Starting a Doctorate with a Baby

[CP3]

Hi,

 

I am only several weeks away from becoming a parent with my spouse. Also, I found out last week that I have been accepted to begin my doctoral studies this upcoming fall. This is my first child, he will be 4-5 months old when I begin my studies.

 

Anyone out there have experience with having children during their studies? Or is anyone else in the same boat am me, expecting a new child close to the beginning of their graduate studies?

 

Thanks

 

 

[iphi]

Congrats! What is your spouse planning to do in terms of child care? If no one will be able to be at home during the day to take care of your son, then call the childcare services at your intended university ASAP. The bigger name universities have kids put on the wait list in utero who don't start until age 3 or so! Some universities also have designated pumping spots (if you're female) in case that is something you will need. Also, in case you have to move you should check into family housing at your intended university. It can be a cheaper and family-friendly option!

 

In terms of actually juggling the demands of parenting and grad school I am sure other people who actually have children will have things to offer. Congratulations on both your achievements, and good luck!

Edited February 25, 2015 by iphi

[EthanL]

I don't have much to add, but congratulations! 

[rising_star]

Congratulations! I don't know how to do it but I know it's possible because my mom did it with me. You'll need to make sure you have solid child care arrangements and an advisor that is both supportive and understanding of the fact that you're a parent. In other words, if someone expects 12 hours a day in the lab, they may not be the best advisor for you. Good luck!

[Threeboysmom]

Currently in grad school with three kids ages 10,7,& 5. It's not a cake walk but do able. I imagine you will need to study around the nap schedule of the baby. Consider baby wearing. Look into a mobile wrap. They are wonderful. You will need a sitter if your husband isn't watching the child. Start looking now reliable childcare is half the battle. Plan out everything for your semester ahead of time and work the plan. Congrats and enjoy your new little one.

[1415dr]

You'll find a way to make it work. It won't be easy at first, but once you find a comfortable pattern you'll be fine. babies just want attention, so I would read statistics flashcards to them in a Dr, Suess tone. They can't tell the difference. I also read my study guides into a voice recorder and listened to it with headphones while I rocked the baby to sleep. maybe I think too highly of myself, but I feel like I'm incredibly capable of multitasking since my babies trained me so well.

Then again, that was for a master's degree, so the phd world may he much harder.

[LittleDarlings]

One of my teachers is in her PhD program and having her baby in April.. so it is doable I assume.  That is all I have to contribute. 

[xmen_rogue89]

The key is time management and support. You will definitely need to separate time being a parent only, and time being a student only. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about starting a family in graduate school either!

[phdreally]

We have an infant who will be about a year old when my PhD program starts. Both of us work full time now, and grad school will continue ending up pretty much a "full time" job. Few tips:

 

- If there is in-campus accommodation and day care, go for it. in-campus day care usually have long wait lists, so apply NOW.

 

- Build good sleeping habits and/or sleep train your baby. This in turn means good sleep for you, and probably the most important thing for working couples. This may not be that big a deal if one is a stay at home parent, but if both are working you absolutely want good night sleep. We sleep trained our baby a few weeks ago and the difference is night and day.

 

It takes effort and building a routine, but absolutely doable.

[Lisa44201]

I had my third child during Winter Break. Having kids and going to grad school is not the easiest thing, but it's workable. Time management is critical.

[Threeboysmom]

Currently in grad school with three kids ages 10,7,& 5. It's not a cake walk but do able. I imagine you will need to study around the nap schedule of the baby. Consider baby wearing. Look into a mobile wrap. They are wonderful. You will need a sitter if your husband isn't watching the child. Start looking now reliable childcare is half the battle. Plan out everything for your semester ahead of time and work the plan. Congrats and enjoy your new little one.

That should say moby wrap sorry.  They are fantastic.  I was able to get things done and baby was happy.  

[ProfLorax]

I just had my first child a few months ago, and I'm currently in my second year of my doctoral program. Here are some scattered thoughts:

1. Yes! Baby-wearing is amazing. I like the Moby and the Ergo.

2. If you or your partner will breastfeed, look into getting a pump (insurance will pay for one) and a hands free pump bra (Simple Miracles is the best).

3. Connect with other parents in your program and your new neighborhood. This is huge! Fellow students can tell you which professors are supportive of grad student parents and which aren't. Local parents can tell you the best pediatrician and childcare options. We are thinking of setting up a part-time nanny share with another couple in my program.

4. Seek out amazing, supportive faculty and potential advisors. Two of my main mentors have three kids, and they have been great about working with my schedule and me bringing the baby to meetings.

5. Lots of people will give you parenting advice. Listen, process, then decide what will work with you, your spouse, and your baby. Our baby ended up being a great sleeper (knock on wood!) without any sleep training or schedule, while other parents I know swear by strict schedules from day 1. Every baby and every family is different, so trust that you and your spouse will know or at least figure out what works best for your child.

That's all I have for now, except this: enjoy it. My daughter is only two months and some change, and I already feel like she's growing so fast!

[mountainroad]

I don't have experience with this but I am somewhat in the same boat.  When I start my PhD this August I will have an eight month old.  

[Acs]

Almost in the same boat. Got accepted and have my delivery date when the semester starts. Thinking of joining after a semester. Planning to get one of my parent to live for few months to help during course work. Still not confident about everything. I have managed small kids in my family but studying with a small kid and that too my own looks difficult. 

[annwyn]

I have two older girls that were small when I did my BA and had my son in the middle of my MA which was also the first month of my RA.  I was stressed to death about having a baby right at the beginning of an NSF research position.  It was fine.  I had a great supervisor and PI, and that was key.  In some ways being a parent to a young one helped me by FORCING me to extremely organized with my time.  

Here are some of my thoughts (some of it is repeated from above and not necessarily in order of importance.

 

1. Baby wearing!  Find the one you love and use it.

2. Find the perfect mix of parent time and student time.  If you can mix the two, great.  If you can't, don't (which is also great).  Just be honest with yourself about what works and be open to the idea that this is a fluid relationship that WILL CHANGE.  What worked last week won't work this week, that's fine.  Just keep options open for when you have to have student only time, which can be difficult.

3. Get a support network together now!  Look into what childcare you need to have, I have always used an on campus daycare.  It has been the best decision I could have made.  The baby was close when I needed to nurse him, and it was less expensive than any other option.  Find a parent group and work out friends you can call in emergency type situations where you just need a few hours to finish a paper or whatever. 

4.  If you can find an advisor who is kid friendly, do it.  I can't stress this enough.  You will have more to do than you can imagine and you REALLY don't need to be fighting your advisor in the meantime.  I have seen students with babies and unsupportive advisors, and it isn't pretty.

5.  Trust yourself.  You will hear an amazing amount of advice.  In the end, do what works for you and your little family, whatever that is.  For us, we co-slept (got great sleep!) and demand fed and almost NEVER did laundry.  It worked for us.  Some of my friends lost their minds doing what worked for me, and I lost mine trying to sleep train.  Bottom line: do what you need to do to get through.  First year is the hardest (both baby and grad school).  You can do it!

 

And lastly, and probably most importantly...Grad school is HARD on relationships.  Babies can be HARD on relationships.  Be open with your partner now about your feelings, goals, needs, EVERYTHING.  Talk about how you want to manage baby care and grad school responsibilites now, before the baby comes.  Grad school is very demanding and a fairly selfish endevour (even for the most selfless person).  A baby will intensify this.  Be good to each other.  Don't let things eat at you, and don't your partner do the same.  ENJOY this time.  As crazy as it is...it is amazing!!  Best of Luck to you all!