How about this cheeky, and perhaps slightly contrived, conclusion?

[goodbye I]

I am considering using this brief conclusion (or something like it) for two or three of the highly competitive programs I am applying to. It's an attempt to set me apart and make me a more memorable applicant for programs that have a 5% (or so) acceptance rate. I have mixed feelings about it and have gotten variegated feedback. Let me know what you think. No criticism is too harsh.

While what precedes demonstrates my academic experiences and future scholarly interests, it may be important to note how I fit the role of a graduate student and scholar in another essential regard. There is perhaps no better litmus test to this fit than how one enjoys their beverages. Thus, I find it apt to conclude with the following: I drink my coffee black, beer stout, and whiskey neat—as a gentleman and a scholar ought to.

[fuzzylogician]

My response would be: Sigh. If you're going down this route, you should make this paragraph much more concise (read: less wordy). The verbiage betrays the cheekiness that you are aiming for; having to go back and reread this several times just left me a little bit puzzled about what it is that you think you are doing here.

Once it's very tight, give it to several professors to read and watch their reaction closely. If they recoil, take it out immediately. Honestly, I would not take this chance, but I understand that not everybody agrees with my conservative approach. But if you stay in academia then you will write quite a few more essays that "sell" yourself and your work and they will all need to conform to a formulaic, precise and professional template. I think it's a much better exercise to view this statement as the first in a long line of boring research statements as opposed to a place to get very creative.

[goodbye I]

My response would be: Sigh. If you're going down this route, you should make this paragraph much more concise (read: less wordy). The verbiage betrays the cheekiness that you are aiming for; having to go back and reread this several times just left me a little bit puzzled about what it is that you think you are doing here.

Once it's very tight, give it to several professors to read and watch their reaction closely. If they recoil, take it out immediately. Honestly, I would not take this chance, but I understand that not everybody agrees with my conservative approach. But if you stay in academia then you will write quite a few more essays that "sell" yourself and your work and they will all need to conform to a formulaic, precise and professional template. I think it's a much better exercise to view this statement as the first in a long line of boring research statements as opposed to a place to get very creative.

This is exactly the kind of feedback I'm looking for. I have my suspicions that it may be a bit contrived and produce a few eye rolls.

[practical cat]

I agree with fuzzylogician. In addition, you do not want to be giving admissions people reasons to want to disagree with you. I'm inclined to contest this even though I'm a hopeful-academic who drinks her coffee black, beer stout, and whiskey neat. Prescribing taste, no matter how tongue-in-cheek, is a little bit dangerous. You have to be pretty skillful to pull it off. I don't believe this is that.

[emmm]

Another "no" vote.

[Duna]

I'd vote no for using it in the SoP but I vote yes for being memorable. However, that's probably due to my personal proclivity for gentlemen who prefer their drinks ... no need to finish that.

[kaister]

I'd save this kind of playful banter for post-interview chitchat. It's easier to convey humor in person. I consider it too risky for the SoP.

[TakeruK]

But if you stay in academia then you will write quite a few more essays that "sell" yourself and your work and they will all need to conform to a formulaic, precise and professional template. I think it's a much better exercise to view this statement as the first in a long line of boring research statements as opposed to a place to get very creative.

I'd save this kind of playful banter for post-interview chitchat. It's easier to convey humor in person. I consider it too risky for the SoP.

I think these two posts are the best advice.

But if you really want to include it, I think it would be better to remove the last phrase ("as a gentleman and a scholar ought to"). Stating your preferences is one thing, but judging others is another! What if the person reading your SoP has an alcohol problem, or chooses to abstain from coffee and/or alcohol? I know that everything you say could potentially upset someone so it's not productive to think this way, but as I said -- you shouldn't have to worry about other people's opinions when it comes to your own preferences, but being judgemental isn't going to make you any friends.

Finally, that last phrase, for some reason, justified or not, makes me think of the "Mad Men" stereotype. It also adds to the "Boys Club" mentality of academia (or maybe just science?) and it's something I'd discourage. Just my opinion.

[margarets]

Did you come up with this bit

"I drink my coffee black, beer stout, and whiskey neat—as a gentleman and a scholar ought to"

on your own? Because it sounds familiar. I'm sure I've heard something like it before. It could take you into hack-joke territory, which is risky.

Actually I just flashed on James Bond, and the "Most Interesting Man in the World" guy. Beware.

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

You better hope the person reading it isn't a straight edge.

[Lud]

Nope.

[runaway]

I once brought a bottle of vodka to a dinner party at a professor's house. It turned out he and his family were Mormon. They were incredibly nice about it and in the end it wasn't too awkward, but I'd imagine it could have gone quite a bit differently.

Everyone else has pretty much given a resounding 'no,' but this is just an example of how, despite the homogenous reputation of academia, you really can't predict who is going to read your essay.

[1Q84]

I wasn't aware that people still used phrases like "gentleman and scholar" without bursting into laughter afterwards.

Like others have said, I think the chances of you offending someone on the adcomm are much higher than you impressing someone with that line.

Personally, I think it's pretty eye-rolly. I also think anyone on the adcomm with a modicum of gender studies knowledge or related experience under their belt would be inclined to vomit after reading that. Mad Men indeed.

[DarwinAG]

Get rid of it.

[Tolman's Rat]

I like my coffee black, beer stout, and whiskey neat, but would never think to attribute that to myself being a 'gentleman' or a 'scholar'

Even as someone who shares your tastes, I would roll my eyes (especially with some of the awkward sentence construction prior:

"it may be important to note how I fit the role of a graduate student and scholar in another essential regard. There is perhaps no better litmus test to this fit than how one enjoys their beverages."

I think the issue here is that you come off as completely serious, the "in another essential regard" part really sells me on that. This is something you can bring up in casual conversation, in a joking manner, but you really don't convey the light-heartedness of the statement here. It just sounds snotty. I hear something like "in another essential regard" and I expect to hear some grand conclusion about yourself as to why you're so well-suited to conduct graduate research.

[kaykaykay]

no. who do you think you are that you already know how scholars ought to behave? and does it make you a good prospective scholar that you behave like you ought to?

you do not want to come off as pretentious in you SOP. even if you are the nicest person and this was a joke it is really hard to know just from one essay.

people will remember your essay for all the wrong reasons give yourself that 5% chance.

Edited November 23, 2012 by kaykaykay

[R Deckard]

You can't drink a beer stout.

[bamafan]

Kill it with fire.

[child of 2]

you should stay professional.

[tip3r]

I understand what you are trying to do and I think it may be a good idea to put something memorable in your SOP that may be a bit cheesy only for the most competitive schools. However, I think your conclusion is a bit too risky.

I am polishing up my SOP with the deadlines looming and I feel that my application may not be interesting enough for the most competitive schools. I have been considering doing something like this as well, although I will probably put it into the opening paragraph.

[cyberwulf]

My initial reaction on reading that sentence was "who does this guy think he is?" It just pushes so many wrong buttons: condescending, judgmental, patriarchal, etc.

Academics are generally a pretty tolerant bunch, but the one thing they generally despise is people telling them they know better. And the message you're sending is that non-coffee and whiskey drinkers like me who prefer wheat beers are, in your estimation, un-gentlemanly and un-scholarly.

Baaaaaaad.

[spunkrag]

I am not necessarily getting the "snobby" vibe because you frame it in your post as cheeky. But, I can certainly see where--after reading a serious SOP--problems might arise. The other posters who are suggesting a more serious conclusion are spot-on. I really don't think there's a "essay was too serious" penalty in SOPs, and if an adcomm sees your statement and perceives a lack of seriousness about your scholarship they will likely discard the essay and application.