Around the Block more than a few times: Older grad students

[Lillian]

Hi -

Just wondering if I was the only 'older' grad student out here. I am in my department plus the only one with children. My university seems to have very little networking opportunities for this (my/our) demographic and it's getting a little lonely out here. So... here's an attempt at starting a conversation.

Are you an 'older' or 'nontrad' grad student? How's the experience for you been so far?

- Lillian

[pea-jay]

I will be a non-traditional student come next fall. I am in my mid thirties with two kids in elementary school. Although I am not sure yet which school I will attend, both will be in NYC. Of the two, I got the impression that Baruch had more folks in my demographic (their average age is higher than NYU's). Not that a student with a family is unheard of at NYU, it appears to be less common. Keeping my fingers crossed that this will all work out.

[captiv8ed]

pea-jay, will you or your partner be working? I just turned down UIC because I could not see how to afford living in the city with three boys. Mine range from elementary to middle, and will be in high school by the time I am done. I just couldn't figure out how to make it work.

To the OP, I haven't started yet, but I will turn 40 my first year in grad school. I am currently in undergrad. One of the biggest problems for me has been in my own head, not wanting to say something that makes me sound super old. Realizing that I am side by side with students who were not born when I graduated high school is kind of unsettling.

[UnlikelyGrad]

Hi -

Just wondering if I was the only 'older' grad student out here. I am in my department plus the only one with children. My university seems to have very little networking opportunities for this (my/our) demographic and it's getting a little lonely out here. So... here's an attempt at starting a conversation.

Are you an 'older' or 'nontrad' grad student? How's the experience for you been so far?

- Lillian

I'm 38 years old, with four children (8 to almost 18). I'm handling it well, but mostly because my husband is handling all of the kid-related stuff.

Networking? There are two other non-trads in my department but they're both reclusive males. I interface better with my profs than I do my cohort.

I do work with an undergrad (senior) who's a bit older than I and also mom of four. That's fun in some ways, but she's headed for a high school teaching career and therefore has absolutely no interest in research.

[UnlikelyGrad]

Realizing that I am side by side with students who were not born when I graduated high school is kind of unsettling.

No kidding...I once used the example of "cold fusion" as an example of why you need to write up your methods so others can reproduce your results. My students all stared at me blankly. I explained what this was and mentioned that the whole fiasco started during 1989 (my freshman year in college). Then I got to watch them scrape their jaws off the floor, since none of them were born in 1989!

I think the most bizarre aspect of being an older TA is that I get students who have crushes on me. I try to make it very clear that I HAVE A SON WHO IS ALMOST THEIR AGE!! (This has not dissuaded all of them though!)

[socialcomm]

I'll be 32 when I start my program in the fall. No kids. I know from meeting some of the current grad students there are some who are married, some who are older than me, and a few men with young children at home. I'm going to a preview day next week and it'll be interesting to see how my cohort will look.

[prolixity]

I'm in my upper twenties with a wife. Both of the two programs I'm considering average about 60-70 hours a week/ 6 days a week of work, in addition to teaching fellowships and other sundry things, but I met a couple other married students at both schools.. Not too scared about it yet.

[pea-jay]

pea-jay, will you or your partner be working? I just turned down UIC because I could not see how to afford living in the city with three boys. Mine range from elementary to middle, and will be in high school by the time I am done. I just couldn't figure out how to make it work.

Yes. She will. She's a teacher with sought after credentials. I don't see how I could support a family myself at this point. Still, going to be nervous until she has a job lined up.

[pea-jay]

No kidding...I once used the example of "cold fusion" as an example of why you need to write up your methods so others can reproduce your results. My students all stared at me blankly. I explained what this was and mentioned that the whole fiasco started during 1989 (my freshman year in college). Then I got to watch them scrape their jaws off the floor, since none of them were born in 1989!

I remember that...I was in 9th grade when that happened, it was discussed in my science class.

How about this for age...no child in my daughter's elementary school has memory of the events of 9/11/01 when they occurred. They were simply too young to form memories.

[Postbib Yeshuist]

I'm 36 (going on 37) and will be starting PhD this Fall. I'm married with an 18-month old. For the past three years, I've been teaching high school while I worked on a ThM. My wife stayed home once our child was born (her choice) and I kept the money coming in. when PhD starts, I will be quitting my job and living off the stipend and then we'll figure out how to make the rest. My wife is a licensed chaplain, but feels a bit burned out so, interestingly enough, she may decide to sell Mary Kay to make some extra income. I may see if I can find a job teaching World Religions at a local CC. That, or I might see if my school is willing to let me sub on occasions. Our biggest "trick" in all of this will be our house. we have a fair amount of equity built up (30%) and the market makes selling it a bit of a tough deal. We think the mortgage is low enough that we can probably keep payin it for at least a year, since the school where I'll be going (SMU) is only 45m away by car, and there's a railway system I could use as well.

The hardest part of the ThM was not being able to study full-time. I taught and coached and tried to be a "present" Dad to our son, so studies have been tough. I feel very much behind the curve when it comes to the "Quote the Author" game with my younger colleagues, but professors routinely comment that insights show more "maturity." I don't say this to boost my own ego, but to point out that sometimes our advanced position in life gives us a perspective that offsets the "book learning" we may be short on.

OK, so there's my life in a nutshell. I hope that was in keeping with the spirit of the thread. In terms of networking, I'll be at SMU this Fall (if the money comes through) doing a PhD in Religion & Culture. (My project is laid out in my signature)

Edited March 24, 2010 by Postbib Yeshuist

[oldlady]

I am 43, married, with a nine-year-old, and I'll be starting at CUNY in the fall.

One of the big selling points of CUNY for me was the abundance of students there with work experience. I don't think any of them are necessarily my age, but they've had some life experience. In addition, one of the profs with whom I interviewed does a lot research in the work/life balance area and she gave me the impression that the department was supportive of students (and faculty) with children. I guess I'll see what it's like when I get there...

[Medievalmaniac]

I'm 35, and I'll be 36 when I reapply in the fall. I have two children, aged 5 and 2. It's so nice to see so many other nontrads around! I often feel so old in comparison to others. My current high school students were born in the 1990s. WHAT?! lol It's hard to reconcile that with my feeling that I can't possibly be that old! lol I still remember when I started teaching, and I was only five years older than my students. It's so hard to fathom that it's been that long. But what I lack in youth, I make up for in total enthusiasm for my research!!

[Postbib Yeshuist]

My current high school students were born in the 1990s.

I feel your pain. I teach at a predominantly minority, low-income school and I'm older than the parents of some of my kids. And I'm only 36!

[hamster]

I will be 35 when I start school this fall and 36 in October. I don't have kids (or a partner) but I relate to a lot of the issues mentioned in this thread. Thanks for starting it. Very research oriented Clinical Psych programs don't tend to attract older applicants, at least in my experience. I was the oldest at my interviews by prob. 10 years or so. I do look young (and still get carded!) and fit in pretty well with younger folks since I have younger siblings, coworkers and friends but it would be nice to find some my own age. any ideas? Do older students tend to socialize with profs?

Edited March 25, 2010 by hamster

[pea-jay]

I am 43, married, with a nine-year-old, and I'll be starting at CUNY in the fall.

One of the big selling points of CUNY for me was the abundance of students there with work experience. I don't think any of them are necessarily my age, but they've had some life experience. In addition, one of the profs with whom I interviewed does a lot research in the work/life balance area and she gave me the impression that the department was supportive of students (and faculty) with children. I guess I'll see what it's like when I get there...

Congratulations on the admit!

The CUNY MPA program also has an older than other schools median age (33) and flexible class offerings. They've also been answering my emails, which NYU hasnt and I havent been ruled out for GA/RA or scholarship opportunities either. That and the fact they are overall less expensive is starting to sway my decisionmaking.

[oldlady]

Congratulations on the admit!

The CUNY MPA program also has an older than other schools median age (33) and flexible class offerings. They've also been answering my emails, which NYU hasnt and I havent been ruled out for GA/RA or scholarship opportunities either. That and the fact they are overall less expensive is starting to sway my decisionmaking.

Thanks -- and to you!

For me, the decision on where to even apply was heavily influenced by which organizational culture would fit me best. As someone who has worked for a long time, I have come across a lot of peopple who...shall we say, didn't learn everything they needed to know in kindergarten. Grad school is known as a place where students don't get a lot of respect to begin with. I really wanted to be in an environment where my experience was viewed as an asset, not a liability.

The faculty at CUNY in my area have been really forthcoming -- asking me if I wanted to meet informally in January to get any questions answered and quickly responding to my e-mails, including giving me an informal acceptance when I e-mailed to check my status.

NYU was not interested in me as a PhD candidate, which is, frankly, just fine with me -- I may want to work there when I'm done with my degree!

[nyuma]

I was so glad to find this thread! I'm 36 - will be 37 starting school next fall - single w/out kids, but still nervous about school (and the debt that goes with it) at my age - I just keep reminding myself that ten years from now I'll be glad to have the degree. I'm in NYC too (going to NYU) - so are most of you working while going to school? I've had a great job the past few years, but its in the evenings - I thought "swell, it has some down time so I can go to school during the day and study at night" - turns out classes are at night - hoping something will work out - maybe I can arrange my classes for a few days/week and do the job a few days/week, but there's a good chance I'll have to leave the job. How are ya'll planning on swinging it financially? Will you just be going to school or trying to work some too? I'm so excited for my program, but nervous about how I'm going to pay the bills.

[speaktoyou]

I will be 35 when I start this fall. 2 year MS for Speech-language pathology. I have. 3 kids (currently 8, 6, 2 1/2), I will continue working full time, and my husband is a part-time PhD student, too.

My program is designed for those like me (already employed in the field without the correct certification) so I imagine there will be others like me. My husband started his PhD in education at 33. In his program he's not even close to the oldest.

[Phyllis Stein]

This thread is heartening. It's easy to feel like you are alone out there as an older student. This seems more common in some depts than others, for sure. Sometimes I wish I was in a different discipline for that very reason. I would love to be in a department were there was more diversity in age and life experience. I'm 33 and in my first year and I feel really out of place in my dept. Many people are quite young and also gossip is really rampant. Also, I happen to look young for my age so there was, at first, an expectation that I would "hang out" with the other youngsters (LOL) a lot, which of course I didn't. I think this has probably earned me a rep of being "aloof" or "weird" but hey, you gotta do what's right for you. No sense in forcing yourself into social situations that will make you feel even more uncomfortable and alone.

My solution is to try and meet people outside of school. Having been in the real world for quite a while before heading back to school, I know that there is more to life than the drama in grad school. This really sets me apart from others as well, because my perspective is so different. Certain things that people complain about just seem silly to me. We are priviledged to have the opportunity to go to grad school and no one put a gun to our heads. Also, it's up to us to make something of our time in school - no one cares about our future as much as we do. These things seem not to register with the younger folks or folks with very limited real life exposure. So I'm seeking friends and acquaintances who are more grounded in the real world. I'm starting to make some connections but it's still early so we'll see what happens.

Anyway, good luck to everyone.

[wordslinger]

Hi all,

I'm a 33-year-old single mom headed for a full-time PhD program in the fall. I'm definitely nervous about finding people to relate to among the other PhD students, since having a child changes my perspective so much. It's really great to hear from all of you about your experiences.

My biggest concern is living off of my stipend for the next four years; I may find that I have to supplement with loans, but we'll see. I'm hoping that the work load will be okay... my son will be in school all day, plus I'll be able to work at home after he settles down and goes to bed.

Are any of you single parents? I'm definitely curious about your experiences. Thanks so much to all of you for sharing!

[natsteel]

I'll only be applying this Fall but I'm already 34 and will be 36 by the start of my first year. I also have two little boys, 4 and 3. Though I'm doing extremely well in my undergrad work, I'd be lying if I didn't have moments of doubt every so often concerning whether or not I can actually continue to pull of this balancing act in a graduate school environment. In this case, my old age maturity is an asset because, at this stage of my life, I know exactly what I want and am very determined to get there. A little determination can go a long way.

As for isolation, I'm fairly isolated from my "fellow" undergrads, but that I suspect is normal for someone my age with children who is surrounded by 20 year olds. A heavy courseload and family responsibilities means I'm only on campus for class. I have wondered whether that will change with the move to graduate school. While it might be refreshing to have some interaction with my eventual cohort, I can't say that I would be disappointed otherwise.

Also, I can relate to the poster above that said they interacted or were more comfortable with their professors. In my three years of undergraduate study, I've had far more interaction outside of class with my professors, i.e. going to their homes or out for coffee, informal conversations, etc..., than with any of my fellow students.

Edited March 28, 2010 by natsteel

[Phyllis Stein]

I'm not a parent but I wanted to say congrats to you for going back to school to complete your PhD! In terms of funding, try to seek other funding opportunities you can apply for, like internal and external (government) fellowships/awards. If you are a good student and are productive, there should be opportunities for you out there. I'm just urging you to explore your options before you take the step of taking out a loan. Try to avoid it! My field might be different from yours in terms of other funding opportunities, but I applied for 4 different sources of funding this year. I may not get anything, but next year I will try again and sooner or later, I will succeed! Trying my best to avoid loans since I just got out of debt before starting grad school!

Good luck!

Hi all,

I'm a 33-year-old single mom headed for a full-time PhD program in the fall. I'm definitely nervous about finding people to relate to among the other PhD students, since having a child changes my perspective so much. It's really great to hear from all of you about your experiences.

My biggest concern is living off of my stipend for the next four years; I may find that I have to supplement with loans, but we'll see. I'm hoping that the work load will be okay... my son will be in school all day, plus I'll be able to work at home after he settles down and goes to bed.

Are any of you single parents? I'm definitely curious about your experiences. Thanks so much to all of you for sharing!

[Phyllis Stein]

Congratulations on pursuing your goals. I agree with you that a little determination can go a long way. I'm guessing it might be a bit easier than you think to balance grad school and kids, simply because grad school is a bit more flexible/less course heavy than undergrad. The biggest challenge will be to remain focused and goal oriented and complete the degree. This doesn't sound like it will be a problem for you though!

Yes, I enjoy conversing with my professors as well (rather than gossiping about them, which seems to be the favorite pastime of some of my peers). Old age Maturity really helps you to make the most of your experience and appreciate the privilege and opportunity you have been afforded.

Best of luck to you with your applications!

I'll only be applying this Fall but I'm already 34 and will be 36 by the start of my first year. I also have two little boys, 4 and 3. Though I'm doing extremely well in my undergrad work, I'd be lying if I didn't have moments of doubt every so often concerning whether or not I can actually continue to pull of this balancing act in a graduate school environment. In this case, my old age maturity is an asset because, at this stage of my life, I know exactly what I want and am very determined to get there. A little determination can go a long way.

As for isolation, I'm fairly isolated from my "fellow" undergrads, but that I suspect is normal for someone my age with children who is surrounded by 20 year olds. A heavy courseload and family responsibilities means I'm only on campus for class. I have wondered whether that will change with the move to graduate school. While it might be refreshing to have some interaction with my eventual cohort, I can't say that I would be disappointed otherwise.

Also, I can relate to the poster above that said they interacted or were more comfortable with their professors. In my three years of undergraduate study, I've had far more interaction outside of class with my professors, i.e. going to their homes or out for coffee, informal conversations, etc..., than with any of my fellow students.

Edited March 28, 2010 by Phyllis Stein

[Phyllis Stein]

I just thought of a great idea: starting an older graduate students group at my university. I checked the listing a while ago and was sad to see that there was no such group...but there is nothing preventing me from starting the group on my own. I need to just make the time to do it!

The rest of you, if you are interested, might look out for such groups at your school.

[wordslinger]

Phyllis Stein-- Thanks so much for your encouragement and advice. Definitely loans are not my first choice, especially since I am still paying off my first round of loans.

Edited March 28, 2010 by wordslinger