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wildviolet

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Everything posted by wildviolet

  1. Congrats! It won't be easy, but it's doable. Newborns are kind of tricky because their schedules are so different from ours. My one piece of advice--sleep when the baby sleeps. At least then you'll get some sleep! Also, be patient with yourself and your wife--this is a big change, and it takes a few months (or even years) to feel like life is "normal" again. On a side note, there are so many threads about pregnanacy, babies, and families--I wonder if it would be worth making a separate forum for those topics (I don't mind seeing them in this forum, I'm just thinking it would be good to consolidate them into one place).
  2. This is a timely topic. So, I've been using my Coach bag for several years now, including two in grad school. It's a large shoulder bag that can fit my laptop. It has one zipped outside pocket, one inner zipped pocket, and two open pockets. While it definitely looks stylish and matches well with all of my business casual outfits, I finally gave up on it last week. I spent way too much time looking around the outside pocket for what I needed at the moment. I typically carry my laptop, charger, iPhone, wallet, lip balm, cosmetics (blotting sheets, powder compact, lipstick, lipgloss), hand lotion, pens, earbuds, keys, and manila folder with some papers. The outside pocket is just one big pocket and everything gets jumbled in there. What I can't put in my bag are my water bottle and lunch bags, which I have to carry in my hands. So, I finally decided to purchase a Tom Bihn (http://www.tombihn.com/) Large Cafe Bag that I'd been eyeing for a while. It's definitely not stylish by any means, but it looks durable and functional. I also ordered accessories such as clear organizer pouches and a cache for my laptop. It's supposed to arrive in a few days! I also need to switch from one-shoulder to across-the-shoulder. I don't like back packs because I don't like the way they rub against my clothing and you have to be careful wearing a backpack with a dress or skirt as the skirt can ride up in the back as you walk, exposing things that should not be exposed (I've seen this happen way too often!).
  3. Both. There are times when all I do is study/read/work/write because it's that time of the semester. But, usually I have to plan my social activities. Things don't spontaneously happen as they did in undergrad when we all lived in dorms and had common meeting areas. That said, I think it's important to make room in your life for fun things, so you can be recharged and rejuvenated when you have to get back to work.
  4. I'm beginning to like where I am, and I never thought I would. I can sympathize about being in the South. At the same time, I have a lot of biases and preconceptions about the South. When I actually visited the South, I found people there a lot more charming, warm, and friendly than I would have thought. Sorry, OP, I'm probably not being very helpful... just sharing my own experience of learning to like the place where I live (for now). Glass half-full tends to be my outlook on life, I suppose.
  5. I haven't had this happen to me, but I have a colleague who did not pass one of our first-year milestones. She has to retake it this year. If she does not pass, then she will be given a third and final chance. But... her advisor told her something like, "and if you don't pass on the third try then you would have wasted three years." I take that to be a roundabout way of saying... "you should rethink whether grad school is for you" or "you should quit now rather than waste another year (of your time and of our time and money)." As a high school student, I had similar harsh words from my counselor. I was an excellent student, Advanced Placement classes and all that, and I wanted to apply early admission to a top private university. She told me (and I remember it to this day) that I "shouldn't get my hopes up." I understood that the acceptance rate was 15%. However, I thought I had a good application. I applied anyway (I'm not sure what she wrote on my application), and I got in, and I received a need-based scholarship that basically paid for tuition. Anyway, what I want to say is that you should re-assess these harsh words after some time reflecting on your situation. Is there some truth to it? Are you struggling in your program? Is this person just being mean? Or is there something else going on with this person, and they're lashing out at you? I think it is sometimes helpful to take a step back from the situation to assess it from multiple perspectives.
  6. I've thought about this a lot because I went into grad school with advice from this site and others that the advisor-advisee relationship is like a marriage. Five years (or more) is a long time to develop a professional (and personal) relationship with someone. And now that I've been in grad school for a couple of years, I can say that that is definitely true! How I chose my current advisor (whom I totally adore): 1. His reputation. He recently won a "lifetime achievement" award in our field. 2. He has a ton of grant money. That means he knows what he's doing (or, at least, has convinced others that he knows what he's doing). 3. His post-docs and advisees have said things like, "I love him!" or "He's the best boss I've ever had" or "He really listens to me." 4. He's down-to-earth, which to me means he wears what's comfortable (jeans and t-shirts), he doesn't "talk down" to anybody, including grad students and undergrads, and he doesn't talk using big words to make himself seem smarter. This was an important personality characteristic to me because I just can't stand uppity people. 5. He's really smart. He's casual and friendly and all, but when he's putting on his "critical academic" hat, he's sharp and doesn't hold back the questions, comments, and "constructive" criticisms. 6. He has grown children, so he understands (to some extent) what it's like to juggle family and academic life. 7. He's happy and enjoys his job and interacting with grad students. I could go on... but, as the OP mentioned, the most important thing is the right match. My advisor is the right match for me. He may not be a good match for someone else. So, I suppose some things you won't know until you try it out. But, you could follow your gut... do you feel comfortable around this person? Does s/he seem like someone who will help you become a scholar? Teacher? Or whatever it is that you want to be? I guess it could also be like dating... are there any red flags? Things that you can't stand? I worked closely with another professor. She's a little quirky. It doesn't bother me necessarily. In fact, over time, I've become fond of her, so I suppose I tolerate it. Good luck with finding the right match for you!
  7. I love salted rims on margaritas! What I don't love is a former colleague who would take pictures of herself licking the salted rim on a margarita (umm, yeah, she posed with her tongue on the glass). First, gross. Second, do you really think that's attractive? Third, is this supposed to make people think you're "fun"? Just enjoy the darn drink!
  8. *Gasp* I love pho! I could live on pho! Now, I grew up eating pho, so I can understand why some people don't like it. But, to me, it is a yummy bowl of savory, sweet, sour, and spicy goodness. I'm kind of on a quest to find the perfect bowl of pho. The closest I've come so far is a small Vietnamese restaurant in Lake Tahoe. Maybe it was the water they used, or the high elevation, but somehow they made it so good... and nothing I've had has come close. There are many ways a bowl of pho can go wrong--too greasy, not enough flavor, too cold, dry limes (I hate it when they give you dry slices of lime), limp noodles, etc.--but when you've had a near perfect bowl, you'll keep wanting more!
  9. Yep. We actually had a prospective student who was visiting our class and announced in the most uppity way that WE needed to impress HIM to see if HE would like to join US. He didn't join, so I guess we didn't impress him enough. Good riddance, I say!
  10. I'm sitting in the library, and some guy is practically pounding away at his laptop! Really, can you type just a little less loudly???
  11. I still have my original phone number from my very first cell phone (those flip ones where you had to text using the number buttons). It's kind of cool when I give out my number and people are like "what area code is that from"?
  12. I wonder about this. I'm in the 30+ age bracket. There's a professor at my institution who did not get tenure. She's older. I don't know the particulars, but it doesn't seem as if age alone was the only factor. I've been told that I look much younger than my real age (although I do dress appropriately for my age and weight; I'm just blessed not to have wrinkles yet) and come off as mature. In education, assistant professors tend to be slightly older because most of us have been teachers in our past lives. I'm actually put off by super young doctoral students and job seekers, actually, because I honestly don't want to be advised by a person so much younger than me. Call it reverse ageism, if you will, but in a field like education, experience in the real classroom counts for a lot, in my opinion. I don't "get" people who think they can come straight into a doctoral program about teaching teachers when they have never been a teacher themselves. Our program "prefers" for doctoral students to have a few years of experience teaching, but they will accept people without that qualification.
  13. For some reason our university switched to electronic evaluations and only about 5 of my 25 students bothered to evaluate me at the end of the term. They were okay to great (not super). Every slightly negative evaluation hurt, especially since I do try my best as a TA. However, at some point, I realize that what they say usually reflects much more about their own perceptions of what they were expecting out of the class, etc., than the quality of my teaching. There's always room for improvement, of course, but I also know that I tried my hardest to be fair and gave multiple opportunities for students to improve their work.
  14. I've had GEICO now for about 13 years or so. Currently, I pay $400/6 months. I've never had an accident, though, and I'm a female over 25.
  15. Time flies when you're in grad school!

  16. I don't have much experience with faculty job interviews for college, but I do have lots for K-12... and I think if I had to say just three things, it would be: 1. Dress nicely! Not black business suit nice, but nice enough for academics. Appearance counts for a lot when they don't have a lot of time to evaluate you, so of course one of the first things they will look at is how you present yourself physically. 2. Be yourself. I suppose you don't want to pretend to be someone you're not only to be offered a job at an institution that may not suit the "real" you. 3. Be confident, and smile! Have a firm handshake, look people in the eye, and act as if you already got the job. Good luck, and let us know how it goes!
  17. Today I just saw this (from a fellow grad student): "My best" I detest "best," but I think I detest "my best" even more.
  18. Wow, this is so weird... I've been off of GradCafe for weeks (maybe months), and the first day I feel like getting back on, I see this topic at the top of the forum! And, I was just thinking about this person in this exact same way AGAIN! Coincidence? Anyway, to answer your question, no, the situation has not improved since the summer. I mean, the beginning of the semester started off fine, even great! But I found myself terribly annoyed in the past two days by her behavior. The situation--we've had a very important researcher visit our campus, and she's overly enthusiastic... the way she smiles at this visitor, acts extremely deferential, talks to her in a higher-than-normal-pitched voice, and raises her hand at the first opportunity to ask a question. In short, acting in a way that is definitely not her usual self. Yes, we all have academic "crushes," but this behavior is just... annoying! (Sorry, can't think of another word that describes how I feel.) Yes, we've discussed this issue of asking questions, and she's all for asking questions (there's some flow chart somewhere about whether to ask questions during seminar or not, and the conclusion is that there's only one choice--ask!). I disagree with her on this point and haven't changed my mind about asking questions. Anyway... I concede that my feelings of annoyance are my problem, not hers. I do distance myself from her, but then I get drawn back... mostly because there are things I want to tell her and she is very supportive most of the time. Also, she has left our research group, but we have one class together (with my advisor as the instructor, no less!) and will continue to have at least one class together next semester. On my advisor's birthday, which was a class day, she kept saying happy birthday to him, and she brought up the fact that it was his birthday to the whole class, and then after class, she said happy birthday to him again in the parking lot--I don't know, seemed kind of like socially awkward behavior to me. He laughed it off, but I felt awkward. Anyway, in my other two classes this semester in which she is not present--I participate quite a bit and have gotten positive feedback and evaluations from my instructors. I guess something positive is that I'm beginning to find my true research interests and my advisor definitely thinks well of me (even to the point of chastising another graduate student for trying to take over a manuscript when I was already named first author and she was second author) and compliments me in front of other faculty--which he would not do if he didn't mean it! He's seen a lot of graduate students in his time, and I trust his judgment. Because of this, I do less and less comparing of myself to other graduate students, and I just focus on developing myself as a scholar. I guess this whole thing bothers me because I would like to be friends with her, but I cannot ignore my feelings. Sigh. Maybe I really can't be friends with her.
  19. (I suppose this thread has just been revived!) It depends on what you mean by "went well." It was interesting, to say the least. I'm not sure if it's a cultural thing or just a "complex personality" thing (he's a self-declared rare INFJ type), but for the past month he has praised, complimented, and poked/winked at me in public. But, in private, the closest he came to a compliment was "cool" when I did a nice move last night at tango. So... I'm more confused than ever! I have given up trying to understand him. My intuitive guess is that he might not be sure how he feels, or he is sure how he feels but the situation is complex (in that this is his last year, and he's applying for an assistant professor position in his home country in South America). Our tango outing was not an official date. I asked him if he wanted to go, and he said yes. So, the facts are: 1. We talked about kind of trivial things during the two-hour (total) drive there and back. 2. We danced (kind of badly since we were both out of practice). 3. And he agreed to go with me (i.e., spent 5 hours with me on a Sunday night). Despite being in close physical contact for tango, when we parted for the night, he said that it was fun but that he would not do it again (I really do not know what he meant by this... that he did not like dancing as much as I thought he did or that he did not want to go with me again). I'm really at a loss. But, I'm just going to be patient, and I have other things to do! If he wants me, he knows where to find me.
  20. This weekend, I did laundry, cleaned my apartment, baked a pie and a cake for a research team meeting, read some articles and a chapter of a book, and went tango dancing.
  21. OMG, there is and will be no third guy! I'm keeping the second one--it's hard to find guys who can dance.
  22. Hi sweets, I thought this thread was kind of dead, but here goes... Nothing happened with the first guy (the original topic of this post). In fact, I've barely seen him all semester. BUT, the second guy and I are going tango dancing this weekend. wv
  23. Thanks! Yes, I have considered "staying on the good side" of my advisor, and I felt comfortable enough with him to discuss the issue openly and frankly. He knows that I'm dedicated to research projects once I start on them, but he also understands about having time to do my own stuff. He is the best advisor in the world! The research work that I'm doing with him right now is helpful for learning how to do his particular line of research, but it's not something I want to continue in my own dissertation work.
  24. You have to find the fun folks! I went to a conference in Florida where I ditched my official department and hung out with some southern ladies that I had just met and had a great time.
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