Victory Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I've always suffered from mild panic attacks, but I was able to control them. Lately I've been getting them at work, or when I'm on long walks with my dog (and have too much time to think). I get so panicky about grad school admissions that I start to hyperventilate (almost passed out twice).Yesterday I actually left work 30 min early and didn't tell anyone because I was freaking out so bad (I just ran to my car and drove home). At work I get myself into this OCD routine where I'm checking my email probably 15 times a minute (I have gmail, so it refreshes automatically), while cycling through a few grad school message boards, plus doing my work. On lunch breaks I keep my blackberry set to my gmail account and refresh it every minute or so. I feel like it has taken over my life. Anyone else been getting crazy panic attacks over this stuff? I don't mean stressed out, I mean heart pounding, can't breathe, must leave the room or freak the fuck out kind of panic attacks? I can't wait for all of this to be over...
illinoisellie Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 That's only happened to me once. I think it happened because of the stresses of getting into grad school, what I'll do if I fail to get in... But on top of that, roommate issues and falling on my butt on the ice in front of my roommate and another roommate's bf. Humiliating... But now I can laugh at it. Hysterically, but laughing nonetheless... :oops: so hopefully it won't happen again - I'm just taking one day at a time not looking much at the future(at least for these next few weeks)- trying to play games with myself, like: if I don't check my (snail)mail for today, then I get to have ice cream, if I only check my email twice today I get to read some more of a new book, if I finish my homework for this next weekend(and yeah, i'm getting way ahead in my work as a result of being completely stressed, but hey, I'm the type of person who cleans rooms when stressed) then I get to watch a movie, etc etc etc... Yay, behaviorism!!
sfbbgurl Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I dont get panic attacks, but lately my sleep patterns have been completely messed up. It takes me forever to fall asleep, and when I finally manage to do that my dreams are about grad applications. I had a dream that I was notified I was accepted to one school by viewing the department website and seeing a link to photos and bios of each person. It was creepy. Im glad they don't notify people that way. But the moment I woke up I had to check my e-mail, status update sites, and grad cafe. Waiting is bad for my health. Ugh.
mentalyoga Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Well, I've been having nightmares about grad school for about a week, and had a panic attack yesterday--I received my first rejection in the morning, had to go to work until late afternoon, and was walking back to my dorm when out of nowhere, I couldn't breathe, got a bit dizzy, etc. It was terrifying! But unless I get some good news soon, perhaps not as frightening as my long-term prospects...
ewurgler Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I had a few really terrible panic attacks after the first notification was a waitlist at the lowest ranked school I applied to. Once I had an acceptance, they subsided. I still don't sleep all that well, though.
ohheygradschool Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Think of your Penn acceptance, breathe deeply, and smile.
lycoris Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 I had panic attacks in high school that got a little better in college at first, but got so bad sophomore year I had to drop out. I pulled my shit together during my year off, went back and finished and hadn't had a problem since, even when shit with my job was hitting the proverbial fan. Even the applications, though extremely stressful, didn't cause that dissociative, animal terror of old. But waiting - that was awful. I almost lost it in January. I had to call in sick to work twice. I've gotten a few acceptances and that's helped with the out-of-control aspect of it, but I'm still stressed, and it's coming out my pores when it doesn't come out my mouth. I think I'm actually getting depressed. What gives?
Victory Posted February 24, 2009 Author Posted February 24, 2009 Think of your Penn acceptance, breathe deeply, and smile. I got the acceptance to UPenn 30 minutes after I posted this. I was feeling pretty awful this morning, but how things change.
40404 Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Waiting is bad for my health. Ugh. Bad for mine as well! I've been getting hyperacidic these past few weeks. The programs I've applied to do not notify until 2nd-3rd wk of March!
willtherebestars Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Definitely go see a doctor about alleviating/ameliorating those panic attacks... that's bad news. They don't mess around.
Jo_tigerlily Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I haven't had the panic attacks yet, but insomnia and bursting into tears at work, yes, I'm very familiar with that!!
Dreams Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Goodness bursting into tears at work? I heard the process can make a person emotional, but wow!!
slowbro Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Goodness bursting into tears at work? I heard the process can make a person emotional, but wow!! I don't presume to speak for Jo_tigerlily, but some of us have a lot invested in this. I gave up a very good job to move across the country and begin a master's program in a new field -- taking on some amount of debt in the process, too -- with the eventual goal of getting a doctorate to teach or do research. While a lot of thought went into the decision, it was still a large risk with high opportunity costs; I also knew that I would have to work extremely hard in the master's program so that I could stand out among a group of talented and motivated students. And despite being fortunate enough to have three acceptances to top doctoral programs at this point, I still wonder if I haven't made a giant mistake. I haven't burst into tears yet, but it wouldn't have surprised me if I had -- and it won't surprise me if I end up bursting into tears of relief when this is all over and I know what I'll be doing after getting my master's. Oh, and Victory, congratulations on getting into Penn! I've seen you post here and at Cyburbia and I know how excited you must be.
liszt85 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I dont get panic attacks, but lately my sleep patterns have been completely messed up. It takes me forever to fall asleep, and when I finally manage to do that my dreams are about grad applications. I had a dream that I was notified I was accepted to one school by viewing the department website and seeing a link to photos and bios of each person. It was creepy. Im glad they don't notify people that way. But the moment I woke up I had to check my e-mail, status update sites, and grad cafe. Waiting is bad for my health. Ugh. Same here! I dreamt of getting accepted by Berkeley :| I got 2 reject emails within a few minutes of each other and I went into panic mode even though I have an acceptance already.
otakupaul Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I can really empathise with the OP with all of what was said. I used to be such a chilled out person but gradually ive found that as I become more involved and have more at stake financially and emotionally in academia I have become a lot more anxious and have myself suffered panic attacks. A lot of it began in my undergrad, I was just floating by and expecting a fairly OK grade then found myself getting very good marks. I then felt a lot of pressure to maintain this performance and was given a lot of support from my lecturers to pursue postgrad study (which added to the pressure) and found myself cockily assured that I was going to get funding and would do well (in the UK funding is hard to secure and there is one public body you can apply to for humanities). It was pretty crushing when I got rejected and it took me some time to get over that. I would just cry randomly and found myself getting panicked and rushing home. I managed to self-fund my masters but during that time, because of the pressure, stress, isolation, and a lot of conflicts I had with fellow students and lecturers, it got worse. It has been a trial by fire though because although I have seen the ugly side of academia there is nothing else I want to do and I know it will all be worth it in the end, especially if I can appreciate how hard the whole process is for my students and help them. Thankfully nowadays im a lot more chilled out again but I do annoy my gf with how often I check email and websites. Theres no harm in getting help to ease the stress but take faith and reassurance from the fact you have one acceptance already and there will be more to come.
LadyL Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I had to take a day off work due to anxiety when interview invites went out for my top choice and I didn't get one. I've woken up in cold sweats multiple times worrying about grad school. It's definitely affected my sleep. For the first time this year I contemplated anti anxiety meds, which I've always avoided. But I have things reasonably under control now.
Yellow#5 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Theres no harm in getting help to ease the stress but take faith and reassurance from the fact you have one acceptance already and there will be more to come. Yes, and also please remember that your health and hapiness is more important than any job, school or anything else for that matter. I understand you've put in a great deal of effort, you really want your first choice, etc., but take a quick objective look at what worrying is doing to you, and realize that nothing is worth doing that to yourself over.
deianira Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I have asthma, which has been linked to higher risk for panic attacks, but never had real panic attacks until I _started_ grad school. If you are having them now just waiting for responses, you may have a very tough time with them in the first year in a PhD program. So if you have not found non-destructive efficient ways to control them, I suggest seeing a doctor now. They can suggest coping techniques, breathing exercises, lifestyle changes, etc. I know it sounds like flimsy psych stuff, but it will come in handy when you are faced with the real stress of grad school.
vern23 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I haven't had any real panic attacks but migraines/stress headaches are killing me and also I'm probably getting an ulcer, at least thats what it feels like, the stress is causing so much stomach acid. And to top it off my emotions are all over the place because of this. Needs to end soon before these medical problems escalate. hey you think we can sue these grad schools for medical bills
litchick Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I've been having panic attacks for weeks now. I totally feel you. I've also put on weight... and I can't seem to do research, write papers, or teach. If I manage to do any of that---or have a happy moment---I'll catch myself feeling good and immediately switch back to anxiety-mode. I have a conference presentation coming up in two weeks. My research is done, but the paper isn't written, and I'm freaking out. Yet every damn time I attempt to write it, I start thinking about grad school, rejections, and my life spinning out of control. Then I have to check/refresh my email, check my phone to see if I've missed a call, and/or run to the mailbox. It's getting to be ridiculous (or far surpassed that mark long ago). I'm not sure if this makes me OCD with anxiety disorder or what. :roll: I hope this process ends quickly for the sake of our sanity and health.
litchick Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Yes, and also please remember that your health and hapiness is more important than any job, school or anything else for that matter. I understand you've put in a great deal of effort, you really want your first choice, etc., but take a quick objective look at what worrying is doing to you, and realize that nothing is worth doing that to yourself over. I wholeheartedly agree with you, Yellow#5... but tell us, please, how to stop worrying. I'll try anything (if not for my health, but for the sake of this conference coming up... just kidding )
tyler1 Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 I've suffered from severe anxiety disorder/panic attacks for 3 years. I was having a very rough time before my first acceptance. Take solace that you didn't get an attack at the very unfortunate time I did-- during the GRE I had TWO panic attacks. I had to leave the room during my verbal section for about 5 minutes and snort a ground-up Xanax. My score was obviously not as good as it could have been, and I think is a contributing factor to a lot of my rejections (5 out of 6). Fortunately, my only acceptance was to my top choice, so I don't have to regret it forever.
liszt85 Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Ah, I now understand why I gained weight, why my asthma related cough got worse and why I'm in bed with a temperature now :|
medianerd Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Yes, I have. I have a longterm panic disorder though, so attacks are nothing new for me. I've been having more severe ones lately, mostly triggered by the usual problems, but much more intense. Sigh. I am trying to meditate more as a solution. And I'm getting acupuncture done, which helps.
Jakrabite Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 I was freaking out before. But now I have come to terms with it. I am keeping myself busy and the weird thoughts take care of themselves.
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