gelaface Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 ...having your significant other break up with you, or getting rejected from your top choice school? What about getting rejected from everywhere you applied? Personally, I think I'd rather keep the boy and not get in anywhere. But I haven't been this stressed out and miserable since my last boyfriend dumped me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DamianD Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Tough one, i guess it would be worse if my gf would get accepted next year to a 'better' uni than I ;-) But I think that breaking up is worse than getting rejected everywhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strangefox Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Tough one, i guess it would be worse if my gf would get accepted next year to a 'better' uni than I ;-) Hm, why? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amalia222 Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 ...having your significant other break up with you, or getting rejected from your top choice school? What about getting rejected from everywhere you applied? Boys come and go, education lasts forever!! I would leave any guy that interfered with my plans for my future. And as to the second thing, I would like to get into A school, ANY school. There is nothing worse than universal rejection. Besides cancer. Okay, a few things are worse. Neuronista 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnceAndFutureGrad Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Oi, this is a soft subject for me! I've been dating my man for more than four and a half years now - we're definitely talking the M-word, and even the K-word! eee! - and the geographical restrictions of my search are partially due to his location. (He's required by his state job to live in New Jersey, and also owns a house, so moving for a few years is out of the question.) About six months ago, I was praying that I would do almost anything to get into a particular grad school, and it popped into my head - I blame Loki, Norse god of chaos - would I be willing to lose my man for an acceptance there? The answer is no...but...now I'm scared that if I DO get in, my man and I will break up! Oi! Fortunately this grad school is NOT my top choice any more, so I'm not as obsessed with an acceptance as I was then. Hearing from them will be a win-win situation...either I get into a very good school, OR I'll know for sure that my man and I will stay together! Ha ha ha! That goofy story aside, though, I've been struggling with the relationship v. education tension throughout the grad school process. What made me finally come down in favor of the relationship is that, when I think really far in the future, like my 50s and 60s, I'd rather be with my man than still plugging away in academia. I can imagine getting into curatorship, or law school, or personal training, or overseas tour guiding, or a million other occupations, but wherever I see myself, I see myself with my man. As #$%&ing difficult as it is to make it in academia, there's no shortage of people who can do it. I'm certain, though, that there's only one person in the world who can love me like my man. kateow, repatriate and snes 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crayolacat Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 I am an older applicant, and my SO is established in his career here. We actually both own homes here. Our plan is that I will go away to school and he will stay here. I did not in any way limit my application sphere because of him. If we make it we make it, and if we don't we don't. ZeChocMoose 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woolfie Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 I know this wasn't your question, but on the topic of relationships and graduate schools... I think that if significant others are unwilling to make sacrifices for each other (equally, it must be balanced) then you should choose school over your SO. It shouldn't have to come down to that. For instance, I met my SO in undergrad. Upon graduating he applied to MFA programs and we moved to another state while I got a job for the three years he did his degree. Now he's graduating and it's my turn- I'm going to go to an MA program in the fall and he'll move with me and take two years off. Then we'll either apply for PhD programs together, or jobs together. It's tough, but we're making compromises for each other. If only one person were making compromises, that would be trouble. ZeChocMoose 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fall-11 Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 (edited) About six months ago, I was praying that I would do almost anything to get into a particular grad school, and it popped into my head - I blame Loki, Norse god of chaos - would I be willing to lose my man for an acceptance there? The answer is no...but...now I'm scared that if I DO get in, my man and I will break up! Oi! I don't see why it has to be one or the other. If he really loves you, he should be okay with a long distance relationship for a few years, since afterwards you'll be together for the rest of your lives. I've been with my SO since 2005, and since fall 2009, we've been in grad school in different places (midwest and southeast), but we see each other whenever we have breaks or long weekends, and while that's not perfect, there's no question of breaking up just because grad school is keeping us physically distant for a few years. Grad school is only a few years, but the relationship is for life. Editing to add: in case you're wondering, we did coordinate our grad school apps as much as possible, and applied to a lot of schools in the same cities/states, but unfortunately we ended up getting accepted in totally different places. Edited February 5, 2011 by fall-11 Arcadian 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gradgirlwannabe Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 I agree with Amalia 100%. I would rather have my SO leave me than get all-round rejections. He's wonderful and I love him like crazy, but I can handle heartbreak of that sort. My professional life, on the other hand, is my priority. Fortunately, that's not my choice to make. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CauchyFan Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 I think not getting in to where you want to go would be worse. If a relationship doesn't work out, then it just wasn't meant to be. If you don't get into the school you know you belong at, then... the adcom sucks and just ate your dreams. Moxie42 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EricaMarie Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 This is a hard one. I think they're both equally heartbreaking, but in two very different ways. You can get over the heartbreak of a significant other. You can move on from that and find someone who will be better able to support you in all your decisions. The heartbreak of getting rejected everywhere is different. That's your career. To be rejected everywhere would, I think, give me a feeling of extreme failure. Like, this thing that I've wanted all my life and worked so hard for--I'm not smart enough, or good enough, for. It's an extreme feeling of failure (I think) that would be really difficult to get over. For me anyway. So....getting rejected everywhere would be worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beelz Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Oi, this is a soft subject for me! I've been dating my man for more than four and a half years now - we're definitely talking the M-word, and even the K-word! eee! - and the geographical restrictions of my search are partially due to his location. (He's required by his state job to live in New Jersey, and also owns a house, so moving for a few years is out of the question.) About six months ago, I was praying that I would do almost anything to get into a particular grad school, and it popped into my head - I blame Loki, Norse god of chaos - would I be willing to lose my man for an acceptance there? The answer is no...but...now I'm scared that if I DO get in, my man and I will break up! Oi! Fortunately this grad school is NOT my top choice any more, so I'm not as obsessed with an acceptance as I was then. Hearing from them will be a win-win situation...either I get into a very good school, OR I'll know for sure that my man and I will stay together! Ha ha ha! That goofy story aside, though, I've been struggling with the relationship v. education tension throughout the grad school process. What made me finally come down in favor of the relationship is that, when I think really far in the future, like my 50s and 60s, I'd rather be with my man than still plugging away in academia. I can imagine getting into curatorship, or law school, or personal training, or overseas tour guiding, or a million other occupations, but wherever I see myself, I see myself with my man. As #$%&ing difficult as it is to make it in academia, there's no shortage of people who can do it. I'm certain, though, that there's only one person in the world who can love me like my man. I totally know how you feel. I've been with my SO for 3.5 years and he's already been offered a job in Dallas after graduation. All the schools I applied to are out of state. We're too young to talk about marriage and stuff (we're only 21) but I still don't like the thought of having to choose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trin Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 I am an older applicant, and my SO is established in his career here. We actually both own homes here. Our plan is that I will go away to school and he will stay here. I did not in any way limit my application sphere because of him. If we make it we make it, and if we don't we don't. I'm in the same situation, though we don't own homes. My SO is not only established in his career (in an industry centered here) but has an 80 year old mother living an hour away, who will probably need him to live closer as this decade goes on. I didn't limit my search to schools local to me; my hope is to attend a master's program on the other side of the country, then return here for my PhD. We're planning to just have a long distance/commuter relationship during that time. I *hope* it works, but I wouldn't give up my education to stay with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperPiePie Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 This question depends on how long and the context that you know your SO in... Just been dating for 10 days? Or been married for 10 years... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kateow Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 I know this wasn't your question, but on the topic of relationships and graduate schools... I think that if significant others are unwilling to make sacrifices for each other (equally, it must be balanced) then you should choose school over your SO. It shouldn't have to come down to that. For instance, I met my SO in undergrad. Upon graduating he applied to MFA programs and we moved to another state while I got a job for the three years he did his degree. Now he's graduating and it's my turn- I'm going to go to an MA program in the fall and he'll move with me and take two years off. Then we'll either apply for PhD programs together, or jobs together. It's tough, but we're making compromises for each other. If only one person were making compromises, that would be trouble. Agreed. My SO and I met while he was in his 4th year of doctoral work and I was getting my MA. Then we moved together to the site of his fieldwork for his doctoral research, while I applied to PhD programs (and work in a non-related, pretty dead-end job). Next year (this fall!), I'll start my own doctoral work, and he'll move with me and write his diss. In other words, we had great timing, but figured out how to make both of our dreams come true, without sacrificing the relationship. It's not always that easy to do, but it is possible to place the priority on the relationship, while recognizing that each partner's happiness and fulfillment contributes to the health of the relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natsteel Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Hm, why? Uh oh... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wowsers Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 It is definitely worse to be dumped by your SO....because they have the advantage of personally knowing you. Schools, on the other hand, only get a brief overview of who you are via paperwork. To reject me after viewing my credentials....ok. To reject me after knowing me as a person.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnceAndFutureGrad Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 I don't see why it has to be one or the other. If he really loves you, he should be okay with a long distance relationship for a few years, since afterwards you'll be together for the rest of your lives. I'm sorry, I should have explained this within my post. We've been together 4.5 years; the first year we were a few towns away, the second year I was in Ireland while he was in the States, the third year I was in the north of the state while he was in the south (1.5-2 hrs apart depending on traffic), and for the past year and a half we've been in separate states (4+ hrs). We've been okay with a long distance relationship for years. But we are sick and tired of it now, argh! The grad school mentioned above isn't nearer or further than any others. It was just a hypothetical scenario that popped into my head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zouzax Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 well, let me say .. ive been rejected by my top choice school, AND ive been rejected by all the schools I applied to -- I can officially tell you, breaking up with your SO is 1 million times worse!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoMoreABD Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 a SO will help you overcome rejections a school will not help you overcome breakups If your SO is a real life partner (not someone you've been dating for a week...), than he's not just one more thing you have to cope with - he's the one helping you cope! So it's really incomparable, in my view, given the relationship is strong and healthy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neuropsych76 Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Well how about both?? My SO (of 4 years) will be attending a PhD program 700 miles away from mine (i did get into a good school, but not my very top choice). I think losing your SO and not getting into your top choice is probably the worst outcome :/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pawqara Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 I will be moving to another country, 8 hours in PLANE away of my SO, and even though I still have 4 months here... I am already falling apart. Last year I was rejected everywhere, he was there for me and supported me to apply again and pursue my dreams. Now, since getting a US visa is the hardest thing for us, we will see each other only a couple of times a year. He will apply to go somewhere in the US, of course, but still, it could be anywhere. But being in the same country would give me hope for us. We have been together for 4 and a half years. We will try, definitely, but who knows... PhD stress + being virtually with you, who knows... But like somebody said, whatever happens, your career will not leave you. And we are both aware of that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Polly_Sigh Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 In may opinion you just cannot take rejections too personally. these programs are so competitive and there's always an element of luck at play. if you are really dedicated to the grad school plan then you can make it work somehow; it just may take more compromise and more time than you may have wanted. now... a breakup, that is deeply personal. there's no getting around that if it was a significant relationship. therefore, hands down a breakup is worse. BUT in the end, life goes on in either case and what is meant to be will be -- for grad school and for relationships. Two years form now you could be back together with your ex while attedning your dream school! life is crazy like that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Econcaramel Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 I would say it depends on the relationship. I limited my choice of schools to those close to my man, got rejected by all of them and then he dumped me because he felt I wasn't "ambitious" enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aucinema Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 (edited) If I was just "dating" somebody, I would rather lose my SO than abandon my career. That said, if I really saw someone as my future husband/life partner/soul mate, I would choose them over a school any day. I like school, but academia will never be the most important thing in my life. If forced to make such a choice, I would choose meaningful relationships and family over my career every time. I understand that this isn't a direct answer to the OP, but it kind of relates to some of the other answers. Edited March 30, 2011 by aucinema Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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