The Silence is Killing Me!

[MSW13]

For the record future wife you are the most BEAUTIFUL person I know and I am grateful for everything you did/have done/are doing for me and you make me a better person

LMAO! That's right, make sure you give props to the lady! ...especially if your dastardly plan is to downsize all things 'wedding'

[mallorn]

So people have started posting in the Results Survey that they received admits from one of my programs. Well and dandy, except that they're all by Postal Service. No email from them, and their online application website is down. Really school? It's probably a rejection for me anyway so why not just pop a quick email now and save me from my agony? Post will take a long time to arrive to my part of the world, ugh.

[Semester Photon]

I feel bad for my friend now. She was waitlisted to a program I was accepted to (despite her have a much higher GPA, and mine being below their average) and hasn't heard something from her "safety" program. She put up with my freakouts this past month but now I don't know how to deal with hers. Advice anyone?

The way I usually deal with this kind of thing is to just try to be reassuring, but not patronizing. Your friend has a good reason to be freaking out because it will affect the rest of her life. On the other hand, things will probably work out for her. She just has to keep her chin up and try to have faith that she will get in somewhere. Just listen to her, and don't make it about you (none of us would ever do that, right? )

[oseirus]

So people have started posting in the Results Survey that they received admits from one of my programs. Well and dandy, except that they're all by Postal Service. No email from them, and their online application website is down. Really school? It's probably a rejection for me anyway so why not just pop a quick email now and save me from my agony? Post will take a long time to arrive to my part of the world, ugh.

the French call an orgasm "a little death" ... schools have taken this meaning too literally

[kazoo]

the French call an orgasm "a little death" ... schools have taken this meaning too literally

Correction, "la petite mort" is the moment right after an orgasm where you don't feel anything!

I love the direction that this thread has taken, I am recently engaged and it looks like we will be taking the big party route...Not that anything is planned yet (waiting to be less freaked out about gradschool) and it's interesting to hear your opinions against that. the silence is definitely killing my ability to think about that aspect of my life..

[MonkeyPants]

Correction, "la petite mort" is the moment right after an orgasm where you don't feel anything!

I love the direction that this thread has taken, I am recently engaged and it looks like we will be taking the big party route...Not that anything is planned yet (waiting to be less freaked out about gradschool) and it's interesting to hear your opinions against that. the silence is definitely killing my ability to think about that aspect of my life..

Bonus points for knowing the difference between the little death and orgasm!

And good luck with the wedding planning. We did a homemade DIY wedding because we're broke, but it turned out to be amazing and gorgeous. Two years later, people are still talking about it. We did homemade invitations, homemade dresses, my mom & aunties grew all the flowers, we had the ceremony on my parents' lawn, i did all the decorating, flower arranging, etc. We managed to bring in a wedding with 300 guests for under $5,000 (and most of that cost was the food & beer.) It can be done!

[jelkost]

Still nothing. I think I've developed an eye twitch from the stress.

My husband and I took the cheap wedding route and had a teensy tiny justice of the peace ceremony. We used the money we would've otherwise spent on the wedding on our house. We're still married three years later and not regretting forgoing a huge/expensive ceremony.

[bgreenster]

I love where this went!

I agree, it totally depends on the couple. I, for one, don't feel like stressing about it, and know that figuring out the actual plans would be ridiculous... I don't even know which state would be best to have it (we're from diff places). So, we're combining the honeymoon and wedding, getting married on a boat, and letting everyone know either right before or when we get back. I foresee some small barbecue-type parties to celebrate with families, but nothing official or expensive. And that will be very "us"

[oseirus]

I love where this went!

I agree, it totally depends on the couple. I, for one, don't feel like stressing about it, and know that figuring out the actual plans would be ridiculous... I don't even know which state would be best to have it (we're from diff places). So, we're combining the honeymoon and wedding, getting married on a boat, and letting everyone know either right before or when we get back. I foresee some small barbecue-type parties to celebrate with families, but nothing official or expensive. And that will be very "us"

I take total responsibility the inability to not know anything has my mind all over the place ... and these wedding/marriage suggestions are TOTALLY awesome for an unmarried guy b/c some of this stuff is EYE opening and it sort of dispels some of the myths you see on TV.

Edited February 26, 2012 by oseirus

[shaxmaty1848]

My SO and I eloped and spent the money on a lavish vacation instead. Sorry, not spending money on playing dress-up for the evening.

[bgreenster]

I take total responsibility the inability to not know anything has my mind all over the place ... and these wedding/marriage suggestions are TOTALLY awesome for an unmarried guy b/c some of this stuff is EYE opening and it sort of dispels some of the myths you see on TV.

I think it's good for couples to realize they *can* do whatever makes them happy and you can choose to do the fairytale wedding thing OR something more your style. I think there can still be a lot of pressure to go traditional, but there are SO many different ways to get married

I wonder if the gradcafe demographics are more "alternative" than the general population - loving how many people did/are doing their own thing.

[oseirus]

I wonder if the gradcafe demographics are more "alternative" than the general population - loving how many people did/are doing their own thing.

I would say "are you KIDDING? of course we're alternative! Look at the insanity we're willingly subject ourselves" but then I would bet dollars to donuts that people in the 'real world' also endure some kind of insanity in their own lane. But your question now has me intrigued to see if a study can be conducted.

[GreenePony]

I take total responsibility the inability to not know anything has my mind all over the place ... and these wedding/marriage suggestions are TOTALLY awesome for an unmarried guy b/c some of this stuff is EYE opening and it sort of dispels some of the myths you see on TV.

Good myth dispelment (I'm in the middle of translating Hebrew poetry, so I'm feeling free to make up words): you don't have to make everyone happy. If people say "I won't come unless you have/do blahblah" they're probably people you don't want there anyway. People said that about alcohol and we went "too bad, so sad"* and they got over it. Kind of harsh but whatever, I felt like crap already (thank you, field school & food poisoning), why deal with drunk family members on top of that?

*tactfully

*edit* Unless those people are your significant other, or are paying for the whole to-do. Then they have a say, the SO more than the person paying, because you can also do a JoP wedding for cheaper.

Edited February 26, 2012 by GreenePony

[oseirus]

Good myth dispelment (I'm in the middle of translating Hebrew poetry, so I'm feeling free to make up words): you don't have to make everyone happy. If people say "I won't come unless you have/do blahblah" they're probably people you don't want there anyway. People said that about alcohol and we went "too bad, so sad"* and they got over it. Kind of harsh but whatever, I felt like crap already (thank you, field school & food poisoning), why deal with drunk family members on top of that?

*tactfully

*edit* Unless those people are your significant other, or are paying for the whole to-do. Then they have a say, the SO more than the person paying, because you can also do a JoP wedding for cheaper.

Well! Now is the time to start dropping the hint to the rents that SOME DAY their baby boy is going to get married and in this economy a struggling PhD student will need "assistance" and potential 'funding'.

[bgreenster]

I just caught myself checking my email's spam folder in case a message got sent over there. Extra ridiculous because I know I have received email correspondence from each of my wannabe schools already.

Ah well, who knows? Maybe gmail's spam filter would figure "we want you" is one of those computerized dating service/mail order bride things.

[oseirus]

I just caught myself checking my email's spam folder in case a message got sent over there. Extra ridiculous because I know I have received email correspondence from each of my wannabe schools already.

Slowly step away from the keyboard

[MonkeyPants]

I just caught myself checking my email's spam folder in case a message got sent over there. Extra ridiculous because I know I have received email correspondence from each of my wannabe schools already.

Ah well, who knows? Maybe gmail's spam filter would figure "we want you" is one of those computerized dating service/mail order bride things.

yeah, i do the same thing. *hangs head in shame*

[oseirus]

yeah, i do the same thing. *hangs head in shame*

We just need one person to admit to doing this & we can have a New York Times trendwatch

[guttata]

We just need one person to admit to doing this & we can have a New York Times trendwatch

I do it too... but mine's even worse. I have my spam filter turned off and I still check sometimes

Edited February 28, 2012 by guttata

[We regret to inform you]

i sent out an email two weeks ago inquiring about when decisions will be made. Last week I get an email from the department head saying that decisions haven't yet been made and that they will go out as soon as the funding situation is finalized. He told me to expect something by the end of last week. He hasn't yet replied.

When do you think would be a fair time to email him back? I was thinking this friday or next monday.

[MJ5]

i sent out an email two weeks ago inquiring about when decisions will be made. Last week I get an email from the department head saying that decisions haven't yet been made and that they will go out as soon as the funding situation is finalized. He told me to expect something by the end of last week. He hasn't yet replied.

When do you think would be a fair time to email him back? I was thinking this friday or next monday.

this week! I wouldnt even wait until friday :/

[oseirus]

this week! I wouldnt even wait until friday :/

I would agree with that sentiment. If anything I'd say by Thursday morning, if you had heard I would call because it is 01 Mar 12

[oseirus]

this week! I wouldnt even wait until friday :/

I would agree with that sentiment. If anything I'd say by Thursday morning, if you had heard I would call because it is 01 Mar 12 etc

[bgreenster]

OK, so now has begun the time where others are hearing things from schools I applied to... and I'm not I think it isn't helping that I haven't gotten anything official from schools I *have* heard from, including complete silence on funding. I don't want to bother them, but the one school said I would have funding information last week, and I'm just dying to know SOMETHING. I need to be taken away for the week or something, so I can stop checking online and stop getting excited for nothing about the mail coming. I'm definitely hating Apply Yourself, with absolutely nothing changing for ANY of my schools, including one where I have received the unofficial admit. C'moooooon - CHANGE!!

Yes, I'm aware I have lost it. This is the only place I can vent

[oseirus]

Yes, I'm aware I have lost it. This is the only place I can vent

You're amongst fellow nut cases ... go right ahead vent!