rheya19

The data I need for my honors thesis exists! I had long given up on finding a dataset so good and had shifted the entire focus of the paper to something else (which is another rant, since it is not working like I want it to). Now I'm tempted to put in the extra work to finish the thesis I originally wanted to write.
BUT I need permission to access the dataset and NO ONE HAS RESPONDED TO ME YET. I know it's only been a week, but I want it now  I have the codebook and know it is perfect. I just want to sit here on a Saturday night with some wine and play with STATA, is that so much to ask?
Trying to be productive and reading up on the literature/editing my own literature review. Let's hope this issue is resolved soon so I can move on with my life.

Hold on to that feelayayaying!!! Street light! Peahhpaaaaaaaaaalllll!!!!

Hold on to that feelayayaying!!! Street light! Peahhpaaaaaaaaaalllll!!!!

Since I started this thread I though but I would chime in with my story. 11 years ago I finished my Masters and got a full ride offer for a PhD at the University of Edinburgh. I turned it down because my fiancé at the time did not want to stay in Scotland... and I never forgave him, or myself for it. The dream of going back to school was something that haunted me from then until now. It eventually broke up my marriage and now I'm finally trying to, in y mind, right the wrong that I did to myself all those years ago. One rejection down but five more applications put. I'm hoping for my fairy tale ending!

I'm having to remind myself that things happen in their own time, and knowing when they'll happen doesn't speed them up anymore than hitting the elevator button over and over makes it arrive any quicker. I just have to stay busy until the decisions come.  

While I'm waiting for acceptances, I'll throw my hat in here. I applied to 10 PhD programs, focus on early Christian art. The programs include: Harvard, Princeton, Boston U, Notre Dame (one in Theology and one in Medieval Studies), USC (in the Art History department), UT-Austin, UBC, Iowa, and Indiana. 
No news from any of them yet. 
And if I can just vent with you all fine people for a moment: After spending around $1000 on the entire application process (from GRE test to Interfolio fees) and hours upon hours of my life researching programs and writing personal statements, I'd better get in somewhere. Holy crap! Even McDonald's School of Religion and Happy Meals! I don't care!  
This is basically how I'm handling the waiting game:
 
.
(And yes, I'm wearing that hair while I wait.)

From someone else with anxiety: be kind to yourself. 

Everybody loves Summa Cum Laude, so nobody loved meeeee

I'm beginning to think I'm in a bizarre Twilight Zone episode, and I'm never going to hear from anyone ever. I think there must be scientists studying me or something. 

I'm beginning to think I'm in a bizarre Twilight Zone episode, and I'm never going to hear from anyone ever. I think there must be scientists studying me or something. 

Brutal. Hope you hear from somebody soon.
The projections only make it worse. I had my hopes up that I'd hear from WUSTL by now, on the strength of the February 8th prediction, but I've got nothing...

Everybody loves Summa Cum Laude, so nobody loved meeeee

In a drunken slur:
12:10 AM "Look, Austin [said with attitude], I wuz reddy t' givup EVRYTHIN fer yoouu!! Stupid Austin...  wuz reddy t' packup my bags and LEAVE just t'be wi' you... but NOOOO!!! NO! Y'don't want me??? FINE! I HATE YOU! I nver evn wanted t'be wi'you! F*** YOU!! D'you hear me???? F***!! YOU!!"
1:30 AM "[crying] Look, I know I mestup. I'm SORRY! 'm sooo sorrrryyy!!...[whimper] Plz just call me back! I just wanna talk, 'n if you still don't wanna accept me... [sob] I'll leave you alone... Plz jes call me..."
2:15 AM "So what? Were the one's you 'cceped prettier 'n me????? HUH??? R they all skinny 'n all blond? Oh yeah, I bet they f-ing grew up in ancient f-ing GREECE, and Attic is like they're native f-ing language!!! Skinny Attic bitches!"
3:00 AM "Th'thing is... I nver really got 'long with my dad.... I jes wanted him t' luv me fer who I am, y'know? .... so, the song I'm gonna play fer you is kinda 'bout that, but its also kinda 'bout you 'n me..."
*BEEP* MAILBOX IS FULL
 

Argh. Another week gone by and still no news from any of the rel. programs I applied to. Practicing some healthy escapism tonight and going to see John Wick 2 instead of reading for comps. 

Everybody loves Summa Cum Laude, so nobody loved meeeee

Today was another reminder that social anxiety never really goes away. I came to school at the usual time for my morning class, but instead of there being lots of open parking spots in the lot I'm permitted for (like there usually is), every single spot was filled. About 12 other vehicles were searching the lot like vultures. I get so annoyed when this happens. The school hosts various conferences and meetings, and they always let the public park in my lot, including buses which will take up 4+ parking spaces because they park sideways. In my year and a half here, they have only made an announcement about one of these events once. Today was not that day. Anyway, after driving around the lot for 5 - 10 minutes, I decided to head over to the crappy gravel parking lot which anyone with any permit can park in. It's far away from everything, but there were spots. There's a bus stop right by the lot, but the bus went by as I was parking. So I walk to my usual parking lot to catch a bus there, but I just miss it. So eventually a bus comes and it's exactly when class starts. I'm hoping the bus will get up to my building quickly, but no. There were people at every stop along the way and it took forever. So when I finally get to the building, I'm already 10 minutes late. 
Up until this point, I was fine with walking in late. But then I thought about the layout of the room and how everyone sits towards the back and close to the door. If I went in, I'd essentially have to ask everyone in one of the rows to move their chairs in so I can get to the other side of the room. It would be a huge distraction. After thinking about this, I suddenly felt a wave of anxiety wash over me. I resisted the urge to vomit, but I just stood there outside the building staring at it, trying to reason with my brain that being late is better than not being there at all, that a few seconds of making people move wasn't so horrible, that other people are often late to class and no one says anything to them. But no, my brain was having none of it. So after about 5 minutes of standing there like a weirdo, I turned and headed for the library. Sigh. I feel quite bad about myself now. I'm supposed to have this under control. Granted, I didn't vomit or cry and I don't have the shakes, but I still let it get the best of me.

One thing I'm seeing as I read through the forum, is how much easier this process is at my age than it would have been in my early to mid 20s. Yes, I'm stressed out about the process, but I also have enough life experience to know that this PhD thing isn't me, it's something I want to do. When I see how some other applicants are personally invested in "being an academic," it makes me want to give them a hug and tell them to work a few years and come back when they've learned a little bit more about what makes them happy. I hear what people say about starting a career path in your 40s. That it can be detrimental to your career (maybe.) But locking yourself into a career path by mean of a PhD when you haven't had a chance to experience much else can be detrimental to your sense of self.
I'm not trying to be patronizing, but I'm wondering if other people in this thread get what I'm trying to say. 

In a drunken slur:
12:10 AM "Look, Austin [said with attitude], I wuz reddy t' givup EVRYTHIN fer yoouu!! Stupid Austin...  wuz reddy t' packup my bags and LEAVE just t'be wi' you... but NOOOO!!! NO! Y'don't want me??? FINE! I HATE YOU! I nver evn wanted t'be wi'you! F*** YOU!! D'you hear me???? F***!! YOU!!"
1:30 AM "[crying] Look, I know I mestup. I'm SORRY! 'm sooo sorrrryyy!!...[whimper] Plz just call me back! I just wanna talk, 'n if you still don't wanna accept me... [sob] I'll leave you alone... Plz jes call me..."
2:15 AM "So what? Were the one's you 'cceped prettier 'n me????? HUH??? R they all skinny 'n all blond? Oh yeah, I bet they f-ing grew up in ancient f-ing GREECE, and Attic is like they're native f-ing language!!! Skinny Attic bitches!"
3:00 AM "Th'thing is... I nver really got 'long with my dad.... I jes wanted him t' luv me fer who I am, y'know? .... so, the song I'm gonna play fer you is kinda 'bout that, but its also kinda 'bout you 'n me..."
*BEEP* MAILBOX IS FULL
 

That makes me so sad. I really thought I had a chance with them, and I REALLY wanted to go there.
.... so, should I wait till late Saturday night and drunk dial the department repeatedly? Leave them a bunch of messages for them to find Monday morning?

In a drunken slur:
12:10 AM "Look, Austin [said with attitude], I wuz reddy t' givup EVRYTHIN fer yoouu!! Stupid Austin...  wuz reddy t' packup my bags and LEAVE just t'be wi' you... but NOOOO!!! NO! Y'don't want me??? FINE! I HATE YOU! I nver evn wanted t'be wi'you! F*** YOU!! D'you hear me???? F***!! YOU!!"
1:30 AM "[crying] Look, I know I mestup. I'm SORRY! 'm sooo sorrrryyy!!...[whimper] Plz just call me back! I just wanna talk, 'n if you still don't wanna accept me... [sob] I'll leave you alone... Plz jes call me..."
2:15 AM "So what? Were the one's you 'cceped prettier 'n me????? HUH??? R they all skinny 'n all blond? Oh yeah, I bet they f-ing grew up in ancient f-ing GREECE, and Attic is like they're native f-ing language!!! Skinny Attic bitches!"
3:00 AM "Th'thing is... I nver really got 'long with my dad.... I jes wanted him t' luv me fer who I am, y'know? .... so, the song I'm gonna play fer you is kinda 'bout that, but its also kinda 'bout you 'n me..."
*BEEP* MAILBOX IS FULL
 

In more ways than one, friend. In more ways than one.

In more ways than one, friend. In more ways than one.

I keep hearing about the schools I've applied to accepting people, but I haven't gotten rejections, so I really don't know what to think. It would be courteous of them to send rejections as they are doing so, so that we're not left in limbo.

Regardless of where you go, remember, there is the BTI: http://www.bostontheological.org/

Last week, on my 51st birthday, I was accepted into a PhD program for School Psychology. I am beyond happy. I had a 20 year, very successful career before returning to finish my BA 2 1/2 years ago. My children are grown (my youngest getting his BA one week before me) and my husband and I are able to relocate. I feel incredibly fortunate to have this opportunity at this stage of my life. I am doing this for myself and because I want to make a difference. I hope to enter the world of academia since I would love the opportunity to conduct research and train future school psychologists. I love my exposure to younger students and I think it provides a mutually beneficial relationship. In addition, I am hopeful that I am setting a great example for my kids and my 8 year old granddaughter. Can you tell that I am loving this??  Congratulations to all of the "older" students posting here.