rising_star

There are so many things going on here. I'm going to try to separate them though.
1) Is finishing in 4 years realistic? Would doing so position you well for post-PhD career options or would you realistically need more time?
2) Is your research something that doesn't depend on outside factors (e.g., getting external funding to collect data)? 
3) With a three hour commute each way, will you realistically be able to graduate in 4 years? Is there sufficient scheduling of courses so that you wouldn't have to commute to campus every day?
4) Would it be possible for you to sublet a room or get a hotel room a few nights a week so that you aren't spending 6 hours commuting?
5) Would that commute be you driving or would you be able to take public transportation?
6) Would your partner be willing to move so that you have a somewhat shorter commute/
7) How important is this relationship to you? Are you truly willing to let your partner's desires (live together, stay in this city, move to Europe when they're done) determine what happens with you, your education, and your career?

I would politely inquire with whomever made the flight reservation. I also wouldn't worry that much about not having received the itinerary or the hotel reservation. They know when you're arriving, they're making blanket arrangements for everyone to stay (e.g., booking 15+ hotel rooms), and they'll be arranging whatever transportation you need from one location to the next. Since you've already been accepted, it isn't like you need to be studying up for interview meetings with folks. Instead, view all of your meetings as a chance to better know the program, its faculty, and the current students. That kind of preparation doesn't really require a list of who you'll be meeting with in advance...

As someone who writes rec letters for students all the time, I never expect to receive a gift. All I really want are updates on the applications and a nice thank you note. Seriously, send a heartfelt card/letter, something I can refer to on a rough day. I don't want a digital gift card or anything else that costs money because I know finances are limited for applicants.

Honestly, from what you've written, it sounds like you'll survive at JHU and thrive at UCD. So, I guess it's a question of what you want. Personally, I like to put myself in situations where I'm pretty sure I'll thrive.

So this thread prompted me to look up my own PhD department website. They only list placements of those who graduated 2004-2014 and only those in academic positions. Because I know some of the people, I know that some of the information is out of date (that is, people who have moved institutions or who have been promoted at the same institution). Also, I now know that I'm not on it... That said, no one from the department has ever asked me where I work and my PhD advisor moved to another institution before I graduated. I wouldn't be surprised if there are students at other places who fall through the cracks in the same way that I have. 
Also, I'll note that such a page didn't even exist back when I was applying to grad schools. 

There's really no minimum number of publications. That is, one person may be able to get a postdoc with 2 single author publications for reasons going beyond the sheer number of publications (e.g., research fit, research skills, etc.). To really get a sense, take a look at the CVs of those recently graduated in the field who are holding positions like what you want to hold.

Don't show up if you weren't invited.

Honestly, from what you've written, it sounds like you'll survive at JHU and thrive at UCD. So, I guess it's a question of what you want. Personally, I like to put myself in situations where I'm pretty sure I'll thrive.

So this thread prompted me to look up my own PhD department website. They only list placements of those who graduated 2004-2014 and only those in academic positions. Because I know some of the people, I know that some of the information is out of date (that is, people who have moved institutions or who have been promoted at the same institution). Also, I now know that I'm not on it... That said, no one from the department has ever asked me where I work and my PhD advisor moved to another institution before I graduated. I wouldn't be surprised if there are students at other places who fall through the cracks in the same way that I have. 
Also, I'll note that such a page didn't even exist back when I was applying to grad schools. 

Don't show up if you weren't invited.

There's probably no point - not to mention, it's useless and inappropriate - to start giving you career, much less relationship, advice, but trying to make a significant career that makes you happy work and also be in a relationship doesn't require that you make some compromises - it requires that both you and your partner make some compromises. One person making all the compromises and the other making no compromises adds up to one miserable person, and that's you. There's no balance you will ever find if your partner is so utterly inflexible and unconcerned towards you.
Frankly, elements of the way you write - the distinctly gendered, highly demanding and typically low-paying jobs you list, the quickness with which you can apparently be pursuaded out a PhD you've apparently been accepted to in favour of your partners frankly childish-sounding refusal to live apart or move, even temporarily, your complete self-abnegation to his goals and dreams - that makes this sound either borderline abusive, or fabulistically melodramatic. The career dilemmas of having master's degree and a grad-student partner are not between housecleaning and a PhD. The field of employment options and career trajectories here are just a bit wider than that. Either you're in a deeply disturbing and unequal relationship that will never allow you to do anything you actually want, or you're talking yourself into some sort of oddly, and I think unnecessarily, self-sacrificial martyrdom-ish position.
If you really want to do a PhD, and are genuinely not happy with any of the options you have this year - improve your application and try again, including outside your city. If you are happy with one of the options you have, demand your partner make some compromises. If they won't, you'll never have a PhD.
If a PhD is not really what you want, examine - seriously - the career options available in New York City with a Master's degree. Do this, if possible, drawing on what your interests and inclinations are, not on what paints a picture of total selfless supportiveness for your partner's 'dreams'.
If you can't imagine any of the above, leave him and get therapy.
Do not take on an 8-hour daily commute. It's not a thing. You won't get a PhD and you'll ruin your health and your career and probably your relationship. No ifs.

I guess the question you should be asking yourself is whether someone like you (applying to English PhD programs) is the intended audience. My guess is that the intended audience of one's interests on a departmental website are those currently pursuing or holding a PhD in English or a closely related field. 
@Jožin z bažin, the question of audience is key here. If you're commuting with experts in your field, then they won't necessarily think of these things as jargon. Rather, they become a sort of lingua franca such that one term can be used to avoid a lengthy explanation.
FWIW, this example actually says a lot to me now due to my graduate training (not in English/literature, btw) than it would've when I started my master's or even my PhD. The idea that someone will look at issues/questions around race, class, gender, sexuality, etc. and early Victorian poetry tells me that this person is bringing concepts from geography and cultural studies to bear on Victorian literature. But again, that's come from years of study. Don't let it intimidate you at this stage because, as I said above, you aren't really the target audience for these websites anyway.

I would double-check on this. Talk to current students. Talk to faculty. Look at the department's average time to degree. Just because it is theoretically possible doesn't mean it's realistic. And just because it's realistic doesn't mean you should do it. (Of course, your answer to Q7 raises the question of why you're doing the PhD at all if you're willing to get a job as a cashier to support your partner in their postdoc...)
If it's possible to rent a room at a reasonable rate, why would you commit to commuting for six hours a day? That just seems like unnecessary stress. Also, you'll want to make sure that your class/TA/RA schedule is compatible with whatever buses you would need to take. (For reference, in my PhD program, the courses grad students taught or were the TA for happened during the daytime hours [9am-3pm generally] and graduate seminars started at 4 or 5pm, lasting 2.5 hours.)
Have you tried reading or sleeping on the bus before? Is it something that you know you can do? Figure this out before committing to doing it for a few years.
Leaving everything I've said above aside, your professionalization as a graduate student will suffer if you're rushing to and from campus and spending most of your time on a bus. There's a lot to be gained from conversing with your colleagues informally in the halls, being able to bounce ideas off of them, and being able to attend talks on campus. For example, if your department had a symposium or colloquium on a Friday and you didn't have class that day, would you be willing to make the commute for the symposium? Because the expectation is that you'll be there and if you aren't, you're the one whose career will suffer.
Your answer to Q7 suggests you aren't that concerned with the long-term aspects of your career so maybe that doesn't matter to you. So I guess a real question for you to think about is whether you need to do a PhD now or if it would make more sense to wait until you move for your partner's postdoc. And, you didn't address this here (and don't need to!), but if you aren't planning to pursue a career where you need your PhD, then it may not make sense to get a PhD right now...

That will very much depend on the program. It's something that's impossible for us to generalize about. In general, there isn't even a way for you to say that your company will pay for your degree when you're at the application stage.

I would double-check on this. Talk to current students. Talk to faculty. Look at the department's average time to degree. Just because it is theoretically possible doesn't mean it's realistic. And just because it's realistic doesn't mean you should do it. (Of course, your answer to Q7 raises the question of why you're doing the PhD at all if you're willing to get a job as a cashier to support your partner in their postdoc...)
If it's possible to rent a room at a reasonable rate, why would you commit to commuting for six hours a day? That just seems like unnecessary stress. Also, you'll want to make sure that your class/TA/RA schedule is compatible with whatever buses you would need to take. (For reference, in my PhD program, the courses grad students taught or were the TA for happened during the daytime hours [9am-3pm generally] and graduate seminars started at 4 or 5pm, lasting 2.5 hours.)
Have you tried reading or sleeping on the bus before? Is it something that you know you can do? Figure this out before committing to doing it for a few years.
Leaving everything I've said above aside, your professionalization as a graduate student will suffer if you're rushing to and from campus and spending most of your time on a bus. There's a lot to be gained from conversing with your colleagues informally in the halls, being able to bounce ideas off of them, and being able to attend talks on campus. For example, if your department had a symposium or colloquium on a Friday and you didn't have class that day, would you be willing to make the commute for the symposium? Because the expectation is that you'll be there and if you aren't, you're the one whose career will suffer.
Your answer to Q7 suggests you aren't that concerned with the long-term aspects of your career so maybe that doesn't matter to you. So I guess a real question for you to think about is whether you need to do a PhD now or if it would make more sense to wait until you move for your partner's postdoc. And, you didn't address this here (and don't need to!), but if you aren't planning to pursue a career where you need your PhD, then it may not make sense to get a PhD right now...

It matters. Check into the placement record of the departments and check on the resources available to you at each place.

I guess the question you should be asking yourself is whether someone like you (applying to English PhD programs) is the intended audience. My guess is that the intended audience of one's interests on a departmental website are those currently pursuing or holding a PhD in English or a closely related field. 
@Jožin z bažin, the question of audience is key here. If you're commuting with experts in your field, then they won't necessarily think of these things as jargon. Rather, they become a sort of lingua franca such that one term can be used to avoid a lengthy explanation.
FWIW, this example actually says a lot to me now due to my graduate training (not in English/literature, btw) than it would've when I started my master's or even my PhD. The idea that someone will look at issues/questions around race, class, gender, sexuality, etc. and early Victorian poetry tells me that this person is bringing concepts from geography and cultural studies to bear on Victorian literature. But again, that's come from years of study. Don't let it intimidate you at this stage because, as I said above, you aren't really the target audience for these websites anyway.

This shouldn't surprise you or anyone else. No one is going to be talking about their research in anything other than vague terms on their departmental website. The specifics come in conference papers and publications. If you just post them anywhere on the web, you're at risk of being scooped and/or seeing your ideas in print with someone else's name as the author(s). This is even more of an issue for grad students because they often have little recourse if this happens other than restarting their dissertation. You don't have to like it but it's the way things work.

I would double-check on this. Talk to current students. Talk to faculty. Look at the department's average time to degree. Just because it is theoretically possible doesn't mean it's realistic. And just because it's realistic doesn't mean you should do it. (Of course, your answer to Q7 raises the question of why you're doing the PhD at all if you're willing to get a job as a cashier to support your partner in their postdoc...)
If it's possible to rent a room at a reasonable rate, why would you commit to commuting for six hours a day? That just seems like unnecessary stress. Also, you'll want to make sure that your class/TA/RA schedule is compatible with whatever buses you would need to take. (For reference, in my PhD program, the courses grad students taught or were the TA for happened during the daytime hours [9am-3pm generally] and graduate seminars started at 4 or 5pm, lasting 2.5 hours.)
Have you tried reading or sleeping on the bus before? Is it something that you know you can do? Figure this out before committing to doing it for a few years.
Leaving everything I've said above aside, your professionalization as a graduate student will suffer if you're rushing to and from campus and spending most of your time on a bus. There's a lot to be gained from conversing with your colleagues informally in the halls, being able to bounce ideas off of them, and being able to attend talks on campus. For example, if your department had a symposium or colloquium on a Friday and you didn't have class that day, would you be willing to make the commute for the symposium? Because the expectation is that you'll be there and if you aren't, you're the one whose career will suffer.
Your answer to Q7 suggests you aren't that concerned with the long-term aspects of your career so maybe that doesn't matter to you. So I guess a real question for you to think about is whether you need to do a PhD now or if it would make more sense to wait until you move for your partner's postdoc. And, you didn't address this here (and don't need to!), but if you aren't planning to pursue a career where you need your PhD, then it may not make sense to get a PhD right now...

I guess the question you should be asking yourself is whether someone like you (applying to English PhD programs) is the intended audience. My guess is that the intended audience of one's interests on a departmental website are those currently pursuing or holding a PhD in English or a closely related field. 
@Jožin z bažin, the question of audience is key here. If you're commuting with experts in your field, then they won't necessarily think of these things as jargon. Rather, they become a sort of lingua franca such that one term can be used to avoid a lengthy explanation.
FWIW, this example actually says a lot to me now due to my graduate training (not in English/literature, btw) than it would've when I started my master's or even my PhD. The idea that someone will look at issues/questions around race, class, gender, sexuality, etc. and early Victorian poetry tells me that this person is bringing concepts from geography and cultural studies to bear on Victorian literature. But again, that's come from years of study. Don't let it intimidate you at this stage because, as I said above, you aren't really the target audience for these websites anyway.

This shouldn't surprise you or anyone else. No one is going to be talking about their research in anything other than vague terms on their departmental website. The specifics come in conference papers and publications. If you just post them anywhere on the web, you're at risk of being scooped and/or seeing your ideas in print with someone else's name as the author(s). This is even more of an issue for grad students because they often have little recourse if this happens other than restarting their dissertation. You don't have to like it but it's the way things work.

There are so many things going on here. I'm going to try to separate them though.
1) Is finishing in 4 years realistic? Would doing so position you well for post-PhD career options or would you realistically need more time?
2) Is your research something that doesn't depend on outside factors (e.g., getting external funding to collect data)? 
3) With a three hour commute each way, will you realistically be able to graduate in 4 years? Is there sufficient scheduling of courses so that you wouldn't have to commute to campus every day?
4) Would it be possible for you to sublet a room or get a hotel room a few nights a week so that you aren't spending 6 hours commuting?
5) Would that commute be you driving or would you be able to take public transportation?
6) Would your partner be willing to move so that you have a somewhat shorter commute/
7) How important is this relationship to you? Are you truly willing to let your partner's desires (live together, stay in this city, move to Europe when they're done) determine what happens with you, your education, and your career?

This shouldn't surprise you or anyone else. No one is going to be talking about their research in anything other than vague terms on their departmental website. The specifics come in conference papers and publications. If you just post them anywhere on the web, you're at risk of being scooped and/or seeing your ideas in print with someone else's name as the author(s). This is even more of an issue for grad students because they often have little recourse if this happens other than restarting their dissertation. You don't have to like it but it's the way things work.

This shouldn't surprise you or anyone else. No one is going to be talking about their research in anything other than vague terms on their departmental website. The specifics come in conference papers and publications. If you just post them anywhere on the web, you're at risk of being scooped and/or seeing your ideas in print with someone else's name as the author(s). This is even more of an issue for grad students because they often have little recourse if this happens other than restarting their dissertation. You don't have to like it but it's the way things work.

There's way too many questions in your post for anyone to really help you with here. You really need to be identifying and talking to mentors in your field.
In terms of coursework, be strategic. If you think you want a teaching-focused position, get additional training in pedagogy. If you want to be more research focused, think about beefing up your methodological training (e.g., learn programming if you want to do corpus analysis, take courses in anthropology/sociology if you want to incorporate a cultural studies angle, take historiography to better place the lit you study in its context, etc.). 
Publications never hurt anyone. You don't and shouldn't need to approach institutions or professors. If you're going to be lit faculty, most of your career is going to be solo authored publications. Can you turn conference papers into publications? Final course papers? If your institution offers courses or workshops on how to publish, then you should take them. 
For teaching: Think about teaching both literature in English and courses in a different language (either intro or upper level). That can enhance your value on the market. Don't overdo it though because teaching can be a time suck. 
Finally, one thing you don't mention is grants. Have you ever applied for any? Perhaps you should...
Last but not least, start looking at the market NOW to get a sense of what ads are looking for in terms of experience (teaching, publications, grants, etc.). Same for postdocs. If you can get a sense of what people are looking for, that can help you plan strategically when it comes to your career. But really, you definitely need to find a few quality mentors who can help guide you in your career.