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  1. Upvote
    Cookie got a reaction from alkylholic in Chemistry Applications Fall 2014   
    Statistically unlikely... It's called superiority illusion
     
    http://www.pnas.org/content/early/2013/02/15/1221681110.abstract
  2. Upvote
    Cookie reacted to DropTheBase in Chemistry Applications Fall 2014   
    If you decide to mention only one professor, make sure you've spoken to this professor before and make sure he/she has space. If this professor does not have space, it can look like you didn't do your homework. You should be contacting POI's right now anyway.
     
    The idea of mentioning multiple professors is to build a case for why the department, as a whole, is a good fit. That's why mentioning ~3 professors is usually a good idea. As a new graduate student, it's important to be flexible. Admissions committees admire students that are open to new ideas. 
     
    Full disclosure: I was heavily set on the research I wanted to do in graduate school, but I made no indication of this on any of my applications. Even though I'm doing that research right now, I honestly could imagine myself doing something completely different. The admissions committees (supposedly) chose me partly because they believed I would perform well regardless of my project.
     
    DTB
  3. Upvote
    Cookie reacted to anthropologygeek in Extra assignment from advisor - how to prioritize?   
    Grad school means priority: research>publications>adviser projects>classes>assistantship. Research and publications is how you get jobs and a job with your adviser contacts/recommendations. So if this means you don't sleep for say two nights so be It. It's gad school. About half of all students drop out. I fact I came in with 4 other students with my adviser and there's only two of us left. If your having trouble now reevaluate where your time is going because next year year you will at at least be putting together your reading this for comps, and the comps animal is much worst than any class load could ever be
  4. Upvote
    Cookie reacted to St Andrews Lynx in Chemistry Applications Fall 2014   
    I wouldn't attempt to email anybody - it'll probably only draw attention to the fact. 
    If they like you as a candidate the AdCom will most likely gloss over the typos (if they notice them at all). If they don't like you as a candidate then it will be for reasons other than 2 minor grammar errors. Basically, it is unlikely to break your application.
  5. Upvote
    Cookie reacted to danieleWrites in Finding a husband in graduate school.   
    This has been an interesting thread, really.
     
    I would ask you why you want to be married and have children. Not because I think that it's wrong somehow, or right somehow, but you have a specific plan about relationships that you would like to see happen. You want a serious relationship by 23, a husband and children before 30, and then life spreads out after that. The most basic problem with this plan isn't the plan, but the assumptions that underlie it. What is a husband? What criteria, at minimum, must he meet to be a husband? What if you get your MRS and MSW when he gets his MA/MS/PhD and you can't find a jobs in the same state, let alone the same town? What do you do then? Get a job that has nothing to do with your MSW so he can get his dream job? Do you stay at home?
     
    If you're focus is on building a family, why are you going to graduate school first? While I agree that these things are not incompatible, they aren't necessarily compatible either. Not in today's economic climate. I have a spouse, and I'm lucky enough that he is able to move with me no matter what. To an extent. If they only job I can get is north of the Mason-Dixon line, I will have to choose between the job with him gone half the year for health reasons, or full-time with him. Can you choose between your job offers and your spouse? What if you have a child with him during grad school and you get a great job offer in Florida and has a great job offer in Seattle. What do you do?
     
    I do not want to discourage you from having a personal life. I would encourage you to look at the reasons why you want a marriage during grad school, rather than looking for someone to marry in the place where you're both settled down in jobs and in homes. There is nothing wrong with serious relationships in grad school. I've seen them happen and I've seen them work and I've seen them break up. The problem is that you're looking for something permanent, but you can't promise permanence to each other in grad school because the odds of you living in the same place, and doing the work in your degree field, after school really suck. Social workers have a lot more flexibility than most, but the government is in enough of a financial bind (at all levels) that jobs for social workers are still hard to come by.
     
    I don't know if you've figured out what you want in a life partner, or for your career. I would encourage you to use your graduate school time to have non-permanent relationships to figure that out. Serial monogamy is only bad if people are jerks about it.
  6. Upvote
    Cookie reacted to St Andrews Lynx in Finding a husband in graduate school.   
    It's simple, really. 
    * Delete your dating sites. 
    * Look around and realise that possession of a boyfriend isn't the be-all-and-end-all of your existence.
    * Invite your friends to do stuff with you - go to nice restaurants, visit a nearby city, bake cakes. Whatever is fun, makes you laugh and makes you feel grateful for having such awesome friends. 
    * If you don't have friends to do stuff with you...ask some cool-looking people you know to do the same stuff. 
    * Instead of spending your time browsing online dating profiles or going on dates: take up a new hobby or sport. Join something social, like a book club or soccer team. Be willing to try new things & step out of your comfort zone. 
    * Learn to enjoy your alone-time. Hot baths, cooking yourself a nice meal, watching your favourite movies. 
    * Work on whatever insecurities you have. If you are terrified of public speaking, join a toastmasters society. If you think you are shy, learn a martial art or something badass to boost your confidence.
    * Turn yourself into the kind of well-rounded, likeable person that blokes would rush to date. Your comments about the "plight" of being single and fears of turning into an old, infertile maid once you hit 24 suggest a certain lack of emotional maturity. The kind of blokes looking for a long-term, serious relationship are the ones who value maturity in their prospective partners. 
     
     
    For reference I am single, female, aged 24, in grad school. I'm ambivalent about marriage and children (sure, if I find the right guy...but if I don't then that's fine too). The notion that I might be worried about "getting lonely" is mystifying - I've got enough friends that I see on a regular basis, if I want more company then I'll just take up a new hobby. Grad school is stressful enough as it is without this whole "I've got to find a husband in x years" charade.
  7. Upvote
    Cookie reacted to juilletmercredi in Finding a husband in graduate school.   
    I'm telling you not to rush BECAUSE I was in a relationship at 22, not in spite of it.  I am a completely different person now than I was at 22, and I was extremely lucky in that my husband's personality changed along with mine and that we managed to make it work between us and are happy.  I actually met my husband in high school.  People are always like "oh, that's so cute!"  But I wish that I had spent more time in college focusing on myself, developing myself and really making lasting friendships, maybe participating more in clubs that I wanted to do.  I don't really have a lot of close friends from college as a result, and I didn't do some of the things I really wanted to do in college and immediately thereafter because I wanted to make him happy.  And when you're 22, making your partner happy means throwing yourself into a relationship in a totally unrealistic way.
     
    Only after we backed off a little (in my mid-20s) did we really find our footing in the relationship and feel truly ready to get married.  We were both more confident, more settled in our identities, and had more life experience.  He got to travel the world with the military and I really found myself in grad school.  And as a result of backing off more, I DO have more friends in grad school and have been able to invest myself really intensely into this process to make myself a competitive candidate.  You find yourself in a whole different way in your mid-20s, regardless of what you are doing at the time.
     
    I used to hate when people said this to me but I'm going to say it anyway because it turned out to be true: it's really difficult for you to understand it at your vantage point, because you are young.  When you are 22, 30 seems like a really long way away; so far the time has been passing relatively slowly, and 30 just seems so old and so long to wait for something that you really, really want.  But as you get closer to 30 (usually between ages 24 and 27) you start to realize that 30 is not that old.  If the average lifespan is around 80, when you turn 30 you still have about 50 more years of living to do.  A woman's fertility doesn't really start to steeply decline until her late 30s/early 40s, so even if you are almost 23 you have a good at least 15 more years of fertility to have children.
  8. Upvote
    Cookie reacted to CageFree in Finding a husband in graduate school.   
    You can't PLAN these things. You have to let go of the desperation and learn to be happy by yourself. You need to be able to be happy even if you NEVER marry and NEVER have kids. If your life is devoid of any meaning without those things, that's your problem right there.  It is way too much pressure for someone to know that YOUR happiness depends entirely on whether they stay with you.
     
    Every friend I have who complains about being single seems to have some kind of strict timeline for love and family... marry by age ___, first kid by ___. They have online profiles on every dating site, speed-date, etc., and they are still single because guys  can smell the desperation a mile away.
     
    The problem with having timelines and deadlines is that life doesn't work like that. Life is full of unexpected twists and turns. I met my now husband while going through a a divorce. I wasn't LOOKING... in fact, I  had "f__k off" figuratively tattooed on my forehead. I  had sworn off marriage, relationships, etc., and pictured myself living with a bunch of cats. We met at a party, and two years later we got married. We were both in our mid 30s at the time.
     
    A partner worth having is going to be attracted to someone who is able to stand on their own, who has their crap together, and who doesn't make them the center of their happiness. A partner worth having isn't going to say that they "can picture marrying you" on the third date because one ought to think long and hard before getting married. Take this from someone who married in their late 20s thinking I was doing things "the right way," only to end with a bitter divorce.
     
    Talking marriage on the third date should be a red flag because at that time you should still be evaluating whether you want to know that person better over the next month... not the rest of your life. This is especially true when you're only in your early 20s! 
     
    Similarly, a person worth having doesn't put you at the center of their world, and isn't willing to settle for the first "Mr./Ms. Maybe" just because of fear of never finding someone else. When you date, each partner is evaluating the other person. Think about what it is you currently have to offer (and I am not talking about looks and what not... think about your life situation) to someone who would actually be worth it. If you are working on a Master's, are you likely to have to move when you finish? Will you really have the time to devote to a relationship? Can you pull your weight financially?
     
    Please do yourself a favor and take a mental break from "dating." Stop worrying about meeting someone. Make yourself someone worth having by working on being happy on your own, and when you get there, either you will meet the right person, or it just simply won't matter anymore whether you do. Either way, you need to be happy being alone before you can be ready to make someone else happy.
  9. Upvote
    Cookie reacted to biotechie in Finding a husband in graduate school.   
    I think you realize the point of the "desperately seeking perfection" photo, but are skirting around the true meaning... Don't desperately seek someone; it is incredibly likely you'll be eternally disappointed. I swear guys can smell desperation, and then they run. After my last boyfriend dumped me, I spent about a year trying to fill what I felt was a void. Then I realized I could have lots of fun with just my regular friends doing other things, and I stopped trying to find someone to date so I could focus on my career. Then it was like my boyfriend and a couple of other prospects just appeared. 

    Earlier Joeyboy said exactly what I was trying to get you to wrap your mind around with my previous post. Grad school really is about working just yourself. Once you can do that, I think you'll look back at this and think it was silly. You're trying to rush into precisely the things in life that require the maximum patience and time that you can give. You can't rush how someone feels for you and you can't rush your life or you'll end up absolutely miserable. I've been with my boyfriend for three years, and we're not talking marriage, yet. He wants to give me the time to work on becoming the best I can be in graduate school, and get to a point where maybe I can pause for a breath to settle down; he is waiting for me. Is there a chance we'll not work out? Yes, a slim one, but it is a big deal right there that he didn't rush me into marriage. He understands that I need to do this, and that graduate school, though sometimes a little selfish, is about me. Yes, some students in my program are married or engaged, and they're struggling to find time for their spouse (sometimes kids). Those of us that are doing well aren't tied down.

    I really think you need to go into your grad program with the expectation of spending two years to work on everything about you. I would probably even suspend the online dating profile. Graduate with a degree in a field that you love, and then maybe move to a new town. Don't force dating, but hang out a local watering holes after work or go fun outdoorsy places. You'll meet someone.
  10. Upvote
    Cookie reacted in Finding a husband in graduate school.   
    It sounds like your problems are bigger than just wanting a husband+family. You have almost no experience with relationships and it seems like you'd do anything to make a guy happy. You should try casual dating for a few years before looking for anything serious. You don't want to love a guy way more than he's willing to love you. From everything you've said, that's how it seems. You need to be able to dictate the terms of the kind of relationship you want instead of just doing whatever he wants. If you don't work on yourself, I'm afraid you'll jump into something serious with the first guy who shows interest. Like other people have said, grad school is a time to work on yourself. Aside from spending the next few years working on yourself in an academic/career sense, I think you need to work on yourself in a personal sense. You need to be confident in who you are and be picky with who you let into your life. If you jump into something the way you are now, I think you would get used. I don't want to sound like an asshole but I'm just being honest. You need to just forget everything everyone's ever told you about how to live and just find out how you want to live. Maybe you need to talk to someone about it--someone you can trust. 
  11. Downvote
    Cookie reacted to LittleDarlings in Finding a husband in graduate school.   
    It does make sense. I think more than anything I am afraid it won't happen.  I didn't meet anyone in grad school the 2 important relationships I had both lasted 3 months each (how could they have been important then? lol) and they didn't end because of what I did.  The first ended because he took a job and "didn't want a long distance relationship" which it wasn't long distance at all. The other ended because he just decided he didn't want a girlfriend anymore.  So it is like ok I don't have a ton of time to meet someone because say I meet the perfect person again and they dump me again? I just worry that it won't happen and I want a family so much so it is hard.  Even though my focus should be on my program and I do feel passionately about my program and I am so excited to start this process but it still worries me. 
  12. Upvote
    Cookie reacted to biotechie in Finding a husband in graduate school.   
    Don't let where you are from determine when you think you should have a family... that's just silly. If I did that, I'd be having a baby in the next 6 months or so. You should note that egg quality doesn't really start to diminish until mid-30's, and you don't really have to worry until you're 40. Lots of women have children at around 40, and most turn out fine. I'm not sure where you've gotten your information.
     
    I've been told that graduate school is supposed to be the most selfish time in your life... a time where you focus on you. You work on yourself as a person, yourself as how you apply your talents to your field, and where you really want to end up when you graduate. Yes, there is networking, and there will be group outings to the local bars, but I don't think graduate school is about finding a significant other in any way, shape, or form. I had a boyfriend when I went into my masters studies (molecular biology), and I just did not have time for him the way I wanted to contribute to a relationship. Somehow he stuck with me, even now that I've moved 13 hours away from him for my PhD studies. If I were existing on your timeline, I should have married him over a year ago and  I'd be scrambling into marrying him as soon as I go home for Christmas, and then having babies throughout my PhD. Instead, IF we marry, it will be late in my studies or after I graduate at age 29 or 30. Babies aren't a priority for us, but if we wanted them, we'd have lots of time. I can't imagine having a baby during graduate school or even being pregnant during my studies.
    I guess what I want to say is that I don't think you should make a major focus of your graduate school experience on finding a guy to date. I realize you won't have 60-hour lab weeks + classes like me, but remember that you're going to graduate school to make something of yourself and to give yourself a chance at a future in a field that you love. If you meet someone, great... but if not, you're doing a masters, not a PhD, so you're not going to be in school too much longer. Then you'll have tons of time after the work day to scout for guys. Don't try to squeeze everything into this "perfect" timeline you've generated in your head. Life never ever works that way, and you're just setting yourself up for disappointment. Saying, "I'd like to be married and have a family one day," is great... You can even make a pinterest board full of things you think are amazing. However, saying, "I want to be married with 2.5 kids and a shiny car before I'm 30," is not at all realistic. You're very lucky! We live in a society where this longer period of self-growth is becoming more normal, and now you have the chance to make sure your head is screwed on more straight before jumping into anything. Does that make sense?
  13. Upvote
    Cookie reacted to nugget in Finding a husband in graduate school.   
    I believe that when you are ready for that kind of relationship, you will meet the person you are looking for and often times it happens when you least expect it. It cannot be forced.
     
    If you are hurried and want the dating process to speed along quickly you may run the risk of A) scaring guys off because they may sense your urgency and may view that urgency as desperation or B ) make a hasty decision about who to marry and might not make the best choice for yourself and could end up unhappily married.   
     
    I think that when you take the MSW program and go through the process of becoming a social worker, you will slowly develop a clearer sense of self-knowledge through lots of self-analysis and reflection as you do the readings and assignments, which may lead you to finding and recognizing the right sort of person who will make you happy. I've heard from various profs and MSW graduates that completing the MSW program can be a very personally transformative process for some students (in a positive way) by the end of the two years.
     
    Perhaps you have not met your match yet because there is a lot of personal growth ahead of you that needs to be made and after it happens, you will be ready to meet the right person for you. I think it's good that you are pursing other interest and passions in the meantime. However, please be aware that the MSW requires a lot of hard work and you will have less free time to date as a grad student compared to the present moment.
  14. Downvote
    Cookie reacted to LittleDarlings in Finding a husband in graduate school.   
    Really? Ok but you're a guy (I assume, from the username) so you have forever and a day to meet someone and have kids and stuff. You have no limit on your time to reproduce or anything whereas I'm 23 almost, I have about 2 more years to meet a suitable person date them for a year and a half and get engaged, married and have my first baby. Assuming I meet the person tomorrow that still puts me at about 27 or 28 for a baby, assuming I want more than 1 kid I have about 5 years for 2 more. That is if I meet someone tomorrow which is pretty unlikely. So if I wait don't meet someone until 25 I will be 30 having my first kid my egg quality will have gone down and that's bad. I have a lot to think about! If it were up to me I would have been in a serious relationship at 21 engaged by 23 and married at 24 then I would be in grad school, married and hopefully pregnant or trying to get pregnant. I just feel like I will have so much stress off of me when I get into a good lasting relationship.
  15. Upvote
    Cookie reacted to 1Q84 in 'Minorities' in 'Majority' Departments   
    With all due respect, I don't think that's an accurate comparison. The weight of an entire society's (negative) perception of your race and the pressure that one would feel to supersede that negative stereotype is not equivalent to the normal pressure of performing and achieving in academia.

    ETA: To the OP, I hope that you find a good balance between your own expectations and goals for yourself and what may be forced upon you by your environment. Although I'm not in the exact same position, I also often catch myself strictly regulating my actions because of whatever stereotypes have been foisted on my race... and it SUCKS when you realise you're regulating yourself in that manner.
  16. Upvote
    Cookie reacted to stmwap in NSF GRFP 2013-14   
    Yes.  You are harming the environment, which is bad for society.  -10 points for Broader Impacts.
  17. Upvote
    Cookie reacted in Finding a husband in graduate school.   
    I don't think I've ever seen someone get picked up at the library. You'd have a better chance hanging out at Barnes & Noble. 
  18. Upvote
    Cookie reacted in Finding a husband in graduate school.   
    There are cheaper ways to get hitched. 
  19. Upvote
    Cookie got a reaction from M4ss5pec in Ask a question   
    No. This is not a place to ask for homework help. Go somewhere else.
  20. Upvote
    Cookie reacted to Eigen in Awkward Situation   
    Not knowing your field exactly, how much longer will the post-doc be there? In my field, 1-2 years is a typical post-doctoral rotation. 
     
    Might be just worth ducking until the situation resolves itself that way. 
     
    When I joined my lab, there was a huge amount of tension between our post-doc and our most senior grad student, and definitely made things awkward. 
     
    I'll also advise, in general, that a thicker skin is beneficial times like this. Who cares if your post-doc things you're lazy? It's what you think of your work ethic and to a lesser extent, what your PI things, that matter. 
     
    You'll always run into co-workers/cohort-mates that are snarky, abrasive, etc. Learning how to not let it bother you is very beneficial, especially if, as you say, your PI isn't the same. 
     
    On the first year- what you've said doesn't make me want to fight for her. You don't mention any real positives (good attitude, great work ethic, talented, etc), just some things that make it seem like, at best, she's immature and clueless about a professional attitude (talking on the phone during group meeting?! Laughing when someone makes a mistake?). 
  21. Downvote
    Cookie reacted to mars2013 in Tomorrow   
    Well, it's getting so cold outside. My friends and I are thinking about some inside activities tomorrow. But if the weather is nice out, we'll go to world's of fun!
  22. Downvote
    Cookie reacted to mars2013 in I had a great fall break!   
    My fall break was really relaxing. I got to see my friend coming from Korea, I did some homework, and I cleaned my room...
  23. Downvote
    Cookie reacted to mars2013 in World's of Fun   
    My friends and I are thinking about going to world's of fun this weekend. They have some fun stuff for Halloween. If it's not too cold, I think we probably will go!
  24. Upvote
    Cookie got a reaction from rising_star in Mid-Term Help!! PLEASE!   
    "Please help me with my mid-term"
     
    Funniest joke ever. For real. Check chegg.com or something, dude.
  25. Upvote
    Cookie got a reaction from Cesare in Mid-Term Help!! PLEASE!   
    "Please help me with my mid-term"
     
    Funniest joke ever. For real. Check chegg.com or something, dude.
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