A SCREEEEEEEEEAM INTO THE SILENCE

[Tybalt]

I know how you feel, Tybalt. I'm in the same boat and just really want it all to be over so I can assess where I stand. Waiting is hard because you always hold out hope...:'(

The worst part is the ambiguity and mystery of the whole thing. Case in point-- One of my main concerns about my app is my 1st undergrad transcript. I went to a school in PA when I was 17, and just before my entire family life fell apart (relatives hospitalized, childhood dog died, childhood home burned to the ground via arson--ages 17-20 were like a particularly sick country music song). Like an idiot teenager, I didn't know to step back and reassess. I kept on signing up for classes, but rarely went to them. I think I failed the college writing class three times due solely to the attendance policy. I was told by a journalism prof that I failed his class even though I had the highest grade IN the class (again, due to the attendance policy). I ended up taking a year off to work, transferring to a school in MD and, two and a half years later, graduating with honors. I worked as a high school teacher for 4 years, garnering awards and recognition for my work in front of a classroom. In the Fall of 09, I started a full-time English MA (4.0 gpa, and 4 conference presentations). My GRE scores are comparable with some admitted folks (680 Verbal, 5.5 AW, 620 Subject). The writing sample has been through the editorial gauntlet plenty of times. My LoR's all said they raved in their letters, and they all seem shocked about the explicit and implied rejections (UCLA is the confirmed, SUNY Buffalo, Notre Dame, and Vanderbilt are the ones where it's all but official). It keeps coming back to two concerns: The tone of my SoP was too narrative (I compared it to the one written by someone I know who got into UB, and hers was almost blunt, while mine tried to tell a story), and my first undergrad transcript.

Here's the really frustrating part: When I applied to MA programs in 2009, the DGS at Delaware offered some feedback on my rejection. He told me that I had to address the bad undergrad transcript in my SoP. Going on that advice, I did just that this year. After the SUNY Buffalo notifications, I asked the DGS of my current grad program for feedback, and he said that I shouldn't have even SENT the first transcript (regardless of what the app said), and I certainly shouldn't have "drawn attention" to it in my SoP. He said that the first thing programs do is look through the pile for any reason to throw an app on the reject pile, in order to get that pile to a more manageable size. That comment marked the first time through this entire process that I actually got angry (I've been disappointed at times, but never angry). For $75, the whole application should be reviewed. After spending 10 years working my posterior off to excel in the worlds of education and academia, it galls me that three horrible years of my life from the 1990s are still viewed as more important (or at least important enough to never even look at what I've done in the decade since).

To be perfectly honest, I would be in favor of some sort of governmental policy requiring programs (at least the programs at publicly funded schools) to list EXACTLY what their review process will be. The actual review process, not the warm and fuzzy "we look at the whole application" line, which is apparently not true (according to at least one DGS). The reason they don't list the actual process is because, even though it would give them that "manageable number" of applications they seem to want, it would deprive them of the boon of getting 75 dollars in exchange for throwing years of hard work in the garbage.

Sorry about the soap-box moment. I can handle being rejected based on things like competition from better applicants, weaker SoP and stuff like that. As I said, my classmate who was accepted to UB had a tighter SoP than mine, and her spot is well-deserved. I just got so aggravated at the idea that my app never got to be rejected based on that kind of issue, but was likely rejected initially due to something that happened in the late 1990s.

[shepardn7]

For $75, the whole application should be reviewed. . .The reason they don't list the actual process is because, even though it would give them that "manageable number" of applications they seem to want, it would deprive them of the boon of getting 75 dollars in exchange for throwing years of hard work in the garbage.

Hear, hear! GPA and GRE scores should not need to meet some invisible mark. It's unethical (stealing, lying!) to say on a website that you'll "consider the whole" and that you "don't have a minimum" when you don't really mean it. Some of us are quite poor and sacrificed a ton of time and money to apply. It's just plain wrong to just toss an app in the shredder based on a number after assuring applicants that numbers are "only one part" of a whole. Schools need to be clear and honest about their admission guidelines.

Edit: But take heart, Tybalt. There's still hope for this year.

Edited February 12, 2011 by sarandipidy

[lenz]

it galls me that three horrible years of my life from the 1990s are still viewed as more important (or at least important enough to never even look at what I've done in the decade since).

Hey Tybalt, that really sucks and I understand how you feel. I went to a "prestigious" school for my undergrad and we were told that anything under a 3.7 gets tossed into the "maybe" pile by the MA adcom at that school. However, you have a 4.0 in your master's plus excellent credentials which should assure them as to the high quality of your work. Don't give up hope - the master's grades are just as important, especially in cases where significant time has elapsed between the two. And I agree that your personal problems during the undergrad should be addressed (briefly) in the app, so don't sweat it. I would've definitely done the same; after all, many departments explicitly say you should take the time to explain any perceived shortcomings in your application.

Good luck! I am crossing my fingers for you.

Edited February 12, 2011 by lenz

[againstourfaces]

Hey Tybalt, that really sucks and I understand how you feel. I went to a "prestigious" school for my undergrad and we were told that anything under a 3.7 gets tossed into the "maybe" pile by the MA adcom at that school. However, you have a 4.0 in your master's plus excellent credentials which should assure them as to the high quality of your work. Don't give up hope - the master's grades are just as important, especially in cases where significant time has elapsed between the two. And I agree that your personal problems during the undergrad should be addressed (briefly) in the app, so don't sweat it. I would've definitely done the same; after all, many departments explicitly say you should take the time to explain any perceived shortcomings in your application.

Good luck! I am crossing my fingers for you.

I think the 3.7 GPA thing is a bit of a stretch. International schools that work on a 4.0 system don't always grade the same as American schools. And I am almost positive that review committees are wise enough to know that. I think people are underestimating those who are actually looking at the applicant files. They know that students aren't robots, and they also know that a 4.0 and 700 Verbal, etc does not mean a thing in the long run. I do not think it comes down to GPA and GRE. I think it comes down to $ and how many spots they have to fill for each subfield: Renaissance, 18th century, American, etc.

I definitely know people who've been accepted to a few schools with C's on their transcripts. I definitely have an embarrassingly low GRE score (I have anxiety problems. I take pills. I panicked) but I didn't address it in my SOP. I don't think we should be defined by our mistakes.

Edited February 12, 2011 by againstourfaces

[ecg1810]

Hey, folks--try distracting yourselves with this website that archives joke Craigslist responses. Some reduced me to tears of utter hilarity.

http://dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=32

[ecg1810]

Sorry to awkwardly throw that link into the discussion--I didn't read the previous posts beforehand, and therefore didn't notice that the tone of the conversation had changed. My bad. *sends good vibes out to everyone*

Edited February 13, 2011 by ecg1810

[fall-11]

Hey, folks--try distracting yourselves with this website that archives joke Craigslist responses. Some reduced me to tears of utter hilarity.

http://dontevenreply...iew.php?post=32

Oh my goodness, the one about the apartment with a pool (http://dontevenreply.com/index.php) had me laughing until my stomach hurt! This is awesome! Thanks for the link, ecg1810!

[ecg1810]

Oh my goodness, the one about the apartment with a pool (http://dontevenreply.com/index.php) had me laughing until my stomach hurt! This is awesome! Thanks for the link, ecg1810!

You're very welcome--glad to hear you like it! That pool one=instant classic. One of my other favorites is the guy "selling" a Jurassic Park car: http://dontevenreply.com/view.php?post=32

Edited February 13, 2011 by ecg1810

[fall-11]

I definitely know people who've been accepted to a few schools with C's on their transcripts. I definitely have an embarrassingly low GRE score (I have anxiety problems. I take pills. I panicked) but I didn't address it in my SOP. I don't think we should be defined by our mistakes.

I have C's on my undergrad transcript too, as well as one D and some I's (incompletes), with an overall GPA of 3.33. But that was a long time ago and I was struggling with really bad depression back then. I honestly don't think adcoms should hold that against me, when they can see I went on to earn an MA in creative writing from a really good program, have a 4.0 in my current MA program in English, and GRE scores above 750 in all sections. I *do* believe they look at overall promise, and not just at some failure we had 10 years ago, be it due to depression as in my case, or family/home issues as with Tybalt.

Whether to address it in an SOP is more tricky -- I didn't address my undergrad grades because I figured 3.33 is not *so* bad that it needs to be addressed, and in any case my undergrad was in an unrelated field, not in English, and it's from so long ago. If I were in Tybalt's shoes, I would probably email each DGS individually (before sending in my apps) to explain the situation and ask if I need to explain it on the SOP. I suspect different DGS's will have a different take on it, so each SOP would have to handled accordingly. Also, perhaps the undergrad issue might be addressed somewhere in the application itself (there's often a space for any additional information you want to provide) rather than in the SOP. But it's definitely a tricky issue -- I'm sorry Tybalt but I honestly don't think they're going hold it against you since it was a long time back, and you've proved yourself in the 10 years that have elapsed since then. Good luck, and hang in there

Edited February 13, 2011 by fall-11

[lenz]

Not looking good for me: 2 rejections, 1 implicit rejection, and 3 to go but this track record suggests I won't get in anywhere.

So worried and afraid of facing myself after across the board rejections. Also imagining what I could've done differently.

Sorry for being a basket case, but just wanted to voice these emotions.

[woolfie]

soo back to business

EAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(4 official rejections, 5 assumed rejections, 0 acceptances, 0 wait-lists, and if i hear "you didn't want to live in wisconsin anyway!" one more time...)

I really did want to live in Wisconsin. As someone who grew up in Indiana and now lives in Ohio, I'm impressed with how Wisconsin actually gets upset when their governor does shitty things to them. Wisconsin seems like a cool place to me and really wanted to live in Madison! Oh well.

[patientagony]

I think that one of the worst things about this process is the unwarranted optimism from family and friends who have no idea how difficult it is to get into a Ph.D program and keep trying to reassure you that "you'll get in somewhere!"

NO! You can't say that when you have no clue what the process is like and how impossible it is to get into some of these schools.

[tortola23]

"I'm sure you'll get in somewhere!"

"It doesn't do any good to worry about it."

"You can always reapply next year!"

"You didn't want to live in ______ anyway."

And, the worst one, FROM CURRENT GRAD STUDENTS: "Uuuugh, don't go to grad school, it's so much WORK." Excuse me, but you don't understand how hard it is to have a shitty boring job in the real world, and I would LOVE to take your place if it's too hard for you in your PhD program!

Sick of hearing it all!

[lenz]

"I'm sure you'll get in somewhere!"

Yes. I want to burst into tears when this happens:

Lenz: I didn't get into Schools X and Y.

Friend: Oh...how come?

[ecg1810]

"I'm sure you'll get in somewhere!"

"It doesn't do any good to worry about it."

"You can always reapply next year!"

"You didn't want to live in ______ anyway."

And, the worst one, FROM CURRENT GRAD STUDENTS: "Uuuugh, don't go to grad school, it's so much WORK." Excuse me, but you don't understand how hard it is to have a shitty boring job in the real world, and I would LOVE to take your place if it's too hard for you in your PhD program!

Sick of hearing it all!

Whenever I hear a grad student make a similar remark, I have to repress the urge to punch him/her in the face. While I came up empty handed during the 2010 application season, I had the privilege of watching everyone of my friends receive excellent offers, move to their dreams schools. . . and subsequently complain about how "brutally unfair" grad school life treated them, as I toiled from 8:30-5:30 at an excruciating desk job entertaining all manner of suicidal ideations. I know grad school/academia is by no means all sunshine and roses, but it definitely comes with perks for those who harbor intellectual passions. I mean, how many people have the opportunity to read material they love, and then write about it--for A LIVING???

I'm sure some of you have seen the video "Yes, I want to get a Ph.D. in the Humanities":

It responds to the hilarious, scathingly satirical though (in many cases) painfully true "So, you want to get a Ph.D. in the Humanities?" clip. I recognize that it's somewhat hyperbolic and can seem a bit misguided with regard to certain topics--I'm not posting it because I think its characterization of academia is 100% accurate, but because it echos an idea to which you alluded in your post, tortola23: Despite the negatives that accompany an academic job (what job comes without unpleasant aspects anyway?), let's do our best never to forget that the positions to which we so ardently aspire are ones of great privilege.

Edited February 17, 2011 by ecg1810

[shepardn7]

"It doesn't do any good to worry about it."

This is my least favorite one. It's just so inane. Clearly the ones who say this are magical creatures (i.e. not humans) that have never ever worried in their lives. That's the only explanation I have for someone who seriously thinks that this agonizing worrying is something I am, on some level, choosing to do. Of course worrying doesn't do any good. That doesn't mean I can stop worrying. It's not like turning off a faucet. You worry about something until you get closure for it. It's purgatorial.

Edited February 17, 2011 by sarandipidy

[harpyemma]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Not only have i not heard anything, a fucking pipe has burst and my kitchen ceiling is full of holes and there's water EVERYWHERE. I DO NOT NEED THIS RIGHT NOW UNIVERSE.

Edited February 17, 2011 by harpyemma

[tortola23]

I just found out I have to work all day next Saturday, and some makeup broke in my bike bag and turned everything I own a chalky tan color.

AWESOME.

PityParty!

[TC3]

It responds to the hilarious, scathingly satirical though (in many cases) painfully true "So, you want to get a Ph.D. in the Humanities?" clip. I recognize that it's somewhat hyperbolic and can seem a bit misguided with regard to certain topics--I'm not posting it because I think its characterization of academia is 100% accurate, but because it echos an idea to which you alluded in your post, tortola23: Despite the negatives that accompany an academic job (what job comes without unpleasant aspects anyway?), let's do our best never to forget that the positions to which we so ardently aspire are ones of great privilege.

I agree. We shouldn't be naive about the whole thing, but at the same time, it's a pretty sweet gig.

[courtniep]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!

i'm in hell! this is hell. reject me, accept me, i just want to move on! i feel like a crazy person.

[bakedkale]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!

i'm in hell! this is hell. reject me, accept me, i just want to move on! i feel like a crazy person.

I feel a bit crazy, too. Waiting to hear from 7 more schools ...

Also, can those who get in not post things like "WAHOOOOO" in the notes? We know you're happy, and we'd be happy, too - but no need to gloat.

[Medievalmaniac]

Haven't heard anything from any of my programs yet, either.

Seriously. Who still has all of his or her hair at this point?!

I feel for those of you wearing the Universal Kick Me sign right now...we were there last month, and it definitely didn't make anything better. Hang in there!

[KRC]

Seriously. Who still has all of his or her hair at this point?!

From early January to today, a small spot on my beard has developed into a 3/4" in diameter "blank spot" where not a single hair grows. I looked around and found similar phenomena; the #1 cause, far and away, for this is stress.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

This isn't me, and it's only 1 spot, but it looks EXACTLY like this:

[Medievalmaniac]

From early January to today, a small spot on my beard has developed into a 3/4" in diameter "blank spot" where not a single hair grows. I looked around and found similar phenomena; the #1 cause, far and away, for this is stress.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

This isn't me, and it's only 1 spot, but it looks EXACTLY like this:

errrr.....wow! I thought I was making a light joke! Wow. Dude, I'm sorry!!!

I sure hope everyone gets some good news soon!!

[bottles]

Today I went back to my car to see a $50 ticket on it 15 min before I got out of class--because I forgot to put my pass up because I was late because my dog wouldn't go out and the cats escaped outside and the pass can't sit on my dashboard or I can't see and I can't drive and it was in plain view on the seat and I NEED THAT FIFTY DOLLARS TO DRINK WITH so I started crying and couldn't stop for an hour, missed my favorite class, and could only be cheered up by a strawberry milkshake.

Aaaand I still haven't heard back from anywhere. I guess I haven't lost any hair yet, though--that's awful.

Does anyone else feel like Howard Beale all of the time?