0% Confidence of Acceptance

[thequeenofpigeons]

Rejected from all the schools I applied to, though two invited me to apply to their MA programs. Glad I wasn't entirely disregarded.

[InHacSpeVivo]

Rejected from all the schools I applied to, though two invited me to apply to their MA programs. Glad I wasn't entirely disregarded.

 

Are you going to apply? Honestly, I would be happy to get that at this point.

[bfat]

I know I've said this before, but seeing people with 8 acceptances on this board--EIGHT FUCKING ACCEPTANCES--(and other similarly ridiculous numbers and/or 3-5 top-ten acceptances) makes me want to bash my brains in. Also, it makes me wish I had applied to like 16 schools because it would feel really freaking awesome to turn someone down right now... or perhaps I would just feel like an even bigger pile of crap because then I'd have 15 rejections instead of 5. If my application was okay enough for one, why was it so wrong for all the others?

 

While I know it's unrealistic for most programs (especially with 300-500 applications) I just really wish that schools would give feedback about admissions results, because I'd love to know why I was rejected from most places. I think I might know two (three, in some cases) pretty strong reasons, but it would be nice to have those suspicions confirmed.

 

Ugh, why does this whole process suck so much?

 

<--- still full of self-doubt/shame/sense of failure

 

 

[but also, I am super super grateful for the acceptance and waitlist that I have--I don't want to seem like I'm not. I just really wasn't expecting the level of self-doubt and sheer pain that so many other rejections would inflict]

[sebastiansteddy]

<--- still full of self-doubt/shame/sense of failure

 

You have an AMAZING acceptance, and a GREAT wait list. This process is so quirky. I know someone who doesn't post here who has gotten about 10 rejections, and only one acceptance. Her one acceptance: UPenn. You just never know. By getting in to Penn State and a wait list at Michigan (both schools from which I am assuming rejection) you have proven that you are VERY worthy of PhD study.

[NowMoreSerious]

I know I've said this before, but seeing people with 8 acceptances on this board--EIGHT FUCKING ACCEPTANCES--(and other similarly ridiculous numbers and/or 3-5 top-ten acceptances) makes me want to bash my brains in. Also, it makes me wish I had applied to like 16 schools because it would feel really freaking awesome to turn someone down right now... or perhaps I would just feel like an even bigger pile of crap because then I'd have 15 rejections instead of 5. If my application was okay enough for one, why was it so wrong for all the others?

 

While I know it's unrealistic for most programs (especially with 300-500 applications) I just really wish that schools would give feedback about admissions results, because I'd love to know why I was rejected from most places. I think I might know two (three, in some cases) pretty strong reasons, but it would be nice to have those suspicions confirmed.

 

Ugh, why does this whole process suck so much?

 

<--- still full of self-doubt/shame/sense of failure

 

 

[but also, I am super super grateful for the acceptance and waitlist that I have--I don't want to seem like I'm not. I just really wasn't expecting the level of self-doubt and sheer pain that so many other rejections would inflict]

I said this earlier in this thread or maybe another thread, but if I had stuck to an earlier version of my school list that had only 9 schools, I would have had 1 acceptance and 8 rejections. This process is quirky and weird which is why whenever somebody asks me I continue to encourage large coverage of at least 12 schools, spread out among tiers--provided it is possible financially. I know many will disagree with me but I feel applying to too few schools leaves too much up to chance.

[lisajay]

seconded! i'm in the 1 acceptance, 1 wait list boat too, bfat. Play the hand you're dealt, & be the ace in the hole.

[bfat]

You have an AMAZING acceptance, and a GREAT wait list. This process is so quirky. I know someone who doesn't post here who has gotten about 10 rejections, and only one acceptance. Her one acceptance: UPenn. You just never know. By getting in to Penn State and a wait list at Michigan (both schools from which I am assuming rejection) you have proven that you are VERY worthy of PhD study.

 

Thank you. As I said, I don't want to downplay the one acceptance that I have, and I do feel kind of guilty for still feeling shitty, but I guess this process is revealing that I have a bit more pride than I thought. There's just such a vulnerability you create in submitting these applications. And the fact that we can see each other's stats and acceptances, I think, can't help but drum up further vulnerabilities and a sense of competition (and therefore failure sometimes too). Every time I think I feel great and confident, I'll see something on here that makes me feel kinda shitty again.

[Fishbucket]

Thank you. As I said, I don't want to downplay the one acceptance that I have, and I do feel kind of guilty for still feeling shitty, but I guess this process is revealing that I have a bit more pride than I thought. There's just such a vulnerability you create in submitting these applications. And the fact that we can see each other's stats and acceptances, I think, can't help but drum up further vulnerabilities and a sense of competition (and therefore failure sometimes too). Every time I think I feel great and confident, I'll see something on here that makes me feel kinda shitty again.

 

I totally feel you. That's the thing about striving for any type of competitive goal -- you risk rejection. And this will not be the first time you are rejected in your career. Academia is full of rejection. Tenured professors get rejected from journals all the time. It's just something we're all going to need to get used to dealing with if we really want to stick it out and do this thing.

[bluecheese]

If people have the time/funds they should apply to more programs next go around. If you have a solid application, it's more about having options when the dust settles than about "getting in somewhere." Just on a sheer funding level, it can mean the difference between a 13k stipend with too many teaching responsibilities and a 25k stipend with two years on fellowship. That's a HUGE difference, and it more than offsets that application costs, time, etc.

 

Also, I have a partner who needs to get a job. If I only got into certain places (like Ann Arbor, UW-Madison, Buffalo...) we definitely would have made it work, but it would have been much harder. 

 

I'm not writing this to be annoying or anything--I just think I have a good perspective on how this stuff works from literary journal submissions, MFA applications, etc. (I'm used to getting lots of rejections, it's ultimately the acceptances that matter). 

[dazedandbemused]

Thank you. As I said, I don't want to downplay the one acceptance that I have, and I do feel kind of guilty for still feeling shitty, but I guess this process is revealing that I have a bit more pride than I thought. There's just such a vulnerability you create in submitting these applications. And the fact that we can see each other's stats and acceptances, I think, can't help but drum up further vulnerabilities and a sense of competition (and therefore failure sometimes too). Every time I think I feel great and confident, I'll see something on here that makes me feel kinda shitty again.

 

Don't worry, I'm in the same boat as you. It was amazing to start the season with a waitlist and then two acceptances right after the other, but to have that followed by half a dozen rejections is...mildly depressing. You'd think I'd feel calm and happy, but each rejection is surprisingly painful. Honestly, as long as you know that you're blessed to have somewhere to go, I see no reason to try and tamp down the pangs of inadequacy. It really has made me realize that no matter how self-deprecating or insecure I think I am, there's a small part of me that thinks I'm awesome and wishes other people could recognize it, too.

[Two Espressos]

Thank you. As I said, I don't want to downplay the one acceptance that I have, and I do feel kind of guilty for still feeling shitty, but I guess this process is revealing that I have a bit more pride than I thought. There's just such a vulnerability you create in submitting these applications. And the fact that we can see each other's stats and acceptances, I think, can't help but drum up further vulnerabilities and a sense of competition (and therefore failure sometimes too). Every time I think I feel great and confident, I'll see something on here that makes me feel kinda shitty again.

 

Don't worry, I'm in the same boat as you. It was amazing to start the season with a waitlist and then two acceptances right after the other, but to have that followed by half a dozen rejections is...mildly depressing. You'd think I'd feel calm and happy, but each rejection is surprisingly painful. Honestly, as long as you know that you're blessed to have somewhere to go, I see no reason to try and tamp down the pangs of inadequacy. It really has made me realize that no matter how self-deprecating or insecure I think I am, there's a small part of me that thinks I'm awesome and wishes other people could recognize it, too.

 

Same for me.  I vacillate between thinking "I'm awesome!  Hell yeah!" and "I'm shitty!  My acceptance and waitlist are just flukes!", but I think this is perfectly normal for prospective grad students and academics generally.  If you're entertaining a funded offer at a good program, even if it's your only acceptance, you should be proud: the odds we've had to contend with are shitty.

 

I will admit, though, that those with multiple offers at elite schools make me jealous. 

[yellow.wallpaper]

Barely on-topic: Does anyone read their acceptance letters/emails when feeling blue?

Unfortunately, I confess to doing so, in order to raise my spirit!

[Taco Superior]

At times like this I like to go back to the "post acceptance stress" thread and read the post (comebackzinc, I think) about how once you get there and start going, this 8 months of in-between and worry about who did or didn't like me will seem like a blip, and the real fun will begin!

[Taco Superior]

Barely on-topic: Does anyone read their acceptance letters/emails when feeling blue?

Unfortunately, I confess to doing so, in order to raise my spirit!

 

oh yeah.

[champagne]

seconded! i'm in the 1 acceptance, 1 wait list boat too, bfat. Play the hand you're dealt, & be the ace in the hole.

 

Exactly my thoughts. I fully expect to be rejected across the board next year, but, in that small chance that I have one acceptance, I plan on being the best damn academician that program has ever had. I don't think there can be any other philosophy for any program.

 

Kick their ass, bfat!

 

[InHacSpeVivo]

IDK if it will help, but if those of you with one acceptance are bumming, just think of those of us without ANY. I want to reapply, but there is clearly something very wrong with my app if not even one school wants me...

Edited March 3, 2013 by Pericles II.ii.48

[bfat]

IDK if it will help, but if those of you with one acceptance are bumming, just think of those of us without ANY. I want to reapply, but there is clearly something very wrong with my app if not even one school wants me...

 

I keep fantasizing about all the awesome programs I could have gotten into if I could have just fixed my application this season. While I think it was okay (maybe even pretty good), I know there were also some things wrong with it. I don't think my SoP was quite focused enough because my interests are so broad--but not unconnected! In truth, I'm really looking forward to the two years of coursework that will really whip my "focus" into shape because, while I feel that there is a thematic thread connecting my various interests right now, grad schools and, more importantly, employers are more interested in (marketable) subject areas rather than "thematic threads." I tried my best to describe my interests in this way (theory, posthumanism, contemporary fiction), but I still think it might have come off as "all over the place."

 

Other things were kind of unfixable: the Lit GRE (which I took when I had a 2-month old infant--let me tell you about how much studying you can do in the 2 months after a baby is born...), and my undergrad prestige.

 

All this is to say: if you should happen to be rejected this year, think of it as an awesome opportunity to really kick ass on next year's applications. I know that if I had to do a second round, my app would be so so much better. Second timers almost always score big.

[Swagato]

 Second timers almost always score big.

 

Represent.

 

Edit: Seriously, though. I was so worried this round would be a repeat of last year. And then things fell into place. Given how my applications progressed (I remember commenting on how my later applications were my strongest), I actually had a fairly decent season overall--still pending one final uni. I would not freak out and give up if your first round did not go well. Go back to the drawing board, there is plenty that can be improved. Really, really work on your stuff. And, like everyone said, apply widely.

Edited March 3, 2013 by Swagato

[InHacSpeVivo]

Thanks, bfat and swagato! Don't be surprised if I start pressing all the acceptee for guidance.

 

If i can get my recommenders to write a few more, I'm planning to apply to a couple English MAs. I have a great undergrad/MA institution, but my grades aren't amazing (in part because I went to a school known for grade deflation and in part because I worked throughout school and had a learning disability that went undiagnosed until I was in the workforce). I mean, it's still above a 3.0, but I can understand a school not wanting to take a chance on that. I have the same issue bfat mentions, with broad, but interconnected, interests. If I can swing it, two years "back in the saddle" to really focus things couldn't hurt.

[dazedandbemused]

Thanks, bfat and swagato! Don't be surprised if I start pressing all the acceptee for guidance.

 

If i can get my recommenders to write a few more, I'm planning to apply to a couple English MAs. I have a great undergrad/MA institution, but my grades aren't amazing (in part because I went to a school known for grade deflation and in part because I worked throughout school and had a learning disability that went undiagnosed until I was in the workforce). I mean, it's still above a 3.0, but I can understand a school not wanting to take a chance on that. I have the same issue bfat mentions, with broad, but interconnected, interests. If I can swing it, two years "back in the saddle" to really focus things couldn't hurt.

 

Ah, the broad, interconnected interests. I've got them, too. I think the biggest difference between my applications last year and this year is that I did a much better job of showing that they are interconnected this time. Re-reading my SOP from last year,I realize that I sounded all over the place. The biggest issue was that my writing sample, though my best piece of writing, doesn't actually have anything to do with my stated interest. Seriously, I work on 19th century transatlantic women writers and queer theory; my writing sample is on The Faerie Queene. I had to basically weave a thread from my undergraduate research through the work that I'm currently doing to show how the two are related, if only tenuously. So yeah, If I had been able to focus it better I might have gotten into Brown and Princeton, but all I really wanted was to get into UT Austin, so I'm happy. I think one of the most important things is showing that you didn't wake up this morning and decide, "you know, modernist lit is some cool shiz." There has to been a distinctive path through your interests, even if it is a bit meandering. If you decide to forgo the masters and do this again, just spend as much time as you can showing exactly why your interests are important and making it clear that they are long term, abiding interests for you.

 

Also, take what we say with a grain of salt because, as I've learned in the past year, things that people told me would be deal-breakers, weren't. Do what you're comfortable with and what you think will best showcase what you have. I heard that I should definitely write a new sample to match my interests, but I knew my own abilities to write really good work, and they did not include banging out a fifteen page masterpiece in a month. Also, be careful who you get your advice from. My undergrad adviser is an amazing person and scholar, but she hasn't been within hitting distance of an adcomm in about 15 years, so her information was very much out of date. Make sure whoever you're talking to has been on adcomms recently and knows what kind of things they're looking for. I can't even begin to describe how much that helped me this year.

 

Ok, I'm done pontificating.

[DHEnthusiast]

I don't know. While I agree that you can tell a big difference from your first round of applications in your second, this is my second year of applying and I am striking out again. Mind you last year I was only half way through a one year MA program and was not completely sure what exactly I wanted to do but this year I was so confident. I raised my GRE scores 25%, totally revamped my SOP and WS, and got great recs. Is it just me? I thinking my willing to give it one more go but I don't know if I will be able to do a fourth round. Maybe I'm not applying to the right schools? I know my focus is very narrow but it is also a new field that I thought would maybe give me an edge, but obviously not. Maybe I should focused on broadening my interests...I'm just losing hope.

[Ategenos]

I don't know. While I agree that you can tell a big difference from your first round of applications in your second, this is my second year of applying and I am striking out again. Mind you last year I was only half way through a one year MA program and was not completely sure what exactly I wanted to do but this year I was so confident. I raised my GRE scores 25%, totally revamped my SOP and WS, and got great recs. Is it just me? I thinking my willing to give it one more go but I don't know if I will be able to do a fourth round. Maybe I'm not applying to the right schools? I know my focus is very narrow but it is also a new field that I thought would maybe give me an edge, but obviously not. Maybe I should focused on broadening my interests...I'm just losing hope.

African American Studies and DH aren't exactly that uncommon... admittedly, I don't know so much about Print Culture. There's a bunch of other schools you could be applying for, either for a PhD in the English, American Studies or, in some cases, African American Studies departments. As for specific unis you chose:

 

NYU, Yale, Rutgers: so competitive that it is sometimes easier just not to apply to them (my supervisor at my current university, for example, said that my work might be good enough, but my record would exclude me).

 

BU, meanwhile, lets in very small cohorts (5 this year!) in order to give them a ridiculously good package (3 years no-duty fellowship and then a light teaching load, 24000 dollars a year, yes please!). Toronto, like most Canadian universities, apparently has a preference towards Canadians. In other words, 5/10 of your choices were already tough nuts to crack (and I can't talk for the others, as I don't know too much about them) in a process that is difficult enough already. If you apply again, maybe try including more mid-high and mid-range schools.

 

Then unfortunately there's just all the hackneyed old suggestions: make contact with POIs, try and visit departments, and try and target your SoP to really show an understanding and appreciation of each individual department - to this end, I always thought it looked good to find something a bit more obscure about the department to show that you have really researched them. Of course, also show an understanding of your POI's research (and make sure that they are active in the department when it comes to supervision, publication, etc). Obviously get as many people as possible to read the SoP and Writing Sample, especially if you can find a couple of faculty members who are willing to tear it to pieces and tell you how to put it back together.

 

I can't really talk about it in detail without seeing your SoP, but also try not to be -too- specific in what you want to do. Remember that the majority of these places want to mould you, and you have more coursework to do. You want to have a solid direction, but you don't want to imply that you already have a thesis in mind... although I'm sure others might disagree with me here.

 

If you've already done all of this, then I have less to offer... one other thing, though... it can also be useful to email graduate directors once you've got your first list of potential programs (before you begin cutting it down to your final choice) and ask them whether the department is actually looking for students in certain fields. Very often they're looking to fit particular holes in the department, after all... for example, one of my universities (I was told by the assistant graduate director) was not looking for ANY budding Victorianists this year, so anyone who applied to them with this in mind was shit out of luck.

 

I got absolutely nowhere last year, but made sure to do all the above - and this year, despite being confined geographically by the location of my fiancee, things have gone much better.

Edited March 4, 2013 by Ategenos

[DHEnthusiast]

African American Studies and DH aren't exactly that uncommon... admittedly, I don't know so much about Print Culture. There's a bunch of other schools you could be applying for, either for a PhD in the English, American Studies or, in some cases, African American Studies departments. As for specific unis you chose:

 

NYU, Yale, Rutgers: so competitive that it is sometimes easier just not to apply to them (my supervisor at my current university, for example, said that my work might be good enough, but my record would exclude me).

 

BU, meanwhile, lets in very small cohorts (5 this year!) in order to give them a ridiculously good package (3 years no-duty fellowship and then a light teaching load, 24000 dollars a year, yes please!). Toronto, like most Canadian universities, apparently has a preference towards Canadians. In other words, 5/10 of your choices were already tough nuts to crack (and I can't talk for the others, as I don't know too much about them) in a process that is difficult enough already. If you apply again, maybe try including more mid-high and mid-range schools.

 

Then unfortunately there's just all the hackneyed old suggestions: make contact with POIs, try and visit departments, and try and target your SoP to really show an understanding and appreciation of each individual department - to this end, I always thought it looked good to find something a bit more obscure about the department to show that you have really researched them. Of course, also show an understanding of your POI's research (and make sure that they are active in the department when it comes to supervision, publication, etc). Obviously get as many people as possible to read the SoP and Writing Sample, especially if you can find a couple of faculty members who are willing to tear it to pieces and tell you how to put it back together. If you've already done all of this, then I have less to offer...

 

... one other thing, though... it can also be useful to email graduate directors once you've got your first list of potential programs (before you begin cutting it down to your final choice) and ask them whether the department is actually looking for students in certain fields. Very often they're looking to fit particular holes in the department, after all... for example, one of my universities (I was told by the assistant graduate director) was not looking for ANY budding Victorianists this year, so anyone who applied to them with this in mind was shit out of luck.

 

I got absolutely nowhere last year, but made sure to do all the above - and this year, despite being confined geographically by the location of my fiancee, things have gone much better.

 

Thanks! I know a lot of the schools I applied to were a long shot but I just needed to get it out of my system and vanquish the "what if" gremlin that would have holed up in my head if I didn't even bother to try. Even though they were long shots--it still stings. I am definitely trying again next year and focusing on more specific programs. I have heard that they choose people based on interests in particular years to fill gaps--which does make me feel a little bit better. I will definitely take your advice if my last two don't work out. 

[Ategenos]

Thanks! I know a lot of the schools I applied to were a long shot but I just needed to get it out of my system and vanquish the "what if" gremlin that would have holed up in my head if I didn't even bother to try. Even though they were long shots--it still stings. I am definitely trying again next year and focusing on more specific programs. I have heard that they choose people based on interests in particular years to fill gaps--which does make me feel a little bit better. I will definitely take your advice if my last two don't work out. 

 

Don't I know that sting. I tried last year, and still went for one tiptop program this year, but... eh... as long as you go somewhere with a good fit, a supervisor who pushes you, and a reasonable reputation, it'll all be good.

[Porridge]

On 3/3/2013 at 5:22 PM, DHEnthusiast said:

I don't know. While I agree that you can tell a big difference from your first round of applications in your second, this is my second year of applying and I am striking out again. Mind you last year I was only half way through a one year MA program and was not completely sure what exactly I wanted to do but this year I was so confident. I raised my GRE scores 25%, totally revamped my SOP and WS, and got great recs. Is it just me? I thinking my willing to give it one more go but I don't know if I will be able to do a fourth round. Maybe I'm not applying to the right schools? I know my focus is very narrow but it is also a new field that I thought would maybe give me an edge, but obviously not. Maybe I should focused on broadening my interests...I'm just losing hope.

 

Don't lose hope. I do wonder if you have targetted the right schools for your interests. I don't know much about American studies but I would suggest IF you are unsuccessful this year, to look at the following places.

 

Iowa.

Nebraska.

WUSTL.

Maryland.

 

From my research, these places have opportunities for DH.

 

ETA: UWisconsin-Milwaukee

And possibly UWisconsin-Madison.