MrBrooklyn

I was really historically oppressed though.

My only pieces of advice I can give for undergrad students who are looking to applying to grad school (all from my personal experience for this application cycle)-
Start kissing ass. NOW. If you haven't already, which you should've been doing a long time ago. Whatever you do, just keep hovering over professor's offices during their appointment hours. Go in even just to talk about something you discussed during lecture earlier that day. Maintain relationships. I cannot stress this enough. Go before submitting papers, after submitting papers, whatever. Some may say this comes off as annoying but it actually worked SO much in my favor, I can't even begin to describe to you. I was literally one of those kids who damn near lived at a teacher's office hours before a midterm, after a midterm, before a final, and after a final. I did whatever I could to get whatever extra help I needed, and to let teachers know what a great job they're doing and the positive effect they have on me. I have absolutely no regrets maintaining great relationships with professors. They are literally there to help you, that's part of their job. Some may be too busy but most not too much, at least they'll be there to help you with grad school questions. And furthermore, it's a great way for you to stand out in all the upper div courses they're teaching. I imagine it's hard to keep track of a lecture hall bustling with students, and it's up to you to decide how you want to stand out. You want a LOR writer who's going to showcase your performance the best way they know YOU. My past professors who were also my LOR writers for this season's applications were all too happy to help me out, to talk to me, to go over my SOP's, writing samples, the works, in addition to writing my letters. I was also really great buddies with a TA I had twice during my undergrad career, and she too looked over my SOP drafts multiple times. You have no idea how much is at your advantage when you maintain relationships with your teachers.  Really question yourself and see if this is what you really want to do. I know this sounds cliche but I know a lot of people who started questioning why they were doing this (AFTER they started the program.) It's really tough. You've heard it all..."don't try to go back to school to avoid the real world" but you have to really know what you're signing up for. Don't do it for anyone else or because that's what your parents expect. Do it because you have your own reasons to do it. That's all I can really say. Some may disagree with me, but this is just from a personal standpoint that I have reflected upon for the past 8 months. For GRE, use Magoosh. I swear by it. Don't bother with those extremely expensive Kaplan or Barron or Princeton Review courses. They dumb down the GRE in my opinion, and I learned it the hard way. I'm happy to vouch that the second time around before I took the test again, I used Magoosh prepware and I improved my score by 15 points.  And as everyone's reiterated so many times on here, DO NOT PROCRASTINATE. Do NOT. I repeat, DO NOT. Have everything done early. You should have already looked at schools around this time of the year and spring into summer is when you should be going through several drafts of your SOP and writing samples. Don't ever send in a raw paper ever. Have all your materials ordered on time. I had a nightmare rush express mailing transcripts and GRE scores to my institutions. That was effing TERRIBLE. That's just more added stress you really didn't need.  As difficult as I know this may be to all of you, stay the HELL AWAY from GradCafe from December - April. I mean it. I MEAN IT. It won't do anything for you, all it'll do is freak you out. I know that being on here helps everyone come together to talk about their stresses and such which is great, and I love the Literature/Rhetoric community on here because everyone is so helpful and reassuring (and it's great that we can all either cry together or celebrate together) but just step away from the computer. Go outside. Get some fresh air. Being on here has stressed me out more than it has helped me sometimes, as much as I hate to admit (because I love everyone here.) Just don't go on the Results board. Don't go on any forums. Don't go anywhere near this place. I've lost a countless hours of sleep just from stalking the forums on here that just added to my stress. I'm telling you, it doesn't help.  I know these are very general pieces of advice that have been circulated for seasons coming but from my personal experiences from the past year since this whole application process has started, these are the steps that I really really cannot stress enough. I don't care if it's cliche, it is the TRUTH. I know there were things that I didn't follow that I'm stating on here, and who knows, there could've been better ways I have prepared but I'm happy with the outcomes. 

I'm a 2013'er, but I'll throw in some quick tips:
Start early. Not just with the writing of the SoP and polishing of the writing sample, but also with the filling out the applications. Some will not send the recommendation form to your letter writers until you have submitted your application.  Have a small, select support group that is informed of your plans.  Make really fun plans in January, if you can. I went to Paris and Rome when the first programs started notifying, so I was physically unable to check my phone and email. Even if you can't swing a trip to Europe in January, have something fun planned to distract you: a camping trip, a conference, a project around the house.  Unsubscribe from all frivolous email lists. Trust.  Have folks read your SoP. Professors, friends, partners, etc. It's great to have people who really know you read it and tell you what you missed, and people who don't really know you read it and tell you what their impression of you is based solely on the SoP.  Start putting aside money and vacation/personal time for application fees and travel.  If you have a partner or dependent of any sort, start the conversation ASAP. Include them into your decision-making (by include, I mean include them in a way that feels natural for your relationship. It's up to you if they have any actually sway in your decision-making). Talk about priorities, compromises, acceptable sacrifices, the process, the lifestyle, and all of that as early as possible, and continue checking in throughout the whole process. 

I agree: academia (like any profession) is a very specific industry that requires the same kind of motivation that pursuing "more risky" jobs like music or acting require. Whether you ultimately decide to pursue academia or not, it's helpful to keep in mind that the real world has its fair share of political messes as well. 
 
The crap shoot about admissions is that much of the final outcome is out of your hands. Most programs have acceptance rates comparable, if not smaller, than some Ivy League schools (including the Ivy League programs obviously). The applicant pool, available funds, department dynamics/politics, the phase of the moon: all of these will toss and turn any potential outcome. Sometimes, it seems like having a stellar application is just the fee to get into the door to even be considered. 
 
My advice: if you feel like academia is truly worth the pursuit, go ahead and apply the next cycle, or the following one. The important thing to remember is that your feelings right now will change, one way or another. As I mentioned in this thread before, I graduated in 2012 from my masters program and was shot down from 10 separate PhD programs. I left feeling like I was ready to experience the real world. Eventually, I felt like some time off was great and made me prepared to pursue academia. This feeling still wavers (even on a daily basis). This time around, I decided to be more strategic with my selections and applications.
 
The other crap shoot about this process is that often it's a simple numbers game. I'm not sure what circumstances make you geographically challenged, but honestly it's not surprising that you didn't have much luck with just two potential programs. This time, I applied to 8 programs: I've been accepted to two and waitlisted by one. I was just thrilled to get accepted by one (especially after hearing "no" ten different times before). 
 
Obviously there's no guarantee the next time around, but circumstances will be different for both you and the rest of the world next time. So, if anything, at least remember that your next admission cycle will be a whole new ball game. 

There is definitely a place for men in studies of women, gender, and sexuality!  I for one would welcome your participation -- it's always a bit sad to me when I'm attending a class that is all about breaking down gender norms and furthering the project of equality, but no men are present to learn and contribute.
 
Many men in the field have focused on masculinity, influenced by the work of feminist scholars.  If you went in that direction, you might feel less alone.  
 
Even if you do end up being the only man in the room, you should follow your interests and forge ahead!

What a great topic, SleepyOldMan. Last year, I didn't get into any of the programs for which I applied, and I would have really appreciated something like this. My experience is a little different than a lot of traditional students, as I've been working as a writing center administrator (I supervise and coordinate the directors) and NTT faculty at a state university (so it was a real blow last year when I didn't get in, as I'm actually working in the field right now). *By the way, if anyone with an MA is looking for a job teaching writing, we're hiring! And if anyone with writing center administration experience and an MA is looking for a job, we will be hiring this summer! Drop me a message.* Anyhow, I'm applying to Comp/Rhet programs, and my research focus is the intersection of writing centers and digital media literacy.
 
When we see people's success, what we don't usually see is all of the failure and learning that preceded the success, so I want to emphasize that I have stumbled a LOT over the course of my career in my attempts to reach my goals. My "recipe" for success is as follows:
 
1 part buying people I admire coffee and asking lots of questions
1 part making friends and collaborating with people I admire
1 part mentoring people who are a few steps behind
1 part being involved in everything I can and taking on projects/creating projects as much as I can handle
3 parts assessing the state of the field critically and specializing as early as possible in something that not many people are doing but that will only become increasingly relevant (rather than simply "doing what I love," though I do love what I do)
5 parts being willing to take risks and fail (and I did, many times)
100 parts actively making the choice to use the failures as a learning opportunity
 
Here's my stuff:
 
The Numbers
Honestly, I don't know how much numbers matter as long as they're not abysmal. My verbal and writing GRE scores are above the 90th percentile, though they're not outrageously high, and my math score is just embarrassing, but I wasn't about to learn calculus for one test.  Both my BA and MA GPA are around 3.8. My BA and MA aren't from a prestigious university at all (it's a large, open admissions state school). I counterbalanced that with pragmatism. I figured out early what I wanted to do career-wise, so I started presenting at conferences (I'd ride along with faculty and sleep on their hotel room floors. Cheap!), doing voluntary internships, seeking out mentors, starting my own projects and rallying people to help, and building experience as an undergraduate. I was never "supposed" to go to college in the first place; nobody in my family goes to college and they don't always get what I'm doing. Most of the time I feel like I'm stumbling in the dark figuring out academia, so all of this is just what has worked for me so far.
 
The Writing Sample
My writing sample this year was a risk. I finished my MA in 2009, and I've been working in the field ever since, so I have drafts from conferences that I considered revising for the sample, but I ended up choosing an ethnography that I wrote during my MA and revising it for currency. I chose that piece strategically because it quotes scholars from schools where I wanted to study and because it reflects my research interests closely (and stands to show that my research interests have been a part of my work for many years).
 
The SOP
My SOP was the document that changed most between my failed year last year and my successful year this season.  My first SOP was more of a narrative, but that chanced when I gathered all of my friends SOPs, especially those who got into programs, spread them out on a table, and looked for patterns. The successful ones seemed to follow a specific formula, so I modeled mine after the patterns in structure and tone. The first few paragraphs of each SOP were the same, but the penultimate paragraph was very tailored for each program. In cases when I knew which scholar I wanted to work with, I talked about his/her research and how it connected with my own. I focused on academics in the statement of purpose, talking about conference presentations, special projects, and even my writing in graduate school, even though it had been a while.
 
The LORS
My LORs were written mostly by people I'd worked with (because, as I said, I've been working for five years now). The first was written by a fairly big name scholar in writing center studies who had been a supervisor during my first job out of grad school (I applied for and accepted the job because I wanted to work with him). The second letter was written by my current department head, who is a tenured composition scholar. The third letter, because I thought it might be good to find a former professor, was written by a tenured professor who had supervised my teaching as a graduate student. I chose him because I had worked with his wife for years, so I knew I had stayed at least a little bit in their consciousness, and because he had always been very aware of my interest in writing centers and supportive of providing opportunities that fostered that research interest. I did make it a point to go to his Christmas party when I was back home for the holidays (because I hadn't really talked to him in years), give him materials to refer to for his letter, including essays I'd written for his class, my CV, and my website URL, and ask him specifically to focus on certain aspects of my work that the other two professional colleagues wouldn't be able to speak to.
 
The CV & Chances to See Me
After crawling out of the hole that the crushing blow of being roundly rejected by all of the PhD programs I'd applied to last year had shoved me into, I called up my mentor to talk about how I could do a better job the next time around, and the advice he gave me was to give them as many chances to see you as possible. Last year's application didn't have a cover letter, but after being rejected, I was frankly pissed, so the cover letter I wrote was aggressive and bold, and it outlined my work experience and stated, very openly, that to progress, I needed the kind of scholarly foundation that I could only get from their PhD program. I put it on departmental letterhead for a little extra clout, and followed it with my CV.
 
I did what I could to give people chances to see me. In my work, if I had a chance to travel and talk to people, I took it. I emailed scholars at other schools for advice on projects we were working on at mine. Over the summer and after application season, I emailed faculty at schools I'd been rejected from to ask what I could do better next time - and they were often people I'd met through work anyhow, so I was both receiving advice, and reminding them that they had worked with me. Sometimes trying to find a way to phrase the emails was difficult and awkward, because I wanted to maintain my dignity in the face of failure while at the same time asking for help. A phrase a friend gifted me with was "I didn't get the results I'd hoped for this year, so I was hoping you could offer some advice for next year's application."
 
Other Stuff
Like I said, this thread is awesome. We're also really lucky to have one another as resources - I am happy to share my documents with people, acknowledging that they're not necessarily perfect, but they're my best attempt and they've achieved some success. I'm also willing to give up some of my anonymity in the name of being collaborative. Here's my website (as simple as it is) with some documents that might be useful: paula-miller.com. I'm also happy to Skype or GHangout with anyone who wants to talk more.

I'll try to give some particulars on my case. I applied to 4 English PhD programs and a couple interdisciplinary/comp lit programs and received 2 top tier offers in English and 1 offer in French (Columbia and Chicago, and Cornell, respectively. Might as well mention them since I posted them previously). 
 
I applied while completing an MFA in poetry (in a program that is "studio-academic," meaning I got to take a ton of grad-level English courses) and received my BA from Northwestern in philosophy and english/creative writing (and have the undergrad debt to prove it). Took two years off in between. I am also finishing a "graduate theory certificate" this semester, and, starting last summer, I began attending Middlebury for an MA in French (by the by, those programs are incredible. They are funded, at the master's level, and they are summer-only, meaning you can do whatever else during the year). GPAs between 3.7 and 3.9, GREs at the 97%v, 75%m, 97%w, no subject test (just didn't even think to take it).  
 
2 of my 3 letter writers were tenured -- one a poet (my thesis advisor), one a professor I took a really great class with (but is utterly outside my interests), and one a Modernist prof. They all came from my MFA school. No one who has contacted me has mentioned my LORs.
 
Unlike Jazzy, fit is something I spent a lot of time on, but in a sort of nonlinear way, perhaps. I didn't just look for faculty in "transatlantic modernism," but in all the surrounding areas of my interests. For example, with my interest in nonliving, nonhuman objects, I would sometimes throw in a Marxist scholar and talk about how, in order to talk about materiality, I must understand historical materialism as well (which is, I think, probably quite true). I structured my statement of purpose wholly around my interests (transatlantic modernism, american/french avant garde poetry, ecocrit and the nonhuman), mentioned a lot of possible avenues and writers and thinkers I wanted to work with, and mapped that on to the department I was applying to. I also talked a lot about what I don't have, and how I can find that in the work of the scholars at X school. 
 
SoP was: corny intro, 2 wide paragraphs about interests, specific paragraph about WS and how it displayed these interests, paragraph about faculty at school that would further aid my development, educational background in terms of how it has made me the applicant I am/have the interests I do. For example, I spent a couple sentences justifying going from a creative degree to an academic degree. I edited it like a madman as well, like Jazzy, especially to make the connections and transitions between the paragraphs I didn't change and the ones I did appear seamless/natural. 
 
I wrote my writing sample in the fall, directly before applying. It was directly within my interests and was titled "Wallace Stevens and Radioactive Materials" (don't know if I should be worried about being specific). It is an admittedly (and I said as much in my SOP) anachronistic reading, and two schools mentioned that explicitly to me as something they found interesting. Who wouldve guessed (not me!). I think the take away here is awareness: I mentioned anachronism because it seemed like a point of critique against me, when it turned out to help, oddly.
 
Point is the same I've said before in another post, and a strong echo of Jazzy: SOP and WS were what the profs who have called/emailed spoke about. That's what they looked at, that's what they cared about.My SOP presented a detailed enough proto-project, that had room to grow/change, that wasn't stated as a Definite, but that showed at least an awareness of the overlapping discourses I hope to work within. And my WS was a direct example of what I talked about in the SOP. Those were the parts I had control over, and at the end of the day, I know I am lucky that the readers of my application felt some level of resonance with my project and that they had something to offer me.

I'm reading this thread and seeing your stories and concerns, and they transport me back six years ago, when I first applied to graduate school. I applied to graduate school right out of my undergrad. All the PhD programs rejected me. This was after I had received such encouragement from my professors, a high major GPA, and several awards for both my academics and extracurricular activities. I was kinda a big deal in college and had told everyone about my pursuits. The rejection letters completely rocked my sense of self. I taped them to my bedroom door as punishment, because I wanted to feel them mocking me, putting me in my place everyday. Friends and coworkers were asking all the time about my plans, and each time I had to answer, I felt my inside shrivel up a bit. 
 
I was not in a good place. 
 
I don't know if I would have felt better if I could have seen in the future, but if I could have, I would have known that I had an awesome life ahead of me, regardless of those rejection letters. I ended up doing an MA program, where I met the best of people, produced some fun work, and presented at fancy conferences. I ran into an old friend during my first year of my MA program, and now we are married and have one adorable dog. In the past five years, we've traveled around the country and the world. I taught for three years at a community college, three years of the best years of my life, where I met the most tenacious, witty, and creative students. I am now in a great PhD program in a different field, one I didn't even know existed when I first applied out of my undergrad.
 
It's impossible to know what next year holds for us. But I am hoping that my story demonstrates how little those rejection letters reflect who we are. For me, my letters did not signify that I was worthless or a loser, which is 100% what I felt six years ago; rather, the letters signified that I wasn't ready for grad school and I wasn't applying to the right field. So trust me when I say this: your rejection letters do not define you. 

While I agree with ComeBackZinc that it is kind of early to start thinking about these things, I would also add that there are some things that you can do that will help you figure out your interests more while also preparing yourself for grad school/the application process. 
 
The one piece of advice that I wish I was given was to take classes with people who specialize in my area of interest. For example, I study Victorian literature and knew that I wanted to in grad school. Turns out that my undergrad institution is known for this specialization, and I had no idea till I graduated. I just happened to take a class with the leading expert in this specialization, and had I known how significant that was, I would have tried to do better in his class and get a letter of recommendation from him. Maybe other people know to do this, but I had no idea. 
 
The other thing you can do is to to try to write papers on a specific topic of interest in your various classes. For example, if you're interested in gender studies, you could always write from a feminist theory lens so that you're "trying out" these ideas and building a knowledge base from which to draw. The more you work in a speciality, the more likely you are going to be able to have a strong writing sample that demonstrates you know what is going on in that field. 
 
Given your varying interests, it's important to take varying classes and speak to your professors/advisors about your options. If you want to combine French/English literature you could always go to grad school for comparative literature. Most likely in graduate school you'll get the opportunity to teach composition classes, even if you're not in a comp/rhet program (most English MA programs will have you do this). So, getting an MA is also something to think about--it will help you figure out what you want to do for the PhD and give you teaching experiences to see if it is really something you want to pursue anyway. 
 
To reiterate what ComeBackZinc was getting at: the job market for humanities PhDs is horrendous. If there is anything else, LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE, you can see yourself doing then do it. If you spend enough time on this website, you'll find that many people talk about getting a tenure-track job is basically the same as winning the lottery. Maybe it's not that extreme, but it certainly feels like it. 

Extra points if it's Hop Slam or Two Hearted. 

I think this is the main issue for me--cell phones and other devices are distracting to other students. So as much as I'd like to take a "screw 'em, it's their responsibility to know the material!" attitude, I have to think about the class as a whole.
 
I actually don't allow laptops in my classes unless we have some special task that requires a laptop. When there are no electronic distractions around, I find that the class discussion is much better and that students actually perform better.
 
TBH, I don't really understand why it's so much to ask to have people put their personal phones or devices away when they're in class. It's really very little to expect of people. There are a variety of rude things that I could do when I'm in a seminar or job talk, but I don't do them.
 
And I attended college before the cell phone craze hit, but professors back then were not tolerant of other distracting behaviors--reading the newspaper or a magazine in class, or sleeping all over your desk. Doing any of those things would get you kicked out of class. I didn't think my professors were insecure for enforcing those rules.

First off, congratulations on the offer from USC.
 
My main question after reading your post is: Why do you feel that you won't return to academia if you decide to wait a year or two? My time as a secondary educator only confirmed my desire to return to the academy (though I also love teaching).
 
Choosing to teach at the secondary level (IMO) seems to offer more positives than negatives -- the opportunity to confirm that you'd rather be in academia (not a decision to take lightly, considering the environment in higher ed these days), save up money, get life experience, etc. Also, taking some time to polish your writing sample and SoP may also yield better results for PhD programs (or fully funded MA offers).
 
I personally feel that my time out of the academy helped me put together a stronger and more compelling application package, though YMMV.

This thread reminded me of the PhD Comics strip about grad students and collegiate athletics. Here's the link in case you haven't seen it yet: http://www.phdcomics.com/comics.php?n=1402.

As a different sort of response to this question (and I too am against the notion of unfunded MAs): take into consideration that a lot of students get offered this consolation prize. That is to say, unlike funded MAs, that read your application and accept you as a student who they, the program and the professors, want to work with, an unfunded MA accepts you as "someone who might pay for this." 
 
Now that might be a bit extreme, but I believe it's closer to reality: unfunded MAs look for students who meet less-personalized criteria, and that level of engagement with the faculty/program won't stop there. I know people who have had fine experiences in unfunded MAs, but I also know some who felt looked over, disregarded, and invisible – as if they had to fight for professor's time. 
 
Are you concerned you weren't accepted because of your stats? Stats take a back seat to your project, the specificity with which you can talk about it, and your writing sample. Those are things you can work on without more school. Do you not yet have a project/area of interest that is well defined? Apply for funded MAs, or even to some out-of-field programs (Middlebury offers a funded, summer-session only MA in their language school – if you have enough language experience and can write a 2 page essay in another language, it's a great puzzle piece to add to one's application and life). Or work a boring job and just read, constantly (see: Don DeLillo as a valet). 
 
My first round of applications, back in 2009, came up empty, and I was tempted by Chicago's MAPH and NYU's Humanities MA. I'm glad I did neither. I lived/taught in Egypt for a while, applied to MFAs in poetry (funded only), and now, as I finish up the MFA, am heading to a PhD in the fall. Those experiences all helped me define my interests, making me a more competitive applicant -- and they kept me from piling on the debt. You will have so many opportunities within your doctorate, and your career afterwards, to make risky financial decisions: that's the underwritten life of an aspiring academic. Don't start off that career already in the hole. 

I'm going to chime in with those who have been told by our professors to avoid unpaid grad programs. My post might come off as harsh and brutally honest, so I apologize for that in advance.
 
No, you should never pay a cent for grad school. Even if you got your degree from a high ranked program and that helps you to get into a high ranked PhD program, remember that your debt will not go away the moment you start a new program. The fellowships you may and should receive for the PhD program you enter won't pay off the debt you collected while doing your MA. And we all know what the job market situation looks like. If not, buy a copy of Semenza's Graduate Study for the 21st Century and educate yourself by reading The Chronicle of Higher Education.
 
Besides, think about where you will be attending grad school at least for a couple years (or more if you got your PhD at NYU). New York isn't cheap. The cost of living is high. Do you really want to juggle your coursework, research, possible teaching opportunities with other jobs just to survive off of ramen soup every night? I don't know where you're from, but the winters back east are severe. I wouldn't want to imagine how much heating costs in the winter while I'm trying to find some extra cash to pay rent. Coming from CA and moving to the Midwest for grad school, I have to say it was quite the culture shock. I needed a full blast of AC in the summer and the heater on all throughout the winter, and luckily I have the means to pay for it without losing sleep.
 
Since I assume you've never attended grad school, it's probably hard for you to imagine how much work it is to juggle all the different responsibilities you have to your coursework and research while trying to remain sane. As much as my mentors prepared me for it as an undergrad, I was still shocked at how quickly time flew by whether I was ready for it or not. There's already so many things to worry about while in a grad program like taking the right classes, meeting the right professors, getting along with your peers, contributing to scholarship, etc. that you shouldn't let something like debt distract you from doing what you're supposed to be doing.
 
I would suggest taking the year off to do something outside of academia. Do an internship. Do volunteer work. Do something that you love as well as something that will make your applications stronger even if it means just studying for the GRE. Do research on funded MA programs if you think a year off without classes won't help make your app stronger for a PhD program. Learn a foreign language because it will help fulfill one of the requirements for practically all doctoral programs.
 
Of course, you're going to do what you want. And if you think attending an unfunded MA program at NYU is a viable option, go for it. Just do your research. Consider all your options. Imagine the worst case scenarios and decide for yourself if you can live with them. Just don't go into any program blindly.

Did anyone hear back from schools for next season yet??? I'm freakin' out!

I detect Coloradans. I see your Great Divides and your meads, and I raise you an Oskar Blues Deviant Dale's and a Renegade Redacted Rye IPA (...by raising you one, I don't actually mean that I'm one-upping anyone. I'm just trying for a rhetorical flourish there - I love me some Great Divide and mead as well). Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
 
My best paper ever, I wrote in 3 nights with my dad in town and we drank tequila non-stop.

Great Divide Oak Aged yeti and homemade tonkotsu ramen.

Oooh Great Divide!! I love Yeti. Have you had their chocolate stout?

Great Divide Oak Aged yeti and homemade tonkotsu ramen.

Banana daiquiri.

Bourbon and sea salt and vinegar chips. 

Thanks Vanderbilt rejectant, whoever you might be, for this:

(Saw this on the results board. HILARIOUS.)

A couple of years ago, a user on here (can't remember their name or I would credit them) compiled the most kick ass, comprehensive list of questions ever. I saved it to my desktop, because I was so impressed! I'd also second that you should look for happy grad students. I ended up choosing my program over one with much better funding because I wanted to be in a place where I could have a good life as well as a good education. As soon as I saw how strongly they value camaraderie here and got to spend time with my then-future cohort mates, I knew I was golden.
 

1. Look for happy grad students that are friendly and communicative about the program. These will be your future friends and colleagues! Run down, secretive or unfriendly grad students are the sign of a poorly managed program or are an indication of uneven funding and a hypercompetitive atmosphere.
 
2. Check out the area and the living situation. You should plan to live close to campus your first semester so that you can fully immerse yourself in campus life. Ask the grad students questions about the area, the cost of living, how public transportation works and where the affordable housing is.
 
3. Be able to sum up your interest in the field in a single sentence (believe me, you'll end up repeating yourself a lot).
 
4. Look for active participation, attentiveness (if it's a lecture) and enthusiasm in classes. No-one wants to go to a program where there are bored looking students.
 
5. Try to meet as many faculty members as possible to get a feel for the program, even if they're not in your area of study.
 
 
Here are some sample questions I've compiled:
 
What is the time to degree?
Do I get summer support?
Do I get health insurance?
What is working with X person like?
How many students does X professor have / how many dissertations are they directing? (to get a sense of workload).
Will I get conference funding?
Will I get private research funding?
What is the teaching load like?
Are there any fellowship opportunities?
How many classes do students take each semester?
Are summer classes covered by tuition remission?
Are there paper writing workshops, conference workshops and themed working groups in my area of study?
How does the school handle professionalization and job placement once I'm on the market?
How easy is it to access other libraries and archives?
How are the language requirements fulfilled (and will I have support for fulfilling them)?
Will I be able to take classes at other schools or in other departments?
What is the departmental average for job placement in tenure track jobs within three years of graduation? (make sure they give you recent numbers).
 
Hope this helps!