thejellybean

I've been in grad school for a while now and I still feel like I'm not getting anywhere with my degree/professional development and am maybe even getting dumber as time goes on? Largely because I have been stuck on one project for so long that was meant to only take a short while at the very beginning of my PhD but has taken MUCH longer to complete, and it's really crushing my spirit. And because it has crushed my spirit so, I just have such a hard time finding motivation to complete my experiments. Of course this plus the pandemic just completely burned me out for a while and I only recently have felt like I've started to recover. But I'm still not fully there, and definitely not recovered enough to feel excited again about this project I once was so so SO excited about doing. So I'm just trudging through these experiments, getting a fraction of the data I needed to achieve the impact I wanted to with the paper, all to get this presentation/publication out of the way so I can start fresh with a new study that will hopefully revive my love of science and research.

I just can't drag myself away from graduate school content and yet I don't seem to be doing anything productive. With the hopes that I'm not alone, I thought I'd share my list with you guys and you might appreciate it. 
Things I have done instead of being productive:
- Read the class list for my top choice program and reacted as though it was my actual schedule - "That class will be awesome, but this one will kind of suck"
- Priced out a gym membership near my top choice program
- Created a Quizlet to memorize every random, tiny part of the brain??? I mean, bizarre use of mental power right now but okay, I do have a strong background in neuroscience and want to make sure it stays that way...
- Obsessively read the 43 page thread about my top choice city - a city I already live near and have lived in
- Mentally prepared for absurdly cruel interview questions, like "can you explain why your only publication is overall very uninteresting?" or "you don't strike me as someone who can handle this program. how are you planning to combat this?"
- Watched high school seniors reacting to their college decisions on youtube because I just need my fix of that excited energy
What about you? What have you been doing that, in all honesty, is doing nothing to help you?
 
 

I work two jobs and a revolution is currently sweeping over my country but that hasn't distracted me enough. So:
- I'm watching Gilmore Girls for the millionth time
- I'm browsing through Zillow to do an estimate on the rent cost I'd have to do in each town/city I've applied to. I've also bookmarked listings I really liked. 
- I've started obsessively watching DIY YouTubers to get a sense of how I want to furnish/DIY my imaginary studio/1 bedroom. 
- I've obsessively read threads about two of my top choice towns/cities and found mass google docs basically advising about how to live in these said towns/cities while on a limited income. 
.... that's me: pathetic, party of one! 

I did a 1000-piece puzzle while listening to scary story podcasts. But my first-author paper was officially accepted for publication today!!!

Began applying to teaching jobs in case I don't get into a PhD
Started watching old seasons of America's Next Top Model (I know...)
Refresh GradCafe a thousand times
Refresh my email a thousand times
Add another source to my thesis outline
Finish a crossword

Hi all,

First and foremost, I am NOT looking for advice. I assume my situation is NOT unique, so I'm more asking for people to share their own stories, since it's been hard to talk to with my friends about, since their either trying to get through the next few weeks of this brutal waiting game, themselves, or just telling me my anxieties don't matter about this subject. So...
As I was spending all of my free time in the fall working on applications, I met & fell in love with my current partner, who feels like the love of my life. I was open to dating because when I started my applications, my preliminary list of schools consisted of about five programs within an hour or two of where I currently live, and they were all the ones I was most excited about. Then, of course, when making final decisions, and reaching out to professors, etc. It narrowed down to one in the same city, and one about two hours away. The rest, specifically where I got interviews, are about 6-10 hour drives away.
As you all know, waiting to hear back is brutal enough; but with this determining both my professional development and feasibility of staying with this person (on top of pandemic stuff), I feel non-functional at this point. I'm worried that my relationship is *just* new enough that my partner, an engineer who just bought a house, will pick logic over feelings and say it's better we break up than to try to make it work.
For those of you that were dating/married when making decisions, or if you're in the same boat, please share your experiences! Even positive ones. I know technically, the argument is "if it's meant to be, then they'll just go with you" but I don't think that's really practical/reasonable for everyone.

Every time I have a big deadline a new playlist mysteriously appears on my Spotify account...

@thejellybean I would contact the GEM representative of the university. They should have more information about this, you can find the reps on GEMs website. If you are worried about the deadline of April 15th you can always ask the schools for extensions for decisions. The school that I applied to on eGEM still states Applied even though I talked to them and stated they want me as a GEM Fellow, so I would take the eGEM with a grain of salt since it is based on how responsive the rep is.
 
Best of luck

So for schools statuses, I've noticed the following in my case. Listed in order of occurrence:
Did Not Apply, Pending Verification, Applied, Accepted, Willing to Admit as GEM Fellow.
So currently for one of my schools it says Willing to Admit as GEM Fellow. This school started out with Did Not Apply last year, then changed to Pending Verification, then changed to Applied, then changed to Accepted and finally now it says Willing to Admit as GEM Fellow. And yes, I've already received an official admission letter from them. Hoping this helps someone!
 

So I have been accepted to a program and they did mention GEM in the letter, so then my question is if a school accepts without funding then are they offering you a GEM Fellowship? Since the school has an obligation to fund you?

Short answer: Yes! Longer Answer: I have lived in Berkeley for only about a month and a half last summer, but from what I remember, there was always something happening somewhere in Berkeley/Oakland/SF. 

I hear most people that go to Berkeley are smug and overly defensive about their school since it's in an undesirable city, is this true? Oh wait nevermind you already answered.

I come from places with hills, and the flatness of Illinois is terrifying to me. How far do I have to go to find some legitimate topography?

@thejellybean Congrats!

Hey everyone! Update on my situation: I was finally selected! It took a few weeks but I think this is because my company was looking at a lot of potential GEM Fellows. I got the impression that maybe they were expecting me to send them a follow-up saying that I was interested in the position, so I would give that as advice for anyone who has been contacted by their employer but not yet selected.
I was also admitted to my first choice school (yay! :D) so I guess that means I'm a fellow once I accept the offer?
Good luck again everyone! Hope it works out for all of us in the end.

@Moods@ray92 Thanks guys! I'm really excited

@thejellybean Congratulations!!!!! On the obtaining the Fellowship!

Wow, congrats! This is awesome! Yay! Happy for you! Yeah, this means you are officially a fellow now! 

Hey everyone! Update on my situation: I was finally selected! It took a few weeks but I think this is because my company was looking at a lot of potential GEM Fellows. I got the impression that maybe they were expecting me to send them a follow-up saying that I was interested in the position, so I would give that as advice for anyone who has been contacted by their employer but not yet selected.
I was also admitted to my first choice school (yay! :D) so I guess that means I'm a fellow once I accept the offer?
Good luck again everyone! Hope it works out for all of us in the end.

...was their music... out of this world?

I worked for several years on programs that supported low-income graduate students (and prospective graduate students), and you could say my role included 'wardrobe mentoring.' Regardless of where you live, if you wear a size 0-14 women's (XS-XL, 28-40 waist men's), you can probably find a thrift store where you can outfit yourself for interviews for $20-$30. If you wear a bigger or smaller size, it could be a bit more challenging at this budget, but it's still worthwhile to hit the thrift store first, and certain parts of your outfit can be found there either way. If you feel truly at a loss for where to start, I would say aim for something like the following.
[NOTE:  these suggestions are admittedly very gendered and conservative, and I am highly conscious of the fact that they provide nothing in the way of helping people to display their unique personal style, etc. Surely there are many individuals to whom these suggestions also do not well apply, probably including many students in the arts, as well as those who privilege ethnic/cultural expression in their dress, etc. Furthermore, I do not wish to reinforce the idea that there is (or should be) one way of dressing in academia. I strongly feel the opposite is true. But, alas, I also wish to help make accessible an "academic outfit" to those with limited resources, or to those who have a limited awareness of what is expected of them in this department in most disciplines. Finally, the stores I suggest below are purely motivated by awareness of budget, availability, and supply of clothing consistent with the status quo in academia. They are not my faves, and they might not be those that are most responsible with respect to clothing manufacturing, etc.]
These suggestions pertain to most non-professional masters and doctoral students doing routine visits to (or interviews with) graduate schools, etc., who wish to play it safe in their dress. For dress in professional school environments (law, business, medicine, etc.), as well as in the arts and other fields that might have different standards, I would ask a trusted mentor in the discipline for advice.
FOR WOMEN
PANTS/SKIRT/DRESS
Dark (black, navy, grey, etc.) pants or simple skirt (hits at mid-knee or just below, nothing shorter, and longer will be hard to pull off for most body types), or shift dress. Skirt can be pencil-style to just slightly flowing. Avoid skirts with excessive material that could look cutesy or like you're headed to the swing dance. In general, pants should go to (and not beyond) your shoes and should not be too "skinny." If you're aiming for safe, avoid overly trendy styles or prints for the purposes of interviews and visits. 
TOP/BLOUSE
If wearing a dress, skip this. If not: Light, solid (or very subtle pattern) neutral colored (white, light grey, light blue, etc) blouse. If you don't mind tucking-in, an ironed button-up collar shirt always looks great. I can't stand tucking and always feel it causes muffin top on me (eek!), so if you're like me, find a top that fits you well and feels comfortable and does not hit much below or above the hip bone. Do not show belly, and do not wear a long shirt that resembles a nightshirt. Your shirt should also not be frayed or wrinkled at the hem, if you're wearing it outside your pants/skirt. I like to wear a comfy, slightly flowing tank-top. It should reveal ZERO cleavage, even if you lean forward slightly, and it should not fit very tight at the chest or elsewhere. If your buttons are pulling, get another shirt, or use double-sided fabric tape to keep your shirt closed. Of course, too big and your clothes can look messy, so try to get something that fits somewhat closely but that reveals minimal contours (including belly rolls or pants/skirt cut-in). Reasonable fit is key to both neat appearance and comfort. Better if your clothes are just slightly on the spacious side than that they are slightly tight (other way around, of course, when you head to the clubs later that night). 
CARDIGAN/BLAZER
Cardigan sweater and/or structured jacket ("blazer") in either a solid, neutral color or a simple pattern. There are plenty of good choices for color/pattern combinations. I'm just trying to provide simple go-to pieces that will help you move through the thrift shop (or other shop) efficiently. 
SHOES
Simple flats, or low heal pumps, in black or other neutral color. No sparkles or excessive buckles, etc, or large flashy brand names pasted across shoes. If in a cold place, simple boots (if possible). Cheap black rain boots will work if you're from somewhere warm and don't have appropriate winter boots. You won't likely be walking outside for too long. Avoid giant, clompy, fur-everywhere boots that look like novelty slippers.
COAT: A trench coat or wool (style) button-down coat, if headed somewhere cold or rainy. Also, an umbrella for rainy places (particularly if you fear for your hair). 
SOCKS/TIGHTS: No "fun" or bright socks or tights. Lightweight, non-bulging socks, knee-highs, or tights in a neutral (probably dark) color. If wearing flats, fine to go without socks, but not in a snowy or cold place. In general, wear skirts or dresses with tights or nylons (very hot places, like Miami and Hawaii, could be exceptions if high temperature is 75+). Black matte is often best option for tights. 
SCARF: If you settle on the simplest option in each of the above categories, you might consider adding a lightweight, thin scarf around your neck, for a bit of flare, or to cover up unflattering imperfections in the fit of your shirt or sweater/jacket, or just for fun. Still, choose a simple pattern, that has at most one vibrant color. Also, the scarf should not crowd your face or cause a distraction. Look around the web for ways to tie your thin scarf. 
HAIR: For most other than Black women, in general, your hair should be kept tidy and simple, whether you wear it up or down. For Black women, your hair tends to look incredibly stylish no matter what; still, if you're not feeling it on interview day, pull it back, or wear it in a scarf, or in the fashion that is most comfortable for you. Ethnic women, in general, will enjoy more flexibility when it comes to hairstyle and accessories. A White woman in a head band or scarf might appear overly casual. It's typically less the case for non-white women. People have a tendency to fiddle with their hair when they wear it in new ways, so be sure you are comfortable and practiced with your hairdo. Likewise, wear your interview clothes around town (avoiding ketchup, etc.) in advance, so you can work out the kinks before interview day. 
JEWELRY: Simple, sparse jewelry, if any. Fitbit-type watches are ok, but best if without flashy wrist bands. 
MAKE-UP: Simple, daytime make-up, if any. 
HATS?: No hats, unless religious 
MULTIPLE DAY VISIT: you can wear the basics of your outfit for more than one day. Include two different shirts and/or change-up your scarf and hairdo for a totally different look on a second day. On a third day, change either sweater or blazer (to one of a different color) for a completely fresh look. 
SHOPS: shops to look for clothing (in the US): Any thrift shop, and especially the big ones (Goodwill, Savers, Value Village, St. Vincent's, etc.). Also, check the clearance areas of stores such as Ross, Old Navy, Kohls, Target, JC Penny, Sears, and even Forever 21, H&M, etc.
FOR MEN
Read over suggestions for the women. Your outfit will be nearly the same (pants, button-up shirt, cardigan and/or blazer, plus overcoat in cold places), with the exception that their scarf will be your neck tie. No, you don't need a neck tie, and in many places you might be the only one wearing one, but if your outfit is very simple, you might like to have one for a bit of flare). No joke-style or flashy neck-ties. No white socks. Shoes should be simple, probably black or brown, comfortable enough to walk a bit. If you're at a loss, I would suggest Oxford style, tie-up shoes. You can get these in all sizes and widths online (Amazon, etc.), and Walmart also usually carries some low-priced "dress" shoe options in various widths. For guarantee of fit and quality (if you have hard-to-fit-feet and/or a more flexible budget), go to a store that specializes in extended sizing options. You will not be sorry. No moccasins, and skinny little loafers can look like bedroom slippers (particularly to your 60 year old POI). Your hair should be freshly tidied (whether you wear it short or long), and your face groomed (whether you have a beard or not). 
Anyone is welcomed to PM me for more, including help identifying styles to fit your particular body type or aesthetic (I am sorry I provide little help here in terms of finding larger sized clothing beyond thrift stores) and good resources within your specific town.
Best of luck to all! 
 
 
 
 
 

Slightly off topic, but if anyone is accepted to University of California for a PhD program and is a GEM applicant, I have some advice. I was a GEM fellow a few years back and am currently attending a UC program (reapplying to GEM this year). 
 
From a grad division person at my school, I heard that when you are a GEM university/associate/full fellow (or you at least applied to GEM), you are in very strong consideration for the UC-wide Cota-Robles fellowship (https://grad.uci.edu/funding/fellowships-awards/diversity-fellowships/eugene-cota-robles.php; link is for UCI, but again it's UC-wide). BUT your department has to nominate you for it. I missed out because I didn't reach out to my department for them to nominate me (they may not be accustomed to diverse applicants), so make sure you reach out to the UC department you apply to! If you haven't been accepted as a GEM fellow, you may also want to reach out to the University GEM rep about this. Don't miss out on that cash.
 
 

@thejellybean Mine took about a week. I had an interview then an email from them stating that they want to move forward, they took about a day to update egem. So I really think it depends on the company, I would treat this as a normal hiring process and maybe email them about two weeks or so after? I once had an interview with a company for an internship it took them 3 months to make a decision. So maybe no news is good news?

I'm in a different field, so take my advice with that in mind. To prepare, I would make sure to read up on some of the current publications of faculty (you don't need to read everything they ever wrote, but maybe the more recent stuff and if they have a seminal article that gets cited a lot or something). Also, definitely be comfortable with talking about your research interests, experiences, and academic/career goals. 
As far as attire, it depends how conservative your field is. I would say ear piercings with a simple stud are fine. 
Also, I would maybe post this question in the engineering section as well to ensure you get field-specific responses. 

Welcome to the GEM crew! I hope you both hear things from a company soon!
@thejellybean Congrats on being admitted to a school!