CageFree

From Ch. 1 of "Racism: a Short History." (Friedrickson):
 
"The aim of this book is to present in a concise fashion the story of racism's rise and decline (although not yet, unfortunately, its fall) from the Middle Ages to the present. To achieve this, I have tried to give racism a more precise definition than mere ethnocentric dislike and distrust of the Other. [...] Somewhere between the view that racism is a peculiar modern idea without much historical precedent and the notion that it is simply a manifestation of the ancient phenomenon of tribalism or xenophobia may lie a working definition that covers more than scientific or biological racism but less than the kind of group prejudice based on culture, religion, or simply a sense of family or kinship."
 
"But racism as I conceive it is not merely an attitude or set of beliefs; it also expresses itself in the practices, institutions, and structures that a sense of deep difference justifies or validates. Racism, therefore, is more than theorizing about human differences or thinking badly of a group over which one has no control. It either directly sustains or proposes to establish a racial order, a permanent group hierarchy that is believed to reflect the laws of nature or the decrees of God."
 
"My theory or conception of racism, therefore, has two components: difference and power. It originates from a mind-set that regards "them" as different from "us" in ways that are permanent and unbridgeable. This sense of difference provides a motive or rationale for using our power advantage to treat the ethnoracial Other in ways that we would regard as cruel or unjust if applied to members of our own group. The possible consequences of this nexus of attitude and action range from unofficial but pervasive social discrimination at one end of the spectrum to genocide at the other, with government-sanctioned segregation, colonial subjugation, exclusion, forced deportation (or "ethnic cleansing"), and enslavement among the other variations on the theme. In all manifestations of racism from the mildest to the most severe, what is being denied is the possibility that the racializers and the racialized can coexist in the same society, except perhaps on the basis of domination and subordination. Also rejected is any notion that individuals can obliterate ethnoracial difference by changing their identities."
 
Also, I would recommend reading Eduardo Bonilla-Silva's "Rethinking Racism: Toward a Structural Interpretation."  American Sociological Review, Vol. 62, No. 3 (Jun., 1997), pp. 465-480
  Regarding MY statement, I clearly prefaced it with "I find this statement...," which indicates an opinion about a SPECIFIC statement to which I objected. I stand by my opinion. I did not jump down anyone's throat... you, however, have. Twice. The second time around, you even resorted to namecalling and mockery, neither of which are necessary or productive.   Now, can we get back to talking about conferences?

I look forward to your new theoretical text on prejudicial ideologies, because these statements fly in the face of how many historians of racism (can't speak too heavily on gender as that is not my field) consider the term.  George fredrickson defines racism as merely the belief that someone is inherently and unchangably different, usually with different meaning inferior.  In my mind, these are ideas anybody could hold about anybody else.
 
Are you sure you didn't just jump down somebody's throat for makeing a relatively, innocuous fashion suggestion and now that people are calling you out for it, you refuse to admit that you were being rude? 

No, I'm offended by comments like this one:
 
"who goes into a PhD program and does not expect that they will have to put many things they want on hold, my question is why bother doing it if you are not willing to give your full 100% effort and dedication"
 
This implies that people who have "other things" are not 100% committed to their programs and that's patently false. By your logic, I should have divorced my husband, euthanized my pets, and told my family not to call me for the next 7 years so that I could be a "fully committed" student. And no, clearly you aren't limiting yourself to what you believe is best for yourself, but judging others who do not share your "philosophy" as somehow less likely to be successful than you think you're going to be.
 
And btw, note that I'm not alone in saying that having these other things in my life is vital to my success. Other grad students have posted to say similar things... so really, no, I'm not upset that "others don't share my opinions," because clearly, most other grad students on this thread do.

Excuse me, but who do you think you are to tell me that my husband, family, friends, pets... they are "non-necessities?" You may be able to live without those things, and that's totally fine, but you have absolutely no authority to tell anyone else that we "don't need them" and that they are potential hindrances. 
 
I particularly take issue with your insinuation that anyone who doesn't "give up everything" to devote themselves 200% to their studies is somehow less committed than you. 
 
I find your arrogant tone appalling, especially from someone who hasn't even STARTED grad school yet.
 
Good luck. With that attitude, you're going to need lots of it.

I agree with most of what TMP said. However, I find the "heels" comment to be rather sexist. Women do not need heels to appear confident... if that makes YOU feel that way, great... but women are under no obligation to wear heels (or dresses, or make-up). Besides, teetering around in heels when you're not used to them would have the opposite effect.

It seems to me that this thread has gone wayyyyyy off the OP's original question. Just sayin'....

I would only list papers that you've published and/or presented. 

I am sorry, but based on my experience I would say this is poor advice. If I had not contacted any POIs I would have ended up applying to at least 4-5 programs where the people I wanted to work with turned out not to be accepting students because they were close to retirement, and one program where the exchange with the POI was so awkward I decided not apply... I later found out I dodged a HUGE bullet there. At the same time, I would not have applied to the program I am in now because I didn't think it was a match based on the website... turns out it really was. 
 
The websites, furthermore, tend to be out of date, and they rarely list who is working with whom. You wouldn't know what project a prof might be working on next, for example, because profs often forget or don't care to update their profiles. 

I have to say the professor I contacted gave me advice similar to CageFree's post above, and moreover made the surprising (for me) point that if a POI won't make time for you as a prospective student, he/she isn't likely to be much more attentive as an advisor.

It seems to me that this thread has gone wayyyyyy off the OP's original question. Just sayin'....

Basically, what he said is he won't write a helpful letter. At least he warned you in advance. A good letter from someone less "important" is way more helpful than a lukewarm (let alone negative) letter from a superstar.
 
In other words... no.

I would try to reason with them: Giving them a bullet point list of things they may want to highlight is a lot different then writing the letter itself. But, I think mostly the faculty is at fault and not the student. Its just wise to know what you are getting into: I personally would find another person (and have). 

I would only list papers that you've published and/or presented. 

Point taken. It was just weird that it came out of my statement... I can be a lot of things, but lacking in empathy isn't one of them.   I hope, anyway. 
 
(Though drinking the blood of the young ones seems like a good idea. Gotta keep my youth somehow!)

FWIW, I agree with GeoDUDE! and others who find the scenario described in the OP problematic. Confidentiality is vital to the integrity of LORs. For that reason, many professors will not write for a student who doesn't wave his/her right to view the letter. Allowing a student to draft substantial portions of a letter blurs a line that should be avoided. Disagree? Think about yourself as an established professional fifteen years from now. How much trust will you place in any LORs if you knew that it was commonplace that the person who signed the letter actually didn't write it? Would you be willing to invest your personal and professional reputation in the subject of that letter?
 
An aside. I think some of you are being unduly combative towards each other and I think you should consider the advantages of toning it down.
 
 
IMO, the appropriate response to a direct quote from an established professional academic is to provide contrasting quotes that advance the argument, not to attempt to belittle the messenger's POV with characterizations of "cherry picking" and "histrionics" and "nonsense."  
 
Additionally, I believe you are assuming that the process of awarding travel grants at your institution is the same as at the OP's. Do you have evidence that your assumption is sustainable? Might there be additional factors that have not yet been disclosed by the OP, or of which the OP is unaware? (For example, the specific configuration of departmental politics, professional rivalries, and personal relationships.) Are common practices at your institution in fact best practices or are they actually sources of controversy (i.e. grade inflation)?
 
@bhr, what you did as an employer is not relevant to the discussion at hand -- the Ivory Tower plays by a different set of rules. While copypasta with a side of boilerplate may be a favorite combo in corporate America, many academics read for indications that the person who wrote a LOR does not, in fact, know the student or his/her work that well after all.

As others have pointed out, the bigger concern for me is that the professor in question can't take 5 minutes to write a letter that is, for all intents and purposes, a formality. It just seems very depersonalized, like they don't actually care enough. 
 
Writing LORs is part of your adviser's job. You shouldn't have to do that work for them.
 
Re: sending your CV/application materials so the letter writer has something to work from, yeah, that's pretty common, and I would not call that plagiarism, especially when the professor in question isn't your primary adviser. 

As one of those "older" people in my cohort (when we started, our ages ranged from 23 to 37), I want to echo that many of these fears will work themselves out. Even if you don't have "life" or "work" experience, or you don't have a MA, you have much to contribute to any class. Getting to know people on a personal level will help you overcome some of those fears.
 
I would say that my being on the older end hasn't been as much an academic advantage (though my work experience was, since I was a secondary school teacher), but it HAS been helpful in my relationships with professors and my dealings with the administration. I stand up for myself and don't really have the "hero worship" that some people have when they come straight from undergrad. I guess you get to your mid-30s and realize there's only so much BS you're willing to swallow.
 
As for friendships, most of my friends are younger because my field skews younger. I'm a decade older than most of my friends and it's fine. I think that where you are in life and what your values/hobbies are tends to be more important... grad students who are parents tend to gravitate toward each other because they have much  in common, for example. Others bond playing sports, going to church, etc.. Those are some of the things that define who is friends with whom, not the number of years you've been on this planet

I haven't found this to be the case in the least. Just because we're older, doesn't mean we lose all patience and empathy! At least I haven't. I thoroughly enjoy listening to my younger cohort member's concerns and issues, and I love drinking their blood to stay youthful soaking up their energy and enthusiasm.
 
To the OP: I wouldn't worry about it. I may not be that much older than some of my cohort (I'm not even the oldest!), but I sometimes feel like I am. I came into the program a married home-owner with savings and plans on starting a family. Now, we're expecting our first kid in December. There are days I feel so old! Fortunately, my program is friendly and welcoming. I listen to my younger classmate's rants about her roommate and give her rides, and she asks about the pregnancy and offers to help babysit in the future. Even though we are in such different stages of life, we have grad school, values, and a similar sense of humor in common. Temperament, values, and goals are more likely to be the big factors in creating an inclusive, friendly, and welcoming cohort. I will say that sometimes, a cohort just needs a leader, someone to organize social outings and unify the group. That may be you! 

A MA program would cover many "sins" and would make you a stronger candidate, given history wasn't your major. You could even try doing it in England and then coming back to the US for the Ph.D.

There isn't really an 'average.'
 
Grad student attendance at conferences really depends on whether they have something to present. If you have a MA or if you're in a program that encourages you to write research papers early (I'd be surprised if this was the case in most PhD programs because you need to complete coursework and do archival research, but every program is different), you might have something to present in your first or second years. 
  I just finished my second year and just now have a paper I can work on that I plan to submit to conferences. I did research for it last summer (I went abroad, with funding), and worked on it in the last year, while I finished my coursework and began working on research grant applications.  
If you have a big conference nearby, then you probably should attend as a spectator... the opportunities to network are important. But personally, I'd rather make a first good impression with a decent paper than sign up and make a fool of myself on a big stage. There are smaller, regional conferences that you probably could attend and use to gain experience... those tend to be more supportive. That also includes graduate student conferences. But don't stress yourself out about conferences before you even start.
 
To get practice presenting, don't overlook departmental or campus-wide colloquia. I took advantage of one and it was very helpful, as I did it a month before my paper was due and it helped me get out of a writing rut.
 
Doing GOOD work is more important than trying to present at every conference out there. 

A MA program would cover many "sins" and would make you a stronger candidate, given history wasn't your major. You could even try doing it in England and then coming back to the US for the Ph.D.

Haters gon hate haha and you can't even see that lol

Wow you're still going on about me?? Thanks:) and interestingly enough I actually haven't talked to my pregnant friend in a while, since she asked me to help her pick out a middle name... Ummm no thanks dude figure it out on your own. Also, I will be 26 when I graduate or pretty close to it.

Excuse me, but who do you think you are to tell me that my husband, family, friends, pets... they are "non-necessities?" You may be able to live without those things, and that's totally fine, but you have absolutely no authority to tell anyone else that we "don't need them" and that they are potential hindrances. 
 
I particularly take issue with your insinuation that anyone who doesn't "give up everything" to devote themselves 200% to their studies is somehow less committed than you. 
 
I find your arrogant tone appalling, especially from someone who hasn't even STARTED grad school yet.
 
Good luck. With that attitude, you're going to need lots of it.

BS. You need to take responsibility for the statements you make instead of blaming others for not interpreting them the way you supposedly "intended them." Is this how you plan to carry out academic publishing? "No, I wasn't making an unsupported assertion, you just didn't interpret it the right way."