Feel like I'm going Crazy

[iwannabetheguy]

Yeah on the same boat. So far got 1 rejection a few days ago. The moment I got that rejection email I felt relieved. It's definitely way less frustrating than waiting it out.

Man it's real torture... some schools I applied to have accepts/rejects posted on the result page but I've been getting nothing.

[masthana]

I've gotten 4 rejections by now. 

I'm waiting on 2 places that interviewed me for a shortlist

and I have at least 1 implicit rejection (I saw interviews for the schools on the result board but didn't receive anything personally). 

--> All this to say: I am now desperate to get into at least one place. I had people telling me I'd have my pick of the crop to then shifting my opinion to wanting at least a few options, and now I just want 1. 

To my #1 choice that interviewed me, I legit spent 30 minutes writing a thank-you email for the interview. It literally felt like the composition and perfection of that email would determine the next six years of my life. 

As I gave the email my final scan, I let out a whimpering "please don't reject me. pleaseeeee." It feels like the weight of my year worth of effort is all on this one school, even though I know this is a dangerous idea. Even if my POI(s) ADORE ME, the department-wide committee has the final say - sigh - most of which is out of your direct control. 

I've also emailed a place that interviewed and then rejected me and asked the POI for any feedback on my application.

Fingers crossed...idk why I'm doing this - just to make myself feel better? - but at least I'll have something to grasp onto to help explain why my best effort is resulting in only rejections so far ?

[gooniesneversaydie]

8 hours ago, masthana said:

To my #1 choice that interviewed me, I legit spent 30 minutes writing a thank-you email for the interview. It literally felt like the composition and perfection of that email would determine the next six years of my life. 

As I gave the email my final scan, I let out a whimpering "please don't reject me. pleaseeeee." It feels like the weight of my year worth of effort is all on this one school, even though I know this is a dangerous idea. Even if my POI(s) ADORE ME, the department-wide committee has the final say - sigh - most of which is out of your direct control. 

I've also emailed a place that interviewed and then rejected me and asked the POI for any feedback on my application.

Fingers crossed...idk why I'm doing this - just to make myself feel better? - but at least I'll have something to grasp onto to help explain why my best effort is resulting in only rejections so far ?

You never know what is going to tip the scales. Having to prove how we're the best fit for the program, how much our POIs can help us in our research, how hard we worked as undergrads/MAs, all within a SoP that has a 500 word limit is mindboggling. I fully understand grasping at any straw that might help your chances, because not having control is the absolute worst. 

Our desire to enter academia with such fervor borders on masochism. Yet I cannot imagine being part of any other world. Best of luck and fingers crossed!

[LadyWolfshadow]

1 hour ago, gooniesneversaydie said:

You never know what is going to tip the scales. Having to prove how we're the best fit for the program, how much our POIs can help us in our research, how hard we worked as undergrads/MAs, all within a SoP that has a 500 word limit is mindboggling. I fully understand grasping at any straw that might help your chances, because not having control is the absolute worst. 

Our desire to enter academia with such fervor borders on masochism. Yet I cannot imagine being part of any other world. Best of luck and fingers crossed!

It really does border on masochism.  We spend so much time and money and stress out so much getting those applications in, especially trying to condense our academic journey into the severely limited spaces we get for those SoPs.  I have such an odd history and transcript issues that so many of them didn't give me a chance to explain that most programs probably want nothing to do with me. 

And THEN comes this waiting.  We have absolutely no control over anything at this point and that's definitely a nightmare in its own right.  Even trying to ask some of these programs questions can be an effort in futility at times, which just compounds it.

But yeah, I share the belief that there's no other place in the world I would rather be.

 

Edited February 7, 2020 by LadyWolfshadow

[lou1234]

Hi guys,

The Princeton Electricity Depart admission results seem to be out and I didn't hear from them. I'm so sad. I regret that this is the only big school I applied to, all the rest are average :( I am feeling so bad. Other things have been going terribly wrong in my life to the point I contemplated ending my life few times. On the verge of breaking up with my best friend. She already broke up actually and I begged her to stay and she stayed. I have no one actually .... 

I don't know why I'm writing this but ... 

[StormChild]

"Rejections come out first." How many times have we heard this over the years? I'm wondering if this is even true anymore. I've been lucky to hear from several universities, but I'm losing my mind waiting on Purdue. They've accepted exactly two people that I know of (one from the boards and one from my cohort on the same day)… then just silence from the program. I think that they are my top choice, and they are the only program that I haven't heard from. 

[Modulus]

2 hours ago, lou1234 said:

Hi guys,

The Princeton Electricity Depart admission results seem to be out and I didn't hear from them. I'm so sad. I regret that this is the only big school I applied to, all the rest are average I am feeling so bad. Other things have been going terribly wrong in my life to the point I contemplated ending my life few times. On the verge of breaking up with my best friend. She already broke up actually and I begged her to stay and she stayed. I have no one actually .... 

I don't know why I'm writing this but ... 

I am sorry to hear you are going through a rough time, but I'm glad to see that you are reaching out for support. It can be really destabilizing and demoralizing to hear bad news (or to be left wondering).  My DMs are open.

Please consider calling a local hot/warm-line or (if in the USA) the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

Edited February 7, 2020 by Modulus
added content

[gooniesneversaydie]

2 hours ago, lou1234 said:

Hi guys,

The Princeton Electricity Depart admission results seem to be out and I didn't hear from them. I'm so sad. I regret that this is the only big school I applied to, all the rest are average I am feeling so bad. Other things have been going terribly wrong in my life to the point I contemplated ending my life few times. On the verge of breaking up with my best friend. She already broke up actually and I begged her to stay and she stayed. I have no one actually .... 

I don't know why I'm writing this but ... 

While we may not understand the troubles you're experiencing in your personal life, this is a great space to vent your frustrations to those who understand the absolute and very real heartbreak we have experienced going through these processes. Your feelings are valid and heard. Seeking help is a solid first step. When in times of need, these quotes from JK Rowling give me strength to keep moving, because any progress is progress. You are in our thoughts!

"Life is difficult, and complicated, and beyond anyone’s total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes."

"It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default. The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive."

[IphigeniaInAulis]

Hi all.  I applied to 11 programs.  Just received three rejections in a row, one being my dream program (sadly, I had an interview with my POI at this program, too). Feeling heartbroken to say the least...

 

The silence is also driving me mad.  What makes it worse is that other applicants have reported interviews/invites at some of the other programs already.

 

Trying to remain positive, though... best to everyone.

[masthana]

4 hours ago, lou1234 said:

Hi guys,

The Princeton Electricity Depart admission results seem to be out and I didn't hear from them. I'm so sad. I regret that this is the only big school I applied to, all the rest are average I am feeling so bad. Other things have been going terribly wrong in my life to the point I contemplated ending my life few times. On the verge of breaking up with my best friend. She already broke up actually and I begged her to stay and she stayed. I have no one actually .... 

I don't know why I'm writing this but ... 

We see you, @lou1234. You can share on here without judgment.

When one door closes, another one opens. When you hit rock bottom, you can only go up. I know that even if this school doesn't work out, there are more opportunities that could be even better for you. We just have to believe in the power of the next day - to keep going, despite the weight of life. I can understand suicidal ideation, having felt it myself because of issues with family. 

But little surprises - like virtual strangers seeing you - can make the next day worth it. And the next day. And then maybe after a few days - you get an acceptance. 

Don't lose hope yet - I promise there are little surprises and eventually, big and positive changes coming your way.

 

[LadyWolfshadow]

7 hours ago, lou1234 said:

Hi guys,

The Princeton Electricity Depart admission results seem to be out and I didn't hear from them. I'm so sad. I regret that this is the only big school I applied to, all the rest are average I am feeling so bad. Other things have been going terribly wrong in my life to the point I contemplated ending my life few times. On the verge of breaking up with my best friend. She already broke up actually and I begged her to stay and she stayed. I have no one actually .... 

I don't know why I'm writing this but ... 

It's okay to reach out when you're feeling so stressed out and overwhelmed and everything feels like it's going wrong.  Life just keeps on throwing more and more crap onto you and you feel like you can't keep holding on, but you're still here.  You may have considered ending it all, but you haven't.  You're stronger than you give yourself credit for, and we see you. 

Not hearing from your dream school sucks, there's no doubt about that, although not hearing from them isn't an outright no, either.    And even if you don't hear from them, it's not the end of the road.  Surprises really do happen--one of those other programs that you applied to may accept you and it could wind up being a better fit for you personally in the end, despite not being as big as Princeton. 

Take things one day at a time, try to take care of yourself, keep reaching out, and remember that good things come to those that wait.  You deserve good things and they'll come to you. 

[Blackbird7]

On 2/7/2020 at 9:50 AM, lou1234 said:

Hi guys,

The Princeton Electricity Depart admission results seem to be out and I didn't hear from them. I'm so sad. I regret that this is the only big school I applied to, all the rest are average I am feeling so bad. Other things have been going terribly wrong in my life to the point I contemplated ending my life few times. On the verge of breaking up with my best friend. She already broke up actually and I begged her to stay and she stayed. I have no one actually .... 

I don't know why I'm writing this but ... 

Being sad is totally normal and knowing the sadness will pass regardless of your admissions status is powerful to believe. I see you and feel your pain I do! Friends will be had, new program cycles will arrive, and this admissions season will be a faint and distant memory someday sooner than you think. I speak from experience. You are brave to apply, you are brave to write what you did, and you are brave to confront your feelings. I am sending love and prayers your way! Please call the suicide prevention line 1-800-273-8255. 

[avidnote]

On 1/22/2020 at 7:15 PM, thetruewalkingwoman said:

Hello to fellow applicants!

 

Any one else feel like they are going absolutely insane waiting? I know that there is nothing left for me to do but sit it out and hope that I'm accepted somewhere. But goodness, I just feel like I'm going nuts. I feel nauseous 90% of the time. Can't sleep. 

 

Anyone else?

 

FYI: I've applied to 13 literature programs for Ph.D. studies.

Waiting is such a difficult thing, but at least it gives you a taste of PhD life ? just wait until you wait for months to hear a response on that journal submission that you made, only to receive a short comment from the editor that they don't think that it is a suitable candidate for their journal ?.

You applied to 13 programs, seems like you have a good chance of acceptance; why be nauseated now? Shouldn't the nausea kick in if you have been rejected by 12 and there is only one left ?

[cmoon]

Got another acceptance, but still waiting to hear from three huge schools. While I'm glad I've only gotten good news (I'm 3/3 with who I've heard back from), I need to know about the other ones. I know I shouldn't equate silence with rejection but if that's the case I just need the band-aid ripped off. 

[lou1234]

Big thanks to you guys! There is something you all said; it's "we see you". I appreciate that so much and it got me emotional each time. I didn't realize that I needed to be seen until you said that you see me. Your advice is great.  

I got my rejection from Princeton. I hope things end in a good way ....

Thank you so much again guys. I wish you all the best of luck! 

[lilamu]

I am going absolutely bonkers. I have been denied to a few schools but my first choice I am waiting on and I feel like I have a really good chance and I have been trying to be patient but I am at the point of ripping my hair out. I am really glad there are other people I can talk to about this!!! I am trying so hard to be patient. Please add me to a group chat so I can cry with all you wonderful people ?

[masthana]

Y’all today on Valentine’s Day I was given my sixth rejection in a row out of my total 10 applications. I have a really strong application – I know that bc my recommenders and Graduate students who reviewed it said so too - But with only four left, I’m feeling pretty downtrodden. 4 left seems like a lot but it’s actually less than that: 

I have one really good shot where the professor told me she’s going to advocate for my acceptance in the admissions committee, but I haven’t heard anything back yet from the meeting which happened yesterday. I have 1 more shortlist too, and just 2 pending. Fuck.
 

It’s really hard to keep up hope... I woke up today feeling a little purposeless after how these decisions have been going and dragging on... 

 

- morose but trying to hide it

Edited February 14, 2020 by masthana

[nicoleolala]

The craziest thing is someone in this forum have already posted updates on their decision email 2-3 weeks ago and I still got nothing!!!

I mean it has been 2-3 weeks, it should be my turn now.....

[nicoleolala]

If my email can talk, it would be "stop checking my inbox 100 time a day, it will get to you when it get to you!"

[isabellhk]

I know I have to be all enthusiastic and positive for an interview, but I've drained all my energy trying to keep me sane from anxiety that even the thought of another interview burdens me. Anyone feel the same way about interviews? 

Not that silence is any better. I'm so exhausted.

Edited February 15, 2020 by isabellhk

[Tyger]

Hello everyone,

I tried to read all of your messages ; some of them are very informative, others are... quite tough. It's terrible to see the intensity of what's at stake for us. I wish I could hug you all and go out for a drink.

I still wonder, though, how often (and I mean cold statistics) is someone interviewed more than 3 weeks after the first interviewees? Last year, when I applied and got rejected, it felt like everything was given quite fast. This year, I have not a single answer, but I didn't know this website last year and I realize that some people get the interviews, the acceptances AND the rejections even "on time" according to last year's calendar.

I wonder if it's worth preparing for interviews or if I should build my back up plan. In the meantime, to be honest, I'm bingereading and bingewatching. Any thoughts, comrades ?

[avidnote]

Be content with the news that you might not get it, and you won't feel as anxious. That's always been my rule in life  

[LadyWolfshadow]

3 hours ago, Tyger said:

Hello everyone,

I tried to read all of your messages ; some of them are very informative, others are... quite tough. It's terrible to see the intensity of what's at stake for us. I wish I could hug you all and go out for a drink.

I still wonder, though, how often (and I mean cold statistics) is someone interviewed more than 3 weeks after the first interviewees? Last year, when I applied and got rejected, it felt like everything was given quite fast. This year, I have not a single answer, but I didn't know this website last year and I realize that some people get the interviews, the acceptances AND the rejections even "on time" according to last year's calendar.

I wonder if it's worth preparing for interviews or if I should build my back up plan. In the meantime, to be honest, I'm bingereading and bingewatching. Any thoughts, comrades ?

At this point, the only advice I can have is to expect the unexpected and focus on whatever distractions you have in the meantime.  From everything I'd seen, I thought that all of the programs in my field did interviews and totally gave up hope when everyone else was posting interview requests from most of the places I applied to.  Even the ones I hadn't seen interview requests posted, it was historically 2-3 weeks past their actual decision dates.  I pretty much gave up hope at that point, but I got two acceptances without interviews....somehow?  I didn't know that was even a thing.

I know it's not cold, hard numbers and I'm probably an n of 1 at this point, but I say all of this because this cycle seems VERY wild and unpredictable.  I definitely wish we could all do hugs and drinks and try to have some fun and get our minds off of this absurdity.  Hang in there, find some great stuff to binge read and binge watch, come here and vent, hope for the best, and hold on for this wild ride.

[mediajinx]

I was talking with  friend this morning and was mentioning that seems like a lot of programs are running later this year on decisions when compared to previous years. She was like, "Oh, because of the impeachment hearings?" I hadn't thought of that (since I daidn't watch them), but for those of looking at programs in communciation, politics, American Studies, etc, that could actually be a contributing factor since it's undoubtedly being discussed in classes. 

[BuL]

On 1/23/2020 at 12:28 PM, StressedOutUser said:

Mine is the worst because I only applied for one university (UofWashington) and non of the profs has responded ... probably been rejected but still waiting for the last drop of hope

How did it go?

Same here! Only one application, no answer yet, still "under review" status...