Shit English Majors Say

[FreakyFoucault]

Just a few moments ago, I made the following comment about Infinite Jest:

"AAAAGGGGHHHH! This is probably the most trite thing an English major can say in the 21st century, but that book changed my life!"

Re-reading my comment (although not downplaying its sincerity), I wondered: what else do we English majors say, intentionally or not, that's trite, kiiiinda pretentious, or borderline wacky?

Of course, this is all in good humor, aimed at restoring some silly levity to our grave undertaking of decision-brooding... But whadya got? 

 

Edited January 26, 2018 by FreakyFoucault

[punctilious]

Correcting family members and close friends on 'if' vs. 'whether' and the verb 'to lay.' That's my husband, at least.

Honey, if you're reading this, I just want you to be aware that I'm never going to stop saying 'I'm going to lay down' -- especially considering how you go all English major on me about it. To answer your question, 'what' I'm going to lay down is myself, in my bed. Lol.

[a_sort_of_fractious_angel]

Any time I'm out with friends and they use the selfie-function on their phones to check their makeup/hair/teeth, I make a faux pithy comment about their inability to develop past the Mirror Stage. No one ever laughs but me, but I laugh every time. 

[FreakyFoucault]

10 minutes ago, punctilious said:

Correcting family members and close friends on 'if' vs. 'whether' and the verb 'to lay.'

@punctilious, you know I love you, but I'm gonna have to side with hubby on this one. The usage wars will never cease so long as I have Garner's as my shield and Strunk and White as my sword! Forgive me!!

 

8 minutes ago, a_sort_of_fractious_angel said:

No one ever laughs but me, but I laugh every time.

@a_sort_of_fractious_angel, if I ever sense this happening (using my Lacan telepathy), I will join you in the laughter! 

[punctilious]

31 minutes ago, FreakyFoucault said:

@punctilious, you know I love you, but I'm gonna have to side with hubby on this one. The usage wars will never cease so long as I have Garner's as my shield and Strunk and White as my sword! Forgive me!!

You English majors are THE. WORST. Just kidding, I forgive you.

[mk-8]

My boyfriend (a very non academic) will listen to me talk/rant about basically anything (bless him). He was talking to his friend the other day and said something along the lines of, “She’ll just say the weirdest words that have absolutely no meaning to me.” His friend asked for an example and the first word my BF thought of was “pedagogy” which was just REALLY funny to me and then they argued about how to say it, which was even funnier to me.  

Not really the same but whenever I tell someone I’m an English major (especially when I was still dating etc) I’d REALLY hate the whole “oh so you’re a grammar nazi,” because 1) no not at all, 2) comparing a grammarian to a nazi is absolutely uncalled for. I did teach a guy on tinder what “grammarian” was though, so not a total loss there. 

Edited January 26, 2018 by mk-8

[Crow T. Robot]

7 minutes ago, mk-8 said:

My boyfriend (a very non academic) will listen to me talk/rant about basically anything (bless him). He was talking to his friend the other day and said something along the lines of, “She’ll just say the weirdest words that have absolutely no meaning to me.” His friend asked for an example and the first word my BF thought of was “pedagogy” which was just REALLY funny to me and then they argued about how to say it, which was even funnier to me.  

Not really the same but whenever I tell someone I’m an English major (especially when I was still dating etc) I’d REALLY hate the whole “oh so you’re a grammar nazi,” because 1) no not at all, 2) comparing a grammarian to a nazi is absolutely uncalled for. I did teach a guy on tinder what “grammarian” was though, so not a total loss there. 

Huge retweet @ the resentment toward being auto-pegged as a "grammar nazi." Usually for me it takes the form of "Yikes!! I better watch my grammar around you!" 

Other than that, I find myself getting pretty agitated when people say "subconscious" rather than "unconscious"...

 

[FreakyFoucault]

38 minutes ago, mk-8 said:

I did teach a guy on tinder what “grammarian” was though, so not a total loss there.

I once borrowed my friend's Tinder and asked his match how she was celebrating Jane Austen's birthday (which happened to be that day). 

Her reponse: "Who's Jane Austen" (didn't even bother to use a question mark).

TINDER -- FOREVER UNCLEAN!!!

Also, I agree about the grammar-nazi resentment. Yes, we care about grammar and the language, in general. No, we don't feel the need to correct you every two seconds. Those aren't grammar-nazis; they're assholes. 

Edited January 26, 2018 by FreakyFoucault

[mk-8]

10 minutes ago, FreakyFoucault said:

Also, I agree about the grammar-nazi resentment. Yes, we care about grammar and the language, in general. No, we don't feel the need to correct you every two seconds. Those aren't grammar-nazis; they're assholes. 

I also have a rant about grammar and power structures and capitalism, and that one really is probably very pretentious! Haha

[FreakyFoucault]

4 minutes ago, mk-8 said:

I also have a rant about grammar and power structures and capitalism, and that one really is probably very pretentious! Haha

Okay, to be fair, I think we ought to get one rant about power and capitalism per month. They can give us that, right?? 

 

[FreakyFoucault]

1 hour ago, punctilious said:

You English majors are THE. WORST. Just kidding, I forgive you.

<3

[mk-8]

12 minutes ago, FreakyFoucault said:

Okay, to be fair, I think we ought to get one rant about power and capitalism per month. They can give us that, right?? 

 

One month?!!? I don’t know if I can agree to those terms!

[FreakyFoucault]

2 minutes ago, mk-8 said:

One month?!!? I don’t know if I can agree to those terms!

Luckily, it’s a free market of ideas! Or is it free? Or ought it be free?? 

See ya next month, folks! 

[Yanaka]

I’m an English/literature major, but I still feel extremely uncomfortable when people just say names, like philosophers (lol FreakyFoucault—oh wait it’s even in your pseudonym!! Haha) and authors and stuff. Even if it makes sense in the conversation to throw names, I just shot off right away. Makes me feel so stupid.

Other than that, I like when my fellow English grad students and I talk about brainy stuff on the train back home, or just wherever with a few pints in us. Makes me smile every time!

[FreakyFoucault]

7 minutes ago, Yanaka said:

(lol FreakyFoucault—oh wait it’s even in your pseudonym!! Haha)

[Twitches uncomfortably] "They found out I'm a fraud -- ABORT ABORT!!!"

7 minutes ago, Yanaka said:

or just wherever with a few pints in us

Yaaaas, alcohol was made for brainy discussions. Well, probably not logically consistent brainy discussions, but discussions nonetheless! 

Edited January 26, 2018 by FreakyFoucault

[WildeThing]

“Is this the line to register for welfare?”

[mads47]

16 hours ago, mk-8 said:

I did teach a guy on tinder what “grammarian” was though, so not a total loss there. 

Haha that is great! Whenever I start to date someone new, I  have them read some of the poetry I like.  It's a good litmus test and I feel like it is my small part of spreading poetry appreciation. On second thought, this is maybe why I'm single. LMAO 

[FreakyFoucault]

22 minutes ago, mads47 said:

On second thought, this is maybe why I'm single.

OMG I'm in tears!!!! 

[Yanaka]

37 minutes ago, mads47 said:

Haha that is great! Whenever I start to date someone new, I  have them read some of the poetry I like.  It's a good litmus test and I feel like it is my small part of spreading poetry appreciation. On second thought, this is maybe why I'm single. LMAO 

A friend of mine scared a dude off because she was texting him passages of Emily Dickinson—she was actually hinting at his flakiness. He told everyone she was crazy, and although she is a little he still certainly did not deserve her. 

[mads47]

9 minutes ago, Yanaka said:

A friend of mine scared a dude off because she was texting him passages of Emily Dickinson—she was actually hinting at his flakiness. He told everyone she was crazy, and although she is a little he still certainly did not deserve her. 

Haha it's just so hard to flirt with early 20th century  poetry:

"I will show you fear in a handful of dust." -Elliot

"As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow –/First – Chill – then Stupor – then the letting go –" -Dickinson

"The lonely peering eye /of humanity/looked into the Néant/and turned away" -Loy

"I came here to seek the spirit of mountains, and now/my soul is slipping from me for I only find the dead" -Joyce

 

[a_sort_of_fractious_angel]

7 minutes ago, mads47 said:

Haha it's just so hard to flirt with early 20th century  poetry:

"I will show you fear in a handful of dust." -Elliot

"As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow –/First – Chill – then Stupor – then the letting go –" -Dickinson

"The lonely peering eye /of humanity/looked into the Néant/and turned away" -Loy

"I came here to seek the spirit of mountains, and now/my soul is slipping from me for I only find the dead" -Joyce

 

Well, it looks like I'm relaunching my Tinder tonight and tryin' out these beauts. 

[FreakyFoucault]

1 hour ago, a_sort_of_fractious_angel said:

Well, it looks like I'm relaunching my Tinder tonight and tryin' out these beauts.

Ask them how they celebrated Virginia Woolf’s birthday yesterday!!  

[LeeLeeCzechIrish]

Edith Wharton was a few days ago! 

Wow, listen to us-riveting conversation

[khigh]

3 hours ago, mads47 said:

Haha that is great! Whenever I start to date someone new, I  have them read some of the poetry I like.  It's a good litmus test and I feel like it is my small part of spreading poetry appreciation. On second thought, this is maybe why I'm single. LMAO 

Have you ever watched Bull Durham? This reminds me of exactly what Annie Savoy did in the movie.

[a_sort_of_fractious_angel]

25 minutes ago, FreakyFoucault said:

Ask them how they celebrated Virginia Woolf’s birthday yesterday!!  

 

16 minutes ago, LeeLeeCzechIrish said:

Edith Wharton was a few days ago! 

Wow, listen to us-riveting conversation

Done and one. Y'all are gonna help me find the One.