jerzygrl Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 (edited) Yes, one of my biggest concerns! I didn't apply to one program that would have been a good fit because I thought the location would be very difficult for my child. I have one child in middle school - a little different situation from younger ones. All through the app process, I've been explaining why I'm applying and showing him pictures of the schools/cities on the internet - but also emphasizing that it's very possible we won't go this year and will try again next year. If I get in anywhere, I plan to spend a lot of time setting up some support structures for him in advance (schools, activities, pen pal) and making sure he has some tools for looking forward & backward (skype, videos, etc.). Oh yes, and the discussions about not actually getting in this year. We've been having those too. It's my least favorite discussion because whenever they get excited about living someplace I have to remind them we may not actually be moving And I too did not apply to two schools due to having a family. The one was just way to expensive to live in a good school district. The other, my partner could not see living there for several years. The thought of it depressed him so I had to rule that one out as well. Edited January 24, 2012 by jerzygrl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wlkwih2 Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 I'm getting sick of "someone from USA found your profile on academia.edu" notifications. Damn admission committeestalkers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andee Kaplan Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 To balance out possibly getting rejected from another uni, I've just found out that I've been awarded a fellowship from the University of Bristol that will pay all my fees and give me a stipend. :D They only awarded five of these fellowships to international students, so I'm over the moon! Congrats Spriteling! I also applied to Bristol Math. Do you mind if I ask which research group and how long ago you sent in your application? Again, congrats on the admit/fellowship! That's really exciting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bgreenster Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 First, I want to let everyone know how helpful it is to read everyone's posts....makes me feel a little less like I'm going to have a stroke checking my email. Second, I need advice as to whether all this anxiety is turning me into a terrible person: was just informed by my boyfriend that an old friend of his and her husband (both of whom I'm not crazy about) are coming for a visit this weekend. This would be nausea-inducing under normal circumstances, as this woman likes to give me passive aggressive cleaning tips and is constantly, suspiciously inquiring about the last time I washed the sheets in the guest room---but it's even worse this time because her husband is applying to grad schools as well, and has already been accepted into 8 or so top programs. We're in completely different fields, but the way these people are means that this whole weekend is going to turn into an extended celebration of his accomplishments, reviewing all the funding offers he's gotten a thousand times, etc (in fact, she already suggested to my boyfriend that he buy a bottle of champagne so we could all toast her husband). Meanwhile, I'm still waiting to hear and do not know if I could stomach such a weekend. Am I becoming the most petty person on earth to be dreading this so much? Good luck to everyone You are NOT a bad person for having these thoughts/feelings. I'm having a hard enough time hearing about my close friends' acceptances (who I am genuinely happy for) while I sit here waiting to hear back from anywhere. I cringe thinking of going through all that, but I guess it's just something you gotta get through. If I were in your position, I would just tell my boyfriend about how it is likely to be difficult so that he can maybe be on the lookout for when you (inevitably) get upset and can be there to support you. I applied to 6 programs... I'm interviewing with one of them later this week, but haven't heard anything from the rest... I was wondering if anybody else applying to grad schools has school age kids? If so, are you starting to worry about how they are going to handle the move/change? Are you making any plans yet? Good luck to every one! It's hard enough for me to do all this with a significant other! I will say though that I've been on the other side of this - I moved several times growing up, and it helped me to think of it as both an adventure and a way to start over. I imagine it's even easier these days since there is internet/Skype, etc. (Makes me feel old to think of how I had to write actual letters when I moved!) It's just about how you present it to the kids, and make sure they know they can talk to you when they are having difficulties with the process. It probably also helped when I was a kid to think that it was something that was going to happen, and I didn't have a choice in the whole thing. I guess that seems kind of weird, but I was the type to deal better with things if I just had to accept them, rather than think I had the chance to change it. If anything, moving is easier on children than us adults; getting to be superstars in the new school and making friends quickly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clou12 Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 Better anxiety and hope than sadness! Fingers crossed for you, Clou Thanks so much! Sending positive vibes your way too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhDreams Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 ^^ Yes!! I was writing the same thing! lol Love the group we have going here. You all are definitely helping me get through the "waiting game." Positive vibes to everyone. I love the fact that I have a group to turn to that really understands what I'm going through. I'm also cheering for all of you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spriteling Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 Congrats Spriteling! I also applied to Bristol Math. Do you mind if I ask which research group and how long ago you sent in your application? Again, congrats on the admit/fellowship! That's really exciting. My research group is random matrix theory/quantum chaos. I applied at the end of December ( I think I submitted around the 28th of December). They contacted me about going for interview during the first week of January, and I flew down on the 11th. The first round of the fellowship I got is already over, but apparently there is a teachign fellowship that the maths department gives out which they're going to decide on soon, I think. What research group did you apply for? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oseirus Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 I applied to 6 programs... I'm interviewing with one of them later this week, but haven't heard anything from the rest... I was wondering if anybody else applying to grad schools has school age kids? If so, are you starting to worry about how they are going to handle the move/change? Are you making any plans yet? Good luck to every one! If I may chime in w/a former child-of-a-PhD student's perspective. I think it's been already stated but I don't think the move is going to be that bad on the kid. Like all moves, it sucks losing friends but I remember when we moved, were living on campus and there were a lot of other kids around whose parents were doing similar things, so we formed our community of sorts. There were moments I could tell sucked for my mom because she had the stress of trying to be a parent and being a student at the same time, i.e., making it to silly school plays, taking me to piano recitals, sports and the like, when I'm sure she really could've used a night in. As far as the money situation, I never knew we were poor (at the time) till she told me years later. Somehow food magically appeared and I maigcally got cloths, granted it was never the 'cool' kids cloths I always wanted. Not to say that all kids' experince will be the same but I promise you, your kid will be fine if he can find one or two other kids to bond with. Kids are weird that way Hegel's Bagels, bythesea, jerzygrl and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andee Kaplan Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 My research group is random matrix theory/quantum chaos. I applied at the end of December ( I think I submitted around the 28th of December). They contacted me about going for interview during the first week of January, and I flew down on the 11th. The first round of the fellowship I got is already over, but apparently there is a teachign fellowship that the maths department gives out which they're going to decide on soon, I think. What research group did you apply for? Nice. I applied for the Statistics group (Bayesian Analysis/Markov Chain). Seems like a very fast turnaround! Where are you from? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spriteling Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 Nice. I applied for the Statistics group (Bayesian Analysis/Markov Chain). Seems like a very fast turnaround! Where are you from? I'm from Indiana, but I go to school at the University of Edinburgh. I think the turnaround was very fast because they knew that they wanted to put me forward for the studentship I've been awarded, and I needed to speak with advisors/pick which one I wanted to work with, as I needed a letter of support from the potential advisor. It was all quite whirlwind, though. I had to book flights two days before I went there! Hope you get a positive notice from Bristol soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ameonna Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 Is anyone else moving away from a significant other in order to attend graduate school? I haven't been accepted yet, so I'm not sure if it will actually happen or not, but my boyfriend has a wonderful job here, and I don't want to impede on the opportunities he has for advancement at his job; similarly, he wants me to further my education, no matter what it takes. I am so very thankful for his love and support, and I am more than willing to make a long distance relationship work, but it does make me a little sad to think about the distance! Is anyone else in this situation, or has anyone already dealt with a long-distance relationship as a result of graduate studies? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hegel's Bagels Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 Is anyone else in this situation, or has anyone already dealt with a long-distance relationship as a result of graduate studies? Yep! We've been long distance for the last two years while I have been getting my MA and we'll probably be apart for at least another two years if I'm accepted to a PhD program. It can be really hard but at the same time I also have the time and space to stress out about grad school without having it take a toll on our relationship. I don't really have any advice on how to get through it except maybe that if it works, it works! And if not, it doesn't. Not exactly Aristotle but whatever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coonskee Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 Is anyone else in this situation, or has anyone already dealt with a long-distance relationship as a result of graduate studies? I'm doing long-distance now as I attempt to attain my Master's (if I get into my dream PhD program, then the distance will be significantly shorter, which is a wonderful plus). There are definitely some frustrating moments, especially since my SO works in a completely different field than I do (he's finance, i'm biology), so he sometimes doesn't understand why situations are stressful for me (in his words: I mess something up, I'm only set back a week; he messes up, he sets his fund back several million dollars - but what about my precious DNA samples!!!!). We've had a bunch of rough patches but we've worked through them, and having those rough patches has both made us stronger, and made me a lot calmer about the relationship - like artofdescribing said, if it works, it works; if it doesn't, it doesn't. All I know now is that we've given it our absolute best shot, and I'm proud of us for that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hegel's Bagels Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 especially since my SO works in a completely different field than I do (he's finance, i'm biology), so he sometimes doesn't understand why situations are stressful for me It's so encouraging to hear about other situations like mine. Thank goodness we have such understanding partners! Even if my SO also is in a completely different field; he's an engineer and I'm a perpetual student of art history (I'm a little bit country, I'm a little bit rock and roll...) So I understand what you mean! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jwnich1 Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 (edited) To join the chorus: same situation here. My girlfriend has been working on her masters in VT, in the nonprofit field. my field is political science, but I've been working in finance in NYC between undergrad and starting grad school in Fall 2012. While this has made for rough times, it has made us stronger. I do not relish continuing the long distance bit, especially now since it just ended, but I'm sure we'll work through it! Guys, if it's meant to be - it will work out. I used to hate people saying that to me, but worry gets you nowhere. I wish all of you the best! Justin Edited January 25, 2012 by Jwnich1 LCBucky 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LCBucky Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 this is a little off topic, but i'm sitting in class right now...not paying attention to the subject matter at hand...wondering what it would be like if grad cafe didn't exist. I'd probably lose it a bit (that is, lose it a bit more than I am right now ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bgreenster Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 I was long distance while I was in the Peace Corps, and will likely be sorta long distance for my master's (if I get in ). My fiancee works on the road, which makes it easier for choosing schools, but also kind of guarantees that we aren't around each other all the time. As much as it sucks being apart, I believe it will also be kind of good to be apart during my studies so that I can focus on my work. I talked to someone else that had done long distance while in grad school, and heard the same thing - while we're studying, we won't have but so much time to be hanging out and all that anyway, so it can be good not to have the distraction of the SO around (and the gulit for not being able to be the best SO yourself because you're so busy/stressed). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cunninlynguist Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 I'm going crazy. (Last year, there were 2 acceptances by Duke on the 26th and 27th, according to the results survey -- I'm now anxious to find out if any decisions are rendered this year during that time period. If not, their decisions seem to follow a stochastic schedule and it might be mid-March before I learn my fate). How do you PhD applicants deal with it? Not only are you expecting to cement your plans for the next 5+ years, but you've likely got to endure the interview process as well and hope your POI has a lab that can fit you in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jwnich1 Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 I'm going crazy. (Last year, there were 2 acceptances by Duke on the 26th and 27th, according to the results survey -- I'm now anxious to find out if any decisions are rendered this year during that time period. If not, their decisions seem to follow a stochastic schedule and it might be mid-March before I learn my fate). How do you PhD applicants deal with it? Not only are you expecting to cement your plans for the next 5+ years, but you've likely got to endure the interview process as well and hope your POI has a lab that can fit you in. I almost lost it with anxiety - but there are relaxation techniques etc that have helped. I've significantly changed my diet, gone to the gym more, etc - it's important to burn off the excess energy that the adrenaline from anxiety is providing. I also found it insanely important to laugh - time with family and friends has been ultra important. In the end, I just had to recognize that I'd done my absolute best with the apps, and now it was completely out of my hands. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iwouldpreferanonymity Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 I almost lost it with anxiety - but there are relaxation techniques etc that have helped. I've significantly changed my diet, gone to the gym more, etc - it's important to burn off the excess energy that the adrenaline from anxiety is providing. I agree with Justin here. I have also found that relief often comes in the form of excercise, so I have doubled the length of my workouts. I have also watched a bit more EPL, and indulged in a few more ultra-calorific foods. Generally, these coping mechanisms work, but not always. I too almost 'lost it' last weekend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oseirus Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 I guess I can enjoy the exhortation of Virgil when he wrote "forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit" coffeeplease 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cunninlynguist Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 (edited) I almost lost it with anxiety - but there are relaxation techniques etc that have helped. I've significantly changed my diet, gone to the gym more, etc - it's important to burn off the excess energy that the adrenaline from anxiety is providing. I also found it insanely important to laugh - time with family and friends has been ultra important. In the end, I just had to recognize that I'd done my absolute best with the apps, and now it was completely out of my hands. Helpful input. I'm fortunate to deal with pressure and anxiety well, but now that it's late January, the uncertainty of timing has been reintroduced into the process. I could hear back tomorrow or I could receive every decision in March. Edited January 25, 2012 by cunninlynguist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supernovasky Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 My god, this is a stressful process. Last year I applied to two universities, put absolutely no effort into my application, and got denied by both expectedly. This year, I applied to five (not enough money to apply to more), put a TON of effort into my application, got great LORs, drew up a much more effective curriculum vitae, wrote a new writing sample and got it edited, and even have proposals for research. Haven't heard back from one yet. Its looking like UT Austin already made its sociology acceptances, although the professor I got in contact with said "decisions wont be complete until two more weeks." Its killing me. At least my status is still "under review" at all 5, haha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oseirus Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 (edited) Under review is better than being rejected Supernovasky Edited January 25, 2012 by oseirus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supernovasky Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 Under review is better than beeing rejected Supernovasky True, but there are people reporting acceptance emails, and everyone that seems to email about their status gets an email back from the coordinator saying how competitive it has been and that their application was denied... So I REFUSE to email the coordinator! lol LCBucky and oseirus 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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