wildviolet

Thanks, guinevere29! Actually, no need to choose between the two (or take drastic action) because Mr. Outgoing Funny Bro is laying it on pretty thick this week, which is causing me moments of joy and panic because I think it's likely he's going to ask me out soon. The FB activity has increased to a level I've never seen before with him, and he's making excuses to come and visit me in my office this week (like saying that he was looking for so-and-so but instead ran into me). So, I think many on this thread were probably correct in saying Mr. Shy Guy was "just not that into me," LOL. I have to be careful, though, because I don't really know Mr. Outgoing Funny Bro, so I have to take it slow. It is a slightly difficult situation, though, because we work together and today he reached over and poked me (in front of everyone, no less) to get my attention--it's slightly uncomfortable because I want to show him that I'm interested, but not in front of everyone, including my boss!

I have a similar dilemma (but related to research, not teaching). I talked with my advisor about it, and while having a research assistantship does not preclude me from applying for summer research fellowships (where I get to work on my own stuff rather than my professor's projects), I feel a tad guilty knowing that other doctoral students do not have the luxury (frankly) of getting paid during the summer to gain research experience. However, after working full-time all summer on three research projects, I want time next summer to be able to work on my own stuff. The research fellowship would pay for basic living expenses so I could focus solely on my practicum project (the next major milestone in my program). After reading this thread, I am convinced that I should apply for it because it's what would be best for me. Thanks!

You could try Cornell notes. It's split into three sections, and the part that might be most helpful to your instructor is the summary at the bottom, where you write about the section you read and took notes on in your own words.

There are three major conferences in my field. My first year, I did not attend any conferences, but this coming year, I'll most likely be presenting at two (possibly three) conferences, with the major one in my field as first author on a related paper set. I'm very lucky in that the graduate student organization at my university provides conference grants of $300 (once during your tenure as a grad student) and my department provides $500 if you are presenting and $300 if you are attending (every year). It's pretty amazing (but then again I knew this when I applied for admission to this department). On top of this, my professors also have NSF grants that can pay for part of the conference (like plane tickets and conference fees). So, along with getting a hotel room with other grad students, attending conferences should pretty much be free for us. As for being worth the time and money... In my field, yes! This is where much of the networking happens, with professors introducing you to their colleagues in their networks, etc. Conference presentations, especially at the more prestigious (i.e., harder to get accepted into) conferences, are a necessity for my CV. I'm hoping to have at least one conference presentation every year so that I'll be experienced by the time I'm ready for the job market. In my field, it's rarer to have prestigious journal publications before graduating, so conference presentation are acceptable and necessary. Plus, on my CV, I differentiate between peer-reviewed and invited papers.

I have a good story. I love my program, my advisor, and (most) of my colleagues. I enjoy some aspects of research more than others (but that seems to be true of most professions). I can tolerate living in this small college town for the next four years (one year down, four more to go!). But, I did my research. I researched rankings, I called recent graduates, I visited the program and met with my potential advisor, and I knew what I needed and wanted in a PhD program. So I'm very happy where I am right now. I have enough life experience to know where I want to end up (R1), and I have the support system here (including my advisor's reputation and connections) to make it happen. Is a PhD worth it? For me, heck yes!

Sorry to hear that. I had the same thoughts several times last year, and I also have two kids, etc. For me, I don't think I would still be here if I didn't have such a great support system in my colleagues/friends and advisor/faculty. The way I get through slumps is to: 1. Realize that I'm in a slump and that things will get better (there's only one way to go, and that's up!). 2. Let myself feel the emotions (in other words, don't try to deny or ignore them). 3. Do whatever I feel like doing, whether that's sitting around the house, "wasting" time on FB and YT, or not changing out of my pajamas. I'm still learning to not feel bad about "unproductive" days. 4. Talk to friends who are good listeners (who are not necessarily fellow grad students). 5. Remind myself of the alternatives... and that grad school is the best choice for me right here, right now. I hope you feel better soon!

Just wanted to up this thread to see if anyone has bought the new MacBook Air. I looked at both sizes in the Apple store, and the 11-inch seems small to me, but I'm not sure if the extra $100 is worth the longer battery life and screen size.

I have not been productive the past few days... I have a deadline to meet, and I just can't get myself motivated to do the work. Of course, email, FB, and YT are huge distractions. Finally, I resorted to opening a bottle of bubbly that I had sitting in my fridge and voila, I am currently working on a major overhaul of my CV to submit for consideration to be on a peer review panel for federal grants. Yep, I think I need relaxation, not stimulation! (So long, French press, I think I may have to substitute you with a fancy wine bottle holder.)

Which one? The new one? Oh no, I'm just going to let that simmer... he's clearly interested, and I'm going to let him take the lead. He knows way more about me than he probably should at this point (we've known each other as colleagues for a year now). Because we're colleagues, he has my phone number and email, and he's FB friends with me and can see all my stuff, plus I talk way too much about my private life when I have a few drinks, and last week he heard all about some stuff with my ex and my feelings about what it's like to be a single mom, etc., and he's met my kids on multiple occasions, so after all that if he's still interested, then I'm okay with letting him make the moves.

I have been on both sides... as a senior and as a Master's student in combined upper level/graduate courses. In both cases, many times the assignments were the same but the grading and expectations were different. For papers, grad students were expected to write more, and for presentations, grad students were expected to talk longer and in more depth. Also, during class discussions, the graduate students tended to ask better questions (in terms of getting at real understanding and not just surface-level comprehension).

YES! I just wanted to share that this is true! People really do behave like this. I have a colleague--let's call her Susan--who transferred to our program partly because she had these "dreams" of working with one of our faculty and was dissatisfied with her previous institution. Well, throughout this whole year, Susan badmouths her advisor to everyone... me, other grad students, other faculty. Eventually, it got back to her advisor, who confronted her and said how disappointed she was that Susan did not go to her directly but instead was telling everyone else, including other faculty, about how the workload was too much and the expectations were too high. I know all this because Susan told me about it. Now, Susan is a whiner. She whines about everything and comes off to many of my colleagues as entitled. Our program guidelines say that a 1/4 research assistantship averages out to 10 hours per week over the course of the semester, which implies that some weeks will be more and some weeks will be less (and much of the time you have to do what you have to do to get things done on time, even if that means a 20-to-30-hour week). That's the work ethic of being at an R1, regardless of whether it is just or not. So, my point about her being a whiner is that I take what she says about her advisor with a grain of salt. There's probably some truth to both sides. Anyway, so the result was that her advisor explained that she had high expectations and that she expected Susan to go to her with any problems/issues. Unfortunately, it sounds like they've gone past the point of no return in their relationship. If it were me, I don't even know how I would go on... but Susan is basically ABD and has already transferred once. I guess she could switch advisors, but at this point, I'm sure that the other faculty might be aware of the situation, too, and may be reluctant to be the chair of her dissertation committee. Faculty talk about us behind our backs, too!

So I've been thinking about this... I think I'm pretty good at picking up signals from guys, especially if they are trying to send signals of some sort (the worst, in my recent experience, was a guy who was trying to talk science like "do you know what fractals are?" to a group of three of us, all with undergrad degrees in the physical sciences). Anyway, Mr. Outgoing Funny Bro, as you call him, was definitely sending signals! Furthermore, I think what may have happened between the two of us during our research trip was more of a mutual awakening of feelings and awareness of each other than a pursue-and-conquer. In contrast, what happened with Mr. Nice Shy Guy seems more like a pursue-and-conquer (or perhaps a I'm-going-to-toss-out-a-fishing-line-to-see-if-you'll-bite), with me in the role of pursuer, which I was uncomfortable with. I would much rather have this mutual thing than either one of us having to pursue. I'm not sure when he started seeing me in a different light (as he had always seemed very serious and hard to read previously), but he started showing it to me last week for sure. Besides, I hear that Mr. Outgoing Funny Bro is a good Argentine tango dancer, which is a huge plus in my book!

Ha ha, I had to look up avuncular.

***UPDATE*** OK, y'all, so nothing has happened with Mr. Shy Guy. But... something did happen with a colleague last week that was completely unexpected yet surprisingly pleasant! So last week my research team and I flew out of town to conduct research in a southern state. This person--I'll call him Marco--is a more advanced graduate student. To me, he's always been just Marco... serious yet social because I would run into him in the hallway, at department-sponsored events, or at a gathering of grad students off-campus. I never felt anything for him. Then... last week, I started to see him in a completely different light. With the help of a beer or a glass of wine, Marco showed a different side of himself... a wicked dry humor and a great laugh and smile. He also, in his own way, flirted with me almost the entire time we were there (at least, this was my perception). The other two graduate student members of my research team are also female and single (and he knows them longer), and he didn't seem to behave towards them the way he was behaving towards me, like touching my arm lightly to ask me something, choosing to sit next to me at dinner (and glancing at me the whole time), and walking up behind me at the airport and saying "boo"! One night, during dinner, he started rattling off all of his pet peeves about food, like not liking cold tomatoes in his salad or why does everyone assume that everyone likes chicken... The three of us teased him the rest of the trip about this, like "hmmm... I wonder if we're having chicken today?" He was a good sport about it. But, on our return trip, while we were at the airport, he asked me (in front of everyone): "wv, do you think I'm too picky?" What?!? So, the whole time that he was flirting with me, I was trying to hide my true mixed feelings (I mean, I was flattered, but I didn't know what to make of this sudden change in behavior, not to mention the fact that we were working). So, I answered: "That's not for me to say... I mean, you shouldn't care what I think, you should just be yourself." My team mates laughed, and he didn't pursue it further, but he was really red when he asked me. Anyway, so I kept thinking, why did he ask only me and not the group? If we had been alone, I would have asked him if he cared what I thought (the answer, by the way, is that I don't think he's too picky--he knows what he likes, and that's a good thing). So, we come back, and yesterday we spent five whole hours together in my office, just the two of us, editing our research team conference proposal. I was more myself (i.e., a little bit spunky), and he was super nice/friendly, and we talked about tons of things not related to research/grad school in between editing the proposal. The best was when he laughed (you know that deep kind of laugh where you throw back your head?) when I told him he could get back on FB while I wrote a short email (I had told him earlier to get off FB so we could focus on the proposal). So... we'll see if this goes anywhere, but this latest development has me forgetting about Mr. Shy Guy.

Honestly, why do you even care to change their minds? It seems like you don't value them, so why should they value you? There's nothing special about going to graduate school, and there are many ways to be "smart," not just book smart or school smart.

Invite people over for dinner--you have to eat anyway, and eating (and drinking) in the company of others is always more fun, in my opinion.

Hi again, Keep in mind that, with adults who are returning to school (and who may be older than you are), it is very important to use a respectful tone and acknowledge their life experiences. In terms of planning for the whole course in advance--generally, yes, but just know that you can be flexible if the need arises. If you are start getting behind, feel free to cut a reading/assignment. If you are ahead, feel free to add an interesting reading/assignment based on students' interests and needs--ask for students' input (that is, don't ask them whether they'd like an additional assignment, but what they would like the assignment to be about). Keep it manageable and, if it's related to students' interests, it shouldn't be a problem (although you'll have to see what your students are like--it may be better just to call it a homework free class!). I have some advice regarding questions... (and I've seen this so many times, I taught my pre-service teachers to never ever do this!). Do not ask: "Does anyone have a question?" The answer, of course, could always be "no." Instead, ask: "What do you think about...?" or "What other comments/questions/suggestions do you have about..." And, wait for them to respond! I know it's uncomfortable to have silence in the room, but (and this is based on educational research), you must give students time to think about your question, especially if it's an open-ended, complex question, and time to construct a response. I just start counting in my head to pass the time and scan the room with a smile on my face--trust me, it works! Students will eventually speak up when they know you will not fill the silence for them. You could also explain this strategy to students so they know what you're expecting. I tell my pre-service teachers: "This is a strategy called wait-time, and I will wait, trust me!" Humor also helps when you explain it to them.

Wow, 8 is a small class! For a class that size, I would definitely recommend relationship-building in the first couple of meetings. As for "enough" vs. "not enough," just prepare twice as much as you think you'll need. Trust me, it's a much better feeling than to realize that you've run out of things and have to think on the fly (this is different than taking advantage of a teachable moment to go with the momentum of the class).

Hi nehs, In no particular order... 1. It's better to prepare too much rather than not enough. 2. When using any technology, be prepared with a backup plan in case the technology does not work. 3. Be ready to be flexible with assignments, grading, and due dates, adjusting to both your needs and your students' needs. 4. Set aside time to grade assignments after a due date. 5. Have a "toolbox" or "grab bag" of discussion strategies, such as showing a picture or asking a question and asking students to "think" on their own first, "pair" up with a partner to discuss their thinking, and "share" their discussion with the class ("think-pair-share"). 6. Build positive and safe relationships on the first day of class--let your students get to know each other personally so that they are comfortable working with each other and sharing out to the class. 7. Be responsive to students' levels of understanding, check for understanding often (for example, by asking a question, not by asking "does anyone have a question"), and be ready to adjust your plans. 8. Know ahead of time what your learning goals are so that you can keep them in mind as you teach. 9. Be kind to yourself and your students--(there are limits, of course) but we're all human, and we all make mistakes. 10. Have fun! OK, that's all for now! Good luck! wv

Hmmm... I mean, he's most definitely extraordinary (in the sense of "out of the ordinary"). He doesn't "light up a room" but rather seems to go about his business without too much attention to things going on around him. He seems very focused... on whatever he is interested in at the moment. I wouldn't be surprised if he studies pretty intensely (and the way he drums his fingers makes me think he plays piano, probably intensely, too). I think I could see him in the role of passive aggressor, which means I definitely need to take a more active role (just not too active... I don't want to come off as too pushy or needy). I just hope this month off makes him wonder/think about me... I'm out of town for a week to do some research, so, once the semester officially begins again, I will be on the lookout for a good opportunity to talk to him about personal stuff, and hopefully will email him afterwards about coffee with clear intentions about my personal interest in him. Also, thanks to everyone for helping me think through this...

I agree that it is fucked up, and I had a pretty fucked up relationship for 10 years, so pardon my assumptions! I'm just trying to learn from my mistakes. Now what I'm curious about is your rationale behind acquiring a girlfriend in a "passive fashion"...

LOL, no... I don't feel like the timing is right yet. I think we need one more casual interaction/conversation before I could email him about getting some coffee.

Yes, as a social scientist, I realize there were way too many factors to fairly compare my situation with my friend's--hence, my conclusion that at the very least I know he's able to say no. During our 2-hour meeting, he did bring up other topics, like politics, and, thinking back on it, our conversation was quite intense... sitting across each other at a small around table, no laptops or phones out, pretty much engaging with each other the entire time. It didn't feel like 2 hours... more like 20 minutes! So, DTB, I think your comment is helpful in that I could see him not engaging in this way with someone if he didn't want to.

Honestly, if it were that obvious that he was already taken, gay, or "just not that into me," then I would have no need to wonder about what his words and actions might mean. Thus, my post to reach out to the GC community, especially those who would consider themselves more introverted, shy, or socially awkward. I meet tons of guys (through social dancing, classes, and other venues that are not necessarily geared towards meeting potential dates) and, within the first few minutes, they usually signal in some way that they have a wife/girlfriend/fiancee ("my wife... " or "my fiancee..."). Most guys I meet who are gay are clearly gay so there's no need to wonder there. My crush is most definitely a little socially awkward or introverted or something (not that there is such a thing as "normal," but he is extraordinary for sure). I don't know how my actions appear to him... but, to me, his actions are a bit of a mystery. He's not sending a clear signal that he doesn't want to interact with me, yet he's not taking the initiative, either. For example, my friend (the only person who knows that I have a crush on him) asked him to meet with her to discuss something. She's married and wears a wedding band, by the way, and she asked him to meet with her to seek his advice since he had accomplished something she wanted to do. Well, he flat out said he would just tell her over email and basically refused to meet with her. Now... my friend and I discussed this, and I said that it was a different context (the middle of the semester rather than the middle of the summer), which could most definitely skew the "experiment." Another factor, of course, was that it was her and not me. And, the topic was fairly different (hers was more about a procedure and mine was more about ideas). But, at at the very least, her experience with him demonstrates that he's able to say "no" pretty clearly when he doesn't want to be bothered. In my case, I could have also emailed back and forth with him (which I did a little bit), but when I asked him to meet with me, he said "sure" rather than "let's just keep emailing back and forth." And when a scheduling conflict came up after we had already agreed on a time, he emailed to ask if we could change it (rather than flat out cancel it). So what I'm wondering is... how much should I make of this? Is this his indirect way of signaling that he's at least interested in getting to know me better (even if he's not sure that he'd like to date me)? Was saying yes a way to satisfy his curiosity about why I would email him out of the blue in the middle of the summer?

Yes! I used the Kaplan GRE Exam Vocabulary in a Box. It was small enough to carry around in my purse and take out whenever I had a few minutes of free/wait time. I'd set aside words I had successfully memorized and kept at it until I almost finished the entire box. It was really helpful. I'm not sure that it made that much of a difference, but I did make me feel more confident about taking the GRE.