I hate it when people tell me I will get in.

[kotov]

I got rejected today from a great program in my field, and my mom told me something like "oh well, I didn't want you to go that far away anyway". Gee mom, thanks for looking out for my interests here.

[OnceAndFutureGrad]

I got rejected today from a great program in my field, and my mom told me something like "oh well, I didn't want you to go that far away anyway". Gee mom, thanks for looking out for my interests here.

Yes. This. I got rejected from my second CT school today, meaning that I have no choice but to leave CT and come closer to my mother, and she was excited about that. Thaaaaanks.

[jaxzwolf]

Last year when I applied everyone (myself, my friends, professors, bosses, etc.) except my mom was convinced I was going to get in. She kept cutting in with, "You better have a plan B" and "What are you going to do if you don't get in anywhere?"

This year things are different. My professors are more circumspect about my chances, I've convinced myself I'm a total failure and am already anticipating a rejection letter post-interview from my dream school, and my mom is being the positive one. "I'm sure you'll get in this time!" or "I feel good about Dream School. I think you'll get accepted." It's nice to have the support, but I kind of wish she'd stop. I'm a big proponent of the 'always expect the worst because if it happens it will be less emotionally crushing, and if the opposite happens you'll be pleasantly surprised (and relieved)' paradigm.

Really, though, I'm just sick of the waiting game and of not knowing either way. I find myself fantasizing about what it would be like to attend Dream School, and then I make myself stop because it will hurt all the worse if I do get rejected. I just want to move on with my life.

[lydibird]

Ugh. Now that I've been accepted to some really good programs this is happening but about funding.

I have to get some sort of funding to be able to afford the out of state tuition (there are no MLIS programs in my state) but I know funding for MLS students is really scarce. My best chance is Michigan, but they probably won't say anything for another week or so. Everyone keeps saying I'm going to get funding and I kind of want to hit them all and say that there isn't much funding for us, especially right now. Stop giving me a false sense of security already!

I have a plan B, but the idea of being a lab tech for a year performing endless PCR cycles makes my soul die a little. I really hope I don't have to defer for a year.

[HatedByTheRegulars]

OMG!!! I am SO GLAD my best friend told me about this website! I feel the EXACT SAME WAY....I love your phrase, "pessimistic realism," because it serves as an adequate description of my disposition concerning my prospects of getting into certain programs. I don't exactly have a "Plan B." My "Plan B" is to send out job applications (which, in all honesty, is probably "Plan B" for most people...LOL)....

The fun part is when they don't understand my pessimistic realism. I talk about my plan B and they're like, "You don't need a plan B!" Yes, yes, I do. I am lucky at least that I managed to explain the whole process to family well enough that they understand it's a crapshoot and refrain from asking me every day if I've heard anything.

Edited February 27, 2011 by Penn State PhD Bound

[HatedByTheRegulars]

Same thing happened to me. I applied to the school which U.S. News and World Report says is the top in my field (and my top POI is on faculty there...so are the POIs in 2nd and 3rd place...LOL)....I never thought in a MILLION YEARS that they would say "It is my pleasure to inform you...that you have been recommended to the graduate school for admittance to the program..." LOL!!! Yet, that's exactly what happened. The only thing now is: FUNDING. The big seven-letter-"F"-word....LOL

I applied to other schools in the top 20 in my field (according to U.S. News and World Report), and so far 3 have rejected me...Doctoral admissions are so strange....In my case, the number 1 school says "hop on aboard," and schools ranked lower say "no thank you..." After thinking about my results so far (1 acceptance, 3 rejections), I'm convinced PhD adcomms truly believe "best fit" is paramount.

I totally understand you all. I kept hearing "Oh you'll get in" like if it's so easy!! I mean everything was challenging. I made it through the stress of undergrad and the grad application process. Of course, I must add that my friends didn't really understand the competition. I had to explain the statistics for them to realize the slim chance of admission. Then my advisor told me, "They'd be lucky to have you." Now those words worked for me Nonetheless, I got so worried that I wouldn't be accepted into my initial number 1 school so I set my eyes on another school which slowly became my new number 1. Then I psyched myself out thinking about the possibility of not getting into either one so I thought of my official Plan B that I started to like more and more. Then... Bam! I get accepted to my initial number 1 school I'm happy!! I just freaked myself out worrying so much!!

Edited February 27, 2011 by Penn State PhD Bound

[GI1]

Yeah, my friend tells me you'll get in somewhere and I 'm like daaa,...I mean no matter how good you are IT IS NOT EASY to get accepted and get funding. It really makes me mad and I have not even got a single acceptance so far.. anyway, I try to be optimist but realistic at the same time. God help me please.........

[one eyed rex]

Some of my favorite erroneous beliefs about PhD admissions among blithely ignorant family/friends/co-workers:

* That it's like getting into undergrad

* That it's like getting into a professional program (e.g., an MBA)

* That your being "smart" is enough

* That your having been successful with school-related things in the past is a reliable signal of how you'll fare

* That it's truly a crap shoot so even with objective flaws to your application, you really do have as good a chance as anyone to get into your reach/dream school

* That somehow the other gazillion applicants are rubbish so the fact that acceptance rates are <5% doesn't mean much for your prospects

* That the stress/waiting ends with getting admitted rather than when a funding package you can live on is offered

* That their admission to an academic masters or PhD program in the past represents current reality - if you're an older applicant, you'll have friends from undergrad, etc., who will use their own experience as a guide to your prospects, and you'll want to say "But it's so much more freaking competitive now!" etc.

All of these things combine to make people stupidly optimistic about your chances and can serve to both make you take your rejections as embarrassing and your admissions as less impressive/awesome.

But here, we know better. Good luck to everyone on this crazy, difficult, stressful adventure!

[NoMoreABD]

How much worse can it get, when my MA thesis instructor, who's also the head of the program, is walking around the university telling people I'll soon be leaving the country to do my PhD, when I haven't even heard from any of the places I applied to?

[rainbowworrier]

Every time somebody says that they are sure I will get in, my stress level intensifies. It's as if some part of me feels that is one more person who I will be letting down in some way.

I haven't officially given notice at my job, but I intend to leave in June no matter what. I am in a state where I have no family, and there are many painful memories of breakups. I am ready for a giant change of pace. Should I not get in to any program, I am seriously considering moving in with random family members, and working at Target (or some other mindless job) in order to regroup and reconsider what to do next.

I didn't realize how much I really wanted this until all of my application materials were in, and it became a pure waiting game.

[cranberry]

Some of my favorite erroneous beliefs about PhD admissions among blithely ignorant family/friends/co-workers:

* That it's like getting into undergrad

* That it's like getting into a professional program (e.g., an MBA)

* That your being "smart" is enough

* That your having been successful with school-related things in the past is a reliable signal of how you'll fare

* That it's truly a crap shoot so even with objective flaws to your application, you really do have as good a chance as anyone to get into your reach/dream school

* That somehow the other gazillion applicants are rubbish so the fact that acceptance rates are <5% doesn't mean much for your prospects

* That the stress/waiting ends with getting admitted rather than when a funding package you can live on is offered

* That their admission to an academic masters or PhD program in the past represents current reality - if you're an older applicant, you'll have friends from undergrad, etc., who will use their own experience as a guide to your prospects, and you'll want to say "But it's so much more freaking competitive now!" etc.

All of these things combine to make people stupidly optimistic about your chances and can serve to both make you take your rejections as embarrassing and your admissions as less impressive/awesome.

But here, we know better. Good luck to everyone on this crazy, difficult, stressful adventure!

Oh my God, YES! My undergrad sends lots of students to professional schools, so I have lots of friends who have gone onto law school in recent years and think they're pros in admissions for Ph.D. programs since, after all, they went through the process for law school. NOT THE SAME!!!

[Irishlibra]

I finally just started putting people into two categories when they wanted to talk about the grad school application process...ignorant and informed. I know ignore all of the annoying comments from the ignorant group and seek solace from the informed.

As a side note, can I just vent about how incredibly frustrating it is to work in a place where all of my co-workers have received their MBAs through online/distance programs that ANYONE can get into while thinking that my programs are the same way. They also believe that our degrees will be comparable and that I'm insane for even considering quitting my job to go to grad school. FML.

[everygirl]

That your having been successful with school-related things in the past is a reliable signal of how you'll fare

Chime. It's like I'm getting punished for doing well academically in the past, because I've set up a pattern. My mom in particular can't imagine a world where I don't get what I want, school-wise. I want to scream that this is the big leagues, this is the hardest thing I've tried so far, and that I'm sooo out of the pond, I'm just a little fish in the Pacific.

I love how it sounds like I'm speaking in hyperbole, but I know you all understand that I'm not. Love this forum.

[Roccoriel]

I guess I'm lucky in that this is my third application season, so no one expects anything either way. The first two years were harsh, especially the second one as I applied to the school I was/am working on my master's in. It didn't help that the first year I didn't know what I was doing and so applied to a bunch of school willy-nilly without actually contacting PoIs... and the second year I wanted to work with someone affiliated with the school, but not actually part of the school (who is now my master's thesis adviser, incidentally). Depsite my inability to manage the application process, everyone was absolutely sure I'd get in and I didn't.

So this year, I only have one friend who tells me over and over I'll get in. So far I have been accepted at one of the schools I've applied to, but no word on funding yet. My mom is super excited that I got accepted (she emailed the whole family), even if they don't fund me and I can't go after all LOL. At least my mom gets it!

Edited February 28, 2011 by Roccoriel

[Zouzax]

Some of my favorite erroneous beliefs about PhD admissions among blithely ignorant family/friends/co-workers:

* That it's like getting into undergrad

* That it's like getting into a professional program (e.g., an MBA)

* That your being "smart" is enough

* That your having been successful with school-related things in the past is a reliable signal of how you'll fare

* That it's truly a crap shoot so even with objective flaws to your application, you really do have as good a chance as anyone to get into your reach/dream school

* That somehow the other gazillion applicants are rubbish so the fact that acceptance rates are <5% doesn't mean much for your prospects

* That the stress/waiting ends with getting admitted rather than when a funding package you can live on is offered

* That their admission to an academic masters or PhD program in the past represents current reality - if you're an older applicant, you'll have friends from undergrad, etc., who will use their own experience as a guide to your prospects, and you'll want to say "But it's so much more freaking competitive now!" etc.

All of these things combine to make people stupidly optimistic about your chances and can serve to both make you take your rejections as embarrassing and your admissions as less impressive/awesome.

THIS. times 1000.

[kbirch]

Do you hate it when your well-meaning friends and family say, "Don't worry, Everygirl, you'll get in everywhere, no problem. Your stress is invalid and ridiculous, and soon enough we can plan a congratulatory party!"

I don't want to choose the flavor of my cake. Well Meaning Friend usually cites stellar grades, strong recs, excellent SOP as surefire reasons I will get into (incredibly competitive top school). I love her as she is Well Meaning but WE ALL HAVE THOSE. And there's not enough places or funding for all of us. Some of us will get in, some of us will fall off the face of the earth, and the thing is, we are all qualified. This is the reality, and I don't like it when people try to bolster my confidence because... I have to be realistic. I have to prepare for the worst, hope for the best. But mostly prepare for the worst.

So, world. Please stop telling me I will get in. You don't know that. I don't know that. Only my Blackberry knows. And he won't show me the email until March.

Until then, keep your comments to your self. I can't take it.

Who's crazy with me?!

This is so therapeutic to read... I echo everything that has been said! I am so glad I am not alone. Haha

[wtncffts]

I haven't read the entire thread but I think I'd rather have this problem, though I haven't really experienced it, than the opposite problem: people telling me I won't get in anywhere, that I'm not smart enough for any graduate school, etc. Granted, I've never really experienced this either, but I think I'd much rather get SOME positive reinforcement and optimism in an otherwise relentlessly brutal process. How you choose to let other people's comments affect your confidence and sense of reality is up to you.

[Phenomenologist]

Man, this thread is reminding me how freaky it was when I was looking at PhD programs instead of MA programs. You're all absolutely right, of course. It's a crapshoot, and it's psychotic.

[Polly_Sigh]

this is a great thread! everyone has been assuming i will get acepted somewhere and everything will work out as planned. well i have found a way to counter these comments and it seems to work. whenever anyone tries to shut down my worrying i say "look, most of the programs i applied to get between 300 and 400 applicant an they accept about 15 (at most), so even the most conservative statistics suggest that over 95% of applicants get rejected. of the 95% rejected probably over 80% are perfectly qualified. therefore, yes i know i have a great background and solid scores, but in this process i'm mediocre and i'm not an insider in my field. so that is why i am worried. make sense?" seems to work....

[Daniela]

It is frustrating because if i don't get in anywhere, it's just going to make things 10 times as embarrassing. No body wants to listen to me talk about a plan B because they're so convinced that I'm going to get in. Honestly, I think that they believe that getting into graduate school is about as difficult as getting in as an undergrad, which, as we all know, is blatantly false. They tend to get annoyed with me when I express any doubts about acceptance ...

At least if I don't get accepted anywhere I'll have the bleak satisfaction of telling them, "I told you so."

Hey aucinema, don't mind me asking, but I noticed you are going for your Au.D and I am a current Au.D student on Long Island... So I was wondering where are you applying?

[VAPHD]

You know what I hate about that whole "you will get in" crap! Is the whole "Secret" mindset that you have to put out the positive energy and vision it happening and it will happen....My brother is so on this so anytime I say...if, or I think, he corrects me and says I am not putting out good energy. I always remind him--that if getting into my top choice PhD program required putting out good energy then I wouldn't worry but the reality is the program only accepts 5 to 10 of its applicants and over 200 may apply; my analytical mind tells me that statistically speaking...I better REALLY envision harder....

So since I have gotten rejected from my number one choice...does that mean that I just didn't "want it enough" to envision the reality of it happening. PEOPLE ANNOY ME!