RinseRepeat

Thank you all for your replies. I've been thinking and the bottom line really is that I would never leave. I've come too far and have worked too hard. Plus I feel loyalty to my PI and the department for giving me such a great opportunity. As a response to the one post, I don't see any shame in it AT ALL, and am currently in therapy. I know this change hit all the big life changes that can affect you all at one time (they usually say just one of these changes is extremely stressful, so have the others as support). I'm not surprised I'm struggling so hard with moving location, stressful job (phd) change, and relationship ending all happening at the same time. It's interesting, though, that from posting here (and also talking to friends in programs) how common this is for people to feel regrets, overwhelmed, etc. Especially since, for most of us, it's a big goal that took years of hard work to achieve. That's why I posted that I felt so selfish or wrong feeling this way and even questioning it. I should be ecstatic...and I feel guilty that I am instead so distraught about things. I also found out a few people I am acquaintances with and also one friend decided to leave their program in their first or second year. When they told me, I couldn't even fathom making that decision, so I know I'll never do that. I just need to push through, but the support of people is really kind and helpful. I think the biggest thing is I need to accept that my life is changing/changed and, in some ways, I have zero control over it. Even though I long for the things I built toward previously and miss so much, for now they are gone. I guess it's not a process of working toward my educational/professional goals with the focus on getting back to where I was and loved previously. I'm sick of feeling like I'm "in transition" but it is what it is.....right? Thank you all for the kind words. I really needed them...especially when I wrote this.

I feel so incredibly selfish and confused that I am about to write this, but I am wondering if anyone else is going through/has gone through something similar. I just finished my first year of my phd program.....and I feel horrible. It's been a long, confusing road to get here. To explain, I focused full force on this goal of being accepted to a phd program and it was a long 3-ish years of hard work. One round of full rejections, but the second time getting multiple offers. That felt like the hardest decision of my life, and to be honest, I made a small mess of it. However, I ended up going with my brain and accepting the offer at a school where the program and lab were a great fit and really are the best decision for my career/training. However, I was tentative about location and the "quality of life" side of things. In the end, I pushed all that aside and told myself I had to do what was best for my future. (As a side note, I was also entering a grad school-forced long distance relationship, and this decision helped there as well). Well now, one year in, my relationship completely imploded and I feel isolated and very unhappy where I am. I have learned a lot in my classes and feel that my research is going rather well, but without that "life anchor" keeping me grounded, I keep dwelling on the fact that I am not happy where I am in the world, and I have years before anything will change. My unease of location and "quality of life" has ballooned so much recently. I keep playing back in my head that I had options in places of the world where I'd feel more comfortable and would have more of a support system, but I know that I would have found what was lacking in the program or lab fit (depending on the option) to be similarly distressing. I know I'm not the first to find myself living somewhere they only went for the school/lab. I know I'm not the first to have grad school and distance destroy the relationship they felt would endure and saw as their future. But has anyone else found themselves in this position and have any advice? I don't want to be upset for the rest of my time in grad school. It was such a huge goal I was so happy to have the opportunity to take it on. I feel SO fortunate that I was given an offer in this program, and feel really guilty that I am letting other life issues make me miserable. Especially when so many others did not receive offers...because I know how horrible that feels as well! People in my life who don't know how grad works keep asking me if I can "transfer". Even if I could, I don't know that I would because my lab and program really are great. It's just the thoughts of "am I burning years of my life just waiting to move on?" that are torturing me. I don't really know what advice I could even be hoping for here, but if anyone has gone through a similar situation, even some experiential support would be appreciated. Should I have put more weight into "life/location happiness"? Did I let my intellectual side of the decision have too much weight? Or am I just feeling something that is common early on in a big change like this? I'm thinking about looking into doing some visiting researcher time for maybe one of my years (I saw other grad students do this in the lab I worked in before getting accepted) and wonder how common that is....

Some of my offers stated midnight on the 15th, but one was noon on the 15th. I think it just depends on the program. Good luck!

nuclear winter

So I was extremely lucky to receive multiple offers from really great programs. However, since all of the programs are great for my focus in their own way, I am having a horrible time deciding and am driving myself crazy. Not to mention, I need to decide so I can get to planning. I have solicited advice from anyone who will listen at this point, but thought I'd post here and see what you all have to say. Any thoughts would be GREATLY appreciated! I received 3 offers, but have narrowed it down to my top 2. The stipends, mentors, and programs are pretty much the same (so really, I know I can't go wrong in any decision), however, I'm now focusing on the specifics to be sure I am making the best decision. I have tried to put the most weight in my career and research, but they are both good, just in different ways. Like school A, more guaranteed pubs. School B, I'd be the expert in my focus so I would be forced to grow as a peer researcher! Anyway...here it is. School A Pros: - Lab I currently work in. (Head start, can jump right into publications from day one) - Very large grants and publication opportunities in the pipeline - Area of the country I love (comfort) - Very supportive PI...proved through real life interactions. - Very large lab. Many Post-Docs and employees at my disposal for help and training. Cons: - Less than optimal curriculum. (More animal model focused and I am into human research). - I'll have to work harder to get the classroom experience I want. - No undergrad population. Again, more work to get teaching experience. - Many say not branching out is seen as a negative down the line for employment, etc. - Very large lab. Less PI attention/mentorship. (However, mentor is EXPERT in field) School B Pros: - Backlog of data. Will have projects lined up from day one, but not in my focus. - Large undergrad. Teaching opportunities built into curriculum. - Great curriculum (from the class names....haven't been able to get student feedback yet). - Staying within focus, but branching out to new analyses and subject matter. - Small lab. Very direct PI attention/mentorship. (Mentor expert in related field, VERY educated in direct field). Again, branching... Cons: - New lab. Slower to get into swing of things and get publishing. - Area of the country I will have to "deal with" for 5 years. Climate, socially, etc. (Not a main concern, but a worry about added stress). - Unknown PI temperament. from what I know, great, but there's always the unknown. - No social support. New City. New everything. (And with that, moving costs!) Any input or comments would be SO appreciated. I just want to make a decision and get going...but I find myself going back and forth on my decision daily, if not hourly. Thanks again!!

I am in the same boat as you "johnny". I have two offers and am realistically expecting a third. I have all kinds of variables floating around in my head such as stipend, fit with PI, fit with lab research-wise, fit with lab socially, curriculum setup, availability of specific classes, comfort in city, distance from SO, etc etc. It's overwhelming and I am thinking about making a "bad" decision. Honestly, any of my choices will be great in the long run, but right now I am going insane and have no idea how to decide. I've spoken to grad students and post-docs at my work...I've made weighted decision tables, I've even used a random decision maker (mostly just to see what my emotional response to the option that was chosen was, hoping to get a better idea of my gut feeling). What everything has told me....I have no idea and there are so many non-comparable pros and cons to each choice. This is an amazing "problem" to have, but I'd like to decide so I can let the programs I don't want to go to know so a hopeful who is on the waiting list can get the opportunity to fill the spot. Any advice on how people are making their choices would be greatly appreciated!

I also applied to the uc Davis developmental psych program and received my official interview invite via email yesterday (Jan 8th). I saw you posted this Thursday....hopefully you heard from them yesterday afternoon as well.

I've been hearing more and more from people on admissions committees that they are putting less weight into GRE scores. I'm seeing this personally right now. I didn't do well on the quant section of the GRE. That test just kills me. However, I have real research experience in my lab that requires a much higher level of quant skills than the GRE....the only difference is I am not given 1-2 minutes to do each task in a marathon stressful setting. In Any case, I've already received 4 interview invites to programs I've applied for. I would guess your experience (do you have publications as well?) will hold more weight with the current view of the GRE. It's mostly used as a low level cut off....and if you're above the ~55-60% you won't be cut. They'll definitely consider you. Contacting PI's and being a good fit will help even more! Good luck!!!

I also received an e-mail for a skype call with one of my POI's at the cog neuro program at UT Austin. Curious who your call is with, if you don't mind of course.

I applied to a few. Heard back from one so far (interview invite), but I think they are one of the quickest.

http://cheezburger.com/7111144704 Obviously no one would ever do this, I just thought maybe those of us who got rejections from programs we really wanted to go to would find it funny.

Personally I'd be afraid of making a bad impression and burning a bridge/opportunity to reapply. Then again, I'm too afraid to email asking for the status of some of my apps for fear of making a bad impression. So maybe I'm just too tentative.

Haha well played!

At least it will be a distraction. I'm still sitting here at one rejection (expected) and all 5 other schools....ZERO contact (not expected). I know there's nothing to do except complain, but dang....this is just horrible. I keep going back and forth from feeling like there might still be hope to attempting to accept I am unofficially wait listed and am just floating until mass denials are sent out. Meh! :/

Reward system