Feeling like shit

[cquin]

So I just received an implicit rejection from my undergrad institution (UMass)... I called grad admissions and was told if I haven't received an e-mail, it means rejection. I'm going to try to talk to some of my professors to see if they can offer any insight, but the fact that I was rejected from my own former university makes me feel like I don't have a chance in hell at any of the other schools. I'm feeling extremely discouraged right now, and cannot stop obsessing over every element of my application and wondering how I could have done better.

Sorry for whining... just needed to get this off my chest

[shepardn7]

So I just received an implicit rejection from my undergrad institution (UMass)... I called grad admissions and was told if I haven't received an e-mail, it means rejection. I'm going to try to talk to some of my professors to see if they can offer any insight, but the fact that I was rejected from my own former university makes me feel like I don't have a chance in hell at any of the other schools. I'm feeling extremely discouraged right now, and cannot stop obsessing over every element of my application and wondering how I could have done better.

Sorry for whining... just needed to get this off my chest

I'm sorry. Fwiw, I have heard that often programs prefer not to accept their own undergraduates. Some programs seem to think it would be bad for your scholarship to remain in the same tiny community for all your scholarly training; others seem to think it would affect their overall reputation. Yes, of course it happens, but I do get the impression that good candidates are rejected by their alma mater often on principle. But that's just my impression; obviously I am not on an adcom.

[crutch]

I'm sorry. Fwiw, I have heard that often programs prefer not to accept their own undergraduates. Some programs seem to think it would be bad for your scholarship to remain in the same tiny community for all your scholarly training; others seem to think it would affect their overall reputation. Yes, of course it happens, but I do get the impression that good candidates are rejected by their alma mater often on principle. But that's just my impression; obviously I am not on an adcom.

Keep your head up, cquin. I've been told exactly the same thing as sarandipidy. No need to give up yet!

[ecg1810]

I'm sorry. Fwiw, I have heard that often programs prefer not to accept their own undergraduates. Some programs seem to think it would be bad for your scholarship to remain in the same tiny community for all your scholarly training; others seem to think it would affect their overall reputation. Yes, of course it happens, but I do get the impression that good candidates are rejected by their alma mater often on principle. But that's just my impression; obviously I am not on an adcom.

I was on the verge of making the exact same observation. *high fives sarandipidy* We think alike. I wouldn't take it to heart, cquin. If it's still troubling you later, perhaps there's a professor with whom you can discuss your concerns?

[againstourfaces]

I'm sorry. Fwiw, I have heard that often programs prefer not to accept their own undergraduates. Some programs seem to think it would be bad for your scholarship to remain in the same tiny community for all your scholarly training; others seem to think it would affect their overall reputation. Yes, of course it happens, but I do get the impression that good candidates are rejected by their alma mater often on principle. But that's just my impression; obviously I am not on an adcom.

sarandipidy has a point. although i'd normally say 'don't be discouraged' i know it's hard not to be. i am totally discouraged, and way too lazy and sad to try capitalizing this reply.

[stillthisappeal]

I'm sorry you took a shot and things didn't work out. Unfortunately, admissions committees do a lot of screwy things.

I didn't apply to my undergraduate institution for my MA (or my PhD) because I had heard from several sources that they very rarely accept applicants from their institution. At the time, I was extremely bitter, especially since the department was so large that I had not had an opportunity to take courses from several prominent faculty members in my field. Now I feel as though I can understand their justification a bit more. As a young scholar, it's to your advantage to gain experience in as many different English Departments as possible. After all, you never know where you will end up when you hit the job market.

[cquin]

Thanks for the kind words, everyone. I sent an email to my professor (who wrote one of my LORs) and asked for his opinion on the matter. I'm trying to remain optimistic. Good luck to us all!

[cyriac]

Well. I'm two rejections deep, and that first one bummed me out in a big way. Those applications really dissipate the emotional sap. Lately, though, I feel better. I graduated in May and am doing a Fulbright this year. I find the prospect of time off--ten months, say--increasingly appealing.

[tortola23]

I feel exactly the same way, waiting on twelve schools . . . I am so discouraged already because this looks like such a hideously competitive year and my confidence is shot after not getting in anywhere last year.

My job is boring, so I spend all day totally preoccupied, F5ing GradCafe and my email, and reading blogs and the news. I can't wait to get home every night so I can dive into an engaging book!

This miserable wait needs to wrap up. Geez.

[apieceofroastbeef]

So I just received an implicit rejection from my undergrad institution (UMass)... I called grad admissions and was told if I haven't received an e-mail, it means rejection. I'm going to try to talk to some of my professors to see if they can offer any insight, but the fact that I was rejected from my own former university makes me feel like I don't have a chance in hell at any of the other schools. I'm feeling extremely discouraged right now, and cannot stop obsessing over every element of my application and wondering how I could have done better.

Sorry for whining... just needed to get this off my chest

Really? I called them today, because I haven't heard anything, and the person said that they were still making decisions. Perhaps this was just an unimportant person who was not allowed to tell the "truth"?

At any rate-- I'm sorry. I've gotten two official rejections and now this UMass one, and I feel exactly the same way. Everyone says that rejections mean nothing and many people who get rejected from good schools end up with offers. But it doesn't feel that way for me. It feels like the English world, after all my isolated studying/writing/applying, has finally identified me as someone who doesn't qualify on some basic level. And now they're all making a group decision to make me feel the rejection.

[lapelosa]

At any rate-- I'm sorry. I've gotten two official rejections and now this UMass one, and I feel exactly the same way. Everyone says that rejections mean nothing and many people who get rejected from good schools end up with offers. But it doesn't feel that way for me. It feels like the English world, after all my isolated studying/writing/applying, has finally identified me as someone who doesn't qualify on some basic level. And now they're all making a group decision to make me feel the rejection.

I just want to say, I'm sorry. I'm feeling the exact way right now myself. Saying your fear out loud does help you realize the ridiculousness, though! Imaginations tend to run melodramatic. This is like me at age ten imagining all the people at my funeral saying that they are very, very sorry for talking to me the way that they did.

[lapelosa]

I just want to say, I'm sorry. I'm feeling the exact way right now myself. Saying your fear out loud does help you realize the ridiculousness, though! Imaginations tend to run melodramatic. This is like me at age ten imagining all the people at my funeral saying that they are very, very sorry for talking to me the way that they did.

Oh god, I just realized that I just echoed your original post. Although I mean it. Everybody really DOES feel the exact same way!

Is it allowed to give a negative point to my own post?

[cquin]

Really? I called them today, because I haven't heard anything, and the person said that they were still making decisions. Perhaps this was just an unimportant person who was not allowed to tell the "truth"?

At any rate-- I'm sorry. I've gotten two official rejections and now this UMass one, and I feel exactly the same way. Everyone says that rejections mean nothing and many people who get rejected from good schools end up with offers. But it doesn't feel that way for me. It feels like the English world, after all my isolated studying/writing/applying, has finally identified me as someone who doesn't qualify on some basic level. And now they're all making a group decision to make me feel the rejection.

catherinian-- I spoke to Wanda Bak, the graduate English administrator. Of course, until I actually receive that rejection email I am going to foolishly hope that I have a chance, but she sounded rather clear on the matter. I wish you the best of luck, though, with UMass and your other schools.

And yes, I also feel as if the world of academia has collectively and unanimously decided that I am not fit for graduate work. I'm already planning my second round of applications for next year...

[FaithM]

Wow, I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one feeling like the whole English academic community is collectively shitting on me right now. This is my second round of applications, and this year I was 100% certain that I would get into a program. I'm not kidding--after the first round of rejections in 2008, I spent the last two years busting my ass to get a master's with a high grad GPA, write two books, publish short stories, enter/win competitions, get teaching experience, and on and on and on. And BAM--three rejections out of five apps so far. And now I'm at the end of my rope--if I can't get in with all of that, then it's just ME they don't want (it's impossible not to take it personally).

The worst part is that I know another guy from my undergrad school who's applying to the same program I am, and I swear to God, if he gets in and I don't, I'm gonna cut someone.

So I'm kind of wondering--who IS getting into these programs and what's so great about those guys?? Why not ME?!

[apieceofroastbeef]

Wow, I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one feeling like the whole English academic community is collectively shitting on me right now.

And now I'm at the end of my rope--if I can't get in with all of that, then it's just ME they don't want (it's impossible not to take it personally).

So I'm kind of wondering--who IS getting into these programs and what's so great about those guys?? Why not ME?!

My thoughts exactly. It makes me despair on so many levels.

Hang in there though! It sounds like you are a competitive applicant this year and perhaps the remaining schools will find you to be a better fit. Any school would be lucky to have someone with your perseverance in their program.

[FaithM]

My thoughts exactly. It makes me despair on so many levels.

Hang in there though! It sounds like you are a competitive applicant this year and perhaps the remaining schools will find you to be a better fit. Any school would be lucky to have someone with your perseverance in their program.

What a nice thing to say! You're awesome!

[cquin]

Wow, I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one feeling like the whole English academic community is collectively shitting on me right now. This is my second round of applications, and this year I was 100% certain that I would get into a program. I'm not kidding--after the first round of rejections in 2008, I spent the last two years busting my ass to get a master's with a high grad GPA, write two books, publish short stories, enter/win competitions, get teaching experience, and on and on and on. And BAM--three rejections out of five apps so far. And now I'm at the end of my rope--if I can't get in with all of that, then it's just ME they don't want (it's impossible not to take it personally).

The worst part is that I know another guy from my undergrad school who's applying to the same program I am, and I swear to God, if he gets in and I don't, I'm gonna cut someone.

So I'm kind of wondering--who IS getting into these programs and what's so great about those guys?? Why not ME?!

I only have a BA, but I sympathize completely. I worked my ass off to earn my 4.0 and revised my SOP week after week until I thought it was excellent--and yet that's still not good enough?!

Good luck, I really hope you get in somewhere great!

[TheOtherJake]

The worst part is that I know another guy from my undergrad school who's applying to the same program I am, and I swear to God, if he gets in and I don't, I'm gonna cut someone.

This part made me lol. Not at you; just because it's a funny sentence. I feel you, though. If you think about it, how much can one person really know about another person from a small set of distinct application components, ones that have become acronyms no less (SOP, LOR, etc). Okay, so they're abbreviations, not acronmys, technically, but you know what I mean.

Bottom line, they don't really know you or what you're capable of in the application process - they can only find that out once you get there. So they just do their best with the little bit of info they have, and you know, we all know, that they must make a lot of mistakes and turn away a lot of capable people. Brilliant, determined, capable people.

So keep your focus on your internal locus of control, everybody! Other people can't decide your life for you. If you're the kind of person who would be an excellent and successful scholar at XYZ University, then I bet you're the kind of person who can be an excellent scholar / author / teacher / executive / non-profit worker / firefighter / etc anywhere else as well. Make a plan for your future that depends only (mostly) on your own talents and abilities and determination! The world is big and there's plenty of great things for great people to do!

[woolfie]

So keep your focus on your internal locus of control, everybody!

This is good advice in general, about everything in life. I'm going to start chanting to myself FOCUS ON YOUR LOCUS!

[TC3]

Bottom line, they don't really know you or what you're capable of in the application process - they can only find that out once you get there. So they just do their best with the little bit of info they have, and you know, we all know, that they must make a lot of mistakes and turn away a lot of capable people. Brilliant, determined, capable people.

Seconded. It's important, I think, to come to terms with graduate admissions as an unavoidably imperfect process. It's definitely true that deserving people are passed over (and quite frequently, I'm sure), just as it's true that some who are accepted don't turn out nearly as well as everyone had hoped. Plus, once it gets down to the top fifty applicants out of a pool of 500, so much more than merit determines the final cut: avoidance of subfield redundancy, availability of POI, perceived fit in department cohort, etc.

[woolfie]

This song will make you feel better:

Sing it when you're feeling bad about your app.

[fall-11]

Great song, thanks woolfie!

Here's another one, along the same lines, "Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba, that someone posted on Waiting It Out. The good old 90s! Reminded me of high school (that's where I was when this song first came out, and I used to watch it on TV).

"I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never going to keep me down!"

[shepardn7]

Dear Sugar is a column everyone should read, but this one in particular, from last week, is really wonderful and inspiring and makes me feel calmer about my turbulent twenties:

http://therumpus.net/2011/02/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-64/

And this one is also really good:

http://therumpus.net/2010/08/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-48-write-like-a-motherfucker/

Read her!

[t1racyjacks]

Really? I called them today, because I haven't heard anything, and the person said that they were still making decisions. Perhaps this was just an unimportant person who was not allowed to tell the "truth"?

At any rate-- I'm sorry. I've gotten two official rejections and now this UMass one, and I feel exactly the same way. Everyone says that rejections mean nothing and many people who get rejected from good schools end up with offers. But it doesn't feel that way for me. It feels like the English world, after all my isolated studying/writing/applying, has finally identified me as someone who doesn't qualify on some basic level. And now they're all making a group decision to make me feel the rejection.

feel the same way. everyone feels the same way.

the only 'comforting' thing is that this is my first round, and I didn't work that hard, so hopefully next round -- if I have the gumption for it and if no one takes me this round -- will be better.

[limelight]

This song will make you feel better:

Sing it when you're feeling bad about your app.

yesss! this was my jam when i was applying two years ago.