Thoughts on Graduation Announcements

[microarray]

I am thinking about sending out grad announcements to my huge extended family in hopes that they will send me money. I am moving 3000 miles away for grad school this summer and could really use the extra cash. How can I ask for money tactfully?

[EngineerGrad]

What up bitches i need money lol

[EngineerGrad]

Just kidding... Tell them what you've already accomplished. "I got in this amazing school, top x in my field, and I'm really happy."

Sell yourself... Say how competitive it is etc

[ss2player]

Your family sends you money for free? Can I be adopted by you guys?!

[microarray]

haha well.... that's what i'm trying to get! I have never asked for money, but I was hoping since I am getting my BS soon and that I'm going to grad school at a really awesome school, they'll congratulate me with money.

[GreenePony]

Are you planning on just dropping a note/newsletter or actually sending announcement cards?  I am only sending mine out because its nice to let the non-facebook savvy members of the family know that we will be moving (I also am having "we're moving! here's our new address" cards made up to be sent with.) When I got my bachelors, I did get a couple small graduation gifts from my in-laws and god parents (my parents bought me the sewing machine of my choice, probably not everyone's idea of a great graduation gift) but I'm not expecting anything for my masters.

 

My brother (going from bachelors to masters) and my announcement cards are going to read along the lines of, "Announcing the graduation of  [Full Name] from [university] with a [Degree] in [Program] [Date] [Location] / [First Name] will be pursuing a [degree] in [program] at [university] in the Fall"

 

Newsletters are popular with DH's family but my family finds them annoying *shrug*

[microarray]

I am sending out announcements with a current picture on it. sending a we're moving is a great idea to send with it too! Thanks!

[GreenePony]

I used vistaprint business cards for "we're moving" last time. I think I upgraded to the nicer weight (and without the logo on the back). It's lighter than a full card and people had put it in their rolodex or where ever they store contact information. The only problem is their smallest order is way more than I needed so I still have a couple dozen sitting in a box.

[rising_star]

There's nothing wrong with sending a graduation announcement. People will want to hear that you're graduating. You may get money but you may not. I sent cards to my extended family when I finished my BA, knowing that most wouldn't be able to attend the ceremony. Still, quite a few sent small checks of like $25 or $50, so the cards more than paid for themselves.

[bakalamba]

Well, if people can hold fundraisers for when they get married or have kids, they certainly should be able to do them for "marrying" into graduate school and making a big move. If you want to reduce the guilt tripping, why not set up a fundraiser through Fundly or another site? Keep it humorous, mail cards or small gifts to those who donate, and turn your journey into a group activity (which grad school is, since you will be relying on family and friends, and anyone who you're not studying with, to keep you sane through the whole thing).

 

Even if this idea isn't palatable for you, I might steal it when I move.

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

Well, if people can hold fundraisers for when they get married or have kids, they certainly should be able to do them for "marrying" into graduate school and making a big move. If you want to reduce the guilt tripping, why not set up a fundraiser through Fundly or another site? Keep it humorous, mail cards or small gifts to those who donate, and turn your journey into a group activity (which grad school is, since you will be relying on family and friends, and anyone who you're not studying with, to keep you sane through the whole thing).

 

Even if this idea isn't palatable for you, I might steal it when I move.

Funny when you think about it. It's socially acceptable to send out:

 

 

 

Hey ya'll, 

It's cousin Pete. Me and Emma is getting married round May time and we was hoping ya'll would wanna come down to the park and have us a nice lil celebration. As ya'll know, Emma got 3 kids from previous engagements and I just got laid off at the local Wal Mart, so we gon need a little help affording all the Cheetos, Rolling Rock, and Charlie Daniel's Band mix tapes. Also, if it ain't too much, the shop vac took a crap round a month ago and we can sure use another one of them. 

Thank ya'll!

Cousin Pete

 

 

But it's not socially acceptable to tell your family that while Cousin Pete was peeing in a plastic cup once a month, you were busting you ass in college, and all that hard work may result in a bright future in a field they've never heard of (just tell em you're studying computers... they'll go "ooooo"). 

[LittleDarlings]

I sent out graduation announcements and got a ton of money. I am having another family party when I move, so I can get more money.

[PhDerp]

Ooh, I might have to try this...

[m-ttl]

I think I might just send out Graduation/Acceptance announcements. People will either simply congratulate me or congratulate me and send me money. I don't think it's necessary to state it outright, you can simply say something like:

 

"CLASS OF 2014, STATE UNIVERSITY M-TLL GRADUATE. M-ttl is celebrating her upcoming graduation from STATE UNIVERSITY and acceptance to the PhD program in Art History at OTHER UNIVERSITY and upcoming move to NEW CITY, NEW STATE. If you are able, please join us for a celebration at ADDRESS on GRADUATION PARTY DATE, and RSVP at PHONE NUMBER HERE." 

 

I'm not going to my commencement ceremony, but instead having a party for my family. And I'm guessing a moving announcement combined with grad announcement and new school announcement is also the classiest "give me money, please, I'm moving thousands of miles away." statement you can come up with. I mean you're not really being coy. People know why you send graduation announcements. It's for money. 

 

I wouldn't ask for money outright simply because it's redundant. I have a toooon of extended family, so I figure I'll send them to everyone and then instruct my Nana with what is needed when asked (she is generally the go-to for word of mouth in my family) -- Money, gift cards to Ikea: Target, Crate and Barrel, etc, and certain specific regional/family items that I would love to have in my new home if I was gifted with them. EG: For my HS graduation, someone in my family hand crafted me a stained glass ornament I could hang. 

 

I'd love to be able to say: "Me and my roommate would like nice cast iron pans" but also I'd rather have the cash to buy it myself since I'm moving so far. 

Edited March 11, 2014 by m-ttl

[FestivusMiracle]

I make a point not to fish for money by doing things like this. Sure you may get money, but when it is blatantly obvious that you just want money, people probably will resent you for it. IMO, it's not worth the loss of self-respect, unless you are just completely last dollar broke. Even then, I'd still try to avoid this.

[m-ttl]

I make a point not to fish for money by doing things like this. Sure you may get money, but when it is blatantly obvious that you just want money, people probably will resent you for it. IMO, it's not worth the loss of self-respect, unless you are just completely last dollar broke. Even then, I'd still try to avoid this.

 

If you need money to move that badly, do you honestly care if your second cousin resents you for asking for it? Personally, I see no reason to be direct with it, the implication is there in the Grad announcements. If you think the announcements themselves, or the asking for funds for a major life event like moving across the country and going to graduate school is something to resent someone for then so be it. This isn't true for everyone, however. For my family, demanding would be tacky because it's expected people will help however they can because they're family. That said, asking for help is what family is for. Or at least such is the case with my own family.

 

Yours may be completely different! But I hardly think being a young graduate asking for help with a big move is losing self-respect.  

[PhDerp]

If you need money to move that badly, do you honestly care if your second cousin resents you for asking for it? Personally, I see no reason to be direct with it, the implication is there in the Grad announcements. If you think the announcements themselves, or the asking for funds for a major life event like moving across the country and going to graduate school is something to resent someone for then so be it. This isn't true for everyone, however. For my family, demanding would be tacky because it's expected people will help however they can because they're family. That said, asking for help is what family is for. Or at least such is the case with my own family.

 

Yours may be completely different! But I hardly think being a young graduate asking for help with a big move is losing self-respect.

I was going to respond in a similar way, then I realized "Yeah, no, I'm only going to notify them because I read this thread." I never thought to contact my family about something like this before, but now I can't know I'm not doing it for the money since I only thought to write them since reading here! Lol.

Either way, no loss of self-respect on my end!

[FestivusMiracle]

If you need money to move that badly, do you honestly care if your second cousin resents you for asking for it? Personally, I see no reason to be direct with it, the implication is there in the Grad announcements. If you think the announcements themselves, or the asking for funds for a major life event like moving across the country and going to graduate school is something to resent someone for then so be it. This isn't true for everyone, however. For my family, demanding would be tacky because it's expected people will help however they can because they're family. That said, asking for help is what family is for. Or at least such is the case with my own family.

Yours may be completely different! But I hardly think being a young graduate asking for help with a big move is losing self-respect.

I agree with you for the most part, especially the part about it depending on the family. The vibe I'm getting from most of these posts, though, is that the announcements will mostly be sent to people with whom you do not have a close relationship with, such as a distant cousin you never see. To me, the implication here is that they will only send you money because they would feel guilty if they didn't since they are related to you. I think this could lead to resentment from certain people. Definitely not all, but some. When I graduated high school, I was amazed that many people I didn't even know nor send an announcement still gave me money (these people were friends of my parents, went to the same church, etc.). So some people are just very generous and will be happy to give you money.

If you are sending out annoucements that you are graduating college and not inviting them to a party (inviting them to graduation doesn't count), then you aren't really being subtle about it. IMO you're demanding money.

Ultimately I think my problem with college grad announcements is that they imply a sort of better me than you attitude. Why does anyone owe you money for graduating college? If you need money that bad, I think asking close friends/family directly while explaining your situation is a much more tactful way to handle the situation.

I definitely understand that most people have a different opinion than me on this, so take my thoughts for what they're worth.

[bakalamba]

I think the culture varies. My family, including the extended family, doesn't really do graduation parties, so it would be odd for me to throw one for myself, since brother/sister/cousins didn't celebrate their own. Reminds me of the time my best friend (at the time) had a big celebration when he got into his choice undergrad school, and I got into mine the same week ... no fanfare for me I guess.

 

So I, personally, would be more comfortable throwing a moving away party than a graduation party (in theory only - I graduated four years ago). Certainly a good opportunity to see everyone before moving a few states away, and catch up with family members who I haven't seen in a while. If they choose to give me anything for the trip I'd be grateful.

 

If you see parties as an opportunity to gather money from biological connections, then I guess that's your thing. I guess some people rely on their family when they need the help, and return the favor in the future, and others are skilled at the familial shakedown.

[m-ttl]

I agree with you for the most part, especially the part about it depending on the family. The vibe I'm getting from most of these posts, though, is that the announcements will mostly be sent to people with whom you do not have a close relationship with, such as a distant cousin you never see. To me, the implication here is that they will only send you money because they would feel guilty if they didn't since they are related to you. I think this could lead to resentment from certain people. Definitely not all, but some. When I graduated high school, I was amazed that many people I didn't even know nor send an announcement still gave me money (these people were friends of my parents, went to the same church, etc.). So some people are just very generous and will be happy to give you money.

If you are sending out annoucements that you are graduating college and not inviting them to a party (inviting them to graduation doesn't count), then you aren't really being subtle about it. IMO you're demanding money.

Ultimately I think my problem with college grad announcements is that they imply a sort of better me than you attitude. Why does anyone owe you money for graduating college? If you need money that bad, I think asking close friends/family directly while explaining your situation is a much more tactful way to handle the situation.

I definitely understand that most people have a different opinion than me on this, so take my thoughts for what they're worth.

 

Yeah, I'd have to say this sort of thing is COMPLETELY based on your family's culture. I have a very large, very extended family on one side. These sort of announcements are how we keep in touch, celebrate, remind ourselves to call everyone, etc. A success for one member is a success for everyone, especially reflecting upon my mother and grandparents, (but also godparents, and other adults in my life). There's a decent divide between: "I'm better than you for graduating college" and "You all worked hard so I could be the first to graduate college and now I'm going on to graduate school. This is our success." (Also good to note: Out of my 12 first cousins and brother, I am the oldest of the bunch, so if I do it, it's not weird?)

 

It would never occur to me to think of it as being "better than", because it's something my family encouraged me to do so I could have better options in life. It's coded in the language you use, I think: "owe you money". The money is a gift. 

 

I don't know, it would be completely weird for me to not send announcements to everyone and their mother. Any time I visit home there's a good smattering of them, coupled with birth, engagement, and wedding announcements on the fridge and corkboards. If someone else in my family needed money and I had money to give, I would contribute. That's just how it works for us -- broken dishwasher? Everyone pitches in for an upcoming birthday and buys a new one. Move across the country? Well if they don't have the money to help, they might very well help me pack. 

 

I'm not going to walk, so I'm only inviting people to my party. A large chunk of my family all lives in the same metro area, so it's not as if they won't be able to come. As for the family further away, inviting them is a courtesy gesture. The idea that you would resent someone for graduating college, or having a baby, or getting married, or whatever and the implication that they might need money therein is...odd to me? 

 

I don't know, I just don't know anyone in my family who would react so negatively. 

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

Yeah, I'd have to say this sort of thing is COMPLETELY based on your family's culture. I have a very large, very extended family on one side. These sort of announcements are how we keep in touch, celebrate, remind ourselves to call everyone, etc. A success for one member is a success for everyone, especially reflecting upon my mother and grandparents, (but also godparents, and other adults in my life). There's a decent divide between: "I'm better than you for graduating college" and "You all worked hard so I could be the first to graduate college and now I'm going on to graduate school. This is our success." (Also good to note: Out of my 12 first cousins and brother, I am the oldest of the bunch, so if I do it, it's not weird?)

 

It would never occur to me to think of it as being "better than", because it's something my family encouraged me to do so I could have better options in life. It's coded in the language you use, I think: "owe you money". The money is a gift. 

 

I don't know, it would be completely weird for me to not send announcements to everyone and their mother. Any time I visit home there's a good smattering of them, coupled with birth, engagement, and wedding announcements on the fridge and corkboards. If someone else in my family needed money and I had money to give, I would contribute. That's just how it works for us -- broken dishwasher? Everyone pitches in for an upcoming birthday and buys a new one. Move across the country? Well if they don't have the money to help, they might very well help me pack. 

 

I'm not going to walk, so I'm only inviting people to my party. A large chunk of my family all lives in the same metro area, so it's not as if they won't be able to come. As for the family further away, inviting them is a courtesy gesture. The idea that you would resent someone for graduating college, or having a baby, or getting married, or whatever and the implication that they might need money therein is...odd to me? 

 

I don't know, I just don't know anyone in my family who would react so negatively. 

I don't think it's about resenting someone for graduating from college. It's about sending a letter to your fourth-cousin in Alaska who you've never met or spoken to before and basically just quickly announcing your achievement and requesting a donation. I don't know if that's what the other person was talking about, but I would find that a bit annoying if I got a letter in the mail from someone who knows absolutely nothing about me and just wants money. 

[legan]

I think the idea of a graduation announcement combined with a "we've moved!" type of announcement is a really nice idea. But I would leave it at that. Just update people on your plans and new address, and that should be it. I think even hinting at money or gifts would be really gauche. If people want to send you money, they know where to send it now, no need to ask for it.

 

But then again, I come from WASPs, so.

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

I think the idea of a graduation announcement combined with a "we've moved!" type of announcement is a really nice idea. But I would leave it at that. Just update people on your plans and new address, and that should be it. I think even hinting at money or gifts would be really gauche. If people want to send you money, they know where to send it now, no need to ask for it.

 

But then again, I come from WASPs, so.

I agree. Announce your graduation and that you'll be getting a new address and send that to every (close family and people you've never even met before). Announcing just a graduation will be nice to some people but some people will get a little suspicious, especially if college degrees are the norm in your family. So grouping a graduation with something like a new address is a good idea. Also, asking for money personally from close family would be okay, but I wouldn't advise just requesting money from any and everyone. Even if you don't request it, you'll probably still get some from people who would have sent it regardless. And if you can throw a party, inviting everyone would be a nice gesture. Even if they don't specifically bring money, you'll probably get a lot of helpful "moving away" gifts. 

[rising_star]

Gnome, I'm from a family where college degrees are expected. And, when I wasn't going to send out graduation announcement, I got told that I absolutely should by several members of my family. Everyone's family is different of course but, at least in mine, it is expected that you will share good news, whether that's a wedding, a birth, a graduation (high school, college, or grad school), a job promotion or awesome new job, etc. Not necessarily to your fourth cousin (I come from a large extended family so extending that far out would mean literally hundreds of announcements) but definitely to my aunts, uncles, first and second cousins (well, not ALL my second cousins because again, big family), and close family friends.

[FestivusMiracle]

I agree with pretty much all the comments posted. It depends on the context. Just use good judgment, and you'll be fine.