Phonologist Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 What's your dad like? Mine has been very supportive by paying for all of my application-related expenses. He also pretends to be interested when I call and prattle on about all this stuff for hours. He's always the first person I want to call whenever I hear anything from a school. My dad is awesome. Go Dad! You can also talk about your mom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danil Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Nice, fresh post! Takes my attention away from all the waiting and so forth. Both my parents are pretty supportive. I've been married for a year and a half already, so I paid for my expenses for the appl. process, but otherwise, they're both quite interested and waiting for good news to come. As for my major (applied linguistics), they don't really know what exactly I'm doing, :? so I think they'll be happy if I get into a school that I want. Oh, and somewhere not too far, so they can come visit. But then again, I'm an international, so anywhere in the US is pretty far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freefallen Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 My mother used to be supportive until she realized that that being Dr. freefallen, PhD is different from being Dr. freefallen, MD. Once she found out I got into programs that are waaaay far from home, that cinched it. Also, the fact that her friend's friend's cousin's daughter with a PhD is now teaching for barely nothing in the middle of nowhere. Sigh. Parents. *the first-generation student laments* My dad's pretty chill. He met a client last week who got is a psychologist, and was like- my daughter's joining your ranks, be prepared. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
was1984 Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 At first my parents thought it was a bad idea to leave my stable, well paying job to go back to school. They never outright said I shouldn't, but they definitely hinted. I have never really considered my job all that stable, but I'm 24 and they covered my undergrad, so I still consider what they say pretty heavily. The irony of the situation is that with the economic downturn, I'm on furlough every other week with my job, and my company could go out of business at any moment. So I get to seem prophetic now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gadhelyn Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 My Dad's very supportive. He sent me some money earlier in the app process to help pay for fees. He's a M.D. doctor himself (pediatrics), and he's just really happy to have me going into something biology. Both my parents are really happy I applied to Kansas, what with the huge family history there. I applied there for undergrad, but didn't go because they didn't offer enough fin aid. Dad's also been very helpful in keeping the hopes up (along with everyone else I run into). I call him weekly to talk with him about it, he reassures me that I'll get in somewhere, he believes I'll have to choose from all 4. Plus he lives out in the mountains in a neat little house that is fun to visit when I'm about to zonk out at work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ohheygradschool Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 My dad died before I graduated from high school. I'm not a huge fan of my mom... good times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragynally Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 My dad died before I graduated from high school. I'm not a huge fan of my mom... good times. I'm not the most sensitive person so the only thing I end up saying is 'that sucks'. My dad died when I was young too but won't pretend to understand what you're going through... On a diff note- Mom has been supportive but she doesn't completely understand the stress. Oh well :roll: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UnlikelyGrad Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 My dad hasn't supported me financially for 18+ years, but he's been one of the most supportive people during this process. I can call and talk about grad school any time and I know my dad will be there for me. My dad has a Ph.D. in chemistry, so he really understands what I'm going through. He was particularly helpful when I was choosing schools, which for me was a long and harrowing process. (It was made even more harrowing by the fact that my PI, my husband--who thought it would be nice not to have to move--and my mom--who's very into the "prestigious school" thing--were both pushing hard for me to apply to Stanford. Stanford is a great school if you're going into theoretical chem, or biophysical chem, or organic synthesis. There isn't a single professor who does anything remotely related to my field of interest. So it was great to have my dad back me up on this decision.) He certainly understands the anxiety of waiting for an answer, and he doesn't push for information--unlike my mom, who calls every two days wanting new info on who's accepted me since the last call. My mom is very supportive about other aspects of my life but right now she is driving me crazy! I'm anxious enough without her constant queries for information! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deipnosophistry Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 My parents have been super supportive about my applications, even though it took them a little while to understand that an acceptance to a doctoral program in a biology field virtually guaranteed health insurance, tuition, and a living stipend. They were a little wary about the money sitch when I first began talking about graduate school, but they've warmed to it and now accept that I wouldn't be happy doing anything else. Before I had heard back from any schools, when I was in full-swing hysterics about not getting in ANYWHERE, my father would tell me that any of my schools would be idiots not to take me. Too bad my old man's not on any of the adcoms... Also, my dad's an engineer, so he approaches a Ph.D. like it's a three-year degree (which, in engineering, it usually is), when my schools have an average completion time of 6 years. :roll: As for my research, they try to understand it, and do quite well considering they're completely unfamiliar with the field. They're great about letting me geek out over the phone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tonights Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 My father and I or more or less estranged. I talk to him from time to time, so he knows I'm applying to schools, but he's scolded me for being in anthropology and not law or accounting. He's a real charmer, he is. My mom is really, really supportive. She has been wonderful about helping me to calm down and not have panic attacks about this entire process and she's hilarious. She's the best. I don't know what I would do without her and my partner. Go insane and be living in a box over the metro grate, probably. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tritonetelephone Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 My dad and mom are both awesome. So are my stepmom and stepdad (any other binuclear families in the house?). Dad's side provides lots of financial support and mom's side provides lots of emotional support (story of my life). That sounds stereotypical, but my mom is the only one with a graduate degree (MS in CS) and she's always encouraged academics pretty heavily. After watching me freak out last year, I think she's more nervous than I am this time around. Dad's there too and wants to know how things are going, but he's not much of a talker or worrier, I guess. Neither of my parents have a PhD (both were in corporate most of their lives, especially my dad), so they don't really understand how this process works. It'd be nice if someone in my family had some experience with this stuff. But it's pretty amazing how neither of them pressure me into doing anything like they did. Truthfully, I don't think they'd wish corporate life on their worst enemies Anyway, I definitely wouldn't be able to do any of this without my dad's help. But once I'm in, that's it. On my own. Can't wait! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BruBru Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 As with most first generation college students, my parents rarely inquire about my applications not due to lack of interest, but rather because they do not understand the process. While trying to explain my goals and aspirations, the conversation always returns to "you have a four year degree, get a job and buy a house." I think as time passes they will begin to understand the process better and become more involved.... Or perhaps they are correct and I am making a mistake (I know this isn't true, but it is the thought that continuously runs through the head of most first generation students) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
35M40 Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 My dad is a professor and has a lot of opinions. Sometimes they are helpful and sometimes he's a little too old school for my interests. He's not super thrilled that I ended up in Sociology, but has accepted it these days ... mostly. I'm selective when I tell him about my interests and keep a running tab of things that are okay by him (Goffman, Simmel) and things that will cause a long-winded rant (Marx, Foucault). One time I emailed my mom an urban soc paper to see if she could follow the logic and she let my dad read it and I FREAKED OUT because I always tell her "Don't show dad don't show dad!". He was like "Oh daughter, it's a well written piece ... but it is all PROPAGANDA." I just told him thanks. And I did mean it. My mom is both financially and emotionally supportive. She is a bit of a cheerleader. She got her phd when she was raising me and so I think her thoughts weren't as wholly consumed by this process as I am, because she had so many other things going on to juggle. So I'm all neurotic and she's like "Just leave it to fate!" My parents are a pair of extremes but I do appreciate their support and input a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abiogenic Gas Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 My parents are supportive of my PhD aspirations (I think), but having a six figure job lined up (which is my last resort or plan B depending on how I feel when I'm holding those nine rejection letters) doesn't help things. Neither of my parents went to college so they don't quite understand why I want to get a PhD. I don't think either has ever said those three letters before. They're still holding out hope that I'll change my mind between now and graduation. When I call them at home, my dad does ask now if I've heard any "news," and my mom just ignores the fact that I'm applying. It's all in good fun though, and they'll support whatever decision I make. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sais Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 What's your dad like? Where is Pierre when we need him?? Slap those hands! Spread those wings! Feather those bangs! Shake your buns! Now think about your dad! What's your dad like? I want to meet that dad! Doo dah doo doo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flatcoat Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Both my parents have masters, but didn't get why I would want a PhD. I have a great job (although the pay sucks), and they pictured me getting promoted, staying with my "company" for a long career, etc. They are both from the corporate, keep-a-job-for-30 yrs mentality. I had to explain that the average amount of time someone in my position stays is 2 years, and that there is no such thing as promotion up through the ranks in the type of organization I work for. Getting a PhD is one way to eventually obtain a senior position. Anyway, once they got it they have been as supportive as they have always been, but do not understand the stress of waiting for results. I told them to try to imagine spending a year working on a job application, visiting the job location, talking to the people you want to work with, then having the decision about whether or not you get that job made by an anonymous group of people who have (probably) never met you or talked to you, and that decision taking 3 months. They understood a bit better then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anythingtwice Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Where is Pierre when we need him?? Slap those hands! Spread those wings! Feather those bangs! Shake your buns! Now think about your dad! What's your dad like? I want to meet that dad! Doo dah doo doo! YES! My dad *said* he'd help pay for my applications but seems to have forgotten. *shakes fist* Both my parents are generally just happy as long as I'm happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miratrix Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 My parents are both supportive but not overly involved. They'll ask how things work, and what I want to do, and whether I've heard anything, but they won't give me opinions on whether they think my plans are good ideas or stupid, and they won't give me platitudes on how they're sure I'll get in somewhere. Sometimes I'm embarrassed talking about it because the job prospects with a grad degree in anthropology are so risky compared to their careers, which are technical...I wonder if ten years from now if I'm not successful, it will seem like I wasted the opportunities they gave me that they had to work much harder to get, and that I didn't recognize the value of being practical. But since they've never actually suggested that in any way, I try not to think like that too much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kakirsten Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 My dad is both frustrating and proud. He still has to insist, every time I mention my plans, that PhD stands for "Piled High & Deep" and asks me how the view is from my ivory tower. :roll: (Needless to say, I'm a first generation college grad, let alone graduate student!) But then, as soon as I told him that I got into Ohio State with full funding, he took off from work to search every sporting goods store in New Hampshire for an Ohio State hoodie. I didn't have the heart to tell him getting in didn't mean I'm absolutely going there... I should probably tell him before he rents the UHaul! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miratrix Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 That's so sweet! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phonologist Posted February 11, 2009 Author Share Posted February 11, 2009 That's why I love dads and why I started the thread. I don't know what it is, but so many people have dads that do funny things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlle Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 My dad is a professor and has a lot of opinions. Sometimes they are helpful and sometimes he's a little too old school for my interests. He's not super thrilled that I ended up in Sociology, but has accepted it these days ... mostly. I'm selective when I tell him about my interests and keep a running tab of things that are okay by him (Goffman, Simmel) and things that will cause a long-winded rant (Marx, Foucault). One time I emailed my mom an urban soc paper to see if she could follow the logic and she let my dad read it and I FREAKED OUT because I always tell her "Don't show dad don't show dad!". He was like "Oh daughter, it's a well written piece ... but it is all PROPAGANDA." I just told him thanks. And I did mean it. That post is so hysterical...talking social theory with my dad is a total crap shoot and I can't even imagine getting into heated theoretical debates with him. I once tried explaining social interactionism to him when I was in undergrad and said I thought it was provocative and interesting and he said "that doesn't sound provocative; that sounds really boring." He is a psychiatrist and I used to try explaining Foucault and Goffman to him and what they said about madness and psychiatry, just to see what he thought, and he got really defensive and pretty much said that both of them as well as I could go F off. My dad is not supportive at all. He has only been supportive of the law school idea, which never appealed to me (yes, it's true what t_ruth said about white collar people and law school...), and he's not supportive of any other idea at all. My parents don't even know I'm applying to grad programs. I don't discuss grad school or careers with them, period....Good times, indeed. I agree this is a very interesting thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yivorechecho Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Both my parents have been very supportive. They don't really know anything about the field I want to go into, but post-graduate degrees are a big thing in my family, so an MA in whatever is acceptable to them. They have paid all my application fees, ETS fees, gone with me to visit schools, proofread my PS, etc. I'm also using my home address and not my school address as the permanent address for my applications, so they have been opening and forwarding mail faithfully for months now. In a way, I'm glad, because I have 2 acceptances at the moment and my mom got to open one and tell me and my dad got to open the other and tell me. They have their opinions on various schools, but have made it clear that while they will give their input when asked, the final decision is all mine and they will fully support whatever I choose. They have been incredible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
illinoisellie Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 Wow! There's lots of first gen college students here! Certainly makes me feel at home, as my parents never graduated from college. At first, my dad told me that, if I got my PhD, I wouldn't be able to find any jobs because I would be overqualified. He is of the opinion that the "right" way to become successful is to be promoted several times. I just told him that I'm still "working my way up from the bottom" but in a slightly different way. After I showed him the Bureau of Labor Statistics webpage on my chosen career path, he agreed that I would be able to find a job with a PhD. hahaha. So he supports my choice now. My grandparents on the other hand....? Still think that I am getting my Masters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewurgler Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 My parents are extremely supportive. I think this has a lot to do with the fact that they really really want to be mega intellectual but never did more than a MA. That said, they are very religious, and I am not, and want to study what makes the religious right so f**king crazy. I don't know if they don't get that, or assume that I would never be *that* critical. ANyway, they read my stuff sometimes and say they *totally get it*, and try to impress my (almost PhD) boyfriend with "discussions" about it. They don't get it, but oh well. But they are supportive. That is all that really matters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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