wildviolet

So I've been crushing on this guy for over a year now (from when I first met him on my campus visit the spring before starting my PhD program). I've seen him a few times during the past school year... while he was teaching a class (hey, the course schedule is public information), on the way in/out of the building, standing in line for coffee... So, this past spring, I finally got up the courage to stop him in the hallway and say "Hey, do you remember me?" etc. We chatted for a bit (he asked me to remind him of my name). I even sat right next to him (literally inches from touching him) for a whole hour during a research talk! So, I emailed him and asked him about "research" (which, I am interested in, but... I was also using that as an excuse to interact with him). This past week (middle of the summer)... I emailed him again and asked if we could meet to talk about "research." He says "sure" and goes into this whole thing about research, courses, etc., in his email. We met in the cafe in our building... and talked for 2 hours! Mostly about "research" but then the last 15 minutes or so I asked him about his travel plans, and we got into a great discussion about living in different places that was NOT related to research. So, the thing is that even though he seems extroverted sometimes (like volunteering to meet w/ potential PhD students and mentoring the incoming cohort), I think he is otherwise fairly introverted and maybe a little socially awkward (or at least, he doesn't seem to notice anyone unless they talk to him directly). I don't know whether he has friends, and I think he lives alone in university housing. I don't think he's married or that he has a girlfriend, but I'm not sure... You know how sometimes if someone has a significant other, they'll signal that by saying "well, my wife and I" or "my partner..."? Well, he hasn't said that yet (not that it means much, but compared to other people, I'd say he doesn't act as if he's engaged with someone else). The thing is that I make him laugh (I'm quite funny in real life, not so much online), and he says things like "I'd be interested in hearing more about what you're thinking about X research topic." When I first arrived at the cafe, it seemed like he was nervous--maybe he wasn't sure what this meeting was about? But, he seemed more comfortable once we started talking about research, courses, and advisor-related stuff. So my question is: I've taken it very slowly up until this point. Do you think he gets it? I mean, grant it we should all be helping each other become good researchers, but does anyone really want to meet simply to discuss research? I think I'm fairly good at picking up body language, etc., but I can't read him... I can't tell if he likes me or not (he's nervous for sure)... so I'm hesitant to ask him out on a date. I feel like, okay, now that we've had this 2-hour talk that I initiated, the ball's in his court... his move. But what if he never makes the next move??? Should I first find out if he does have a significant other, and if not, just ask him out?

Don't know if you have already seen this... PER (physics education research) is fairly well-established. http://www.compadre.org/PER/

I don't know much about engineering education, but I'd wager that it's quite different from science education. My question for you is why those schools? I'm not at any of those by the way. What are your criteria for selecting schools? That would help with advice about potential schools. "Science education" is a very broad field. Can you be more specific about what your research interests are? For example, if you are interested more in curriculum, instruction, or teacher education, then you might look at colleges of education. However, if you are interested in DBER (discipline-based educational research), then you should look at colleges of engineering or physics departments (e.g., Colorado). I'm in a college of education (I have a BA in a science field and taught middle and high school science for ten years in public schools). In my experience, the DBER students are not as well-versed in basic educational research. For some reason (maybe bias against the social sciences), DBER grad students tend to underestimate the complexity of theories, methodologies, and concepts in education. Thus, they can sometimes do work that has little value in education because they tackle an issue that is way too complex (and their advisor may not be knowledgeable enough to understand that). Ideally, if you are a DBER student, you'd have faculty from both your discipline and education on your committee (my two cents). Science education programs are not ranked in US News, so that report won't help you. My best advice to you is to read widely and figure out whose research sounds most interesting to you... then follow the research, not the rankings (that's how I found my institution). For science education, I would look at NARST and their journal JRST (the premiere journal for science education research). That will give you a good idea of what scholars are interested in right now. If you plan on becoming a professor, especially at an R1, you should get the best advisor and program you can. I like my program because, outside of science education, we also have faculty doing research in areas that I'm interested in... discourse analysis, language and literacy, critical pedagogy, etc. Feel free to PM me if you want more details.

I have experience only with the iPhone (got it when it first came out years ago). Before that I had a flip phone. On a recent trip to Chicago, I found my iPhone incredibly useful--the maps app for figuring out where I was, Yelp for figuring out where to eat, and the camera for taking good quality pictures (which I could upload immediately to FB). The maps app works like a GPS now, so on my drive to Chicago, I used it for directions, and I never got lost. I bought an INCIPIO rubbery case for my phone, and the case has worked great--I've dropped it numerous times on the floor or ground, and no damage was done.

LOL, I felt like that last year... it's a good feeling!

I started drinking coffee (lattes, mochas, espressos, etc.) in my senior of high school because coffee shops were just starting to sprout up around my town, and it was the hip and cool thing to do (I have a dream of owning my own coffee/book/soup&salad shop in a hip and cool college town in my retirement). Also, I love the smell of coffee! Of course, I got addicted to it. I have at least one cup a day, preferably first thing in the morning. I use a French press at home and try to buy whole beans that I grind at the store. If I don't have my cup of coffee, I get a mild headache. But, I don't need to have more than one cup, and I don't drink any other beverages that have caffeine (the exception is an occasional cup of tea in the afternoon but, more often than not, I select an herbal/non-caffeinated tea). Generally, I drink only water, coffee, tea, wine (sometimes cocktails and beer), and sometimes almond/soy milk because I can't have cow's milk. When I was 20, I decided to stop drinking soda. Since then, I drink soda only once or twice a year. I will admit that I don't see a dentist very often... the last time that I did, though, he was shocked that I still had all my teeth (no wisdom teeth had to be pulled out) and that they were in fairly good condition (just some plaque build up). I attribute the condition of my teeth to a combination of daily brushing, good genes (from my mom's side), and no soda. The coffee/tea hasn't stained my teeth yet--I don't use anything stronger than a "whitening" toothpaste, yet they seem to be fairly white. Now, as for my primary reason for drinking coffee... I need it to wake me up! When I was a classroom teacher, my students noticed my lack of energy when I did not have a cup of coffee. Luckily for them, I lived close to a drive-through Starbucks that opened at 5 AM every morning!

No, I do not expect people to comment on 50 items a day. However... if they would comment in person, then do you think they should comment online as well? When I look at my news feed, I "like" things that I like, and I comment on things I would normally comment on in person. I'm not saying it's a 100% correlation, but I do try to "support" my friends and family, especially if they are far away from me or we are in the same boat (i.e., grad school woes and triumphs). Social media has actually become a somewhat big thing in my department since we are huge (100+ doctoral students)--I've met great doctoral students outside of my cohort and my area through the social media network we created this past year.

I'm not saying that it's better or worse. I'm saying that it feels weird to me in particular (maybe because it doesn't make sense to me), and I'm wondering whether others feel the same. As you and zapster have pointed out, maybe I just need to be more accepting of people. I agree with much of what you say. Generally, I feel that I am accepting of others, as long as (uh oh, here's the caveat) their way of doing things, which may differ from mine, makes sense to me on some level. So with social media, there's a range of what I find comprehensible.

I put up only information that I am comfortable with... spying is not quite the right word... however, I still feel like it's just weird. I do see this person quite often (maybe not every day), and I understand what you're saying about politeness. At the same time, this pattern of lurking on social media is also consistent with other patterns of behavior, like hardly ever sharing personal stories. This behavior is just a contrast to other people (grad students) that I meet, who share openly about their struggles in life during our first meeting! I suppose that kind of behavior is more comfortable for me since I am more likely to share things about myself than not. Again, this might just be a case of me being overly analytical instead of just accepting people for who they are. On the other hand... maybe due to my relationship experiences in the past, I am leery of people who seem to hide (even basic) information about themselves. I'm not saying that I need to know people's whole life stories! But, when the conversation is flowing in a certain direction and people are sharing personal experiences or thoughts or feelings... I don't know. I'm not saying it's wrong for people to be private about their private lives, but it does feel weird to me, especially in the grad school setting where people are trying to make human connections with others (away from their families, friends, and perhaps even loved ones--it's amazing to me how many people are separated from their spouses for grad school). I'm curious if others think this way, or if I am truly losing it!

Do you find it weird when people lurk on social media (say, FB)? So a colleague of mine has a FB account and rarely ever posts anything--which is fine, they can do what they want. But, I find it a little strange when said person remarks on something I posted (to my face) and yet does not leave any likes or comments. To me, it feels like spying in a way... said person apparently follows his/her news feed yet never leaves a trace of him/herself. Is that weird, or am I just being paranoid?

LOL. Me, too! I drink reds with everything. I will indulge in a fruity cocktail once in a while, but I prefer to save the sweet stuff for dessert.

Yes, the article brings this up, which is why some people got mad.

Yesterday this story came out from NPR: Moscato Finds A Younger, Hipper — And Browner — Audience http://www.npr.org/blogs/codeswitch/2013/06/27/196210549/MOSCATO In the comments, some people are getting mighty angry. What do you think? Honestly, I'm rarely in-the-know with all the pop culture stuff, but I've had personal experience with this one... I'd venture to say that my sister, who is not necessarily "ghetto" (although we grew up in the ghetto neighborhoods of our city), loves moscato, fruity cocktails, and whites/blushes and hasn't quite "graduated" yet to complex reds. Me? I drink mostly reds, like merlot and pinot noir, and will occasionally drink whites (especially on hot summer days), and I absolutely hate the sweet wines. What do you like to drink?

Right. We are supposed to work no more than 20 hours per week on average during the semester. In reality, that translates to some weeks being less than 20 (like at the beginning of the semester) and some weeks being more than 20 (like at the end of the semester, especially if you are a TA and have to grade assignments and meet with students). So this summer, I am working on 3 separate research projects (continuing one, finishing one that started spring semester, and starting one that will continue for several years, most likely). Because I chose not to take any summer courses, I am receiving hourly pay for the summer (otherwise, I could do an official RA and receive tuition remission). Summer for us is time to catch up on research and write conference proposals for the following year. While I have more time to devote to my hobbies during the summer (due to the lack of coursework), the time that I spend working is quite intense. I am utterly drained right now and cannot wait to leave my computer behind. Next week--no coding, no thinking about how to analyze the data--only eating, drinking, and enjoying museums and the company of people not in academia!

Actually, I was surprised this year... I thought I would have more downtime... but, no. The only downtime I had was at the beginning of the year, when I was still a new grad student and just getting into my RA and TA positions. Now that things have been rolling for some time... yikes! Next week is the first time I'll be taking a vacation all summer (since mid-May). During winter break I didn't go home, so I had more downtime, but I still had to do some research work to stay on top of things (and besides we are still officially paid during that time).

Yes, this is what I wanted to say! I just don't want to give people the impression that the social sciences are any less work than the physical sciences just because we don't have lab space (I've been in both worlds so I feel like I can attest to both). Our "lab space" (at least, for me) is the classroom--and the time that we spend observing teachers and students in their "natural habitat" can be quite intense in that we are trying to pick up on many things at once. Also, interviewing students/teachers is mentally draining--to keep my mind focused on what they're saying so that I can ask follow-up questions strategically is a difficult task. There is a lot of social interaction going on during an interview--it's not as simple as "here, just answer my questions."

I just wanted to share that I am typing on my MacBook Air right now... What's plugged in? My power cord, a USB mouse (easier to use sometimes than the trackpad), my headphones (for music), and the external monitor (for coding or writing papers). I'm using all the available plugs (is that what they're called?), and it's just what I need to do my work... no more, no less. So, while my current MBA has served me well the past year... I'm thinking of getting the new MBA.

I am a RA on his grant, so it makes sense that he would provide me with the tools I need to do the work.

I would disagree with that generalization based on my experiences (full disclosure, N = 1). I'm technically in a social science--education--but, I study science education, and I work with faculty who have big NSF grants, which means we have a ton of data to collect, organize, and analyze. I don't consistently pull long hours, but there are times during the year when I'm working towards deadlines and need to work around the clock.

Wine... beer... whatever floats your boat. I have serious anxiety when I'm staring at a blank screen. I edit as I write, so I often cannot continue writing until I get that first sentence or paragraph perfect. So, alcohol to the rescue! Seriously, drunk writing is safe. It allows me to keep writing without any inhibitions... and, then I'll come back later to edit and will usually get rid of that entire first section. Sigh. I just can't stick to mini deadlines and breaking the writing process down into smaller chunks. Writing just doesn't work that way for me. If you want a good read about how hard writing is, check this out: http://www.theparisreview.org/interviews/5997/the-art-of-nonfiction-no-3-john-mcphee

I don't know about TC specifically, but I'd assume that being an international student in the United States gives you a leg up already! So, I wouldn't worry about what would make an "ideal" candidate. Just be yourself.

I am sorry to hear that. Is there a program advisor you can talk to? You know, a faculty member in charge of the doctoral program? If the situation is that dire, I suppose you could look into transferring to a different school--they may accept some or most of your coursework. If you take that route, though, I suggest doing some heavy research into the culture of the potential school. For example, at my institution, we are guaranteed funding for five years, whether it is through teaching and research assistantships or "departmental duties." However, it is our responsibility (and our advisor's responsibility) to find TA and RA positions. At any rate, no one that I know is having trouble with funding, and our department is very transparent about the whole process. Good luck.

I second TakeruK's suggestions. Put every ounce of effort you have into the first V and Q sections. I knew I had done fairly well on the first sections because both the second sections of V and Q seemed much harder. As for whether respectable schools require GRE scores... generally, yes. My MS university was a local state university that was geared towards providing schoolteachers with routes to get a Master's degree. So they did not require GRE scores but they did require an interview with several faculty to ensure that we knew what we were getting ourselves into (thesis-only option) and that the program would be a good match for our needs and interests. I would not apply to any doctoral-granting institution that did not require the GRE--it would seem weird to me. Of course, the GRE is only one piece of your application, but I'd wager that it's a fairly important piece in terms of fellowships/scholarships. More importantly, the fact that you took the time to study for it shows that you're willing to do what's necessary to be successful in grad school, including studying for a test that doesn't really measure your math skills.

The math by itself isn't hard, but the way the test is structured and timed makes it difficult. I kept practicing... and practicing... on test day, my strategy was to do all the questions I could do, skip the ones that I didn't get right away, go back later, and then during the last minute, I just guessed on all the remaining questions (maybe about four or so). I did pretty well for being in the social sciences (although I was a science undergrad major). I agree that GRE scores won't help you--but they can hurt you if they are low and not help you with fellowships and scholarships. The GRE won't measure your intelligence or knowledge as much as the effort you put into learning the test, and I would say grad school is mostly about perseverance and endurance more than brute intelligence. So much goes into being a successful academic--good critical thinking skills, writing skills, speaking skills, people/social skills. In my (limited) experience thus far in grad school, lacking sufficient capability in any one of these seems to hurt your chances of obtaining a good academic position, if that's what you're looking for. If you just want to work (i.e., be a lab technician or research assistant), then you don't necessarily need the people skills, just the technical skills.

That analogy makes sense to me (I have a lot of siblings)... thanks! Yeah, so two more things happened recently that makes me think you're right about being cautiously collegial. Grad school is a weird place! At the same time that collaboration and cooperation are encouraged, competition for attention and limited resources abound. My advisor notices and appreciates that I have developed good working relationships with my colleagues and other faculty--he definitely sees that as a positive and remarked on it in my annual review. However, I feel that it has a lot to do with who he is and what he values. Other faculty are not quite that way (i.e., do not seem to work well with colleagues) and yet are still successful academically (i.e., they do good work and gained tenure).