Feel like I'm going Crazy

[automatic_peas]

Same. Waiting to hear from the Gates Cambridge and going crazy. Don’t know what to do....

[cmoon]

I applied to six schools -- I've heard back from two quickly and got accepted to both, but I am fully losing my mind about the other four. Especially because other GradCafe users reported decision emails from them last week and I still haven't heard anything. 

[masthana]

I just got my second notification - and second rejection. At least it feels easier than the first rejection which really affected me in the subsequent few days...

But it still sucks. Anyone else in the same train of getting rejections first and continuing on with a badddd feeling?

[Rauschenbusch]

I'm in the "no word from anyone" boat thus far, and my deepest fear, even though I know it's irrational, is that I somehow missed a key step or submission, and I'll just wait in limbo indefinitely because the applications never actually got submitted.

Sigh.

[masthana]

6 hours ago, Rauschenbusch said:

I'm in the "no word from anyone" boat thus far, and my deepest fear, even though I know it's irrational, is that I somehow missed a key step or submission, and I'll just wait in limbo indefinitely because the applications never actually got submitted.

Sigh.

Terrifying nightmare your mind has conjured up  

We'll all be good! and post-decisions, we're all going to hate ourselves for driving ourselves insane with worry. XD 

I had a similar "irrational" response when I got my first rejection - I thought there must be some mistake or error on the back end. Funny how our mind makes up these scenarios.

[Titus Flavius]

I just assume that I didn't get in anywhere. Then, if I do get in, it'll be a pleasant surprise, and if I don't, I won't be disappointed.

[cmoon]

Had my second dream about refreshing my email and getting rejections. ?

[youcandothis]

I just need one funded offer. One would make me the happiest person on earth.

I feel you. We all share your pain.

BTW one of my programs is sending out decisions but my app status says "complete and ready for review" WTF

[jash]

??

You know.....this "waiting" thing would be a lot easier if you didn't have to stay plugged in for potential interviews and such. Can I just go to an island for 10 weeks? Maybe get an envelope when I get back, awards show style, with my acceptances and rejections all listed in one place? No?? Well I tried...

[aco2]

On 1/29/2020 at 9:36 PM, Titus Flavius said:

I just assume that I didn't get in anywhere. Then, if I do get in, it'll be a pleasant surprise, and if I don't, I won't be disappointed.

This is what I do too! My family is confused and keep saying "Well I'm sure you'll get in somewhere," and I'm just trying to ignore them and stay calm.

[LadyWolfshadow]

My friends and professors all did the "I'm sure you'll get in somewhere" thing and it drove me up the wall.  Now they're all like "We're sure you'll get multiple offers" and I know that they mean well, but FFS I wish they wouldn't.  I definitely went into decision season with low expectations, considering my first rejection came on CHRISTMAS EVE, the fact that even one program took interest was a pleasant surprise.  I guess the motto of grad school application season is "Prepare for the worst, hope for the best"

[historyofsloths]

On 1/29/2020 at 5:28 PM, Rauschenbusch said:

I'm in the "no word from anyone" boat thus far, and my deepest fear, even though I know it's irrational, is that I somehow missed a key step or submission, and I'll just wait in limbo indefinitely because the applications never actually got submitted.

Sigh.

Honestly that's been my biggest fear, that somehow I missed something big in the application process and it's just too late. I hope that's not the case for either of us ❤️

[GeorgiaTechPhd]

To everyone who's going crazy during this time, first of all, it's okay to feel what you are feeling. 
I am sure you have put in a lot of effort into submitting your applications, have a strong commitment to the field in which you have applied, and therefore, eagerly want to get in to one of the programs. Not only that, at least the next few years of your life are completely dependent on the decision -- what you will be doing, where you will be, etc. etc. 

It would be unnatural for you to not freak out when so much is out on the line, and you no longer have any control of the process -- all you can do is wait. 

I know that's not a very rosy picture, but its important to not beat yourself for feeling like that or when you are not able to get any work done. However, once you accept that, I can tell you that this time also offers you an opportunity. Since you have little control over what's going to happen next, you are free to try out different things and explore yourself. 

When I was going through this phase, I travelled a lot, saw new places, met old friends. And whenever I was not traveling, I was planning for the next trip. Not only did I make a lot of memories, it also allowed me to intermittently take my mind off the whole admission process.  

Also, I'm not saying give up on your life completely and start traveling. I was also working full-time during this period, but the important thing was that I wasn't waiting to get free time on my hand and then figure out what to do, I was actively going out and finding new things to do and places to try out.  

[NervousNeuro]

14 hours ago, LadyWolfshadow said:

My friends and professors all did the "I'm sure you'll get in somewhere" thing and it drove me up the wall.  Now they're all like "We're sure you'll get multiple offers" and I know that they mean well, but FFS I wish they wouldn't.  I definitely went into decision season with low expectations, considering my first rejection came on CHRISTMAS EVE, the fact that even one program took interest was a pleasant surprise.  I guess the motto of grad school application season is "Prepare for the worst, hope for the best"

Same! This is why I didn’t talk to any of my family about the application process (besides my sister.) If I don’t get in anywhere I can just pull off the whole “oh haha it’s totally fine!” thing while I go sob in the middle of the night lol. 

I got an early rejection like 1/10 from one of the schools and no replies from any other universities so I’m just rolling with the punches right now. I’m with you in spirit!!

[LadyWolfshadow]

10 minutes ago, NervousNeuro said:

Same! This is why I didn’t talk to any of my family about the application process (besides my sister.) If I don’t get in anywhere I can just pull off the whole “oh haha it’s totally fine!” thing while I go sob in the middle of the night lol. 

I got an early rejection like 1/10 from one of the schools and no replies from any other universities so I’m just rolling with the punches right now. I’m with you in spirit!!

Yeah, I really didn't talk to my family about it.  I'm in a pretty small department and one of the officers for two STEM orgs at a pretty small school, so naturally EVERYONE knows about my plans and they're the ones doing the whole "You're gonna be fine, you'll have multiple offers" etc. and I know that they're watching my anxiety levels go through the roof and don't want to see me get any worse, but STILL, building my hopes up is a bad plan.

[masthana]

I've stopped telling my parents good or bad news. It's too much pressure to have them throwing in their opinions (and we've had a particularly tumultuous relationship as of late). 

I'll say things like "I need the house quiet for an interview at 7pm today" and they'll ask which school and I say things like "it's confidential." or "tell you when this process is done." LOL. 

[NervousNeuro]

6 hours ago, LadyWolfshadow said:

Yeah, I really didn't talk to my family about it.  I'm in a pretty small department and one of the officers for two STEM orgs at a pretty small school, so naturally EVERYONE knows about my plans and they're the ones doing the whole "You're gonna be fine, you'll have multiple offers" etc. and I know that they're watching my anxiety levels go through the roof and don't want to see me get any worse, but STILL, building my hopes up is a bad plan.

Yeah it’s like on one hand you kind of get it because what else can you say to someone applying other than “don’t worry you’ll get in somewhere”? But as the person going through the process it makes you feel worse when you think you’re going to get in nowhere and their words are just pity. 

[NervousNeuro]

1 hour ago, masthana said:

I've stopped telling my parents good or bad news. It's too much pressure to have them throwing in their opinions (and we've had a particularly tumultuous relationship as of late). 

I'll say things like "I need the house quiet for an interview at 7pm today" and they'll ask which school and I say things like "it's confidential." or "tell you when this process is done." LOL. 

Haha I felt this in my soul lol. My family is more curious so it’s better to not say anything or else I would get bombarded with a bunch of questions ?

[gls2814]

100% I am going crazy. I want to jump out of my skin, scream, rip something apart. Super anxious. The only thing that has even remotely helped is going to the gym for an hour where I don't focus on anything else except how out of shape I am. My heart jumps every time I get a notification on my phone and I start catastrophizing like, "OMG this is it. This is gonna be a rejection from my #1" 

[LadyWolfshadow]

4 hours ago, gls2814 said:

100% I am going crazy. I want to jump out of my skin, scream, rip something apart. Super anxious. The only thing that has even remotely helped is going to the gym for an hour where I don't focus on anything else except how out of shape I am. My heart jumps every time I get a notification on my phone and I start catastrophizing like, "OMG this is it. This is gonna be a rejection from my #1" 

My heart definitely jumps every time I get a notification from my school email account.  I keep waiting for the rejections and trying to brace for them every time.

[snackademic]

On 2/4/2020 at 11:02 AM, NervousNeuro said:

Same! This is why I didn’t talk to any of my family about the application process (besides my sister.) If I don’t get in anywhere I can just pull off the whole “oh haha it’s totally fine!” thing while I go sob in the middle of the night lol. 

I got an early rejection like 1/10 from one of the schools and no replies from any other universities so I’m just rolling with the punches right now. I’m with you in spirit!!

I'm struggling with the same thing. All four of the professors I asked for recommendations said that they expected me to have multiple offers, including my graduate advisor saying twice that he has "very high expectations" for my results. I know they meant well but it makes it feel way worse seeing admits roll in to the programs I applied to, with two rejections already. Feels like I'm disappointing them, too, not just myself.

Anyway these last few weeks have been absolutely brutal. Sending you all hope, strength, and solidarity.

[olivetree]

10 hours ago, snackademic said:

All four of the professors I asked for recommendations said that they expected me to have multiple offers, including my graduate advisor saying twice that he has "very high expectations" for my results. I know they meant well but it makes it feel way worse seeing admits roll in to the programs I applied to, with two rejections already. Feels like I'm disappointing them, too, not just myself.

Totally feeling this, too. 
 

In other news, I just woke up from my first admissions-related dream: I received an interview offer (should’ve known I was dreaming from that alone) and then was interviewed by a current 12th-grade student of mine!

[Rauschenbusch]

On 2/3/2020 at 8:28 PM, historyofsloths said:

Honestly that's been my biggest fear, that somehow I missed something big in the application process and it's just too late. I hope that's not the case for either of us ❤️

Me, too! Since I posted this, I was waitlisted by my No. 1 choice, which is good – I did actually submit the application correctly, and I still have a chance! – but more subtly disappointing than I expected. Not like instant deflation, but more like a balloon with a small hole in it.

This waiting game is rough!

[gooniesneversaydie]

It's getting incredibly difficult to vent to my friends and partner, as none of them are in the academic world. So far, I've heard back from two schools (both rejections) and my friends try their best to keep my spirit up, but I know they don't fully "get" it. Hearing a response of, "Oh, they weren't good enough for you anyhow" or "Screw them! You didn't want to go their anyways!" Like, no, I very much wanted to go their because the program/faculty is amazing. Hence why I spent several months of stress and anxiety trying to apply to these places. 

My partner, bless him, cannot figure out why I am constantly hitting refresh on my email or on gradcafe. I know it won't make anything happen more quickly, but the desperation to know something (anything!) has become compulsive. I applied to 13 schools this round, which during the app process seemed like a lot. Now, with 2 rejections, that initial 13 seems like such a small number. 

May the universe, God, gods, nature, and JK Rowling give us strength. 

[LadyWolfshadow]

1 hour ago, gooniesneversaydie said:

My partner, bless him, cannot figure out why I am constantly hitting refresh on my email or on gradcafe. I know it won't make anything happen more quickly, but the desperation to know something (anything!) has become compulsive. I applied to 13 schools this round, which during the app process seemed like a lot. Now, with 2 rejections, that initial 13 seems like such a small number. 

May the universe, God, gods, nature, and JK Rowling give us strength. 

My friends and faculty constantly yell at me for the e-mail checking and constantly being on GradCafe, but the uncertainty is SO frustrating.  Seeing programs that have historically decided the last week in January having nothing posted for this year is driving me up the wall.  And I know that not being rejected means that there's still a chance, but not knowing anything is SO stressful.  After a while, the rejections become less frustrating than the radio silence.