wildviolet

Yes, I agree! I can still shop at Nordstroms and Sephora (just not as much as I used to)!

All the PhD students in education (policy, curriculum, teacher education, whatever) at my university are guaranteed full funding for 5 years. We have a combination of research and teaching assistantships and what's called a "departmental" assistantship, which means you do whatever they ask you to do (help with reports, etc.).

I am surprised by my inability to manage my time. I'm halfway through my program. You would have thought I'd have figured it out by now.

Our university's policy is that dating is okay between professors/instructors and students as long as you're not in a supervisory or grading position. We had a thorough training about that our first week here since many of us are instructors of record... which is why I'm surprised that he has a policy of not dating graduate students, especially ones outside his department (I completely understand not wanting to date undergraduate students). Being a large university in a small town means almost everyone is connected somehow to the university--it seems like he'd be unnecessarily restricting his dating pool if he rules out any kind of student.

Thanks, rising star! That was just the laugh I needed right now! I'm about 1 hour in either direction from the nearest large city/metropolitan area, and I had set my radius to 120 miles, but I might need to set it higher. You're right about landing a TT position at a swankier institution! My college is ranked higher than his, and I've assembled a dream team--my dissertation is going to be kick-ass, and I'm getting ready to submit my first first-author publication as a graduate student (which is a big deal in my field). You're right--screw him! (Besides, I was thinking mid-forties is a bit too old for me.)

So... my friends got me to sign up for an online dating profile last weekend. On the first day, I met an international graduate student (same university, different college). We set up a date, but he didn't show. I kind of expected that though because he asked me for my FB name, I said no, and he didn't reply. I went anyway, had tons of fun, met new people, and thought I dodged the bullet on that one. Today I met an older guy in his forties who turned out to be a professor at the same university. Our conversation seemed promising, but when he found out I was a graduate student, he said that it was too bad because students were off limits for him. Ah!!! I mean, I'm a graduate "student" in my mid-thirties in a completely different college! I totally get it, though. Two or three years from now, I'll be gone (hopefully), and I'm sure he's got a sweet position here. He was probably looking for marriage, whereas I just think dating would be fun for now. Anyway, I'm not looking for advice, just wanted to share the horrors of online dating at a large university in a small town surrounded by farmland. Despite hundreds of profile views and a few "winks", the only emails I've gotten so far are from guys related to my university. I mean, I probably attract the more academic types anyway (I think "graduate degree" tends to scare away less "educated" guys). Sigh.

I had a professor who gave feedback in the form of two or three sentences... for the entire paper. I've also not received papers back, especially at the end of the term. I've never asked for the paper back (and, I got a 4.0 in that class). Like rising_star, most of my professors encourage us to use course papers for other program requirements, such as funding proposals, practicum projects, and comprehensive exams.

This is me this week: http://phdcomics.com/comics/archive.php?comicid=1778

So... you can't have dinner parties?

I host little dinner parties at my house throughout the semester--usually potlucks! The people who come are happy to have the opportunity to socialize with others, too, and we all get to eat delicious homemade food. I admit we mostly talk about school stuff, but sometimes if it's all single women, we'll talk about dating/boyfriends/crushes, etc. All of my grad school friends are so busy--we have to schedule our social time. Otherwise, it's random meetings in the hallway or bathroom.

In my program, it's perfectly okay to ask for an extension, whether it's a few hours or a few days. Most of my professors give "soft" deadlines for when they would prefer you to get your paper in and "hard" deadlines for when they absolutely must get them in order to turn in a grade for the semester. I've been granted extensions several times. The only courses that had super strict deadlines were the introductory courses because they wanted to prep us for grad school. But then every class after that has been reasonably flexible.

I have an undergrad degree in a "hard" science, and I'm pursuing my PhD in Education (probably the least prestigious of any of the social sciences for historical and cultural reasons). We have a lot of discussions--they can be good, bad, or downright ugly (pardon the cliche). As others have mentioned, the purpose of a discussion isn't to show what you know. Instead, it's to listen carefully to others and try to learn and grow in-the-moment. I have to admit--it's not always easy to do, and it depends a lot on the students present in the class and the skill of the professor in moderating/shaping the discussion. Sometimes I've left class feeling frustrated. Sometimes I've chosen not to talk as an act of rebellion (weird, I know, don't get me started). And sometimes I've left class feeling invigorated because everything clicked. Taking a broader perspective, I would say that class discussions have been the least important part of grad school for me. Teaching, doing research, presenting at conferences, reading, and writing have all been more productive in terms of learning how to become a scholar and educator. I find one-on-one or small group discussions more helpful usually than whole-class discussions, so I intentionally seek out other grad students for academic coffee dates.

^ That reminds me. I keep a journal (Moleskine), and I'll bitch about stuff in my journal. Stuff that I probably shouldn't say to anyone because it's not exactly PC. Like, how much some people's mannerisms annoy me (even though they're my "friends"). Writing in my journal helps me let the steam out. Then I can go back to being my normal, happy, friendly self.

I also cold-emailed potential professors. Most emailed me back. The only professor who didn't email me back was dealing with cancer and died not too long ago (I didn't know this at the time I was emailing her, I just saw her obituary later in a journal). So, you never know.

Both, but for different reasons. My undergrad was a private, Top 20 national university known for it's medical school and undergraduate engineering programs. My MS degree was from a local state university. My PhD will be from another state university, but my particular college and program is nationally known and highly ranked. I'm working with top scholars at the forefront of my field. When I meet graduate students from other universities, they say, "I can't believe you're working with Professor X!" I've been extremely lucky in my educational career.

I'm holding steady... but, my clothes are starting to feel a teeny bit tight... I definitely move less than I did before coming to graduate school. Graduate school is not as bad as college, though. I definitely gained the Freshmen Fifteen. I entered college a size 4 and left a size 12 and have stayed a 12 for most of my adult life. I'm not disciplined enough (or don't care enough, I suppose) to lose weight through diet/exercise because I love food, and I hate exercising. I love dancing and walking outside, but those aren't necessarily "exercise." The only time I lost weight (and actually went back down to a size 4) was when I was breastfeeding. But, I gained all the weight back once my son was weaned. Maybe I'll be more motivated/better able to lose weight after grad school. I've seen it happen.

Thanks, everyone! Update: I spoke more with my advisor about this, and he's all for it. He's thinking not next year but perhaps the year after because he's going to need a graduate student out there anyway to help collect data for his project. I could either use this data or collect my own, depending on my research question. Actually, in the work that we do, we can look at data from many different angles and get several papers out of one data set. My gut feeling now is that I don't want to move yet--I'm too comfortable here, and logistically it's too much time/effort to think about moving and setting up in a new place. I still need to finish up coursework and comprehensive exams next semester. But, in 1.5 years? I think I can do it. My advisor does recognize that this other city is an "ideal" research site. As far as funding, I think I could still have my RAs from my home university (through my advisor's grants). But, I do also have some competitive national dissertation fellowships in mind, like Spencer and American Educational Research Association (for those of you in education). Another possibility for funding that one of my friends brought up is part-time work with the new city's school district to help with the higher cost-of-living in the new city. It's not uncommon for people in my department/field to do their dissertation work away from the university. In fact, I hardly ever see fourth or fifth year and beyond students unless they're in the building for meetings (and even then most of our meetings are combined in-person plus online/conference call).

Strategies? More like denial. I'll usually do something else, whether it's stuff I have to do anyway, like laundry or grocery shopping, or stuff that interests me, like reading a book for fun or dancing. Then, when I feel up to it, I'll come back and address whatever it is that's bothering me.

Is it good for petite sized women?

I'm so obsessed, I've been over at the sub-reddit forums (and I never go there)... At this point, I think Adnan did it (he just sounds too slick and his story has too many holes; plus his being okay with being in prison; if I were truly innocent, I would protest and be fairly angry for a long, long time), but the prosecution did not provide sufficient evidence to prove guilt beyond a reasonable doubt, so he should have been acquitted. But, since he was convicted, then it's kind of like they got the right man but for the wrong reasons... which raises a whole lot of questions about how our criminal justice system works. I think I would rather have guilty people go free than innocent people imprisoned. I think I'm so hooked because it's a lot like research. Since I do social science research, a lot of what I do is look at the evidence I have (what people say, do, say they feel, and say they think) and try to figure out people's motivations and thinking. Even if they "tell" me something, there's always stuff going on underneath that even they may not be aware of. I like to think that I'm a good BS detector. I have to be if I'm the interviewer trying to get at the bottom of something... I have to get people to trust me so that they'll reveal their assumptions, biases, etc. But, I'm also a storyteller--my advisor is always asking me--what's your story? What's the central tension? Who are the major players? Is the tension going to be resolved by the end? How? And that's where my writing and storytelling skills come in... if anything, I've been energized by this podcast to make sure that I work on telling really good stories about my research.

Thanks--that's a good point that I will keep in mind. Ultimately, it's also up to my advisor and what he thinks is best, too.

I really liked this last episode, but after reading the book Orange is the New Black (never saw the show), I'm interested in how the criminal justice system works or doesn't work. Have you ever read In Cold Blood by Truman Capote? I never thought I'd enjoy books about murder, but it was so well-written, and the psychology of the killer and the events that took place were so fascinating.

Yeah, I'm worried about keeping up communication with my advisor and support system, although my advisor is very used to working with people long-distance over Skype, etc. There is a nice local university where I could probably get together with other dissertators, although I wonder about being a newcomer and having to establish relationships so late in the game. That said, I'm pretty much on my own here, and I could probably keep up my current support network long-distance, even if it's just a few emails. Although I know some people say, it's just a dissertation, and the best dissertation is a done dissertation... I still feel that I want to do the best I can (you know, for best dissertation awards and things like that). I actually have a few choices of where to do my field work, but I feel this particular city would be best for my research questions. However, as I investigate housing costs, I'm skeptical that I will be able to live in this city compared to my current city. The rent there is about $100 more than here (plus, I'd be going from a low-crime area to an average-crime area), although I think food costs would be a little lower. My other option is... maybe I just "visit" to collect data (but that would involve travel costs, etc.) that I'm not sure my advisor would pay for unless it was also directly related to data he wants to collect also. I keep going back and forth between comfort and convenience (stay here, get dissertation done close to advisor and friends) and discomfort (moving, long-distance dissertation writing). I try to weigh the pros and cons, but if money were not an issue, I think I'd move there in a heartbeat.

My friend just told me about Serial (I've been a little out of the loop, and I don't listen to podcasts anymore since I don't drive long distances). I am so obsessed! Anyone else? http://serialpodcast.org/

Thanks, TakeruK! This is my third year here, so if there is a requirement, I've probably met it. I'm just worried about keeping up my relationships with important people, like my advisor. I'm going to have a talk with him next week and see what he thinks about this idea. Like I said, he doesn't think it's too crazy, but maybe he's thinking only for a few months and not for the rest of my program.