2022 Creative Writing MFA Applicants Forum

[koechophe]

3 hours ago, Yellow62 said:

Hello! JH is actually not expensive, as it's a fully funded program with one of the highest stipends out of any MFA program, ~$30.5k last time I checked. 

Oh, I meant applying for schools in general gets expensive. Yeah, I know they've got a great stipend, that's one of the reasons they're my top pick too ?

[Yellow62]

6 hours ago, koechophe said:

Oh, I meant applying for schools in general gets expensive. Yeah, I know they've got a great stipend, that's one of the reasons they're my top pick too ?

Ah, my apologies for misunderstanding! JHU applicant solidarity!!!

[Sunocation]

Hey guys, I'm relatively new to GradCafe but man, has the advice in this thread been useful over the past few months of lurking. I wanted to thank you guys! I'm a CNF writer and this was my second year of applying to schools. I actually got into a few last year (and funded!!) but the pandemic kept me in Japan one year longer, so I had to go through it all again. But honestly I'm kind of glad I stayed and reapplied this round -- last year I had no idea what I was doing, and not many people could help me out. My parents have never been to grad school and there was just so much information online regarding apps and schools and funding and  TAships, it was hard to know where to start. This year I feel a lot more confident about my applications and, with a better understanding of everything, I feel better about my school choices, too. Doesn't stop me from nervously checking my email every morning, but you know how it goes.

 

Anyway, thanks to everyone for the advice over this past year, and good luck to you all!!

[xenawins]

@MDP congratulations on all your successes and the journey ahead - I appreciate you sharing what you've found helpful!  

I'm appreciating everyone's insights and opinions shared. Even if I don't agree with some of them, it's a useful experience to read how other people are quantifying quality and the different takes on what makes "literary fiction." It also gives me some pause, as I often wonder if I'm in the right place, or if I'll just end up being too weird or too transgressive to get along in MFA cohorts. I hope not, having spent a lot of time in critique groups and workshopping my writing. I also understand the internets is a convenient trolling ground. However, I'm curious, from those who have the experiences, does catty, authoritative, condescending attitudes fly in a graduate level workshop? I've always enjoyed my workshop experiences and have found them to be respectful, curious, and that critique is offered in the spirit of wanting to support someone in telling their best story in their best voice. I've heard rumors that MFA workshops are not always this way and I think I'm seeing glimmers of that here in the thread. I also ask because there's plenty of experimental, diverse, and cross-genre movement happening in the literary sphere, bending and breaking many of the traditional tenants of literary fiction. I think this is a trend likely to continue especially as more and more programs are prioritizing queer, neurodiverse, and BIPOC voices and perspectives.

This is all my own navel-gazing opinion and I don't necessarily think I'm saying anything particularly new or all that interesting... until I read some of the comments in this thread, which made me wonder. I personally find traditional literary fiction to be heavily shaped by supremacy (as so much was and still continues to be) and I think that while we should learn from the past, we should be challenging ourselves to freely reject and move beyond the white-cis-male-centered "this is the right way to tell a proper literary story as documented by the white man gods of decades past, forever and ever amen." My background is speculative science fiction so I'm obviously speaking from that specific place. I just feel some of the traditions of literary fiction have been upheld to its own detriment and am excited to participate in the collective co-creation of a new literary world.

Am I even making sense? Probably too much sleep-deprived-addled-ponderings for one post, but I'd love to continue hearing others thoughts and perspectives.  Anyone else feel like it's going to be a looooOooOooong few months in waiting? Two weeks into 2022 and I feel like I've fallen into a K-hole.

[koechophe]

3 minutes ago, xenawins said:

 I just feel some of the traditions of literary fiction have been upheld to its own detriment and am excited to participate in the collective co-creation of a new literary world.

I mean, you probably saw the slight debate I got into about literary fiction, but I'll share more of my POV. Granted, this is coming from someone who got straight rejections last year, so you can take it with the as many grains of salt as you want to.

Upholders of literary fiction are extremely inconsistent with what is "okay" or not. Science fiction isn't okay, unless Bradburry or Shelley are doing it, and then we'll let it slide. Fantasy and magic aren't okay, but magical realism is just fine, and we'll be okay with Kafka doing it too. Post-apocalyptic isn't okay, but we'll turn a blind eye to those elements in Marget Atwood's The Hand Maiden's Tale, because the piece is an extremely focused reflection on feminism. 

Some pieces that honestly would never be given the time of day in a classroom if they were written now are praised and adored because they were written 100 years ago. And, let's be real, some of the "greats" were only great because they had money and acclaim that let them spread their writing, and people praised them more for status than for actual writing. 

The pure theory behind literary fiction, including subtle elements, literary devices, and emphasis on internal conflict over more plot-based conflict, is good. But I also think that literary fiction has been overly exclusionary in ways that it shouldn't.

My school offered a "Great books of the world" course. The requirements for something to make it into the curriculum? A book needed to be at least 100 years old, and the book needed to be written by a British or American author. I think that just about sums up a lot of my issues with it. 

The fact that something is old doesn't necessarily make it good (and in fact, its impact was likely based on the privilege and aristocracy of its writer.) Writing honestly has evolved, and we're better now than we used to be as writers, primarily because we have more access to good literature and good instruction than we ever have before.

I think that the concepts of literary merit are valid and can be taught, used, and understood. But I also think "literary fiction" as an idea is often used to exclude others based primarily on whether or not they conform to what is wanted in the culture. 

For better or worse, I don't find as much satisfaction in writing straight literary fiction. I like there to be a bit of wiggle room for other things, and I love my speculative fiction elements especially. 

 

[xenawins]

@koechophe yes to all you've said and then some  Also that "great books of the world" course, YIKES. That is...well, that's some colonizer bullshit if I've ever heard it. I also appreciate the inconsistency insight - that captures my frustrations perfectly, especially when I hear people wielding certain generalizations as a way to (seemingly) shame or cut down someone else's perspective or creativity, when there's clearly examples of it being done by the "right" people. The "pure theory" makes sense - to me, those ping as general tenants of damn good writing, excepting maybe the internal conflict vs. plot driven conflict emphasis. In a way, I guess that's also why I don't find as much satisfaction in writing straight genre fiction. Without all the other stuff, I just don't find it very interesting to write, much less read. I guess what I find so confounding is that the greats are still considered "greats" even when more and more of us are acknowledging that positions of privilege, politics of the time, and social constraints of the past are a big part of why they got to be considered great in the first place. In the self-reflective sober light of present day, if these greats fall short, especially when there are many other excellent alternatives that could be spotlighted now, why do they still seem to clutter up curriculums and form the bedrock of self-righteous literary traditionalists? I know part of the answer, my brain just doesn't want to accept it, haaah >.<

[oubukibun]

You can politicize everything.  Anything.  Or nothing.

For me, the absolute joy of writing is that it transforms itself to meet your demands, wishes, and even your own fears.

If you want to live in a world where literature of any kind is a little less tied to 'the old ways' then you have every right to change the course of history, whether for yourself or for others.  Whether you succeed is entirely dependent on what you believe success looks like, or should look like.

I always ask myself, "Do I want to be known as someone who broke or pushed boundaries, or do I want to break and push these boundaries just in the act of writing myself down?"  I've never been big on announcing or denouncing.  Living my life typically does the trick all around.

There isn't a single wall in the halls of writing that isn't constructed from glass.  It's all a reflection of someone, or something, even if it is not our reflection looking back, or the reflection of what we need or want our writing to be.  You step into a body of water, and the water ripples.  It is never the same at any moment beyond the moment, even when we are not present.  How many times have we heard or read this, and how many times is it less true because of it?  Glass does not stain or wear away because many people stare into it.  Time is the only decayer, so truly, is there no better way to annihilate what we do not want than through the cumulative act of writing itself?

You want to change, or you want the world to change.  Write it out.  That's one more sword to the cause.  But we are nameless.  We do not tend to history if we believe we deserve to stand out from it.  Virginia Woolf is a hero of mine, as are many others (Lorca, Kerouac, Chabon, Didion, Tolkien, Martí, Oliver, Keats, but we all have our own immaculate Noah's Ark), but her heroism exists for me thanks to Time.  Who was she, if not one more soldier to the cause?  We should trust that cause more.

I have only ever written for myself.  I am applying to grad schools because I want to understand my writing outside of myself, and because I yearn for the routine, the serfdom of deadlines.  The bondage of an objective purpose.  And because I need to stop teaching public school before it kills my joy for words dead.

I don't know that any school I applied to wants me.  Would even be a fit for me.  But that's the glory and the pain of the blank page, isn't it?  That we cull from ourselves tiny little shards and reform the glass of those halls, hoping to one day stare at each panel and find ourselves staring back.

Or at the very least to be paid to do so. 

 

P.S. I chose eight schools, and I'd love to be accepted into any or all of them (to belatedly answer a question posed by someone else, about which school everyone has as their top choice from their selections).

[MDP]

10 hours ago, koechophe said:

Upholders of literary fiction are extremely inconsistent with what is "okay" or not. Science fiction isn't okay, unless Bradburry or Shelley are doing it, and then we'll let it slide. Fantasy and magic aren't okay, but magical realism is just fine, and we'll be okay with Kafka doing it too. Post-apocalyptic isn't okay, but we'll turn a blind eye to those elements in Marget Atwood's The Hand Maiden's Tale, because the piece is an extremely focused reflection on feminism. 

Some pieces that honestly would never be given the time of day in a classroom if they were written now are praised and adored because they were written 100 years ago. And, let's be real, some of the "greats" were only great because they had money and acclaim that let them spread their writing, and people praised them more for status than for actual writing. 

Hell yeah. Beautifully said.

11 hours ago, xenawins said:

I'm curious, from those who have the experiences, does catty, authoritative, condescending attitudes fly in a graduate level workshop?

I have a friend in the creative nonfiction program at NYU and she says that the camaraderie and collaboration among the CNF cohort is generally great. She said the CNF candidates support one another and most of them have a "quiet, jedi-like self confidence" that enables them to take pride in their work without being assholes. Seems like there's not too much ego getting in the way of their workshop environment. She did say that she has the sense that the fiction program/fiction writers there are much cattier/faker, have bigger egos, etc. (As a fiction writer this pretty much tracks lol).

[MDP]

Uhhh what's with this result?

January 2022

Creative Writing Fiction, New York University

Added on January 11, 2022Accepted on 28 Sep

https://www.thegradcafe.com/survey/?per_page=20&institution=&program=Creative+Writing&degree=MFA

Edited January 11, 2022 by MDP

[Rm714]

3 minutes ago, MDP said:

Uhhh what's with this result?

January 2022

Creative Writing Fiction, New York University

Added on January 11, 2022Accepted on 28 Sep

https://www.thegradcafe.com/survey/?per_page=20&institution=&program=Creative+Writing&degree=MFA

My guess is that was for the low-residency program, which has two intakes yearly. 

[MDP]

3 minutes ago, Rm714 said:

My guess is that was for the low-residency program, which has two intakes yearly. 

Ahhh makes sense. Congrats to them! My hamster brain is starving for notifs.

[Rm714]

9 minutes ago, MDP said:

Ahhh makes sense. Congrats to them! My hamster brain is starving for notifs.

Hah, I totally understand. With most of my applications in, the waiting game has officially begun. I've already checked last year's notification dates for every school I applied to, and none of them notified before mid-February, yet here I am, stressing myself out. Oh well!

[koechophe]

15 hours ago, xenawins said:

In the self-reflective sober light of present day, if these greats fall short, especially when there are many other excellent alternatives that could be spotlighted now, why do they still seem to clutter up curriculums and form the bedrock of self-righteous literary traditionalists?

The thing that annoys me the most is how prioritized they are in High School (or even middle school) education. Reading the "classics" in high school messes students up bad, in both their desire to read and in their ability to write.

I was a writing center tutor for most of my undergraduate, and so I saw a lot of incoming students. People legit wrote essays that sounded like they were Jane Austin novels, because they had been taught that was the pinnacle of great literature. It's a total double-standard though, because that type of writing will get students bad grades on essays since it's too verbose and indirect. I basically had to un-train them on their writing because they spent so much time in high school reading things that they SHOULD NOT mimic for modern purposes.

I remember one specific individual who attended the writing workshop I managed. She wrote a ~250k word novel that was written just like a romance novel from the 1800s. The writing was extremely verbose and romantic, and she thought it was fabulous because she'd been taught the classics were the best, and it read a LOT like the classics. She was frustrated because no agent/publisher would give her anything but a forum rejection. Extreme example, but I really think that a lot of the mistakes and problems I see in people's writing comes from too much respect for the old ways of writing when if you want modern success, the writing should be modernized. 

I also met so many students who said they hated reading. And I don't blame them, if you've got a 16-year-old reading Crime and Punishment, OF COURSE they're going to hate it. Maybe a select few won't, but the bulk of them will be totally turned off of reading. 

We have a lot of fabulous modern YA pieces that can both capture interest and present profound thoughts. Admittedly, a lot of modern YA tends to be too colored for my taste (when I studied it in undergrad, too much of it was basically like "here's the RIGHT way of thinking, and everything else is wrong, and people who think this way are wrong, horrible people.") 

But there are complex pieces out there that teach people to look at all angles of a thing and teach people to think rather than teaching them to blindly follow. 

/End rant.

 

[xenawins]

4 hours ago, MDP said:

I have a friend in the creative nonfiction program at NYU and she says that the camaraderie and collaboration among the CNF cohort is generally great. She said the CNF candidates support one another and most of them have a "quiet, jedi-like self confidence" that enables them to take pride in their work without being assholes. Seems like there's not too much ego getting in the way of their workshop environment. She did say that she has the sense that the fiction program/fiction writers there are much cattier/faker, have bigger egos, etc. (As a fiction writer this pretty much tracks lol).

Ohhh, well that's good to hear about CNF. Kind of a bummer about the fiction workshop take. I'm applying in fiction and perhaps a growth edge for me (assuming I even get accepted anywhere, haaaah) will be learning to ignore this kind of behavior. I find unhealthy egoism antithetical to learning and improving, especially in the artistic fields. And extra especially considering it's so subjective to begin with.

[xenawins]

1 minute ago, koechophe said:

I was a writing center tutor for most of my undergraduate, and so I saw a lot of incoming students. People legit wrote essays that sounded like they were Jane Austin novels, because they had been taught that was the pinnacle of great literature. It's a total double-standard though, because that type of writing will get students bad grades on essays since it's too verbose and indirect. I basically had to un-train them on their writing because they spent so much time in high school reading things that they SHOULD NOT mimic for modern purposes.

So true. I also was a writing tutor and have workshopped with a lot of writers in my community writers group. I also remember having this experience when I was in middle school and writing incredibly florid prose because I thought that was what was desired. A good friend and other writers had the sense to point this out to me and though I was hurt at the time, it fundamentally changed how I wrote from then on. It's intensely frustrating encountering it time and again and watching them experience the same hurt when I share this information - knowing how badly it hurt me the first time around. Ah well, delivered with kindness and encouragement is about all we can do. Schools really do a disservice in this way and I hated reading "the classics" especially when forced to. I found a new appreciation for certain books when I wasn't forced to read them under time crunches, but that probably would  never have happened in a classroom setting. "The Master and Margarita" and "Great Expectations" ended up rocking my boat in ways I didn't expect. Generally, I much prefer young reader incentivized programs where students get to choose from a list of different kinds of books and read in a positively reinforced way. I think it could really work for high school students too if incentivized well and reading time was built into the school day.

Totally agree that YA has come a long way - yes, some is quite heavy handed, but there are so many excellent options for young readers and adults alike! I think YA can also be more accessible for some adult readers, especially those who struggled with reading comprehension in school. YA can serve an important compelling bridge for those readers to just... well... READ what is readable and develop a joyful relationship with reading that might not have been as possible in school. 

[MDP]

7 minutes ago, xenawins said:

I'm applying in fiction and perhaps a growth edge for me (assuming I even get accepted anywhere, haaaah) will be learning to ignore this kind of behavior. I find unhealthy egoism antithetical to learning and improving, especially in the artistic fields.

Yep, unfortunately it seems to come with the territory. I took a lot of visual/studio arts courses in undergrad and found the same problems there. At this point for me it's just fun to observe. Hard to imagine artists without big egos.

[Ydrl]

So, I promise this is related to the conversation that's gone on so far. The experience you have at an MFA program is shaped by the people you're interacting with. Some people have great experiences at MFA program. Others, like me, have experienced the ugly side of these programs, and it isn't the curriculum that's the problem for me, surprisingly. The hubris and disrespect of some of the straight, cis, white male writers is mind boggling. It makes me wonder if much has changed in the writing world since "the greats" were writing.

I'm going to say it now, and hopefully it doesn't discourage anyone too much: Poetry workshops are infinitely cattier and less organized than fiction workshops in my opinion. My fiction workshops probably aren't the pinnacle of respect and helpfulness, but some of my classmates in that poetry workshop are the definition of unprofessional, and unmotivated to help others. Find yourself a cohort that genuinely cares about your success as a writer and a person.

 

[xenawins]

11 hours ago, oubukibun said:

I always ask myself, "Do I want to be known as someone who broke or pushed boundaries, or do I want to break and push these boundaries just in the act of writing myself down?"  I've never been big on announcing or denouncing.  Living my life typically does the trick all around.

There it is. I do believe in living life out loud and as authentically as I can. And authenticity for me means asking questions, pushing and pulling, experiencing the gravity of my words juxtaposed against my actions. It also means daring to be wrong or falling out of alignment with my values, if only to better understand what my values actually are. Existence is an act of resistance and so is reflection and self-reflection. Whether someone interprets that as announcing or denouncing is their own lens and I'll also argue that for many, especially marginalized folx, their existence has been -made- inherently political. Doesn't mean it should be or has to be, but that is the state of the world and how the majority have organized around it. 

I'm glad you're trying to get out of public school - though I believe teaching to be one of the most sacred vocations we can undertake, the systemic meat grinder schools have become means so many of the best end up the most ill and wounded. Wishing you all the best in your applications and finding the right homes for your words

[xenawins]

17 minutes ago, Ydrl said:

My fiction workshops probably aren't the pinnacle of respect and helpfulness, but some of my classmates in that poetry workshop are the definition of unprofessional, and unmotivated to help others. Find yourself a cohort that genuinely cares about your success as a writer and a person.

This is the struggle I suppose. There's not really a way to know a cohort until you're in it? And from being informed you've been accepted to the deadline to accept, it doesn't seem like there's always a lot of time to be able to research or connect with folx already in the program. Any suggestions or tips for newbies?

[Ydrl]

4 minutes ago, xenawins said:

This is the struggle I suppose. There's not really a way to know a cohort until you're in it? And from being informed you've been accepted to the deadline to accept, it doesn't seem like there's always a lot of time to be able to research or connect with folx already in the program. Any suggestions or tips for newbies?

There's a miniscule window after you've been accepted to a program and before you commit where you can ask to be connected to current students. I recommend doing that to see who they're letting into the programs.

[koechophe]

50 minutes ago, Ydrl said:

Others, like me, have experienced the ugly side of these programs, and it isn't the curriculum that's the problem for me, surprisingly. The hubris and disrespect of some of the straight, cis, white male writers is mind boggling. It makes me wonder if much has changed in the writing world since "the greats" were writing.

 

First off, ouch, that sounds awful, and I'm sorry your experiences have been so negative on something you've worked so hard to do.

Second, would you mind elaborating on what this looks like? Not because I like horror stories, but more because it's something I don't ever want to do. I'm a white male (I'm ace, not cis, but in a cis marriage--we make it work ?) and as much as I've got a trans sister and have had some friends who are LGBTQ+, in writing communities, my experiences have been pretty homogeneous. 

Being considerate is something I care a lot about. Without any sort of diagnosis, I have some neurodiverse tendencies, and I really struggled with feeling understood when I was younger (obviously being ace impacts that too). It's taught me that it's important to try and understand people and their POV. I also have faced a surprising amount of bitterness just at the fact that I'm a Christian (but a specific denomination of Christianity that a lot of the other Christians don't like, lol). It's taught me that understanding is really important.

Since I just haven't had much experience with diversity in writing circles, it's something I want to understand how I can account for more. I have this fear that I'll hurt someone in giving feedback because I'm unaware (and my feedback is usually pretty, err, blunt, since I honestly want bluntness in return.)

You don't have to share if you're not comfortable, but I'd like to know more of what people are doing so I can get a better grasp of what it looks like in programs. 

 

 

[oubukibun]

1 hour ago, xenawins said:

There it is. I do believe in living life out loud and as authentically as I can. And authenticity for me means asking questions, pushing and pulling, experiencing the gravity of my words juxtaposed against my actions. It also means daring to be wrong or falling out of alignment with my values, if only to better understand what my values actually are. Existence is an act of resistance and so is reflection and self-reflection. Whether someone interprets that as announcing or denouncing is their own lens and I'll also argue that for many, especially marginalized folx, their existence has been -made- inherently political. Doesn't mean it should be or has to be, but that is the state of the world and how the majority have organized around it. 

I'm glad you're trying to get out of public school - though I believe teaching to be one of the most sacred vocations we can undertake, the systemic meat grinder schools have become means so many of the best end up the most ill and wounded. Wishing you all the best in your applications and finding the right homes for your words

Is your name taken from Xena, the one and only Warrior Princess?  Because that show was a bomb-diggity jam when I was a kid, and I will never, ever forget the bagpipes leading into that epic 8-9 note motif!

Lucy Lawless is flawless.

If your name has nothing to do with her or the show, do yourself the favor and find it, and then watch it.

 

:)

[Ydrl]

3 hours ago, koechophe said:

Second, would you mind elaborating on what this looks like? Not because I like horror stories, but more because it's something I don't ever want to do. I'm a white male (I'm ace, not cis, but in a cis marriage--we make it work ?) and as much as I've got a trans sister and have had some friends who are LGBTQ+, in writing communities, my experiences have been pretty homogeneous. 

Being considerate is something I care a lot about. Without any sort of diagnosis, I have some neurodiverse tendencies, and I really struggled with feeling understood when I was younger (obviously being ace impacts that too). It's taught me that it's important to try and understand people and their POV. I also have faced a surprising amount of bitterness just at the fact that I'm a Christian (but a specific denomination of Christianity that a lot of the other Christians don't like, lol). It's taught me that understanding is really important.

You don't have to share if you're not comfortable, but I'd like to know more of what people are doing so I can get a better grasp of what it looks like in programs. 

 

 

Well, buckle up. There are some people I've had issues with at the program, and the first theme is that they're all cis white men, two are bi (this will be relevant), but the other five are straight. The second theme is that I've been the sole target in most cases. For reference, I'm nonbinary, pansexual, the darkest person in the program, neurodivergent, and have a host of health issues.

Things that happened so far:

• Abandoned and stranded at a party because the two people from the program (who are TAs) who were supposed to give me a ride wanted to buy and do some lines of coke instead of take me home. Got a ride from a total stranger and was never given an apology. In fact, when I alluded to a wild party in class, one of the two guys took me aside and demanded an explanation for me alluding to a wild night despite me not giving any details.
• Told four people I thought I could trust, two who had completely normal reactions. And then the two white guys. The first guy told me said that unless I thought they had a coke problem not to tell anyone. The second guy, who is teaching me, told me privately that we all have vices and that reporting them would be petty of me. Then, in class, he had a small, impromptu lesson on pettiness.
• Been told to shut up a few times by one of the men mentioned above. A different teacher told me he couldn't do anything about it due to it happening outside his class/field of vision.
• One of my classmates, instead of giving me helpful feedback has called my work "lousy", an "accordion car crash", has explained that he would have done ___ because it's "better", and doodles on his copy of my work in class instead of giving me verbal feedback (something he does for everyone else).
• One of the two teachers talked to me when I was having a hard time due to some of these guys by saying that both of us are too intense for most people.
• The bi guys slept together, which whatever, but when I brought it up causally to one of them they gaslighted me so hard and made me feel like I was nuts despite other people telling me that this happened. One of them confronted me at a party in front of other people by insisting I made him uncomfortable by asking him questions that I never asked him. When I talked to him privately about it and told him that confronting me for things I never did at a party was embarrassing, he told me that I make him uncomfortable, but despite it, he still thinks we can be friends.

While I don't think it's racially motivated (I've always been bad at detecting these things though) it's a disturbing trend to see the people who have issues with me versus the people that don't. It might be neurodivergent based, since the "intense" comment from my teacher came around. I know I'm not palatable to most people, but that comment confirmed my worst fears about what others think about me. I cry a lot here.

[xenawins]

4 hours ago, oubukibun said:

Is your name taken from Xena, the one and only Warrior Princess?  Because that show was a bomb-diggity jam when I was a kid, and I will never, ever forget the bagpipes leading into that epic 8-9 note motif!

Lucy Lawless is flawless.

YeeeeeeeeeeeeeeSSSSSS indeedy! 

 

34 minutes ago, Ydrl said:

While I don't think it's racially motivated (I've always been bad at detecting these things though) it's a disturbing trend to see the people who have issues with me versus the people that don't. It might be neurodivergent based, since the "intense" comment from my teacher came around. I know I'm not palatable to most people, but that comment confirmed my worst fears about what others think about me. I cry a lot here.

Holy... fuck, that sounds AWFUL. I'm about to be *TOO MAD* on this comment but I'm not going to apologize for it. I'm so sorry you're having this experience and though obviously I'm not there and I'm not BIPOC, it does sound to me like there's racial subtext. Being "too intense" has seemed, in instances I've witnessed, to almost have become the new "this brown/black person is so ANGRY." Even without that subtext, none of what you've described is okay, professional, or part of facilitating a healthy workshopping and learning space. An "accordion car crash"?! I'm about to come through this screen! I can't even with that. Are these comments being made in front of faculty? Of course, from what you said, seems some of these instances have occurred FROM faculty so I guess I'm putting too much stock in their conduct. Sure, we all have "vices" but that's not a blank check for rampant misconduct or misdirected blame.

Look, I'm neurodivergent, queer, and just a stranger on the internet... but goddamn, you're NOT too much, too intense, or too anything except being completely yourself. Fuck those people - the way they treat you is confirmation of who THEY are, not anything about who you are. The people in your program might not be the people you come to know as your community, but I promise you, there are people in this world seeking YOU as much as you are seeking them. I hope you won't let these asshats deter you from pursuing your art and getting what you need and deserve out of your program, though I know it has put quite a damper on things. You are deserving of respect and to feel valued as a human being, as a student, and as a colleague. 

[xenawins]

46 minutes ago, Ydrl said:One of my classmates, instead of giving me helpful feedback has called my work "lousy", an "accordion car crash", has explained that he would have done ___ because it's "better", and doodles on his copy of my work in class instead of giving me verbal feedback (something he does for everyone else).

 

Okay, just have to come back to this absolute douche-canoe of a human.... might I suggest wiping your ass with his copy next time?? I really find this kind of attitude towards people's work and art so incredibly gross. I'd suggest giving him your own "verbal feedback" but I have a feeling, in the environment you've described, they would someone figure out a way to blame you. So you'll have to settle for my absolute OUTRAGE on your behalf. *huff huff, stomp stomp*