Queen of Kale

I withstood my first committee meeting without anyone noticing I didn't belong!      

I think one way to de-stigmatize counseling is to be honest about it.  It's pretty much accepted in my department that most students seek counseling at one point or another.  Not because they are weak or my department is particularly demanding; but because they are responsible and pro-active adults and the department culture has become tolerant of a certain level of openness about the topic.  I don't view going to counseling as different than going to get my teeth cleaned periodically - it's a form of self-care and personal maintenance that may be a luxury but helps you safe guard assets you hope to be life long.
 
And, since graduate school is a time when many of us have a higher quality of health care than we would otherwise it makes sense to avail yourself of it. Lastly, I know plenty of advisors who wish their students had more counseling or another sounding board but I can't imagine an advisor thinking - "I wish my student were just crying in their office waiting for shit to really hit the fan so they can bring it to me".
 
Now, it's all in the approach and I think there is a line between being honest and being overly vocal.  I periodically see a counselor and my advisor knows, but not because we had some incredible heart to heart, simply because before my first appointment I came to his office and said something along the lines of, "I might miss an hour here or there in the next few months because I've decided it would be beneficial to meet with a counselor periodically while I adjust to the city and to graduate school." That was it.  All he said was, "every graduate student I ever had that graduated went to counseling" and the conversation was over. In fact, one of the benefits of having a counselor/therapist is not building up emotionally to the point where you can't stop yourself from inappropriately over-sharing with your advisor or coworkers.

I am not sure why people like this are "annoying", but maybe you might consider me one of "those people" (although I would not identify with many of the traits you list there). In general, the world is not designed to reward those who are more passionate or care more about their work or field. So, to me, I don't think there is a problem at all if a student who cares very little about their field manages to do well.
 
Personally, I do care about my field and I am interested in my work. But I don't consider my field my true/sole/main passion in life. Rather, I have many other passions which I would also like to explore and for now, being a PhD student in my field is currently the best way to achieve what I want in life. I see my career as a means to get what I want out of life (gotta pay the bills). Again, my field does interest me so I do work hard at it, but I also consider the PhD as a goal and ultimately, something that will help me gain employment doing a job that I want. I don't care if my eventual career is in my field or in academia or even if it's in science. My two main career goals is to find something that stimulates me (i.e. utilizes my skill, not just my labour) and to find something that can support my other passions in life.
 
So I do think statements that academia should only be for people who are truly passionate about their field and their main goal should be to further human knowledge is both naive and a little elitist. Obviously, those who are driven to succeed will likely do better and that's fine. But if you are doing well and also don't have any passion at all about your field, then that should be fine too (but in general, I'd say it's rare to find someone who is willing to work in academia that isn't somewhat passionate about what they do).

I can't upvote TakeruK's comments more than once, sadly. But I completely agree that it's not all about passion, but also about practical expertise and work in your field. 
 
Maybe being in a STEM field has biased me, but I don't think we should be favoring graduate students who are "passionate" and consumed by their work and want to stay in academia over those who are competent, solid researchers but do not find their work all consuming, and may or may not want to stay in the field their whole lives. 
 
To me, a sensitive bullshit detector is as much about detecting the difference between passion for a field and talent in that field. If someone has a good grasp of the material, the discussion, and the thought that surrounds it, then they should get a good grade, and move forward. Passion and reading lots but not retaining enough to get a significantly better grasp on the field isn't necessarily "better". 
 
Academia, as much as the rest of the world, isn't about doing the "best" job- it's about doing a good job of everything you're balancing on your plate, and knowing when something is good enough to get out, and when you should focus on other priorities (including the rest of your life, and balance). 
 
There are lots of reasons for going to grad school, and I'd argue that passion *alone* is one of the worse ones. You can find plenty of advice threads on the Chronicle from faculty advising that if you're passionate, take classes and study. Go to grad school if you want a job for which the degree is necessary or beneficial. It's not that being passionate is a bad thing, it's great- but you should also have a practical reason for wanting to work in the field, like you can and will get a job from it. 

I think one way to de-stigmatize counseling is to be honest about it.  It's pretty much accepted in my department that most students seek counseling at one point or another.  Not because they are weak or my department is particularly demanding; but because they are responsible and pro-active adults and the department culture has become tolerant of a certain level of openness about the topic.  I don't view going to counseling as different than going to get my teeth cleaned periodically - it's a form of self-care and personal maintenance that may be a luxury but helps you safe guard assets you hope to be life long.
 
And, since graduate school is a time when many of us have a higher quality of health care than we would otherwise it makes sense to avail yourself of it. Lastly, I know plenty of advisors who wish their students had more counseling or another sounding board but I can't imagine an advisor thinking - "I wish my student were just crying in their office waiting for shit to really hit the fan so they can bring it to me".
 
Now, it's all in the approach and I think there is a line between being honest and being overly vocal.  I periodically see a counselor and my advisor knows, but not because we had some incredible heart to heart, simply because before my first appointment I came to his office and said something along the lines of, "I might miss an hour here or there in the next few months because I've decided it would be beneficial to meet with a counselor periodically while I adjust to the city and to graduate school." That was it.  All he said was, "every graduate student I ever had that graduated went to counseling" and the conversation was over. In fact, one of the benefits of having a counselor/therapist is not building up emotionally to the point where you can't stop yourself from inappropriately over-sharing with your advisor or coworkers.

There are certain people I know who use Facebook to whinge CONSTANTLY about school matters. (Or share stuff related to the subject they're studying / articles about higher ed, but that's another matter.)
 
The worst culprits I know are not grad students though, but mature students who are addicted to social media and new to academia. They use Fb to ask questions when they should be consulting their TA or looking up the answer for themselves (e.g. 'how do I cite this article correctly?'). And they also complain about their own procrastination habits. I don't mind people discussing their work loads, but it gets stale when they've brought it on themselves by leaving everything 'til the last minute.
 
I simply hide their content entirely from my feed. I use Facebook to keep in touch with friends who live in other countries, not to read the same nonsense I heard earlier that week... And if I didn't hide these whingers' Fb posts, I'd wind up complaining about them a lot more than I do!

I think one way to de-stigmatize counseling is to be honest about it.  It's pretty much accepted in my department that most students seek counseling at one point or another.  Not because they are weak or my department is particularly demanding; but because they are responsible and pro-active adults and the department culture has become tolerant of a certain level of openness about the topic.  I don't view going to counseling as different than going to get my teeth cleaned periodically - it's a form of self-care and personal maintenance that may be a luxury but helps you safe guard assets you hope to be life long.
 
And, since graduate school is a time when many of us have a higher quality of health care than we would otherwise it makes sense to avail yourself of it. Lastly, I know plenty of advisors who wish their students had more counseling or another sounding board but I can't imagine an advisor thinking - "I wish my student were just crying in their office waiting for shit to really hit the fan so they can bring it to me".
 
Now, it's all in the approach and I think there is a line between being honest and being overly vocal.  I periodically see a counselor and my advisor knows, but not because we had some incredible heart to heart, simply because before my first appointment I came to his office and said something along the lines of, "I might miss an hour here or there in the next few months because I've decided it would be beneficial to meet with a counselor periodically while I adjust to the city and to graduate school." That was it.  All he said was, "every graduate student I ever had that graduated went to counseling" and the conversation was over. In fact, one of the benefits of having a counselor/therapist is not building up emotionally to the point where you can't stop yourself from inappropriately over-sharing with your advisor or coworkers.

Yeah, no. Again, I live in Chicago and you do not have to be "constantly sharp" all the time, you just have to not act dumb. It's really not that much of an effort.
 
I give food and money to people on the street all the time, and it has never been a "trap"-- what does that even mean? The worst things that ever happened to me was that one person hugged me and one person kissed my hand. Your friends are ignorant and mean if they told you that feeding hungry, homeless people is dangerous. It's not.
 
Again, since I've lived here for years I walk home alone, in the dark, all the time. I stay over at people's places sometimes too-- because it's late and sometimes I want to. I have no idea what you mean by carrying "a bag of money" with you-- are you carrying a big sack with a $ sign on it like a cartoon bank robber? If so, people here will probably assume you're mentally ill and keep their distance. I have a purse big enough to double as a book bag and I carry it around, open at the top, at all hours of the day and night-- everyone does. I've never been robbed. And since I love my home enough to be pretty insulted by your ignorance, I can assure you it's not at all tiring to live here. It is tiring to constantly explain to ignorant people that I don't live in some chaotic nightmare of urban violence.

I think one way to de-stigmatize counseling is to be honest about it.  It's pretty much accepted in my department that most students seek counseling at one point or another.  Not because they are weak or my department is particularly demanding; but because they are responsible and pro-active adults and the department culture has become tolerant of a certain level of openness about the topic.  I don't view going to counseling as different than going to get my teeth cleaned periodically - it's a form of self-care and personal maintenance that may be a luxury but helps you safe guard assets you hope to be life long.
 
And, since graduate school is a time when many of us have a higher quality of health care than we would otherwise it makes sense to avail yourself of it. Lastly, I know plenty of advisors who wish their students had more counseling or another sounding board but I can't imagine an advisor thinking - "I wish my student were just crying in their office waiting for shit to really hit the fan so they can bring it to me".
 
Now, it's all in the approach and I think there is a line between being honest and being overly vocal.  I periodically see a counselor and my advisor knows, but not because we had some incredible heart to heart, simply because before my first appointment I came to his office and said something along the lines of, "I might miss an hour here or there in the next few months because I've decided it would be beneficial to meet with a counselor periodically while I adjust to the city and to graduate school." That was it.  All he said was, "every graduate student I ever had that graduated went to counseling" and the conversation was over. In fact, one of the benefits of having a counselor/therapist is not building up emotionally to the point where you can't stop yourself from inappropriately over-sharing with your advisor or coworkers.

My husband has a GED and we have been together for 12 years.  He is my better half in almost every way.  But, I feel pretty strongly that intelligence and higher education have little correlation except that higher education should be available as a tool for self-betterment if someone chooses to avail themselves of that particular course.  It also helps that my husband's intellectual strengths are areas I am weaker in.  He has an incredible memory for, and ability to pull from, many threads of literature, art, history, all in the course of the same conversation.  I can do calculus.  It's nice that we have each other but education has very little to do with out compatibility.  
 
Sure, he is articulate, informed, and excited about learning - attributes you may associate with education (although, I don't). But more importantly he is filled with empathy, compassion, and mercy when dealing with others. I like to think that higher education increases our capacity for these emotions but I have yet to see evidence of a strong correlation, despite some pretty long term (but laughable IMO) attempts to integrate "character education" into curriculums at all levels.  Higher education is lovely but life experience, opportunity, and personal choice are paramount and higher education is just a personal choice to pursue one particular type of experience when given the opportunity.

My husband has a GED and we have been together for 12 years.  He is my better half in almost every way.  But, I feel pretty strongly that intelligence and higher education have little correlation except that higher education should be available as a tool for self-betterment if someone chooses to avail themselves of that particular course.  It also helps that my husband's intellectual strengths are areas I am weaker in.  He has an incredible memory for, and ability to pull from, many threads of literature, art, history, all in the course of the same conversation.  I can do calculus.  It's nice that we have each other but education has very little to do with out compatibility.  
 
Sure, he is articulate, informed, and excited about learning - attributes you may associate with education (although, I don't). But more importantly he is filled with empathy, compassion, and mercy when dealing with others. I like to think that higher education increases our capacity for these emotions but I have yet to see evidence of a strong correlation, despite some pretty long term (but laughable IMO) attempts to integrate "character education" into curriculums at all levels.  Higher education is lovely but life experience, opportunity, and personal choice are paramount and higher education is just a personal choice to pursue one particular type of experience when given the opportunity.

I think one way to de-stigmatize counseling is to be honest about it.  It's pretty much accepted in my department that most students seek counseling at one point or another.  Not because they are weak or my department is particularly demanding; but because they are responsible and pro-active adults and the department culture has become tolerant of a certain level of openness about the topic.  I don't view going to counseling as different than going to get my teeth cleaned periodically - it's a form of self-care and personal maintenance that may be a luxury but helps you safe guard assets you hope to be life long.
 
And, since graduate school is a time when many of us have a higher quality of health care than we would otherwise it makes sense to avail yourself of it. Lastly, I know plenty of advisors who wish their students had more counseling or another sounding board but I can't imagine an advisor thinking - "I wish my student were just crying in their office waiting for shit to really hit the fan so they can bring it to me".
 
Now, it's all in the approach and I think there is a line between being honest and being overly vocal.  I periodically see a counselor and my advisor knows, but not because we had some incredible heart to heart, simply because before my first appointment I came to his office and said something along the lines of, "I might miss an hour here or there in the next few months because I've decided it would be beneficial to meet with a counselor periodically while I adjust to the city and to graduate school." That was it.  All he said was, "every graduate student I ever had that graduated went to counseling" and the conversation was over. In fact, one of the benefits of having a counselor/therapist is not building up emotionally to the point where you can't stop yourself from inappropriately over-sharing with your advisor or coworkers.

I just wanted to give a vigorous head nod & a thumbs up to TakeMyCoffeeBlack - but of course I'd already hit my quota of positive votes for the day.  But since I'm already typing let me just add that I agree with both ideas that:
1) given the perceived equality of a man & a woman in science at any level it's likely the woman worked harder to get to the same place
2) if everything truly is equal there is still inequality in the system AND IT'S NOT BETTER YET, only ~24% of STEM workers are female
and now I'm just going to add this:
3) having more women in STEM fields isn't only good for women, it's good for everyone.  In the same way that having more male teachers for younger children isn't only good for men.  

Whenever I get nervous about going in and I start to feel inadequate, I tell myself "they've had worse deadbeats than you" and I feel a lot better.

I would recommend a LoR from your grad advisor for sure. Then two other LoRs from whichever professors you can get the best ones from. Could be UG, could be graduate. But definitely one from your grad advisor.

Well, I made my decision a few weeks ago, I'm not a particularly emotional person, but I still teared up when I wrote my last letter to the last POI I was turning down.  As has been said, you're stressed, you're run down, you've been forging a relationship with these people (and I mean a working relationship, not a romantic one, I don't think anyone has that confused), and you've been trying each place on for size by really imagining a life in each place.  I didn't cry over every email sent by any means, but when I had to choose between my last two schools and I knew that both would be incredible but very different roads for me (and my husband) - sending that last letter was a little strange.  It's rare that I've imagined a road not taken so completely and for so long and it becomes like saying goodbye to something real, something that's already happened. 

VG/VG E/E E/E => awarded
 
Last year I had the same scores & very similar application and received an HM.  In fact, a good friend in the same field had lower scores than me last year and was awarded.  So yes, the process is slightly random but I am also reeaaallly really happy that the odds inexplicably fell in my favor this time & wish good luck to those of you with additional years of availability.
 
Don't lose heart!

VG/VG E/E E/E => awarded
 
Last year I had the same scores & very similar application and received an HM.  In fact, a good friend in the same field had lower scores than me last year and was awarded.  So yes, the process is slightly random but I am also reeaaallly really happy that the odds inexplicably fell in my favor this time & wish good luck to those of you with additional years of availability.
 
Don't lose heart!

only saw the bottom half of this and nearly had a heart attack.

This sounds more like the advice that people receive before they go to the slums of Brazil.
Your.... advice about 'youngsters' is particularly hilarious. I used to teach in two different NYC schools (one quite good, and one pretty bad) and I cannot imagine my students beating up some rando on the street for looking at them, even at the bad school. I know they get in fights, but it's with other kids from their neighborhood, and they generally try and hide it from adults. But, basically, teenagers don't give a shit about adults unless you give them a reason to. They aren't going to beat you up for looking at them or bumping into them, and you're a silly, silly person if you think so.  

Lately with my husband we've been binge watching comedy, mainly because the weather is so depressing here: Ex. Louie (the Louis C. K. show) & Portlandia
 
Our "classics" that we watch sometimes when we eat or something are West Wing and X-Files.
 
Other things that we've binge watched together or that I have binge-listened-to while data processing at work: Orange is the New Black, Hemlock Grove (which we thought was quirky & funny but several of our friends did not like), Fringe, & Bones (which is super cheesy but easy to follow if I'm just listening to it while I work)
 
I couldn't get into House of Cards. I need to care about at least one character on a show I'm watching, otherwise it leaves me feeling bad about myself for either rooting for someone I wouldn't like in real life or for rooting against the characters.  
 
Oh!  Edited to add that while this isn't a binge-able show we did watch a random French movie that was charming and delightful and left my husband and I all bouncy and delighted and we've been trying to convince other people to watch it since: Populaire.  It as so good that now when we are looking for a movie to watch on a Saturday night my husband always bemoans, "I wish we could find another Populaire..."

Well I'm a virgin, so there's that.

Don't let the maniac rightwingers in the law school and econ department brainwash you. kthanxbye.

Other than that, I'm afraid the area kind of sucks. It's a bit of a suburban hell. The campus is pretty though.