seeingeyeduck

I definitely had a typo in one of mine and still got in, so there is hope! It was one of those typos that are another word, so maybe the committee missed it too!

If you have time before the deadline why not wait and let it sink in more? You can still ultimately accept but obviously you are not quite mentally ready yet. Finances are a big deal. Can you wait to see how the fellowship nominations turn out?

The luck might trickle down if you just relax and stop thinking about dating as a waste of time if it doesn't lead to super chemistry within one date. I mean in your own opinion, who wants to date someone who might think of the date as a waste of time? It's rude. And that's what we're trying to get through to you - at this point it seems like you are barely respectful of guys as individuals, you are just using them to get what you really want, a relationship. They are just a means to an end instead of the focus and they can probably tell.

I can't believe some of you want this thread to end when obviously it is in contention for some sort of epicness award, heh... Some of the best advice I ever got was to cross that bridge when I come to it rather than worry about things that haven't even happened yet. Your worry is making you more desperate, when there is no actual evidence in the world that suggests you will be alone at 30. Why not save the freaking out about it until after you are actually 28 or 29? You're worried about something that MIGHT happen in 6-7 years. A lot of things COULD happen; if you worried about them all, you'd never stop worrying. Instead, realize that it's just as likely that you'll actually have found someone by then. None of us can tell the future so why only imagine the bad outcome? It's a bias - distorted thinking as the psychologists call it. You may as well imagine the good outcome.

Lol. I guess we don't have any choice but to wait. I sent in my fafsa only a week or so ago and was worried that was holding things up but I guess if I'm not even officially accepted to one, that's not the issue!

Do you dress more casually for recruitment days after acceptance? I'm in the arts, so it's not going to be super formal anyway, but I'm wondering if they always expect you to make some kind of effort? Or heck - if you're accepted already, then wear anything?! (Non-revealing, non-offensive of course)

In my field there is a lot of rejection for any sort of career opportunity so over the last couple of years I've learned to deal with it. I find that if I have a mindset of focusing on outcome rather than emotion, that keeps me motivated to try again. If I focus in how bad it feels, I'll stop trying, which leads to the worst of all outcomes (ie no opportunities). But if I brush it off and try again, that's the only way that good things will happen for me. I've also found that it does help to get feedback. When you get a form letter rejection your mind makes stuff up and you think of the worst possibility which is that you suck and are not qualified. What I've learned from asking for feedback is that that's not always the case. Sometimes you came reeeeeally close and it was just circumstances that got in the way. The take away from that would be to keep trying! Asking for feedback also dampens the sting a little bit because at least you are in contact with a specific (sympathetic) human and it makes the rejection less impersonal. IMO you do have to square yourself with the very real possibility that you will not be accepted before you even apply. I feel worse when I think I have good chances and am rejected. The key is to be very aware that you can be rejected for so many reasons and if is after all the most statistically likely outcome. That way your hopes aren't so high and it won't be so terrible if they are dashed. It helps to have a plan. Sometimes I deal with rejection by applying to more things, perversely. It keeps me occupied and I feel like I am actively doing something about the rejection. It's absolutely necessary to construct a life you are okay with even if you are rejected. I think we give programs too much power to make or break our careers if we believe everything hinges on getting in. If you really look for other opportunities I think it becomes obvious that there are a lot of other alternative routes. If might not be as easy to see when you're younger, right out of undergrad. I've learned to just not apply to things that aren't a good fit or are long shots. Doing a bit of research and being realistic about what level you are at saves some money and pain. To me there's no point in applying to something where I know they have a record of choosing someone whose work is very different than mine even if their description of the grant or program seem theoretically to fit my work. Sometimes it's worth it to apply to the long shot but you have to really steel yourself then! I think generally if you have someone who you can ask to reliably assess your qualifications and tell you the truth, it's better to do that than to apply to things that are out of your reach at the moment. That doesn't mean they always will be though! Lastly, embrace the place that really wants you even if they are not your top choice! It's better anyway to go somewhere where you are appreciated - it'll be a better experience. Don't think that it's the ranking of the program that will make your career - it's what you make of the opportunities you do get. You can do something good or interesting almost anywhere! It ultimately is still within your power to succeed. And don't take rejections as a judgment of you. It really is about fit. I look back on some of my undergrad rejections and I see now that they really were right to reject me because I would have been terrible in their program. But at the time I was all butt hurt. I guess getting older helps too. Hope that helps!

That's the thing - I wish I knew more so I could get this choice over with! But I've been reading that maybe schools don't even send out funding til they meet you at the recruit day? Oh and I realize there's no one timeline or anything for all schools but I was curious about what is the range of "normal."

In your experience, what's the timeline like between hearing in officially from the school and getting the official letter from the grad office? I'm wondering because with one of my acceptances I got an official letter the week after I got the call, but the other has yet to send anything official even though it's been about two weeks now, which makes me worry since my GPA was low and I wonder if that causes problems on the university level even if the dept admits me... No word on funding from either. They just say "soon." When I ask.

0 here. Got a small merit scholarship and parents paid for undergrad, thank goodness. Hoping not to get into any debt for grad school...

I didn't have a single relationship or date til I was 23 and then it's lasted for 7 years now. But it happened because I met a cool guy, not because I was searching high and low. What we're trying to tell you is that it becomes obvious to guys when a girl just wants a relationship so bad that it barely matters who he is. No one is attracted to that. They'd rather feel like the other person is really into them because of compatibility and not desperation for a relationship. Instead of trying to meet guys why no just do the things that most interest you and meet people? That's girls as well as unavailable guys. They all have larger networks. Meeting people who you like even platonically is the best way to organically meet someone you click with. They can act as a good filter, and people at your age have a lot of single friends.

Take transatlantic journey on a freighter. Do an art residency either locally or in Utah. Make inroads on new work so I have something for early crits. Brush up on what's going on in fields I'm not as familiar with.

I use Clear Checkbook. It's not automatic but I like it cuz I hate the idea of connecting my bank account to an app, esp with so many huge companies getting hacked these days. The free version only shows a year but I find that's enough. It can be good to manually enter things anyway since it keeps you very aware of your spending. They have a simple charts feature if you categorize your spending so you can see easily at the end of the month what you've spent on what.

Yeah, for the two of us, groceries come out to about $60-70/wk. my partner eating lunch out several times at work and us eating out once a week almost doubles that amount. So eating out definitely adds costs fast. We don't really drink alcohol or coffee either so that helps. I usually make a giant batch of chicken soup from drumsticks and do soup noodle lunches throughout the week. It's still cheap compared to broth or eating out but not as sad and artificially flavored as ramen packets since I throw in all kinds of vegetables. It tastes like real food! We also don't have central heat so we usually only heat the room we're in with a space heater instead of the whole house/apt in winter. Otherwise, it helps that we don't drive a lot or have expensive hobbies.

Art, the 6th.

Hmmm. That is a big difference! But who knows, definitely ask about funding and see if Stanford will up the offer. Do you guys plan to stay in the states and find jobs after school? If that's the case, think about which area you'd prefer to live in afterward. I think it helps if you stay in a place where you've just spent years developing a network. I don't know that the name itself will help as much as specific research and recommendations faculty. If you plan to go back to Europe, then maybe Stanford is the shinier name... I agree with the E Palo Alto advice. Generally speaking, if you find a place that's much lower in price than other places, there usually is a good reason.

Yeah, I'd assume that the humanities are less funded than sciences, but if they weren't aware that you would be coming along and not able to work in the first place, I think it's worth mentioning. Also, if he has had higher offers elsewhere, I've heard that you can mention those and see if they will match it. I think they understand that grad students have families and spouses, and have to take finances into consideration. I mean, it can't hurt, right? It's not like they will make the offer less. Even if they could give him just a few grand more, that would give you some breathing room. You could do it on $26k if you have a simple lifestyle and don't plan to go a lot of places or eat out, but having a little more would make things easier. For example, if you have lunch on campus, I don't think you can get even prepackaged meals for <$6-7 around here, unless you want just a muffin or an egg and fruit. Eating out in the surrounding areas will probably be $10+ for any type of sit-down situation. You'd imagine doing that with any regularity will eat up most of the rest of your budget. You can bike around campus easily (a car won't help on that campus anyway), so gas might not be an issue, but I'm assuming you'd still have other expenses. Not eating out really helps, but not everyone likes that. Just assume that everything is at least 30% more expensive here unless you really search out cheaper options. Someone I knew came down from Portland and bought a pack of cigarettes. $4 in Portland, $7 here. "You're killing me here!" he said. Yeah, pretty much.

Well, at least thisandthat was funny… I just didn't realize it was old!

I got too and I'm going to a recruit day in March. Very nervous to meet everyone, but I can't wait! Just want to take stock of everything and make a decision!

Is the school-wide FinAid office informed about the plans/timeline your dept has about funding, or do you mean call whoever is a coordinator or such within the dept? I've been getting the general "it will come out soon" responses from them.

We usually call professors by their first name after the first interaction, or depending on what they prefer. Of course, in correspondence with someone that I don't already have a line of communication open with, I still address them as Prof or Dr. But to carry that on into further correspondence is just awkward. I haven't met any profs who INSIST on the titles. Everyone seems pretty laid back here.

Maybe not so ASAP. Right now we are in the middle of an increasingly serious drought (as in: will there be involuntary limits on usage in the summer?) and we have tremendous budget problems. Weather IS nice though. I like books and films, college radio and live sound. But I'm in the arts, and lately it's not at all clear what is career inspiration/research and what is hobby… guess that's a nice problem to have, but it feels like I have no hobbies!

Wow, I didn't realize grad housing on campus was so expensive. Could he possibly ask for more funding? I know of a physics student who gets about $50k, and that's just for himself. $26k for two people is a little dicey in Palo Alto, unless you have savings, or if you decide to work. Are you going to finish your own PhD while he's at Stanford? Remember that EVERYTHING costs more in CA, including gas and food, so if most of your budget is eaten up by housing, you have to be realistic about how much is left for everything else. Does the dept know that he is married and you are coming? Maybe they would offer a bit more in that case?

lol people with GPAs above 3.0 posting in this thread...

From what I was reading it seemed like a lot of scholarships are applied for during the first year. It makes sense as maybe then the faculty know who they want to nominate or give those to based on the work during that year. Maybe I'm wrong, but I researched what to apply to and was really confused about why you had to already be in grad school to apply. Maybe someone can clarify. There was this great thing called the Javits, which was a huge $60k grant but they've phased the individual app out to be institution-based, so an institution nominates you. Too bad