a_sort_of_fractious_angel

The most important thing is also perhaps the hardest to gauge: that is, do you have the sense that the program's grad students are well treated, and that they feel supported by the program.  I think you should really ask this of a variety of grads in the program if you have the opportunity to meet them.
You can have a first class funding offer, but if the grad students tell you that they feel like the faculty aren't invested in them and their success, that should be a major, major red flag.  You might also be able to sense this, as I've written elsewhere, in the quality of the program's recruitment.  Do they go out of their way to actually, y'know, recruit you, or do they treat you like an afterthought.
Do not be afraid to ask these questions.  You'll probably find that grads will give you honest answers, and if the answers aren't 100% honest, you might still be able to read between the lines. As many of you already well know, most grad students will not pass up an opportunity to lament a terrible situation.  Remember, this is 5-10 years of your life (depending on the program, you should also DEFINITELY ask about average "time to degree") that you will never get back.  You may take an offer at that school whose name will really impress the folks back home but find that the actual experience of that place isn't so great.

Hey @a_sort_of_fractious_angel! I’ll be turning down Temple bc of the commute for me (North Jersey). I know you have great options to pick from this cycle too—probably Princeton?

I'm a mostly contemporary person (21st American with 20th century frame) and do diasporic/hemispheric lit (Caribbean). In every one of my SOPs, I aligned myself with at least one POI who had a primary focus on Af-Am.
4 acceptances; 3 rejections; 4 implied rejections (though these don't count until they do!); waiting on 3 - signature gives deets. I'm pleased with my results this season given how I framed myself in the WS/SOP and my background (BA & MA) - I'm happy to discuss my application, my successful apps, and my theories as to why I got in where via PM.
 

I, also, have spent an inordinate amount of time worrying about this. I was operating off of the assumption that I would call them by whatever they signed off as in their email; now I'm wondering if I committed a post-acceptance academic faux-pas by addressing both of the POIs that I've emailed so far by their first name (especially since I have really no grasp of academic formality as my undergraduate institution is really chill about titles--I called all of my profs by their first names).

Well, I had my "conversation" with Syracuse this afternoon. I really feel like I did my best. Now I'm just going to chill and wait. They said they'd get back to me "before the end of the month."
Good luck @klader and @midwest-ford! 

Brandeis acceptance via phone on the results board. Ahhhhh! Good thing my husband and I are both home today so I can make sure his phone is on lol. Fingers crossed!

For kindly non-ac people/friends/family, I've switched from version (1) "I focus on transnational identity formation at the intersections between contemporary Caribbean and 20th- and 21st century American literature" to version (2)  "so, you know how you have a story you tell about yourself and your life? And maybe a story or two about your family - where you all came from and whatnot? I look at how people tell those kinds of stories about themselves and others through books."
No one has ever knew what to do with version 1 but version 2 seems to go over OK with everyone who is not hip to the things. One time, my mom's friend cautiously offered up a book she had read for her book club as a kind of "I have read a book in which a person discusses their identity" and I was like, "yes. good. yes. brilliant. you got it."
For the science people, I like to tell them that they do research and we do scholarship. At which point, many are like "so that is the same thing?" And I'm like "no, n00b, it is not. I am a scholar - I scholate things. You merely research them. Leave me to my books." If I have a book at hand, I toss it to them and say "you figure it out because, honestly, I'm not sure."
For the drunk uncles - honestly, I just double down. They're always like "you're never gonna get a job" at which point I remind them that "where I'm going, I don't need jobs."

Why does it take Berkeley so long to send rejections? Why does it take anyone so long? I appreciate Penn's quick turn-around 

Congrats
 
Also accepted at UConn!

I've been doing Dr. even if they use their first name. Its feels a bit formal and sometimes cringey for me (I had one phone conversation where they were like "hello, it's [first name]" and I panicked and was like "hello, Dr [last name]" and I felt like a Batman villain) but I think that following their lead is just as fine as sticking to Dr. or Professor. I'm almost positive they do not put nearly as much mental energy into their salutations as we do.
*Also, this is not a stupid question - this is a great question and I spend a lot of time fretting over if I'm coming off as weirdly formal and, if so, am I within the boundaries of normal weird or not.

for sale, Michigan vest, never worn
Jk - I'm wearing it right now as it is very comfortable. It was an honor and privilege, U Mich. SO MANY CONGRATULATIONS to the admits. I'll catch y'all at MLA. 

I've been doing Dr. even if they use their first name. Its feels a bit formal and sometimes cringey for me (I had one phone conversation where they were like "hello, it's [first name]" and I panicked and was like "hello, Dr [last name]" and I felt like a Batman villain) but I think that following their lead is just as fine as sticking to Dr. or Professor. I'm almost positive they do not put nearly as much mental energy into their salutations as we do.
*Also, this is not a stupid question - this is a great question and I spend a lot of time fretting over if I'm coming off as weirdly formal and, if so, am I within the boundaries of normal weird or not.

for sale, Michigan vest, never worn
Jk - I'm wearing it right now as it is very comfortable. It was an honor and privilege, U Mich. SO MANY CONGRATULATIONS to the admits. I'll catch y'all at MLA. 

48 hours. I can make it 48 hours. We can make it 48 hours. Maybe it's a little under 48 hours? I'm going to go calculate it and then convert it into minutes and then seconds and then make a song about my feelings in the style of Rent.

Hahaha thanks for the reassurances! I'm not sure how these acceptance phone calls usually go, so I just nodded and said yes and thank you all the time. Perhaps I should've asked questions and tried to chat more? 
Alright now I'm gonna waste precious hours dissecting every word from that phone call and reading too much into it. Don't mind me.

My cell service cut out twice on one call and I had to do the awkward call-back while they're calling back bullshit ... and I'm still in. Phone calls are just ... there's no good way.

If you blast Destiny's Child loud enough and scream-sing along to "Survivor," the nausea kind of goes away.

CONGRATS! Hooray! 

A third is up. Maybe they did send out the acceptances all at once. I think it may..be..over.. 
 
*I knew it was a long shot, and I'm super thankful for the offer I have. But I had been dreaming. It'll be okay. But OUCH. 

Good point but how could I listen to the silence of my email then??

If you blast Destiny's Child loud enough and scream-sing along to "Survivor," the nausea kind of goes away.

I'm just over here groaning under my desk. As if my coworkers didn't think I was weird enough. 

Obvious congrats to the lucky ones, but omg plz come to the threads and comment so we KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING. 

Omg, forget grad school--let's work on Grad Cafe: The Musical! 

@Fineanddandy's post got me thinking about my first season (12 PhDs shut-out; offered an unfunded MA, which I took) and my second season (12 PhDs shut-out). 
A list of straight rejections is its own world of hurt. And it's a right shit world to be in. I know I've said this elsewhere, but I was the only MA in my cohort to get shut out and listening to some of my friends and peers feel their feelings about their acceptances was hard. I excused myself from several social gatherings and I opted out of GC for a while because isolation - while a Generally Bad Move When Sad - felt better than smiling through a "yes, I know you wanted [Princeton] but I'm sure you'll find a way to make [Harvard] work, friend!"
I've never felt that kind of sadness before - I don't even know if "sad" is the word for it - and while distance + time has brought peace to those memories, I can still recall what that anger/humiliation/fear/shame felt like as it unfolded. Internet hugs to you, @Fineanddandy, and to everyone whose season is a red card so far. I really, really, really hope the next few weeks bring you something amazing. 
I do think, for this season, my rejections will feel different. I share @unicornsarereal's anxiety about choosing between the best fit. I'd be nervous about that no matter if I got in 1 place or 10 or my dream school and rejections are tied to that anxiety somehow, although I can't quite articulate why. I guess it is the weight of the decision and all its attending wins/losses (many of which we can't foresee at this point) that make a rejection feel weird or painful even if there's an acceptance in hand.
Also, I have a friend at my dream school. They've worked on my SOP and have been rooting for me, along with several others who know about The School. If things go sideways for me with that particular program, I'll be mostly sad and scared to tell them. Stupid? Totally. We'll still be friends and it'll all be fine. But that rejection will hurt, too, in a different way. 
I had some sort of concluding thought but it's walked off, so I'll second @hibiscus's advice to sign off of GC if you need to (not like GC is going anywhere, lol) and best of luck to all of us.

@a_sort_of_fractious_angel: fwiw, Penn State is still reviewing applications and will be until April 15.