The ethics of accepting and declining

[theatregal]

A school that I like a lot, but that is not my top choice, is pressuring me to accept by April 1.  However, I am still waiting to hear back from my top choice, and am currently waitlisted at my #2...if accepted at either of these schools, I would almost definitely immediately say yes (pending some financial considerations)...is it ethical to say yes to #3, knowing full well that I may change my mind very soon? I like all three schools very much, they all have strong programs in my field, and if I only get into #3, I will certainly go there.

[rising_star]

46 minutes ago, syn said:

Well, it's unethical for the one university to pressure you to accept by 4/1.  At the end of the day, you have to do what's right for you.

It's only unethical if the school is in the US, has agreed to the CGS resolution, and has offered the OP funding. There's nothing in the OP's post to indicate that all of those criteria have been met.

[rising_star]

11 minutes ago, theatregal said:

It is a US school and it is offering me funding...I don’t know what the CGS resolution is, but it’s a public university if that helps. My dilemma is that they’re sort of making me say yes to them before I’ve heard back from everywhere I’ve applied.

1) CGS = Council of Graduate Schools. I strongly advise you to look up their resolution.

2) Contact the other schools to find out your status!

[syn]

Well, it's unethical for the one university to pressure you to accept by 4/1.  At the end of the day, you have to do what's right for you.

[theatregal]

2 hours ago, rising_star said:

It's only unethical if the school is in the US, has agreed to the CGS resolution, and has offered the OP funding. There's nothing in the OP's post to indicate that all of those criteria have been met.

It is a US school and it is offering me funding...I don’t know what the CGS resolution is, but it’s a public university if that helps. My dilemma is that they’re sort of making me say yes to them before I’ve heard back from everywhere I’ve applied.

[theatregal]

Thank you for letting me know! If I’m understanding the resolution right,  I have until the 15th to make up my mind, in a permanent, binding sense?

The biggest roadblock I’m presently encountering is that I have contacted the remaining school, was told I’d hear back a few days ago, have not heard, and have been having trouble getting in contact with them since then.

[Phancy_Physicist]

12 minutes ago, theatregal said:

Thank you for letting me know! If I’m understanding the resolution right,  I have until the 15th to make up my mind, in a permanent, binding sense?

The biggest roadblock I’m presently encountering is that I have contacted the remaining school, was told I’d hear back a few days ago, have not heard, and have been having trouble getting in contact with them since then.

You have till the 15th, don't worry. They cannot rescind your offer before then. Some schools just really want to lock down their graduate students so they can do administrative stuff like figure out TA positions, etc. Or some advisors are just really greedy/needy, take your pick. Academia is full of personality lol. 

I was in a similar situation last year when I applied and my advice to you is that my mentor told me. "Go work for someone that WANTS to work WITH you." In other words, I would much rather be art a lower ranked school with an advisor that supports me and wants me to be in lab and working with them to publish work rather than say an Ivy league where my worth is only validated by whether or not I bring data. (Sorry for anyone at an Ivy league right now, it isn't personal)

Think about who you would work with at each university. Maybe try contacting the specific PIs and see what they say. No matter what, you're in good shape. Congrats on your acceptance to at least one program, that often one more than most people! 

[theatregal]

Thank you everyone for all your helpful feedback!! I’m keeping my fingers crossed and trying to remember I’m in a good spot...I’m just going to feel kind of bad if I say yes to this school and then change my mind.

[Warelin]

5 hours ago, theatregal said:

Thank you for letting me know! If I’m understanding the resolution right,  I have until the 15th to make up my mind, in a permanent, binding sense?

The biggest roadblock I’m presently encountering is that I have contacted the remaining school, was told I’d hear back a few days ago, have not heard, and have been having trouble getting in contact with them since then.

Only if they're a part of the CGS. Not all schools are. A list of members can be found here.

[theatregal]

Thanks for this list! They totally are on it, so hopefully that means they adhere to those guidelines? 

 

Sorry to ask an obvious clarifying question, but the original question I was trying to get at is this: can you say yes to a school, get into another one, change your mind, tell the first school no, and commit to the second school, as long as it's before April 15?

[Warelin]

9 hours ago, theatregal said:

Thanks for this list! They totally are on it, so hopefully that means they adhere to those guidelines? 

 

Sorry to ask an obvious clarifying question, but the original question I was trying to get at is this: can you say yes to a school, get into another one, change your mind, tell the first school no, and commit to the second school, as long as it's before April 15?

Yes, you could do that and are perfectly within your rights to do so. And while it is acceptable to do so, there is unfortunately no guarantee that school A won't be happy about it since it may result in them turning down people from the spot and having to move deeper down the waitlist. Have you tried asking for an extension explaining the situation, expressing your interest, but also stating that you'd like all the results from schools in order to make an informed decision? Good luck.

[theatregal]

I 100% have asked for an extension and have explained my circumstances but was refused an extension past the first...which given what I’ve now read about CGS seems weird....

[Warelin]

2 hours ago, theatregal said:

I 100% have asked for an extension and have explained my circumstances but was refused an extension past the first...which given what I’ve now read about CGS seems weird....

Ahh, that is unfortunate. Unfortunately, under the same token, the CGS is not legally binding so a school can break it without penalties. You could choose to name the university, but doing so might reflect poorly on you. You might be able to contact CGS and tell them about the behavior, but I'm not sure if/what they could do. 

I'm not sure if there's anything you can do. Your best approach here does seem to be to decide whether or not to accept the offer tomorrow. The risk here is that an offer received after April 15 will require a written release from the first school in order to accept the other offer.