MundaneSoul

I just want to thank everyone for their kind words after my last post. I spent an hour or so today talking with one of my professors in my MA program and she really made me feel a lot better. Like...yes, the tenure track job is a nightmare, but it's not the only option for folks with a PhD. I can teach at a private high school, work in publishing or grant writing, etc., and that to me would by no means be the end of the world. I'm also in game studies, so there's a chance I could end up with an industry job. (Of course, I'd love a tenure track job, but more than anything I want to make sure I can provide for my family first and foremost.) And I have options internationally, too; my partner is from Korea and we've talked about opening an English academy over there, which of course we'll have better prospects in doing if I have the PhD. Stony Brook has a fairly sizable Korean community and a developed Korean Studies program, too, and so my son will get to grow up exposed to that culture (we're already planning to raise him bilingual). 
Anyway, I just wanted to let everyone know I'm doing much better now. Thank you again, and I wish everyone here the best of luck.

I just want to thank everyone for their kind words after my last post. I spent an hour or so today talking with one of my professors in my MA program and she really made me feel a lot better. Like...yes, the tenure track job is a nightmare, but it's not the only option for folks with a PhD. I can teach at a private high school, work in publishing or grant writing, etc., and that to me would by no means be the end of the world. I'm also in game studies, so there's a chance I could end up with an industry job. (Of course, I'd love a tenure track job, but more than anything I want to make sure I can provide for my family first and foremost.) And I have options internationally, too; my partner is from Korea and we've talked about opening an English academy over there, which of course we'll have better prospects in doing if I have the PhD. Stony Brook has a fairly sizable Korean community and a developed Korean Studies program, too, and so my son will get to grow up exposed to that culture (we're already planning to raise him bilingual). 
Anyway, I just wanted to let everyone know I'm doing much better now. Thank you again, and I wish everyone here the best of luck.

I just want to thank everyone for their kind words after my last post. I spent an hour or so today talking with one of my professors in my MA program and she really made me feel a lot better. Like...yes, the tenure track job is a nightmare, but it's not the only option for folks with a PhD. I can teach at a private high school, work in publishing or grant writing, etc., and that to me would by no means be the end of the world. I'm also in game studies, so there's a chance I could end up with an industry job. (Of course, I'd love a tenure track job, but more than anything I want to make sure I can provide for my family first and foremost.) And I have options internationally, too; my partner is from Korea and we've talked about opening an English academy over there, which of course we'll have better prospects in doing if I have the PhD. Stony Brook has a fairly sizable Korean community and a developed Korean Studies program, too, and so my son will get to grow up exposed to that culture (we're already planning to raise him bilingual). 
Anyway, I just wanted to let everyone know I'm doing much better now. Thank you again, and I wish everyone here the best of luck.

I just want to thank everyone for their kind words after my last post. I spent an hour or so today talking with one of my professors in my MA program and she really made me feel a lot better. Like...yes, the tenure track job is a nightmare, but it's not the only option for folks with a PhD. I can teach at a private high school, work in publishing or grant writing, etc., and that to me would by no means be the end of the world. I'm also in game studies, so there's a chance I could end up with an industry job. (Of course, I'd love a tenure track job, but more than anything I want to make sure I can provide for my family first and foremost.) And I have options internationally, too; my partner is from Korea and we've talked about opening an English academy over there, which of course we'll have better prospects in doing if I have the PhD. Stony Brook has a fairly sizable Korean community and a developed Korean Studies program, too, and so my son will get to grow up exposed to that culture (we're already planning to raise him bilingual). 
Anyway, I just wanted to let everyone know I'm doing much better now. Thank you again, and I wish everyone here the best of luck.

I just want to thank everyone for their kind words after my last post. I spent an hour or so today talking with one of my professors in my MA program and she really made me feel a lot better. Like...yes, the tenure track job is a nightmare, but it's not the only option for folks with a PhD. I can teach at a private high school, work in publishing or grant writing, etc., and that to me would by no means be the end of the world. I'm also in game studies, so there's a chance I could end up with an industry job. (Of course, I'd love a tenure track job, but more than anything I want to make sure I can provide for my family first and foremost.) And I have options internationally, too; my partner is from Korea and we've talked about opening an English academy over there, which of course we'll have better prospects in doing if I have the PhD. Stony Brook has a fairly sizable Korean community and a developed Korean Studies program, too, and so my son will get to grow up exposed to that culture (we're already planning to raise him bilingual). 
Anyway, I just wanted to let everyone know I'm doing much better now. Thank you again, and I wish everyone here the best of luck.

I just want to thank everyone for their kind words after my last post. I spent an hour or so today talking with one of my professors in my MA program and she really made me feel a lot better. Like...yes, the tenure track job is a nightmare, but it's not the only option for folks with a PhD. I can teach at a private high school, work in publishing or grant writing, etc., and that to me would by no means be the end of the world. I'm also in game studies, so there's a chance I could end up with an industry job. (Of course, I'd love a tenure track job, but more than anything I want to make sure I can provide for my family first and foremost.) And I have options internationally, too; my partner is from Korea and we've talked about opening an English academy over there, which of course we'll have better prospects in doing if I have the PhD. Stony Brook has a fairly sizable Korean community and a developed Korean Studies program, too, and so my son will get to grow up exposed to that culture (we're already planning to raise him bilingual). 
Anyway, I just wanted to let everyone know I'm doing much better now. Thank you again, and I wish everyone here the best of luck.

I just want to thank everyone for their kind words after my last post. I spent an hour or so today talking with one of my professors in my MA program and she really made me feel a lot better. Like...yes, the tenure track job is a nightmare, but it's not the only option for folks with a PhD. I can teach at a private high school, work in publishing or grant writing, etc., and that to me would by no means be the end of the world. I'm also in game studies, so there's a chance I could end up with an industry job. (Of course, I'd love a tenure track job, but more than anything I want to make sure I can provide for my family first and foremost.) And I have options internationally, too; my partner is from Korea and we've talked about opening an English academy over there, which of course we'll have better prospects in doing if I have the PhD. Stony Brook has a fairly sizable Korean community and a developed Korean Studies program, too, and so my son will get to grow up exposed to that culture (we're already planning to raise him bilingual). 
Anyway, I just wanted to let everyone know I'm doing much better now. Thank you again, and I wish everyone here the best of luck.

I just want to thank everyone for their kind words after my last post. I spent an hour or so today talking with one of my professors in my MA program and she really made me feel a lot better. Like...yes, the tenure track job is a nightmare, but it's not the only option for folks with a PhD. I can teach at a private high school, work in publishing or grant writing, etc., and that to me would by no means be the end of the world. I'm also in game studies, so there's a chance I could end up with an industry job. (Of course, I'd love a tenure track job, but more than anything I want to make sure I can provide for my family first and foremost.) And I have options internationally, too; my partner is from Korea and we've talked about opening an English academy over there, which of course we'll have better prospects in doing if I have the PhD. Stony Brook has a fairly sizable Korean community and a developed Korean Studies program, too, and so my son will get to grow up exposed to that culture (we're already planning to raise him bilingual). 
Anyway, I just wanted to let everyone know I'm doing much better now. Thank you again, and I wish everyone here the best of luck.

I just want to thank everyone for their kind words after my last post. I spent an hour or so today talking with one of my professors in my MA program and she really made me feel a lot better. Like...yes, the tenure track job is a nightmare, but it's not the only option for folks with a PhD. I can teach at a private high school, work in publishing or grant writing, etc., and that to me would by no means be the end of the world. I'm also in game studies, so there's a chance I could end up with an industry job. (Of course, I'd love a tenure track job, but more than anything I want to make sure I can provide for my family first and foremost.) And I have options internationally, too; my partner is from Korea and we've talked about opening an English academy over there, which of course we'll have better prospects in doing if I have the PhD. Stony Brook has a fairly sizable Korean community and a developed Korean Studies program, too, and so my son will get to grow up exposed to that culture (we're already planning to raise him bilingual). 
Anyway, I just wanted to let everyone know I'm doing much better now. Thank you again, and I wish everyone here the best of luck.

Spoke to two friends last night lamenting about the current situation. Neither understands the world of academia, but were supportive nonetheless. However, when I explained that one possible reason for rejection is that another medievalist was chosen over me, one friend shouts, "Wait! God! There are more of you??? Who the f**k studies that?? Who else chooses to study medieval sh*t??" Then, my other eloquent friend shouts, "Nerds, that's who! You should start a nerd school, so the rest of the nerds can attend nerd school!"
And there we have it, friends. The origin story of how I started my very own "medieval nerd school."
All are welcome. 

Completely agree! I took it for granted that I knew I wanted to do academia for basically all of college, if not longer. I didn’t do enough thinking about what it means to transition out of undergraduate research into graduate school research because I got so used to knowing how to navigate my own university, and I think this is giving me the opportunity to really reflect.

Don't apologize at all, we all feel the same fears on an almost cosmic level. These are tough decisions to work through and we must be brutally honest with ourselves with how far we're willing/able to go. However, I wouldn't tell anyone that all hope is lost. Some of my previous professors have gone so far as to tell me not to get a Phd (not because of my own aptitude, but because of the job market) and some have said go for it, but only if it's fully funded. There are alternatives, however, and I'm in the process of becoming familiar with them myself right now, because I firmly believe in having a plan B, C, and D. You could possibly teach at a community college or a private secondary school (depending on the state), work in publishing, do grant writing for non-profits, or get a post doc (again, those are competitive too). I had a professor who taught at 3 different community colleges as an adjunct, and while that might not be great or realistic for everyone, it's something. I hope you have a strong network you can lean on during these stressful times (you definitely have us!) and gain further insight to help give you some clarity. 

Agree with all the advice offered above. I'm a newcomer to the forum, but I think it's definitely a place to hold space for other's pain and lift up those who are having success. I'm trying to frame my potential shut-out in terms of having more time to consider what I really want to do with life in the long-term. For so long, the PhD has just been the logical next-step such that I never really took time to reflect on what taking that step meant and what life would be like beyond it. I'm hoping to take the next few months to explore what else is out there, including everything from publishing to law school to pubic policy think tanks, haha. Even if I end up getting in off the waitlist and deciding to go, I think I will be entering into it with a much deeper commitment to it and understanding of why I want to do it. 

Please don’t apologize! Many of us have used this forum to worry and vent about our concerns. This is a safe place to do that. I understand how you’re feeling. When I told a professor during undergrad that I wanted to go to grad school, she really pressed upon me how daunting the market was for her and how much colder it would likely be for me if I followed this path. We’re all aware of how sparse opportunities might be for us down the line. For me, it’s about either accepting that or exploring other options. TT positions aren’t the only uses out there for PhDs. Could you maybe discuss with a former professor/recommender what you might want to do? Or the career center at your undergrad university? Or maybe you can check out the stats at the programs to which you’ve applied to see where program alumni end up? It’s okay to doubt. And it’s okay if you ultimately decide the PhD route isn’t for you. I wish you peace as you figure it out. 

Thank you for sharing this post. Academia is definitely a competitive field, but it is not the only field where you can find work after a PhD. I read your introductory post, and I'm also a first gen phd applicant. In terms of professionalization and securing a spot, the only recipe I can share is stay close to and work with people who will advocate for you, and have a good lines of communication with the grad center? I know it sounds basic, but it has gotten further than I would have by myself. 
On a personal note: I am reconsidering if a phd is right for me as well. Today, I turned to my Fall notes for inspiration. I kept asking myself what things about each program inspired me to apply. It has been a crazy month. It's okay to take a couple of days to reconsider your situation. We still have fifty days to make a decision (April 15). Ask former professors, reach out to current and former grad students in the next couple of weeks. What are they doing now? What are their thoughts about the program? There is time to think about all of these things. For now just breath. This process is overwhelming. You are doing better than you think. 

Maybe this is too vulnerable to post here, but I’ve just spent the day teetering on the edge of nervous breakdown because I was so excited about moving on to my PhD, and then after doing some reading on this forum and looking at the state of the job market, I’ve completely lost all hope that I’m going to be able to find a decent job at the end of it all. I just want to do what is right for my partner and child, and now I feel like maybe that’s not this. I don’t know. I feel so lost right now. Sorry. Sorry for oversharing.

One of my cats went on a massive puke parade this morning, and as I looked down at a large expelled hairball, I could not help but identify with the hairball. Same, hairball. Same.
Tomorrow is going to be an anxiety filled dumpster fire. 

Thinking about my post last night, and how frustrating this process of delayed rejections is because it really disrupts the necessary stages of acceptance/closure. For almost every school, you have to see people get acceptances and then wait an arbitrary amount of time to hear back. Besides invisible waitlists, is there any reason why schools don't send rejection notices at the same time as acceptances? For the past week, I've been stuck in the cycle of breaking down and then feeling like I need to suspend grief until things are officially over. Seems cruel esp. in the case of somewhere like Columbia where I didn't interview and so there shouldn't be any further review of my app going on. 

That's a great way to look at it, spikeseagulls. Congrats on UC Irvine!
I'm trying not to hold my breath for anymore acceptances at this point, either. I'm kind of kicking myself over (probably) not getting into my top choices, because I wish I had started preparing about a year earlier than I did, but I am really excited about working with Betsy Wheeler and Tara Fickle at Oregon or Jean Elyse Graham and Jeffrey Santa Ana at Stony Brook, and truthfully I think I'll probably have a great experience at either university. (It helps that I'll finally be escaping the deeply red state I currently live in.)

Thank you for this! I'm excited to meet her in April, and the DGS told me she wants to be my adviser, so this makes me feel really good about Oregon.

I met Betsy Wheeler last year at their welcome weekend for admits and she was an absolute hoot. Lovely and very warm. We went out to eat one night (on Oregon's dime) and I had a blast. 

I was talking to one of my Classics professors about how my cycle was going during very early February and at the time I was kind of bummed out because I only had one offer but he told me that I should be thrilled because more and more frequently people are just getting shut out in all the humanities fields. He had actually gone to Amherst for his undergrad and was shut out the first round he applied and had to work a few years before reapplying and then got into Harvard along with a bunch of other top choices! I also have other profs who talked about being shut out their first cycle of applying but then eventually getting in so if you find yourself in that situation this year I don't think it's because your work is invalid or that you aren't smart enough. I won't say I know how any of you feel rn (because I don't and that would be insulting) BUT I do know people who have gone through the same situation and come out of it with a PhD and TT job (there are also people on this forum who did insanely well this year after getting shut out their first time and/or working in industry before applying). I hope that what y'all are seeing as reaches/implied rejections for the schools you have left turn out not to be and that you secure your spot somewhere but if not, just know that this does not have to be the end of the road for academia for you unless you want it to be. 
 
If any of y'all want to vent or anything like that you can DM me and I will send you my number if you want to talk and get it all out to a complete stranger. I'm hoping for better news for a lot of y'all going into next week!

I think the importance of a deep breath cannot be overstated in these kinds of situations, so you're definitely doing the right thing. I think it's okay to take time to grieve, much like you would after a bad breakup (which I am also conveniently going through simultaneously with rejections, lol life). It's kind of like those first few weeks/months after the breakup when you think you will never fall in love again, but slowly slowly slowly space opens up your heart and you begin to imagine new ways of being and loving and getting by. I'm reminding myself that I don't have to make the decision to apply again too urgently, and it's okay if I feel like I don't have the strength to reapply in this moment. That strength will come in time if it needs to, and wishing the same for you. Hang in there ❤️ 

I'm definitely sharing the same sentiments about my remaining schools. I'm not expecting anymore acceptances— UC Davis seems like an implied acceptance and so does Penn State and UCSC (since I goofed the entire application). Maybe UCSB, but I wouldn't choose that over UC Irvine (Same with UCD, UCSC and Penn State). I definitely don't think I could handle another cycle mentally, and I don't have anything else planned after graduation. I'm quite content with attending UCI and excited to be attending such an amazing program. I've heard so many stories about people being accepted to only one program, and I think it's quite amazing actually! All it takes is one. 1/11. I'm grateful they were willing to take this chance on me— BA-only, typos and all. 

That's a great way to look at it, spikeseagulls. Congrats on UC Irvine!
I'm trying not to hold my breath for anymore acceptances at this point, either. I'm kind of kicking myself over (probably) not getting into my top choices, because I wish I had started preparing about a year earlier than I did, but I am really excited about working with Betsy Wheeler and Tara Fickle at Oregon or Jean Elyse Graham and Jeffrey Santa Ana at Stony Brook, and truthfully I think I'll probably have a great experience at either university. (It helps that I'll finally be escaping the deeply red state I currently live in.)