XVIIA

Ivy league schools are not necessarily elite in STEM.  For engineering, the large public universities such as Michigan, Cal, Illinois, and Purdue, plus MIT and Stanford, dominate the rankings (with Caltech in some areas).  These same schools are very strong in other STEM fields such as math, physics, chemistry, etc. There are very few Ivy league schools ranked in the top ten in any of the engineering disciplines. 

I can relate to this... I'm close to 30, married, and in my first year of a PhD program. I've played down my "adult"ness in order to bond better with my cohort. It's probably been easier to initially make friends with the 22 - 24 year olds around me because I tried to avoid mentioning the things that make me seem different, and once I started being more open about sharing parts of my past and present life, people have been cool with it. Although I did start getting invited to bars and stuff less...
When I DON'T want my adultness taken away, I've found that I have to be really proactive at announcing my adultness. The most frustrating is when condescending attitudes come down on me from students who are farther in the program than I am or random post-docs I meet, etc. As a less "traditional" student in this program, most of the people assuming that I'm naive and inexperienced are usually younger than me and have much less diverse real world experience/perspective, which makes it extra annoying. Just because I'm a first year does not automatically mean that I am not as grown up, am naive about life or careers, or don't know myself as a researcher.

I'm tired to defending my adulthood to people. I worked in the "real world" before coming to grad school, you can't just take my "adult" status away from me like that.
But the more I defend the more it's used against me, like a teenager saying they're an adult. I'm 24 year old, I live separate from my parents, I'm financially independent, I actually live on the opposite side of the continent from any sort of support network. I'm pretty sure I'm an adult. And yet, at least once every few weeks, I gotta have this same argument again and again. 

I applied last year, and I got a lot more rejections than I was expecting. It definitely stung. Even in my first year, though, I've started to realize the ways that the program I'm attending and (from a more limited perspective) the only other one that gave me an offer are more suited to me as a researcher than some of the programs that rejected me. For example, I knew what I wanted to research, but I've started to learn the nuances of that research area enough to see how I probably wouldn't have been as good of a fit for at least half of my rejections. I'm almost grateful to have been rejected, to be honest!
A few of my past rejections still sting a bit. One program is seemingly very similar to where I am now but lower ranked/less prestigious, and my pride is still a bit wounded by that rejection. I now find myself rooting against their sports teams on principle. ? But overall, my perspective has made me realize that some of my rejections were probably mutually beneficial. Obviously everyone's experience is different. I just wanted to throw my perspective in there in case it helps someone get less discouraged about some rejections in favor of being more excited for the programs that chose them!

I applied last year, and I got a lot more rejections than I was expecting. It definitely stung. Even in my first year, though, I've started to realize the ways that the program I'm attending and (from a more limited perspective) the only other one that gave me an offer are more suited to me as a researcher than some of the programs that rejected me. For example, I knew what I wanted to research, but I've started to learn the nuances of that research area enough to see how I probably wouldn't have been as good of a fit for at least half of my rejections. I'm almost grateful to have been rejected, to be honest!
A few of my past rejections still sting a bit. One program is seemingly very similar to where I am now but lower ranked/less prestigious, and my pride is still a bit wounded by that rejection. I now find myself rooting against their sports teams on principle. ? But overall, my perspective has made me realize that some of my rejections were probably mutually beneficial. Obviously everyone's experience is different. I just wanted to throw my perspective in there in case it helps someone get less discouraged about some rejections in favor of being more excited for the programs that chose them!

I applied last year, and I got a lot more rejections than I was expecting. It definitely stung. Even in my first year, though, I've started to realize the ways that the program I'm attending and (from a more limited perspective) the only other one that gave me an offer are more suited to me as a researcher than some of the programs that rejected me. For example, I knew what I wanted to research, but I've started to learn the nuances of that research area enough to see how I probably wouldn't have been as good of a fit for at least half of my rejections. I'm almost grateful to have been rejected, to be honest!
A few of my past rejections still sting a bit. One program is seemingly very similar to where I am now but lower ranked/less prestigious, and my pride is still a bit wounded by that rejection. I now find myself rooting against their sports teams on principle. ? But overall, my perspective has made me realize that some of my rejections were probably mutually beneficial. Obviously everyone's experience is different. I just wanted to throw my perspective in there in case it helps someone get less discouraged about some rejections in favor of being more excited for the programs that chose them!

I applied last year, and I got a lot more rejections than I was expecting. It definitely stung. Even in my first year, though, I've started to realize the ways that the program I'm attending and (from a more limited perspective) the only other one that gave me an offer are more suited to me as a researcher than some of the programs that rejected me. For example, I knew what I wanted to research, but I've started to learn the nuances of that research area enough to see how I probably wouldn't have been as good of a fit for at least half of my rejections. I'm almost grateful to have been rejected, to be honest!
A few of my past rejections still sting a bit. One program is seemingly very similar to where I am now but lower ranked/less prestigious, and my pride is still a bit wounded by that rejection. I now find myself rooting against their sports teams on principle. ? But overall, my perspective has made me realize that some of my rejections were probably mutually beneficial. Obviously everyone's experience is different. I just wanted to throw my perspective in there in case it helps someone get less discouraged about some rejections in favor of being more excited for the programs that chose them!

Mine have been gone for thanksgiving... FINALLY. 
Can't wait to move this summer haha.

I hate my crazy downstairs neighbor. Srsly bitch stop screaming and talk normally!

OP in that post is almost 10 years younger than me, so I'm not sure if his experience would be relevant to mine.   

my perfectionism is getting to me again.

I wish that I had a support system here. I'm pretty sure I have social anxiety and having no one at all here to lean on is making it really hard. I'm more worried about being alone here for 6 years than I am about course work or research. 

I've been moved in a for a few weeks now and I just feel....lonely? I've been trying to meet people but I get so socially exhausted because there is no one here at all that I can fall back on for "real deep emotional talks". I also met my cohort yesterday and I had the same problem I always have with making friends in my field: all anyone wants to talk about is biology and their work. And when they do want to talk about their work they want to pretend they know exactly what they're doing. My dude, we haven't even started the program yet. It's the blind leading the blind out here. I know I need friends here. I know I need to put energy in to make friends. But damn that amount of energy is so high I feel like I'm getting nowhere.
Also: it's very hard to find a Dungeons and Dragons group here and that's getting me down. 

I miss my boyfriend so so much.

I am going to do the interview. #courage #anxiety 

Been there, done that. It will be over soon, but I completely understand.
Me, I'm so ready to be done with grad school, while simultaneously freaking out about everything I have to get done between now and then. 639 days until graduation!

I'm so ready to be done with my full-time job. I've been unhappy here for a while, and now that the end is in sight it's super hard to stay motivated.

Got the job! The principal investigator recognized me from a research congress, and said I did a good job. The interview was not even 10 minutes! And I am really excited because it's directly tied to my PhD and Master's research topic!

After going through the emotional rollercoaster of my advisor leaving my new uni and perfect program last minute and having the do the first year with him through Skype, I sorta feel better today. First I felt shocked (like wtf), then I felt angry (like why me), then I felt sad (don't wanna leave that place). Now I realize having options can also be a good thing haha. And the new school isn't that bad either. Research topic wise and career wise it could be better. Just loved the set up of the other program and the culture there. Meh. Still, gonna rock this year and decide somewhere along the wya. 

Soo my new advisor - whom i was beyond excitment with to work with - just dropped the email that hes gonna move to a different school. This fall. When im starting my PhD at his old school. And its my bday - no joke. Im devastated. Absolutely devastated.
Yeah I 'like' other faculty there. I dont 'love' other faculty there. I like his new uni, I dont love his new uni (plus I'd have to reapply and wait another year, and its not even sure I'd get in).
WTF WTF
I have all my flights booked, visa ready, etc. Why does this happen to me...
 

Someone in my family got a PhD in their mid-50s and is preparing to go up for tenure this year! My opinion is that it's never too late.

For me, it's truly an entire stranger who did it. I went to the police station again today to report it. At least, I've lost zero money, the bank refunded me back right away. 

I am super pumped to meet my future cohort in the fall, but if one more person replies-all to the email thread about the Facebook group to inform everyone else that they just joined it, I'm going to lose it.

Go for it!
I've been told this all my life by my mum. She didn't believe I would succeed in high school. She was convinced I wouldn't make it in university and it was a waste of time. Then when I started excelling she sorta shut up for a bit. Then when I signed up for a competitive research master she was convinced I would finally meet my limit and get low grades and would have messed up my career. Again the opposite happened. Applying for PhDs - same story. She hasn't started talking yet about what will happen during my PhD, but she has no clue what it is anyway. According to her, this nay-saying is protecting me from failures or from hurtful situations (which I don't think is a good thing anyway - these are not the failures to protect someone from). I used to develop such self-defeating thoughts because of it which well - it didn't help me in high school. At the start of university, we were not in touch for a year because of personal reasons and this is when I could finally let go of these thoughts. I forgave her (and still forgive her) as she has so little self-esteem herself, so I know where it is coming from.
Bottom line: never have somebody discourage you, especially if you believe and KNOW you are a good applicant and can do this. You decide your limits and not someone else, just be realistic. Yes, you may fail because it's supercompetitive, but that doesn't devalue you as a person. I mean, what I learned from this PhD-cycle is that it's also big part luck. The prof in my department literally chose between two applicants with a coin flip. I was only interviewed and accepted by one place - which was my top choice anyway, while in the meantime having places in Europe trying to actively recruit me. But it never harms to try!

I'm working on my Vanier scholarship research proposal and it's quite challening I must admit. One of the persons that is helping me out with my research proposal is helpful (she's helped me with my proposals for MA SSHRC and MA FRQSC that I both got), but she seems to be unaware of my CV and credentials (I had a LOT of leadership roles and did a LOT of volunteering for the past 13 years of my life) and she seems skeptical about my ability to get the scholarship, precisely because she sees me like a "public personality" (those are the words she used) but appears to be unaware that I actually have undergraduate and graduate research experience as well. She's not one of my closest friends, but she's helpful in terms of challening me to make my research proposal stronger. I must give her that. However, her skepticism kinda bothers me because I know that I have a strong profile for it, even if I am still unsure if I'll get it. I am unsure, that's why I'm working on my 7th version since January and don't take it for granted.
I don't like when people imply that I should not try at something just because something is hard or prestigious. If I thought that way, I would have never applied for SSHRC (that I got before my first year of study in my master's program) and FRQSC (got ranked 2nd in my category). I'm a hard worker and I've never been afraid of putting effort into things. I'm very motivated and perseverant and nobody should ever tell me that I should not give a shot a something (hence, a scholarship) just because it's prestigious and competitive.