-and-only ex (of ten years) is quite charismatic, outgoing, and nerdy-yet-manly (does that even make sense)? Anyway, so I've never had experience with anyone who is this shy. It's weird because he's a TA, so he's got to have some confidence/authority to stand up and conduct a class. But, at the same time, my feeling is that he pretty much keeps to himself outside of taking/teaching courses and is very focused on his work (maybe as a result of his shyness?). But, he's not shy in a one-on-one situation. Like I said, we talked for 2 hours straight! And we had eye contact. And he smiled and laughed and agreed to meet with me in the first place. I mean, I guess he could have said no, right? But since the pretense was about research... but then again he seemed awfully nervous at first until he was sure that we really were meeting just to talk about research. So, the funny thing about sitting next to him was that when I entered the room (small room, big conference table, chairs lining the wall), he was sitting at a chair against the wall, and I sat one chair away from him... my friend (who knows that I have a crush on him) bumped me over so that I was sitting right next to him so that others could come in after us to fill all the seats. I should have said hi, but it was such a small room, and my advisor and all of the professors in my field were sitting at the conference table--I didn't want anyone to witness our potentially awkward small talk right before the presentation! He didn't acknowledge me (but he didn't acknowledge anyone else, either) so that's what I mean when I say he tends to keep to himself unless you directly engage with him. (Of course, this makes me wonder if maybe this whole thing is not such a good idea... but then again he interacts so well with me one-on-one... maybe he just needs his space sometimes... who doesn't?) I agree that a Date is way too scary. Heck--I'm scared of a Date!

Whyyyyyyyy??? (Big sigh.)

Promise? (Wait, are you a guy? I think so, but I'm not sure... can you back that up with data? )

LOL!

Yes! My sense is that it would totally freak him out. I'm trying to reel him in slowly first. Don't guys like girls who can make them laugh? I'm hoping he'll associate me with good times so that when I (most likely) eventually ask (in a roundabout sort of way), he won't be too hesitant to at least give it a chance (unless I'm just totally not his type).

I wonder about this because I definitely was not overtly flirting with him. I kept it very professional, and even asking about more personal stuff (like, "Hey, do you have any plans to travel this summer?") was not flirty stuff. Sigh. I guess I'm trying to take it really slow, though, so he gets to know me better.

Thanks for all the support! But, what about "masculine pride" or "let a man be a man and initiate"? I know it's 2013 (and when I go out social dancing, I ask guys to dance) but, I feel as if I'd still like for him to ask me out (and I'm trying my best to help him do that). You know, that he would gain confidence by asking me out and getting accepted.