What you think the adcoms are saying about your application

[sansao]

[sad Trombone]

I read that as [sad Tombstone], which we'll hope isn't equally appropriate.

[GreenePony]

"His writing sample is about Scientology? Yikes, he's either a cult member or he's going to get our asses sued."

I think that sounds like a perfectly valid writing sample- but then I'm in Anthropology of Religion and that was a proposed research topic this semester (I'm writing about the monomyth in film and television, pretty much an excuse to watch movies and call it "research".)

[aberrant]

"This kid wants to be a research scientist and yet s/he cannot write proper English. NEXT!"

[Leslie Johnson]

My nightmares include the committee looking at my undergrad transcripts and wondering why it took me so long to finish my BS, then look at my SOP and go Oh Good Lord she has kids! THEN going back to my grad transcripts and seeing that my Masters program is online. Nevermind the fact that it's from the same school I got my BS from and not every jack and jill can get in it unless they graduate from there, and that I'm working full time and raising kids too, but just see that it's online and automatically assume that its crap work. Then they'll all giggle hysterically and wonder WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS I THINKING???

[JElliott]

I think that sounds like a perfectly valid writing sample- but then I'm in Anthropology of Religion and that was a proposed research topic this semester (I'm writing about the monomyth in film and television, pretty much an excuse to watch movies and call it "research".)

Your research sounds fun and also awesome.

I imagine that a committee member picks up my application and says to him/herself,

"She wants to write about vampires and feminism? Is she TWELVE?"

"Undergrad and an MA at the same school? I haven't even HEARD of that school."

[CairoKid]

This girl's writing sample is based on her experience living in Cairo, witnessing the revolts that lead to the ouster of former President Hosni Mubarak? Wow, she's awesome. We should totally accept her despite her slightly lower stats than other applicants.

=P Wishful thinking, I suppose.

[koolherc]

This girl's writing sample is based on her experience living in Cairo, witnessing the revolts that lead to the ouster of former President Hosni Mubarak? Wow, she's awesome. We should totally accept her despite her slightly lower stats than other applicants.

=P Wishful thinking, I suppose.

that's excellent. I'd accept you in a second!

[CairoKid]

that's excellent. I'd accept you in a second!

Haha. Thanks. If only you were on the admissions committees of the schools I applied to.

[koolherc]

Haha. Thanks. If only you were on the admissions committees of the schools I applied to.

wouldn't you like to know...

[DorindaAfterThyrsis]

*quizzical look*

"Wait. Did I read that correctly?"

*squints at paper*

"Quote: 'I am interested in studying the lyric poetry of John Donne because his manipulative, aggressive, too-clever-by-half, but so-freaking-charming-he-makes-your-brain-explode poetic demeanor is remarkably similar to the personalities of the last several men I've dated, and I seem to be genetically incapable of avoiding colossal jerks of this nature' End quote.......This girl's a crazy bitch with some serious intimacy issues. NEXT!"

(OK, so I didn't write exactly that in my SOP....but that's the general sense of it! I'm just hoping there's some ladies on the adcoms who understand where I'm coming from )

[jerzygrl]

My nightmares include the committee looking at my undergrad transcripts and wondering why it took me so long to finish my BS, then look at my SOP and go Oh Good Lord she has kids! THEN going back to my grad transcripts and seeing that my Masters program is online. Nevermind the fact that it's from the same school I got my BS from and not every jack and jill can get in it unless they graduate from there, and that I'm working full time and raising kids too, but just see that it's online and automatically assume that its crap work. Then they'll all giggle hysterically and wonder WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS I THINKING???

I was also concerned about mentioning kids in my SOP... so I left them out entirely! One of my LOR told me to include it, but two pages is not long enough to convince the adcom I *can* do grad school with kids. It'll be like a big surprise when I show up

[katiemk1230]

On bad days:

"Great GPA, graduated top honors, pretty decent LORs...wait, is this a SOP or a high school diary entry? And what's this? She worked menial sh***y jobs through college instead of doing internships, volunteering, research, or other related extracurriculars?! Oh, *and* she went to a crappy state university?! Unacceptable. No experience in a human services setting? Why the hell does she think she even stands a chance?! Experience is - ya know, only the single most important aspect of an applicant we look at."

On good days:

Great GPA, graduated top honors, good LORs, SOP lacking some focus but overall her goals and reasons for wanting to pursue the degree come across well. Oh, she doesn't have experience? Well, looks like that's because she's had to work to put herself through school, and judging from her SOP, she knows a lot about the field from personal experience, that counts for something. Hey, actually, since she IS so broke, lets judge her mostly on her academic abilities and therefore give her tons of money!!

[amrodri5]

Good Day:

"Excellent LORs with two being from experts in her field, good gpa, good solid work experience, hell of an SOP! Hmm master's project done internationally involving facilitating a community intervention project,setting up her own temp. lab ,and heading a team for fieldwork and sample collections all while doing the majority of the translating??? Very impressive! Recipient of an aphl/cdc eid fellowship as well! Granted very poor gre score and no publications.

Luckily we look at entire applications before we make any decisions because sometimes scores does not guarantee a persons ability to perform the actual work."

Bad Day:

"Holy hell is that a 1000 on her gre (old scoring)?????? UNCLEAN UNCLEAN, BURN THIS APPLICATION AND GET ME SOME BLEACH SOLUTION FOR MY HANDS, STAT!!!"

That score is after 3 retakes, multiple study books and one hell of a prep course. I am just not a standardized test taker, and have always had to supplement with experience and grades. blaaah. it helped with getting into my MPH programs but phds are such a different game..

lol good luck to everyone!

[koolherc]

Bad Day:

"Holy hell is that a 1000 on her gre (old scoring)?????? UNCLEAN UNCLEAN, BURN THIS APPLICATION AND GET ME SOME BLEACH SOLUTION FOR MY HANDS, STAT!!!"

wow that sucks. i'll hope for you that such a stupid requirement doesn't keep you out of the programs you want. it makes me mad, actually. good luck!

[hungry]

I have this idea that the adcoms look at my application, look at each other and then say:

"hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Then they take a few moments to collect themselves, then someone starts laughing again, then everyone's hysterical again, and then...

"Oh man, that was good. I needed that."

Then they toss it aside and start looking at some apps that are, you know, worth their time and attention.

(I am getting more paranoid every day.)

This made my day haha

[fetusmuffins]

Why does this girl want to study two languages at once while using a third, dead language? This girl has lofty goals.

[quantitative]

"Where is the personality in this application!?

...She's probably a robot."

[espresso_eyes]

Hand on head, followed by

Edited February 13, 2012 by espresso_eyes

[snes]

Hand on head, followed by

[katiemk1230]

I picture the process of the ad.com sorting through competing apps like the judging table on "Chopped": "Well I loved your SOP, and your LORs were perfectly seasoned. But your GPA is undercooked, and it's detracting from your overall dish. Applicant John/Jane Doe, you have been chopped."

Edited February 17, 2012 by katiemk1230

[LLL]

Why does this girl want to study two languages at once while using a third, dead language? This girl has lofty goals.

is it latin? seriously?!

[Duva]

"Seriously? She wants to be funded for doing research on the sorts of things everyone else does on their free time? She's just trying to see what she can get away with."

[pikachu]

-Heh, look, another savior of the world with crappy GPA!

-Oooh man... Who could know when I dreamt to be a prof, I would read such... such... hmm.. unprofessional, uncoherent things.

-Shit happens... What she wants in result? Artificial scientist?

-Yep...

-Sigh...

and the background of my SoP becomes red from being rejected or being shy for being that stupid

[misgengen]

For my Personal Statement:

[GradHooting]

"3.6 undergrad and these letters of recommendation aren't from superstars! This person has no chance! He's a nobody!"