How to deal with this anxiety?

[Yanaka]

I can hardly believe you bring up marriage! My gosh, who cares about that  

[Forest Owlet]

I just stumbled onto this thread and can't believe how everybody's going through similar stuff! As a relatively old (wrong side of 30 ) international applicant with a fairly unusual profile, I thought things would be very different for me. Thankfully, I managed to badger all of my LOR writers to submit by the deadline, but since then I've discovered a couple of minor mistakes in one of my apps and have been obsessing over them.

Being home (and thus away from work) doesn't help, nor does the fact that my younger brother got married a couple of days ago, resulting in the inevitable questions about my life plans:

'So when are you getting married?'
'Umm... Err.. I have applied for a PhD...'
'Oh, you'll get in easily...' (But 5 mins ago you asked me what I did for a living )
'Look - doesn't he look really good? Go take some pictures. Shoo!'

The way my profile is meant that I had to get 1-2 LORs from work, which now means that the whole place knows that I am applying . Which is also going to make for some very awkward conversations if I don't get in anywhere, not to mention a very interesting discussion with my boss: 'Thanks for your reco, but my overall application sucked, and hence I'm not really going anywhere. Can I please continue? Please? Pretty please? Have I told you how awesome you are?'

And then I suddenly get cold feet and worry about whether finishing a PhD when I am just under 40 (hopefully) will make any sense, and how the money stuff is going to work out. In the middle of all of this, my parents sneak in the odd curveball: 'Why don't you get married and then go for a PhD?'

On top of all this, one of my POIs, who had suggested that we discuss the specifics of what I'd like to work on if I get in has gone awol and isn't responding to my emails.

[Forest Owlet]

15 hours ago, kinseyd said:

Has anyone got any news yet? My UMN app has switched to "under final review". Do they do a final review of all applications or just ones that are considered strong candidates? It's so nerve-wracking knowing that my top school will be sending a decision soon.  But, I guess it's good that I haven't been out-right rejected yet!

I'm looking forward to/dreading this for UMN.. I thought they weren't looking at applications till after the holidays 

[CoffeeFueledAnxiety]

1 hour ago, VoidInColor said:

Waiting for responses is frustrating. What's almost worse are the schools that have Jan. 1 deadlines. Because of course the schools are closed for winter break leading up to the deadline, so it's impossible to contact anyone if you have any problems 

I agree. One of my programs has Jan 2 deadline. It's quite nerve wrecking to know that I no one would answer my emails before the deadline. Even one of my recommenders is obviously taking a break and has not responded to my emails since before the break, too. Out of all application, the only one she has not submitted has to be the one with Jan 2 deadline. 

[GeorgeC07]

3 hours ago, Forest Owlet said:

I just stumbled onto this thread and can't believe how everybody's going through similar stuff! As a relatively old (wrong side of 30 ) international applicant with a fairly unusual profile, I thought things would be very different for me. Thankfully, I managed to badger all of my LOR writers to submit by the deadline, but since then I've discovered a couple of minor mistakes in one of my apps and have been obsessing over them.

Being home (and thus away from work) doesn't help, nor does the fact that my younger brother got married a couple of days ago, resulting in the inevitable questions about my life plans:

'So when are you getting married?'
'Umm... Err.. I have applied for a PhD...'
'Oh, you'll get in easily...' (But 5 mins ago you asked me what I did for a living )
'Look - doesn't he look really good? Go take some pictures. Shoo!'

The way my profile is meant that I had to get 1-2 LORs from work, which now means that the whole place knows that I am applying . Which is also going to make for some very awkward conversations if I don't get in anywhere, not to mention a very interesting discussion with my boss: 'Thanks for your reco, but my overall application sucked, and hence I'm not really going anywhere. Can I please continue? Please? Pretty please? Have I told you how awesome you are?'

And then I suddenly get cold feet and worry about whether finishing a PhD when I am just under 40 (hopefully) will make any sense, and how the money stuff is going to work out. In the middle of all of this, my parents sneak in the odd curveball: 'Why don't you get married and then go for a PhD?'

On top of all this, one of my POIs, who had suggested that we discuss the specifics of what I'd like to work on if I get in has gone awol and isn't responding to my emails.

It's not gone awol, it's the winter break. Also don't panic too much about the results, coz you won't know until a few months later. As for the job, that's a tricky one.

[Forest Owlet]

6 minutes ago, GeorgeC07 said:

It's not gone awol, it's the winter break. Also don't panic too much about the results, coz you won't know until a few months later. As for the job, that's a tricky one.

I'd emailed him immediately after the application deadline (1st December), so it's not just that. I guess it's ok, it's just me obsessing over it! About the results, I will more or less have an idea in the next 3 weeks or so... at least the interviews bit.

[eternalwait]

I downloaded duolinguo, and so far it has helped me get distracted, I've started with German... I like it 

[stereopticons]

9 minutes ago, eternalwait said:

I downloaded duolinguo, and so far it has helped me get distracted, I've started with German... I like it 

I love Duolingo! I've been doing French, German, and Spanish. 

[Forest Owlet]

15 minutes ago, eternalwait said:

I downloaded duolinguo, and so far it has helped me get distracted, I've started with German... I like it 

That's an idea! I was already thinking about Coursera, but Duolingo will also be useful over the next few months 

[eternalwait]

@stereopticons @Forest Owlet I downloaded it yesterday, so I'm just starting hehe.

But yeah, I look forward to it, learning stuff not related to my field of study will definitely help me deal with this anxiety!

[cloudyword]

On 12/28/2016 at 2:29 AM, JeremyWrites said:

I've spent the time working on a back-up plan. It's a word document that lists, in order, what opportunities I'm going to look for and what I'm going to cancel if I don't get in anywhere. This way, if I strike out, I'll have a plan intact and won't feel this wash of directionlessness. The productivity feels good. 

 

 

Same here! I was quite relieved after I sent out last-minute applications.
My plan Bs: applying to a couple of Master's, looking for job opportunities, planning some skill roadmaps, etc. But the anxiety goes the same: I should've done this, I've missed this deadline, I've got to learn this and do that, perhaps this plan will work, oh but that one sounds more tempting... what if this and what if that. I guess I have been thinking too hard on my academic trajectory and forgot how to enjoy life and embrace uncertainty.  
 

Edited December 29, 2016 by cloudyword

[Arny]

On 28.12.2016 at 6:46 AM, eternalwait said:

I downloaded duolinguo, and so far it has helped me get distracted, I've started with German... I like it 

Yup, Duolingo is an awesome tool. Gamification + Language Learning. 

[eternalwait]

Sometimes I get very excited, and I check results from previous years in the TGC Search, I read the applicants' comments, etc., but after a while I just think: "Forget about it: if I'm accepted, great; if I'm not, well I just try again or do other stuff." And some hours later I'm checking admission-related things again. 

[av2010]

On 12/4/2016 at 7:23 PM, kinseyd said:

So, I'm sure a large portion of everyone here is experiencing this horrible anxiety regarding their applications. I've never had problems like this with other applications (for REUs, undergrad, etc) before but honestly every day is torture. I was initially confident about my application as I really did everything that I could during undergrad to prepare for a doctoral program (I graduate w/ a degree in Biology with Honors in June 2017), but upon looking at the selectivity of the schools I applied to and just spending an undue amount of time on this sight, I can't help but deeply worry that I won't get accepted anywhere. My only option really, if I don't get in, is to apply for some type of NIH PREP program to give another year of research experience to get ready for another application cycle. I would actually apply to more schools before the Dec 15th common deadline of a lot of programs, but my 2 of my most important LOR writers are very hard to get in contact with (we are on trimesters and currently on vacation from Thanksgiving to New Years) so that option is kind of moot at this point. 

Anyway, my real question is what are your strategies for chilling out more during this application process and not succumbing to an insurmountable amount of dread/worry?

 

HA!  If anyone has some good strategies that would be delightful to hear.  I teach a full course load during the semesters so that will distract me slightly. But right now since I'm off for another month, it is agony.  Here is what I do normally just to relieve some anxiety:

-Read or do puzzles.  I feel like an old lady sitting doing my puzzles, but it is so relaxing to just turn your mind off and focus on them for awhile.

-Take a weekly bath with epsom salts, candles, the whole nine.

-5 to 10 minutes of deep breathing meditation 

-Exercise, my gym membership saves me a lot and consumes my time

-Find some good shows to watch on Netflix.  I recommend choosing shows that have all seasons and episodes and are longer shows.  If you pick ones like Lost, Dexter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Criminal Minds...a lot of seasons equals a lot of episodes.  That can take up a great deal of time and focus your attention elsewhere.  It certainly is not a productive way to spend your time, but curling up in a blanket with a good show for the day can be just enough of a break from the freak out.

I've still got a long way to go, as most of my programs indicated anywhere from late February to mid-April.  I love having my 6 week winter vacation, but it will also be nice to have some distraction when I start teaching again.

[fadedfigures]

4 hours ago, av2010 said:

-Find some good shows to watch on Netflix.  I recommend choosing shows that have all seasons and episodes and are longer shows.  If you pick ones like Lost, Dexter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Criminal Minds...a lot of seasons equals a lot of episodes.  That can take up a great deal of time and focus your attention elsewhere.  It certainly is not a productive way to spend your time, but curling up in a blanket with a good show for the day can be just enough of a break from the freak out.

I got my fiancé into watching Dexter with me. I've already watched the series, and I convinced him to watch for the first time while I rewatch it. Heads up: seasons 1-4 are fantastic...and then it starts to go downhill with season 5 onward. So prepare to get super invested in the show only to have it degrade in quality.

That being said, Dexter episodes are long. Fantastic way to pass the time while waiting for results.

[nanthini]

I'm constantly refreshing the sites and checking my mail every 5 minutes. Then I tell myself, doing this will not make them reply any sooner!

 

2 minutes later, I'm doing the same thing again!

[GeorgeC07]

4 hours ago, nanthini said:

I'm constantly refreshing the sites and checking my mail every 5 minutes. Then I tell myself, doing this will not make them reply any sooner!

 

2 minutes later, I'm doing the same thing again!

=。=Try traveling or cooking.

[VoidInColor]

Now that it's the new year and schools are opening back up, I'm reaching the point where, for some of my schools, if I don't get an invite in the next few days I'm not getting one at all. Trying to decide whether to try to make a few of the January 15th deadlines...

[hopefulPhD2017]

I've spent a lot of hours in the car this holiday season. Aside from navigating, I've also made a new doc where I've compiled research from the results threads hereby and grad schools communications into predictions for when I'll hear back from each school. Then I turned that into a checklist of sorts; now I'm 98% sure I won't hear from any program before January 13, and that several send out responses on Feb 24 every year. This research and checklist  both took a lot of time to make (distraction!) as well as helped me feel a little better as I now have a solid grip on my results timeline. I'm also going to call schools next week to see if they'll tell me when interview invites will go out. @VoidInColor curious how many you already applied to?

[GeorgeC07]

Hi guys, happy new year!    So the winter break will be over in a few days for most schools and the adcomms should start review the applications soon. The decisions should be made later in January or February, if those haven't been made. Seems that some programs in biology have already sent out interviews and admissions, as for other majors, maybe more patience is needed. Anyway, if you are feeling too overwhelmed by the long wait, try contact the graduate coordinator about the dates. Keep up, we're already half way there.

[Quickmick]

Just curious, @hopefulPhD2017 and @GeorgeC07 what would you hope to gain by contacting schools? I would guess they are pretty busy around this time of year and, personally, wouldn't contact them unnecessarily--but that's just me! 

[hopefulPhD2017]

@Quickmick You are not wrong in that it may indeed be a nuisance.  That being said, I have to beleive our application fees allow for some exchange of information. I want to make sure I don't have any missing/outstanding application information (not all schools have emailed me to say I'm complete, others don't even have an online system to track application status), inquire about scholarships I should be apply for (one of my schools has a Jan 16 scholarship app deadline so I'll need to apply before I even know if I'm admitted), and also ask when interview invitations will go out. 

[VoidInColor]

@hopefulPhD2017 I've applied to six, my seventh is mostly done (app is in, waiting for them to send me my ID number so I can upload supporting documents and such), and my eighth is nearly done and will be in shortly (very late deadline). I've had one outright rejection and one I'm pretty sure I'm out of the running for.

[GeorgeC07]

8 hours ago, Quickmick said:

Just curious, @hopefulPhD2017 and @GeorgeC07 what would you hope to gain by contacting schools? I would guess they are pretty busy around this time of year and, personally, wouldn't contact them unnecessarily--but that's just me! 

One of the schools that I applied, Gatech, informed me that my materials had been uploaded to an website for faculty members to review, and if one of the faculties offers RA opportunities, I will be admitted. That be said, it's up to the professors to decide which applicant should be admitted, so in this case it would help a lot if you can get a faculty member to review your materials. As for other schools, this may not always be the case, since most of the times the faculties don't have any say on the admissions. Still, some programs mention that we're welcomed to contact the professors who would be quite busy, like you said, so they suggest using a more humble tone and it might take some time for them to reply. I think it won't hurt to contact them, but I would make sure that they don't feel bothered.

[hopefulPhD2017]

@VoidInColor That's a good amount I should think! I'm sure you'll get into at least a few I would hope?

Also, I totally blew off schools' requirements about putting unique ID's on every attachment. I was not about to reformat my CV 10 times with a different header for each program. Now I'm hoping this isn't an automatic reason for rejection?!? Off to worry some more...