Grad school + Married life...

[SpeechLaedy]

Hey all. So with my hubs and I being pretty newlyweddish, we're both very excited about me getting into grad school - the only thing is, with my work schedule and my school schedule, I don't know when I'll ever get to see him and I'm basically be missing dinner which we have together every night. I love that we do that, but with class being right after work and ending at 9 PM, it's just not feasible. So for those who are married or living with their significant other and are in grad school (and even have children!) how do you manage all the different responsibilities?? I don't want to not see my husband all day long ? And yes, I know grad school will take precedent for the next two years but I'm not ignoring the fact that my guy is important to me and our time is def valuable. So I'm curious to see how people juggle it all.. 

Edited April 27, 2017 by SpeechLaedy

[ElKel87]

@SpeechLaedy I'm not married, but I do live with my long term boyfriend. I think it's important to set aside one date night per week/month to disconnect and spend time with each other. For weeknights, I know this may sound silly, but someone once suggested reading aloud together right before bed. It's a small way for us to put the phones/schoolwork down and share something with each other.

[SLPsingballs]

I am married and I have two children that require plenty of attention.  Being able to come home to my husband has been the most supportive experience.  Do I miss him during the day while studying?  Sometimes yes, but I know I am a much better person (and wife) when I go out and experience life for myself.  If your husband works, you probably miss him anyways during the day.  Is it hard?  Incredibly so, but you get really good at balancing time.  It's kids that make it soooooo much more difficult, not the husband part.  But I know that my girls are watching Mama achieve her dreams; it is sooooo worth all the stress and heartache.  Date nights are good, sitting down and eating meals together is good, just giving yourselves a minute to stop and appreciate each other is necessary.  If you find yourself stuck in your own speechie-world, take a minute to plan a date around your schedule.  Being loved is good.  You'll be fine.  

[PsyDCurious]

I'm currently in a 6 year doctoral program for Clinical Psychology. I am currently entering my fourth year in the program. I met my fiancé when I was two years in, and we are getting married in October. We live together and making sure we spend time together is always a priority, so I understand where you're coming from. He is a firefighter, so our schedules sometimes conflict, and sometimes work out. Most of the time, we are ships passing in the night! I agree with the above comments. We always have a "date meal" and this could even be breakfast at a diner. We also make sure we call it a date so we recognize and appreciate the time together... it can be hard to do when your life gets hectic (work and school). While getting my doctorate, I am also working part-time and completing a practicum for my program. It also took some rearranging on my part and organizing my schedule better so I can enjoy every part of my life and schedule. Hope this helps. Good luck!

[mcook64]

I'm also a newlywed and am in the same boat as you! I'm dreading leaving my wife all day and basically only seeing her at night. I think we will set up a weekly date night, even if it's just sitting down together for a meal at home. I know that my wife is super proud of me and wants to see me succeed. So even though she'll miss me, and I'll miss her, we know that this is going to better our future. 

[SLP1719]

I'm married, no kids. I'm going to have about an hour commute to grad school, though my father in law lives 15 minutes from the campus in the event I need to stay over in bad weather etc.

My husband knows he won't see much of me on weekdays, but we know that grad school isn't forever, there are short breaks in between semesters, and we always spend Sunday afternoons prepping meals together for the week, so I'm not totally bummed about the schedule change. It's only a brief period during your lifetime together! As it is right now, three days a week I'm at work 8am-7:30pm and home after 8pm, so we're kind of already getting used to that.

[SpeechLaedy]

35 minutes ago, SLP1719 said:

I'm married, no kids. I'm going to have about an hour commute to grad school, though my father in law lives 15 minutes from the campus in the event I need to stay over in bad weather etc.

My husband knows he won't see much of me on weekdays, but we know that grad school isn't forever, there are short breaks in between semesters, and we always spend Sunday afternoons prepping meals together for the week, so I'm not totally bummed about the schedule change. It's only a brief period during your lifetime together! As it is right now, three days a week I'm at work 8am-7:30pm and home after 8pm, so we're kind of already getting used to that.

Yeah that's the same thing my husband says -"It's only temporary. " I guess I may be taking it harder than he is lol I don't like to cause any stress for anyone, especially my husband, but he constantly assures me that help be fine and that he loves me and loves that I have this great opportunity that will be great for me and us in the long run. Guess I should just get used to the idea that we won't be seeing much of each other which is unlike how it is now. You have a good point about the breaks in between though I'll try to make sure we make good use out of them. Thanks for your input, and thank you everyone!!! 

[twinguy7]

I am married and my wife and I went through undergrad, second bachelors and grad school together.  We got married while both sophomores in College.  My wife graduated with her Bachelors in Science in 2012, then we moved to LA ad I finished my Bachelors in Comm Disorders in 13' and then she did an accelerated bachelors in Nursing and graduated in 14' and then I started my Masters program in Michigan the same week she graduated and I did my accelerated masters in Speech and graduated in 15'.  

What we did was take turns working full time and going to school Full time.  I worked FT in 12' while she graduated and then she worked FT in 13' when I graduated.  Then I worked FT in 14', etc. etc. etc.  We both never worked or studied on Sundays so we knew we had that day all to ourselves.  Throughout the weeks we had meals together whenever time warranted and almost always had the last hour before sleep to talk also.  

The thing that helps a lot is seeing the one you love for hard for you and vice versa.  Everything we did was to better our situation together.  I'm sure you will enjoy the same experiences!  Enjoy it!  

[DogsArePeopleToo]

My fiance and I have been long-distancing for a while, starting with before our engagement. It is not easy, but we feel us pursuing our grad school/career for the time being can give us a solid foundation for a long, fulfilled life that includes professional gratification for both of us.

I know 9 p.m. is pretty late, but I have lived in countries where people routinely have dinner at 9 or even later. This is particularly true in the summers when the days are long and people stay out pretty late. In your case, it would be tough maintaining the stamina after a full day's work and grad school to then have a late dinner and be "with it" for your partner. And there might be the commute home after school. But if your husband can pick you up after school every day, you might then commute back together or get dinner nearby. It'll be a very late dinner, but if there's solace in numbers, millions of people around the world do it

[Rorororosy]

MY husband is a neurology resident and he works crazy hours. Sometimes he comes home and eats and passes out, but we try to do date night at least once a week and sometimes its ends up being every other week. But we text and communicate and laugh and sometimes I just read beside him while he's asleep. I think if you both talk and outline your goals and have realistic expectations of each other then it will work out and you'll appreciate the little time you do have together. You also have to be willing to put in the work-getting up early to see them before work even though your exhausted, or going out after working a long shift just because you haven't seen each other all week. 

Sounds like you're already willing to do the work by coming on here and asking for advice, best of luck to you both.