txelizabeth

Thanks TakeruK! I learned from the linguistics program, that academia is NOT for me. I found research intellectually interesting, but prefer working directly with youth. I find it more fulfilling. I appreciate your reply!

The GRE is often the crux of this matter. May I say:
the only thing worse than "My GRE scores are V145 & Q147. What are my chances at Stanford?"
is "I got V170 & Q168. Should I retake??"

The question I have, and there may be a reason for this, is why take the courses for credit instead of auditing them/asking if you can sit in?
It will still help you learn the material, but won't cut so much into your time/cost the school/increase your time in classes. 
It's very common in my program for people to sit in on classes outside their field for personal/future interests, but very few of them do it for credit or in place of the courses they're taking for a degree.

I strongly agree with fuzzy's thoughts and advice here. Talking directly and honestly with your department is what leads to a healthy relationship between student and department. In almost every case where I know someone who left or got kicked out, there was some kind of miscommunication or breakdown in this dialogue and by the time everyone started talking to each other, it was already too late to do anything about it.
The way I see it, if you talk to the department now and say "this is the courses I want to take" and lay out a plan that includes all the department required courses plus the extra stuff you want to take, then everyone is on the same page and whatever happens next will be clear. The department may not be happy that you are taking the extra courses but if they don't actually refuse to authorize this study plan, then that's okay. You are set and you won't have to worry about being kicked out.
The reason I say this is that the department will find out eventually about these other courses. During a PhD, there are many milestones where the department or a committee will review your progress and your future study plan. It can be a lot more trouble for you if they delay your admission to candidacy (for example) because they felt you did not make enough progress in your department's coursework yet. Or, if they all of a sudden say "okay you can take these courses but you must do X, Y and Z" and now you have way less time to do X, Y and Z and these things may even interfere with your own plans. 
I recommend laying it all out on the table now and getting the department's opinion. When you hear their response, make sure you can differentiate between what they would "prefer" you to do and what they are "requiring" you to do. Sometimes, departments are pushy and make it sound like their preferences are actually requirements. It's okay to ask for clarification.
I know it's scary to talk to the department/professors about this but it's a normal and necessary part of being a graduate student. Students in my program talk to faculty all the time about getting waived from some of the introductory classes due to extra classes in undergrad (to be replaced with other graduate classes). The department rules and policies exist but ultimately, the reason they are there is to help students get the education and training they need, so they tend to be flexible if you communicate your desires with them. 
However, before you do all of this, you might want to consider two other sources for advice. First, talk to the other grad students in your department. If you find out that your department is actually not very supportive at all and being honest with them will hurt you in the long run, then you would have to reconsider what you tell them and perhaps stick to the minimal stuff only. You can also talk to the Graduate Office or equivalent office on campus that oversees and knows about all of the program regulations on campus. This way, you can get advice on what you need to do to meet the department's requirement and come up with a plan to talk to the department before they know anything.
Finally, just a comparison with my school to provide examples of other policies: Here, we can take extra classes in whatever we want, but our advisor has to sign off on the classes. At another school, there are limits on the number of classes you can take in total because your tuition waiver only covers up to X credits. And at yet another school, taking additional classes is okay but we pay for them ourselves. Departments have the right to limit what classes you can take, especially if they will extend your degree and if it will cost the school (not just the department) more. If the above does not work and you really want to take extra classes for job prospects, have you considered taking something at a community college or another school where you just pay for the classes yourself and then you don't have to worry about getting kicked out of your own program? After all, it is a little dishonest to use resources (your funding) that is meant for you to complete your PhD program for other purposes.

Ah, that is a good question. What are the terms of your funding? I think it's less likely that they will kick you out, and more likely that they will stop funding you if you take a lot of courses in another field without the department's approval and without a clear reason to do so, prolonging your time to graduation. It seems to me that what you'll need to do is come up with a course plan that is acceptable to your future advisor and has his/her support. If it's obvious that it will lengthen your time to graduation and this may lead to funding trouble, you'll want to clarify that early. But it's probably not something you can seriously pursue right now, until you identify an advisor and come up with a plan that really justifies why you need all these extra courses. 
Also FWIW part of grad school is teaching yourself things that aren't offered in classes. It may be the case that instead of taking lots of classes outside your department, you'll need to pick up some books and learn how to do things yourself. 

My advice would be to write your SOP to show that you have changed a lot since your last graduate program and that you've worked on other things and now have a concrete plan for the future. I think applying for Fall 2017 is a good idea as it also increases the amount of time between the last time you dropped out of a graduate program. I think that you would want to be convincing in your SOP that your experiences since 2013 has given you newfound focus and motivation and that their grad program is the right fit for your future goals. If you do this, I don't think your history will work against you at all.
Note: Your sidebar info says your program is social work and you say you are saving up money so I am assuming you are applying to a MSW program rather than an academic/research based PhD program. If you are actually applying to an academic/research based program then I think your SOP needs to also address what you have done since 2013 to keep up as a scholar in your chosen field.

Don't worry about what others think. The question is do you believe you are ready to meet the challenges discussed? Are you someone who deals well with change or really thrives when things are routine/predictable? This will tell you how much of a shock doing this new program will be.

Another thing to consider is that you could defer for a year. This will allow you to save some money and determine how badly you want to do this program. You could even take a few trips to Michigan during the winter to get a feel for the school and the weather. You could find a job further away from home in order to get a better appreciation of living farther away.

It seems like you are destined for graduate studies the issue is whether you would be able to handle so much change in addition to doctoral program? There is nothing wrong with deferring or reapply later. Better to wait than to end up dropping out of the program not because you can't handle the work but because the timing was wrong.

I have to side with Behavioral here. In the student handbooks I've encountered, they are very clear somewhere in the introductory sections that any information in it can be changed without notifying students, and before the next school year's edition is released, and that its the student's responsibility to consult a counselor/advisor/dean when they have questions. I can understand how upsetting this experience must have been, but I also doubt you are the first PhD student that has gone through this. Did you have any kind of calm conversation with your advisor or other committee members before meeting with the dean? While this may not be popular, I still want to throw out there that this desire to "punish" your committee for a (albeit heavy) criticism of your thesis may indicate that a PhD program isn't the path for you.

Again, I totally understand how crushing it is to work very hard on a project/paper/presentation and have it picked apart by faculty, but in an academic environment that's how things operate and how you're expected to learn and improve. My best advice, whatever course of action you take, is to be reasonable and calm. Do not under any circumstances approach this in a combative manner, or from the standpoint of punishing anyone. This will only hurt your chances of being taken seriously and having this resolved. Good luck!

Uhmm. Maybe your's is different, but in my PhD program, the student handbook isn't a legal contract, but rather just documentation of guidelines and expectations.

And this isn't my program, but these are examples of schools explicitly stating that their student handbook isn't a legal document:

http://webcache.goog...n&ct=clnk&gl=us

http://gseis.ucla.ed...handbook_08.pdf

http://www.hawaii.edu/sls/sls/?page_id=1182

I would have to say you are wrong. My husband is an attorney and they breached their contract (student handbook). In addition, this program is federally funded which means they are taking taxpayers money for a sham program. There have been students in other programs who have sued and gotten their tuition money back. You can't just take people's money and not provide an education, mentoring or plan on how to graduate from a program.

Punish? If there are no PhD guidelines that any of the faculty are breaking, then you have no grounds to punish them. Since the program is still new and these things are being developed, then you probably have even less grounds.

1. comparing yourself to other students is a great way to make yourself feel like shit. guess what, as awesome as you were in the small pond of your undergrad years, you will NEVER be the best in your field. you'll NEVER be the best in your department, either. that's not me being pessimistic, that's reality. and the faster you can stop comparing yourself, the happier you'll be in grad school. because it isn't about being THE best, it's about being YOUR best. for real. stop comparing.

2. definitely don't compare yourself to people you love. that's a good way to stop loving them. quit it.

3. education programs are a VERY different animal from PhD programs. the field of education has a very different reputation and is perceived (right or wrong) to have a very different level of rigor. i mean, if you gotta start comparing yourself, at least do it with someone in your field. but even then, quit it.

Like you alluded to earlier, the expectations for admissions are completely different for the two fields.

Psychology (both Experimental and Clinical) has been getting more and more saturated by prospective graduate applicants, and its created this upward pressure of research experience needed to gain admission somewhere. I got accepted into a top Psych-related PhD (CMU SDS/Psychology) with only a year out of school (and working as a consultant, not a research assistant/lab manager), but that was definitely not the norm among the people I met at the interview. The norm to get into a decent program is now 2-3+ years of post-bacc full-time research experience and/or a Masters with a fair amount of research competence reflected by your letters. As an undergrad, I presented a relatively large amount of different papers/posters and had a couple of R&Rs in three pretty different fields (social psychology, game theory, and behavioral medicine/epidemiology), and my letters were glowing because of it, which served as a strong enough signal to avoid having to get extra research experience. I have colleagues now, though, in my school's Psychology department who came in in their late 20s because they had to build up their CVs just to get looked at by top schools--when I ask professors who got their PhDs a decade ago, they are still in shock over the sharp increase in expectations during the relatively short time-span.

Point is, you chose to get into Psychology. Your fiancé chose to go into Education. Both are completely different fields and the profiles needed to appeal to top schools are completely different for both. If you got into Psychology because it's a passion of your's, you wouldn't be happy doing Education, even if at a better school. You're getting training for your career and your future--not anyone else's. There's always going to be disparities around you, so it's best to just focus on yourself and be happy with what's in front of you and not what falls into the lap of anyone else. Ultimately, you're in charge of your future, and even though academia isn't as much of a meritocracy as many of us hoped for, there is still ample opportunity to 'move up' between stages in your career, so work on doing that rather than ruminating over counterfactuals that can no longer be changed.

I think you should try to be happier for you fiancee. The admissions process is confusing and complicated. As you said yourself, applying out of UG and out of a Masters are two different things and Education and Psych are different fields. While I understand that it's frustrating that you had to work hard and reap little from your efforts, you need to understand you two are in different circumstances. I don't know any of the specifics, but I think Education programs tend to put more emphasis on experience and stuff rather than research. Plus, she hasn't been accepted yet, she just got interviews. Look, the bottom-line is, even though it was difficult, you did get accepted to a PhD program, and it sounds like she is well on her way to achieving the same thing. I think you need to push your bad feelings aside and be supportive of her and her accomplishments.

I'm going to agree with lewin00. You're interpreting that she doesn't like you, but yet she her broader actions (the high mark on the paper, the research position) say otherwise. She is hard on you, but she obviously still respects you or she wouldn't be trying to help you at all.

Your initial conversation seems odd but I wasn't there. It's hard to say what you were doing that might have appeared flippant or joking.

It seems to me that she's harder on you in class because you're a grad student and the others are undergrads. Maybe the others need more encouragement to contribute. High expectations are good, and your paper mark suggests that you're meeting them. And her telling you that you should read the articles in depth is pretty mild criticism. The big indicator that she likes you (or at least respects you) is that research position. Advisors don't hire researchers they don't like, so to me that overshadows anything else that might be odd about your interactions.

My snap judgement is that maybe you're being a bit thin-skinned. Learning how to take criticism is a big part of graduate school because it happens constantly. Your advisor isn't your friend and doesn't have to be nice, especially because she's rewarding you where it counts (grades, opportunities).

Sheperd,

I did my undergrad at ASU. I graduated a while ago, so a lot my favorite hole in the wall places are closed.

Here is a list of good restaurants that I remember:

- Pita Jungle (big menu - mediterranean, pizza, sandwiches, etc)
- Rula Bula (Irish - GREAT grilled cheese)
- PF Changs (pacfic rim)
- Slices (pizza)
- Sugar Bowl (in Scottsdale - old fashion ice cream/soda shop)

Grocery Shopping:

- Trader Joes

Hope that helps a little!

Not to be rude, but I have never understood why people get so stressed out about how to say no to an offer--I see this with job offers as well. You don't owe anybody a long, drawn out explanation. It's business, not personal.

Dear So-and-so,

I am flattered and excited to have been accepted into the program at YOURSCHOOL, and I appreciate your offer. However, after careful consideration I have chosen to enroll elsewhere. Thank you.

Sincerely,
YOUR NAME

The end.

Sociology/Crim Lady, I am so sorry about your brother's wife! I'm sure this is a really difficult time for you, and having to make a decision about grad school on top of this is probably very stressful.

I too live an hour from home and am contemplating moving pretty far away for Grad School, so I can understand your concern. I would echo what the other posters have said though - that the "what if"s shouldn't hold you back from a school (or for any aspect of life, for that matter). However, if family closeness (regardless of possible emergencies or bad things happening) is something that is equally or more important to you than what you are studying, it is a legitimate concern to take into the decision making process. Some questions you might want to ask yourself would be: 'Can I afford to fly(or drive) back home when I need/want to (and how often could I do this)?" "Am I doing this because *I* want to, or because I feel my family wants/needs me close by?" and you may also want to compare how the closer-to-home schools compare to the farther away ones in terms of your wants and needs from an education. If they are equal or one closer to home is better, then it might make more sense to stay closer to home, or vice-versa.

I would also advise that because the grief you must be experiencing right now is extremely powerful, that you maybe wait to think about this issue more in depth until a little later (if possible - I know deadlines approach quickly). This experience may make you more inclined to make a decision that you would not have otherwise made, and you may want to make sure you're a little more objective when you make the decision. Have you received decisions from all the schools yet? It may be best to wait until you receive all the offers (of admission and of financial assistance) first. Have you talked to your family at all about your concerns? What are their thoughts? I know they support you and are proud of you - are they in agreement that the best school for you is where you should be, regardless of anything else?

You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweat pants? You're telling the world: "I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable."


At least that was Seinfeld's take on it

I lost funding during my MS and resorted to a variety of jobs to make ends meet (sold Christmas trees, delivered pizzas, gave handjobs underneath dark overpasses, adjuncted at a community college, tutored). See if you can get some type of on campus jobs (ask for federal work study if you can apply because as I remember, the university only has to pick up 25-30% of hourly wages, federal government pays the rest) but adjuncting at a near by community college could be an easy way to pay the bills, especially if you already have some TA experience.

I think you're really limiting your options on the rare chance that something bad might happen. Something bad might happen all the time in everything you do, but you obviously don't stop yourself from doing it.

I currently live a 4 hour flight away from my family. We've had some family emergencies lately, with an uncle falling down an elevator shaft, another uncle having a mini stroke and my grandpa having a bad fall. All unfortunate things, but there's nothing I could do to help even if I could get there quickly. Half the time my parents don't even tell me too much about it unless it's really serious, they'll just mention it in passing. If something bad were to happen, yes it would be awful that I would have to wait 6 hours to get there, but I wouldn't be able to be studying what I am now without that downfall.

We stay in touch by phone, e-mail and visits whenever possible. I have gotten to see my dad quite a bit because he visits for work and we both went on a trip to the same city last week (separate trips, but happened to be in the same place at the same time). My mom is coming to visit soon too

Um.

If you are talking about killing yourself as in you're waxing hyperbole and are not REALLY thinking of killing yourself: this is normal, but you should talk to someone (perhaps a trusted professor or friend) and find ways to alleviate some of the stress.

If you are talking about REALLY killing yourself: this is not normal and you need to seek help immediately.

Take a leave of absence , get some experience in work and if you find yourself happier outside never turn back. Grad school is not a prison and you should not waste your time on it. In my opinion the leave of absence will give the ease of your mind that you can continue if you really feel like it. Happy Happy Life!

Bow ties are cool. Like Fezes.