I hate it when people tell me I will get in.

[everygirl]

Do you hate it when your well-meaning friends and family say, "Don't worry, Everygirl, you'll get in everywhere, no problem. Your stress is invalid and ridiculous, and soon enough we can plan a congratulatory party!"

I don't want to choose the flavor of my cake. Well Meaning Friend usually cites stellar grades, strong recs, excellent SOP as surefire reasons I will get into (incredibly competitive top school). I love her as she is Well Meaning but WE ALL HAVE THOSE. And there's not enough places or funding for all of us. Some of us will get in, some of us will fall off the face of the earth, and the thing is, we are all qualified. This is the reality, and I don't like it when people try to bolster my confidence because... I have to be realistic. I have to prepare for the worst, hope for the best. But mostly prepare for the worst.

So, world. Please stop telling me I will get in. You don't know that. I don't know that. Only my Blackberry knows. And he won't show me the email until March.

Until then, keep your comments to your self. I can't take it.

Who's crazy with me?!

[potentialPhD]

I am with you totally, because I have heard nothing from the 6 schools I have applied too! I am freaking out! but What can you do

[Benzene]

The fun part is when they don't understand my pessimistic realism. I talk about my plan B and they're like, "You don't need a plan B!" Yes, yes, I do. I am lucky at least that I managed to explain the whole process to family well enough that they understand it's a crapshoot and refrain from asking me every day if I've heard anything.

[Amalia222]

I know exactly how you feel. My family and friends just assume I'll get in because I've always done what I set out to do. But the economy and the situation for grad school is completely different now! When I did my MA (in 2000), I was offered funding and TAships--without even having to ask. I never even thought about it. I just took it for granted that that was how grad students paid their way. Now, after being on this board, I see how tough it's gotten in higher education these days. I don't have a plan B either, don't feel bad.

[kaz]

Agreed. Everyone who applies to top schools are qualified and has top everything. I've heard nothing from most schools too. Then again, I already have a 'Plan B' secured, so not getting in is just going to be an ego thing. And if it comes to that, I know what I DON't want to hear is all the stuff that's meant to be consolatory.

[cranberry]

I totally know what you mean, and people drive me insane when they do that. They think the world operates purely on a do well, get rewarded system, as if making good grades and getting high GRE scores automatically entitles me to a full ride at any school of my choice. Or I'm also a fan of the "Oh but everyone else applying is an idiot, so those numbers don't mean anything." I think it's just that unless you are going through the application process of have recently (and even then maybe not), you just don't have any idea how competitive these programs are.

[farnsworth]

I hate the "I'm sure you'll get in somewhere" line. My well meaning family still keeps looking up the articles about how someone got in a couple of days before classes start to try to give me hope. I have explained, more than once, that that is not the norm or actually anywhere near what occurs with some type of regularity. Then a rejection letter later, BOOM, another case of some magical incident.

[aucinema]

It is frustrating because if i don't get in anywhere, it's just going to make things 10 times as embarrassing. No body wants to listen to me talk about a plan B because they're so convinced that I'm going to get in. Honestly, I think that they believe that getting into graduate school is about as difficult as getting in as an undergrad, which, as we all know, is blatantly false. They tend to get annoyed with me when I express any doubts about acceptance ...

At least if I don't get accepted anywhere I'll have the bleak satisfaction of telling them, "I told you so."

[space-cat]

Honestly, I think that they believe that getting into graduate school is about as difficult as getting in as an undergrad, which, as we all know, is blatantly false.

This. I can't count the number of times I've told people, "Look, it's not like applying to college, where anyone with scores above a certain level can reasonably expect to get in. It's more like applying to a ridiculously competitive dream job...where half of the qualifications they want are kept secret...and they may or may not decide to pay you..."

[nogone]

This is why I told only a handful of people that I was applying. I'm only applying to one program because of location, so my chances are rather slim. It is nice that your friends have confidence in your abilities, but you wonder what their reaction will be if you aren't accepted.

[mscongeniality1]

My parents are the exact same way. "Of course you'll get in! You have good grades and a good GRE score and you work hard."

Um, Mom and Dad, it's not quiiiiiiiiite that simple since there are about 200-300 other applicants each of my programs that are vying for the same 20+ spots.

Of course, my argument is somewhat invalid now that I got my first acceptance today. When I told my mom, the first thing she said after "Congratulations!" was "You really need to have more confidence in yourself and your abilities. I knew you'd get in all along." *headdesk*

[lydibird]

When I told my mom, the first thing she said after "Congratulations!" was "You really need to have more confidence in yourself and your abilities. I knew you'd get in all along." *headdesk*

Everyone kept telling me that I sell myself short. They just don't understand that we're applying against people just as and more qualified than we are. Sure, I might be a fabulous person who deserves to get in, but so does everyone else. For everyone getting accepted there's someone getting rejected.

And my field isn't as competitive as most. I can't imagine if I'd decided to do what I'd intended when I began my undergrad and had applied to genetics, biochemistry, virology, or immunology PhD programs.

[mscongeniality1]

Everyone kept telling me that I sell myself short. They just don't understand that we're applying against people just as and more qualified than we are. Sure, I might be a fabulous person who deserves to get in, but so does everyone else. For everyone getting accepted there's someone getting rejected.

Yes, that is how I try to explain it too. Sometime people begin to understand but often they don't. I eventually say that it's just probability: someone HAS to be rejected, and the more applicants there are, the more likely it will be that the rejection will go to you, regardless of how qualified you might be.

I suspect someone in statistics could have worded that much more eloquently...

[newms]

Yep. It's incredibly frustrating. It makes what's a difficult and challenging process seem trivial, which ultimately makes it seem less impressive if you do get in and makes it seem much, much worse if you don't.

[tayfray]

Seriously. People think I'm crazy for applying to 9 programs and worrying about not being accepted to any. I wanted 12 but my advisor said no.

People don't want to hear it when I say, "I'm not a perfect applicant and it's a competitive pool. I'll be lucky to get into one."

[everygirl]

It is frustrating because if i don't get in anywhere, it's just going to make things 10 times as embarrassing.

This. If I don't get in anywhere, I'll not only have to deal with my shattered dreams, but with the disappointment and pity of everyone around me.

Seriously, you're suffocating me with the support. I like what my advisors have to say: "I'm optimistic about your chances, but you should be researching a back-up plan right now. Don't start looking at apartments." My parents, my friends... they just have no idea what it's like out there.

At least if I don't get accepted anywhere I'll have the bleak satisfaction of telling them, "I told you so."

Well, at least there's that.

[DrPepper-olic]

All of this. Ugh.

At least we're in it together?

Edited February 24, 2011 by DrPepper-olic

[Le Fleur]

I agree with all of you 100%. I hate it when my friends or family say "what ever is meant to happen will happen. When the program is right for you you'll be accepted." Really don't talk to me about fate when I have worked so hard forever. You never hear people at the bottom of the social hierarchy saying it was meant to be.

[Brandi88]

Totally agreed. I'm so nervous that I'm planning out my plan b. Sigh... March will come soon enough, though!

[FingersCrossedX]

I agree. When I say that I am nervous, or say "if I get in to grad school" My mom jumps in about how I don't believe in myself. I'm being realistic. Its competitive, and I'm not a shoe in. She's seriously convinced that I am depressed.

[Langoustine]

Yep. It's incredibly frustrating. It makes what's a difficult and challenging process seem trivial, which ultimately makes it seem less impressive if you do get in and makes it seem much, much worse if you don't.

YESSSSS! I could never hold my cards close to my chest, I will talk about my schools and apps to anyone who asks about them! And they all say the same thing: 'You'll get in somewhere,' 'You have great experiences how could they not want you?' Ummmm yeah! Everyone and their grandma has great (if not better!) experiences/ grades, scores!

I'm not thinking about it too much...I'll save Plan B planning for late March...I'm an incorrigibly optimistic person

[psi456]

YESSSSS! I could never hold my cards close to my chest, I will talk about my schools and apps to anyone who asks about them! And they all say the same thing: 'You'll get in somewhere,' 'You have great experiences how could they not want you?' Ummmm yeah! Everyone and their grandma has great (if not better!) experiences/ grades, scores!

I'm not thinking about it too much...I'll save Plan B planning for late March...I'm an incorrigibly optimistic person

Ha. My grandmother actually would have a better application than I do (good thing she's not applying...)

Edited February 25, 2011 by psi456

[Flashman]

Yeah, that's the most annoying, when people say..."You're being so negative. Why did you apply if you don't think you'll get in?" It's like, I've done the math, I know my chances are slim, I still gave it my best shot. There's a huge difference between being negative and realistic.

BTW, the only way to cope with the maddening frustration of waiting for your acceptances (rejections) is to focus on an exciting (or at least not altogether depressing) Plan B.

-Flashman

[mandarin.orange]

My other (not so) favorite expression, usually dispensed by the same people spouting the "you will get in, how could they not want you?!?!" drivel:

"Wait, WHAT? You didn't? Well...THEIR loss!"

[smarmie]

Do you hate it when your well-meaning friends and family say, "Don't worry, Everygirl, you'll get in everywhere, no problem. Your stress is invalid and ridiculous, and soon enough we can plan a congratulatory party!"

In a strange reversal of circumstances, my family and friends have been telling me things like "you should have some sort of back-up plan for if you don't get in anywhere" or "don't feel too bad if you get rejected from all of your schools this year, a lot of people don't get in until the second time around. Your application will be much stronger next year." Meanwhile the two professors who I have worked very closely with as an undergraduate are saying things like "I'm pretty sure you're going to get accepted everywhere" and "don't accept any of your offers for admission until you've talked to me first, I'll help you negotiate for more funding" and "When you hear from Cornell we'll take you out for drinks to celebrate"

Sadly I am nowhere near as confident in my chances as they are. Seriously, it's late February and I haven't heard anything from the two schools that I actually want to go to.